* Posts by Your alien overlord - fear me

1782 publicly visible posts • joined 19 Jun 2009

Vicious vandals violate voluminous Versailles vagina

Your alien overlord - fear me

What, no mention of the vandal(s) as c*nts ?

Free ethical upgrade offered as Fairphone launches mobe No 2

Your alien overlord - fear me

Fairphone but not a fair price for what is essentially a dual SIM version of the Nexus 5

Belgium trolls France with bonkers new commemorative coin

Your alien overlord - fear me

How about a commemorative 18 pound 15 pence note?

Or some 39p and 45p coins for our German buddies?

Nude celeb iCloud hack: Feds seize Chicago man's computers

Your alien overlord - fear me
Pirate

He's borrowed by plan of attack - launch complex attacks from the comfort of my own home knowing that no one will think I'm stoopid enuf to actually do it from home - classic double bluff.

Chips can kill: Official

Your alien overlord - fear me

Warning - I'm no scientist but ...

if it's due to reducing sugars, surely the way forward vis to coat each chip in sugar before frying them?

Makes sence to me since deep fried Mars bars have no ill effects :-)

Microsoft makes Skype beach body ready with web browser beta release

Your alien overlord - fear me

Use freespeech.co.uk , they give a 0844 number for free which is also your login account name, very easy to remember.

Festival tech: Charge your mobe while you queue for a pee

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: Knife fail

No corkscrew - since when did Tenants come in a cock stoppered bottle?

No tweezers - if you can't get it out with the pliers, you're not trying hard enough.

Now, the lack of a stone removing tool for my unicorns shoes, well, no excuse there.

Everything old is new again: Man mugged in New York, only this time for his Bitcoins

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: Why?

He wasn't paying in BitCoins, he was selling them, probably for real money (drug dealers on the corner roads/hookers on the street rarely accept anything less than greenbacks).

Sacré bleu! Parking machine labels French mayor ‘thieving bastard'

Your alien overlord - fear me

Why an ex-staffer if it required login details? Surely en current l'employee est un culpritee??

Chlorine gas horror leak at Apple data center puts five in hospital

Your alien overlord - fear me
Thumb Up

Re: Posting.

And the bloke in the blue vest is staring at her Bulgarian airbags.

It's not over 'til Saturn's spongy moon sings: Cassini probe set for final Hyperion fly-by

Your alien overlord - fear me
Alien

Photos on Sunday, released on Monday - after they've removed all the alien outposts/pyramids/faces off the images no doubt.

Silk Road boss Ross Ulbricht to spend LIFE in PRISON without parole

Your alien overlord - fear me

For those n00bs wanting drugs to be legitimised so they can be taxed and therefore crime will go down. Haver you heard of tobacco and alcohol? Both get taxed to the hilt because they make you dependant on them and therefore will pay whatever is asked because you need them. And therefore everyone on a day drip to Calais tries to smuggle in as much as they can back to Blighty because it's cheaper. And if they can smuggle in a few crates of 'baccy, next time it just be 'for personal use' drugs, then underage sex slaves and so on. Slippery slope.

Also the 'medical benefits' argument is equally flawed - walking around with a stupid grin doesn't cure you of cancer. Shocker I know, but when 'baccy was first brought over from our colonies, it was a 'cure all'. Now we know different. Same as any other junk that's smoked. It's a death sentence.

Chap mines Bitcoin with PUNCH CARDS and ancient mainframe

Your alien overlord - fear me

$6000 worth of Bitcoins at todays prices - but what will they be worth in 5x10^14 years?

Sniffing and sharing Wi-Fi passwords? There's an app for that!

Your alien overlord - fear me

If it's an open wifi hotspot, where do passwords come into it? Open = no password surely even in the Middle Kingdom?

Red-faced Germans halt NSA cooperation after Euro spying revealed

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: Hmm

@ivan 4

gestapo were right wing as was the Nazis - where did you get educated?

Top Spanish minister shows citizens are thick as tortillas de ballenas

Your alien overlord - fear me
Alien

Fools, everyone knows man was generically engineered by aliens - maybe I have insider knowledge :-)

NASA guy to White House: Be really careful with that HTTPS stuff

Your alien overlord - fear me

I think it's an admin from the NSA, not NASA because it's easier to spy on the innocent using http.

BOFH: Explain? All we need is this kay-sh with DDR3 Cortexiphan ...

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: "Is there another internet?"

Ahh, to be that young and naive again - it was called Compuserve (or CIS for the acronymium challenged)

RADIOACTIVE WWII aircraft carrier FOUND OFF CALIFORNIA

Your alien overlord - fear me

dumping 100's of tons of radioactive waste in the sea - even Mr Burns would glow with envy

'ANYTHING BUT STABLE' Netflix suffers BIG Europe-wide outage

Your alien overlord - fear me

Netflix goes down as a sun flare hits earth - http://www.theregister.co.uk/2014/10/25/nasa_sun_eruption_solar_flare_x3_1_sunspot/ - coincidence?

FATTIES: Boffins say their miracle sunshine skin cream 'prevents obesity'

Your alien overlord - fear me

Trust Me I'm a Doctor talked about nitric oxide last week - it helps open blood vessels to prevent high blood pressure. Nowt about making you thin.

I think the rubbing cream on your obese body will be all the exercise most fatties will do though.

Or picture this - two fat naked bodies and a tube of cream squirted on them then they just have to rub against each other to put the cream on places that will never see the sunlight. Picture that when you're about to sit down to dinner tonight :-)

Will GCHQ furtle this El Reg readers' poll? Team Snowden suggests: Yes

Your alien overlord - fear me

Hang on, when James Bond 'bends' the rules, we're all happy but when GCHQ possibly, maybe, does all of a sudden it's bad?

Just saying....and hoping my GCHQ quarterly job appraisal is good :)

Facebook 'manipulated' 700k users' feelings in secret experiment

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: First comment: Useless research from the "DUH!" dept.

Take it you don't have a Googlemail account then?

Titan sprouts 'Magic Island', say astroboffins

Your alien overlord - fear me

If that was just a wave would this be a Titanfail (Titanfall getit) ?

eBay says database leak dump offers are fake

Your alien overlord - fear me

Shouldn't they be up for sale *on* eBay - that'd be a fun thing to do :-)

Amazon Prime hot air drone service goes a-recruiting

Your alien overlord - fear me

How can a drone get anywhere in 30 minutes? Will they do like pizza shops do, after 30 minutes it's free?

Better use those old ICBMs - multiple warheads (filled with books and Civet coffee) would be a better idea.

Boffins 3D-print biomimetic shark skin

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: From the archives (2009)

Also, I think it was the Big Bang (BBC) that did a test against the US swimmer Phelps and the presenter was in a shark skin body stocking thing. This was also quite a few years ago.

Where's the shark with a fricking laser icon ?

IETF plans to NSA-proof all future internet protocols

Your alien overlord - fear me

But all the snoops'll do is

put a trojan/virus on their offical gov website (such as tax returns etc), force you to do tax returns online and infect your computer that way. Who cares if the protocol is encrypted, it just means you can't check your own data pipes and see if data is being slurped to naughtyHQ

Canuck cops cuff teen suspect in swatter-for-hire case

Your alien overlord - fear me

How do the police harm themselves responding to a call? Shirley they should do that when they get on site?

Stop bullying SUPER FAT GODZILLA, urge movie stars

Your alien overlord - fear me
Alien

Sea rising?

Every time he goes back in the ocean the sea levels rise. Nothing to do with global warming.

Boffins say hot air makes Antarctica colder

Your alien overlord - fear me

First to admit I'm no climate scientist but

even I know hot air rises and cold air sinks. Therefore the bottom of the planet will be colder than the top.

It's not rocket science folks.

Orange France hacked AGAIN, 1.3 million victims seeing red

Your alien overlord - fear me

LAMP

Lazy Ar$e Meh Programmers

Likely ASPX Microsoft Puppets

Look At My Page

and it goes on...

Truck-sized asteroid slips silently between Moon and Earth

Your alien overlord - fear me

New job for LOHAN - get up there and look out for new shiney things, glinting in the sun

Twitter's got a new UK public policy wonk... 'You are the product' Big Brother Watch bloke!

Your alien overlord - fear me

Just me or is is he in Big Brother Watch becaue he's Eric's little brother?

Ads bandog berates Virgin Media in BSkyB broadband bumf bust-up

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: ASA

"insufficient evidence to prosecute". - police jargon for a freemason/police/MP sprog

Brit IT workers are so stressed that 'TWO-THIRDS' want to quit

Your alien overlord - fear me

Well as a contractor currently working in a bank, the IT admin doesn't (yet) know about IP but he is planning on learning it one day. The staff/work ratio is unbeliveable. If I was in charge we could reduce the 20 head count to 3 (to cover for holidays etc). Most IT people basically should not be in IT but they joined for the large salaries,wild parties and loose women (I know I did and I'm happy). Just because you get a degree doesn't mean you're clever/intelligent/useful to the world in general.

People who get stressed at work (IT or not) basically can't manage their time/workloads properly. If your superiers says do this in x time and you know it's not possible then you should say so to *their* superiors. Just being a pussy and putting in unpaid overtime is frankly stupid and leaving you open to be abused later on.

My biggest stress is do I pop out and get another bottle of Coke or pop into M & S and get their freshly baked donuts. Am I working hard? I did a weeks worth of work in an afternoon by not running around like a headless chicken but sitting back, looking at the problem and then automating it. After all, that's what technology is there for, to make my life easier.

So, anyone whose a wimp should downvote this because it's the first step to manning up and growing a pair. I dare you.

It's spade sellers who REALLY make a killing in a gold rush: It's OVER for graphics card mining

Your alien overlord - fear me

So, how many

vultures to a Bitcoin? Is there a proper El Reg convertion rate yet?

Top tip, power users – upgrading Ubuntu may knacker your Linux PC

Your alien overlord - fear me

Surely you'd use a Windows 7 boot CD to re-install the OS if you're a power user? No?

Friends don't let friends use Internet Explorer – advice from US, UK, EU

Your alien overlord - fear me
Paris Hilton

What about Lynx

The text, the whole text and nothing but the text.

(Paris because she could do with being on the internet more, especially if it became more graphic!!!)

NASA finds first Earth-sized planet in a habitable zone around star

Your alien overlord - fear me
Alien

Let's review the facts

Very red sun so skin will be greyish

Higher gravity so bodies will be shorter (probably 3 foot or so)

High levels of infra-red so nature will have evolved to give them large wrap-around sunshades.

As fir it being to far away to see the CFC's and such like in the atmosphere, that's a cover up if ever I heard one.

Just the facts ma'am, just the facts.

Apple says iOS, OS X is immune to Heartbleed SSL bug

Your alien overlord - fear me

Re: The reported version of openssl is 0.9.8 so that'll do me.

Or newer technologies like heartbeat. Oh wait...

US remains global sluggard in broadband speed rankings

Your alien overlord - fear me
Black Helicopters

Blame it on the NSA

They're the bottleneck, slurping everyone's traffic onto their servers

Japan Airlines to serve KFC on Christmas flights

Your alien overlord - fear me
Paris Hilton

Adventurous?

Can we guess the nationality of the first twat who puts the boned chicken piece in the bread and bites down hard?

Paris - coz a. JAL fly there and b. she likes putting meat in her mouth according to a certain video I've seen

Toshiba Regza 55in LED backlit TV

Your alien overlord - fear me
FAIL

Where's the 3D ?

£3500 for a 2D telly, they're 'aving a laugh

Latest Asus Eee Keyboard desktop demo'd

Your alien overlord - fear me

History repeating itself

Back in the '80s, I brought a EuroPC which was a PC in a keyboard. A bit thicker than this one and a 3.5 inch floppy where the touchpad is. But it had a proper keyboard and internally I could add a 1/2 height ISA card - wow, the expansion capabilites were endless !!!

Nokia Booklet 3G

Your alien overlord - fear me

Fn key placement

is correct for us Thinkpad users - but my 12" X61 runs 2.5Ghz, has 8GB RAM, SSD and 3G card and was only a few quid more than this.

BA.com titsup

Your alien overlord - fear me
FAIL

Also on their homepage

"Fog is also causing flight disruption" as if that matters when I can't check-in online.

Immigration spy centre hit by staff delays

Your alien overlord - fear me
WTF?

£300 a week to stop terrorists?

They'll get more in backhanders to let the scum in.

FIA to oversee first e-car 'grand prix' series

Your alien overlord - fear me

Boring

The main things about racing is the speed and noise. Neither come to mind when I think of gran's electro-cart bumbling along the pavements.

iPhone developer hires worm author

Your alien overlord - fear me
Paris Hilton

As the old saying goes

All publicity is good publicity as long as they spell my name right.

Paris - knows all about publicity