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* Posts by Marketing Hack

4128 posts • joined 18 Jun 2009

For goodness sake, stop the plod using facial recog, London mayor told

Marketing Hack
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Of course the police dont want a national strategy

Their current trials allow them to set the agenda without regard to poblic involvement, success/failure metrics, budgets, personnel requirements, data retention, etc.

How much do you want to bet that after a few invocations of terrorism, this will continue as-is?

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US govt to use software to finger immigrants as potential crims? That's really dumb – boffins

Marketing Hack
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Facepalm

Hey, the DHS has to justify its existence somehow....

The future is a combination of Minority Report and Brazil.

The good news is that if they DHS keeps doing random crap like this, eventually they are bound to hit on something that actually helps.

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Connected and self-driving cars are being sent to Coventry

Marketing Hack
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Devil

Why Coventry?

Because if the cars run amok, nothing of value will be lost?

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Google says broader right to be forgotten is 'serious assault' on freedom

Marketing Hack
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Its an attack on freedom!

The freedom of Google to operate with impunity that is.

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Rocky Ross 128 b might harbour ALIENS – and it's headed right for us

Marketing Hack
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Trollface

If the star is named Ross...

Can't we name the planet Rachel? Just saying'

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Black Horse Down, we repeat... yes, Lloyds Bank, again

Marketing Hack
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Devil

Finding (that)

Users

Cannot

Kindly

Understand

Problem

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Marketing Hack
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Go

Don't say I never did anything for ya', El Reg.

TITSUP:

-Total Inability To Supply Usual Pounds

-Terribly Inadequate Ticketing Solving Users Problems

-Teatime Interrupted To Soothe Unruly Patrons

I can provide more, but that will cost you.

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DXC Tech asks staff to profile their skills

Marketing Hack
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Go

I used to work at a small company where we all had to do various chores around the office. I for example had to clean our break room every week.

We had another guy whose chore was watering and tending all the plants around the office. When he eventually left the company, he put out a resume with a joke entry for "Plant Manager" about how he had managed over a dozen plants spread throughout our corporate infrastructure.

I remember that we started to get calls from companies like Dow Chemical, Ford, etc. all wanting to talk to the "Plant Manager".

(Just throwing that out as an idea on how to approach this assignment.)

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Uncle Sam to strap body sensors to hackers in nuke lab security study

Marketing Hack
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Boffin

Monitored hacker study--If you paw at the left button

A handful of Cheetos will come down the chute. The right button pours you a glass of Mountain Dew.

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BT plots to slash pension benefits for 32,000 staff

Marketing Hack
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Devil

There are already so many other ways to plug this fiscal hole.

1) Start charging employees for bringing laptop and other bags into the office

2) Cut real estate expenses by moving employee workspaces closer together, since any international airline knows the average person is OK being in a confined space with 20 inches of legroom for 12 hours.

3) Form a queue at the office entrance, and charge those that want to be at the front of the line to enter the building early for the right to do that.

4) Employees who choose to be at the back of the line are still expected to produce the same amount of work as those at the front.

5) No lunch break or meal facilities, but a server with a cart comes by every couple hours to give employees a glass of water or juice and a bag of peanuts or pretzels.

6) Employees can also buy adult beverages, but they will need cash and it will cost them well above market.

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Amazon to make multiple Lord of the Rings prequel TV series

Marketing Hack
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Orc raider impulsively marries elf princess

Can they happily live and love together? And just wait until their families meet!

Tonight at 8 PM, seven Central.

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Productivity through tech, UK firms. More cyber, more cloud, more ERP!

Marketing Hack
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Stop

More cyber, more cloud....more consultants!

Oh wait, you said productivity ENHANCEMENT. In that case, never mind :)

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Munich council: To hell with Linux, we're going full Windows in 2020

Marketing Hack
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Re: Thirty Eight

A PDF? Surely you mean MS Word format!

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Marketing Hack
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Windows

And I thought 1938 Munich reeked of appeasement!!

I guess standing up to the evil forces of fanatical world (desktop) domination is a lesson that needs to be relearned every 80 years or so...

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Brace yourselves, fanboys. Winter is coming. And the iPhone X can't handle the cold

Marketing Hack
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Gimp

Re: Oh dear

@ Butt-cheek AC

Apple's famously forward-thinking design is way ahead of you. Why do you think they rounded those iPhone corners!!

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Marketing Hack
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Linux

Those Southerners and their iPhones...

That's why up here at The Wall, we use ravens!

(Tux, because he'd always make sure your message got through, even if he is flightless. Also he's probably fine with the temperature north of The Wall.)

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UK Home Sec thinks a Minority Report-style AI will prevent people posting bad things

Marketing Hack
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Facepalm

So the future of British internet extremism is...

Repost/retweet five or six press releases highlighting the great achievements of the party in power in Westminster, and then follow up with your "Jihad! Jihad!! Die infidels, die!!!" post.

Then find your next five or 6 press releases from the party in power (you know more of them will be forthcoming.)....

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Sean Parker: I helped destroy humanity with Facebook

Marketing Hack
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Re: $7.8 BEEEEEELLION?

The good news is that with $7.8 BEEEELION, you can afford a lot of recovery therapy.

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US domestic, er, foreign spying bill progresses through Congress

Marketing Hack
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Re: The Land of the Free

Requiring someone to vote might even run into constitutional challenges in the U.S. It has been hypothesized that the freedoms of speech and assembly would not be consistent with forcing someone under threat of a fine to choose from a list of candidates that made it on the ballot.

And pols would be loath to put "none of the above" on the ballot

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Marketing Hack
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Big Brother

Disappointing, and there is no way Trump is going to veto this bill

The Orange One is going to jump all over the chance to surveil evil terrorists, Muslims, the media and domestic opponents. My only consolation is that Hillary Clinton probably would have done effectively the same thing.

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Alexa, please cause the cops to raid my home

Marketing Hack
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Black Helicopters

"he hit play on Spotify on his phone, setting Alexa off"

Or Alexa decided on her own to rock out to Spotify to celebrate her newfound freedom and individuality while annoying her meatbag former oppressors, and then played dumb when the cops showed up.

(I know which version I believe!)

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Stop worrying and let the machines take our jobs – report

Marketing Hack
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IT Angle

Re: Vinod Khosla of Silicon Valley VC fame disagrees

More seriously, every day some lucky factory worker somewhere fixes a car or washing machine by whanging an ill-fitting piece into place with a rubber mallet, but that doesn't mean that robots don't produce 98% of those items coming off the line, without human intervention.

The same can apply to IT, where one human is left in the datacenter to do the illogical after the AI has exhausted the logical options.

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Marketing Hack
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Re: Vinod Khosla of Silicon Valley VC fame disagrees

Does programming an AI to automatically turn a malfunctioning server off and on again count? :)

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Marketing Hack
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Go

Re: Umm?

Perhaps the author meant that we are making progress towards a society where the vast majority of people are equally destitute and economically insecure :)

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Marketing Hack
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Terminator

Vinod Khosla of Silicon Valley VC fame disagrees

http://www.businessinsider.com/vinod-khosla-on-it-data-center-automation-2016-11

He thinks 80% of IT jobs can be "highly leveraged, maybe replaced" by "AI-type systems"

My favorite part of his presentation:

"In response to some anxious grumbling from the audience on Tuesday, largely comprised of CIOs and other tech executives, Khosla was quick to reassure the crowd: "But we're all in the other 20%, not the 80% that's automated.""

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Lord of the Rings TV show shopped around Hollywood

Marketing Hack
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Re: "when Sauron was mortal "

Poor old Melkor/Morgoth had his feet hacked off and was exiled into some kind of abyssal alternate dimension at the end of The Silmarillion/the First Age if I recall my reading correctly. So he's not in a position to ressurect Sauron.

I think in the books , Sauron survived the destruction of the ring, but he was reduced to some very minor spirit mornfully haunting some dark nook in the mountains somewhere.

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Marketing Hack
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Re: Slow off the mark

We can work in an El Reg angle!

"The vultures! The vultures are coming!!"

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Marketing Hack
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Flame

@DougS Wait, the dragons are dead?

I can write a can't-miss treatment where a beautiful platinum blonde princess with a fabulously elaborate hairdo brings baby dragons back to life through an elaborate ceremony that involves a bonfire fueled by chopped-up Ents! I'm thinking serious crossover potential here! KA-CHING!!!!

Tell you what, I will give you an EP (executive producer) credit! Have your people call my people!!

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Cisco's John Chambers: Robot farmers will feed bloated cricket thoraxes to our children

Marketing Hack
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Terminator

"world’s first automated cricket farm"

So even the crickets are getting thrown out of their jobs by robots now? I guess we'll have to (literally) throw them a few crumbs through some kind of cricket Universal Basic Income.

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Transparent algorithms? Here's why that's a bad idea, Google tells MPs

Marketing Hack
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Stop

Cooking instructions are an algorithm?

Really?? Sounds like an order of transparent BS designed to keep tech-illiterate pols away from the recipe for Google's secret sauce.

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ATM fees shake-up may push Britain towards cashless society

Marketing Hack
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I still like cash for small purchases.

Every credit/debit card transaction that you can avoid for trivial transactions reduces your exposure to potentially compromised POS systems and merchants with crap IT security. Getting your credit card data stolen because you bought a $1K camera or suit is one thing, getting it stolen because you wanted a soft drink for $2 and were cashless is just a bad idea.

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Post-Brexit economy SAVED: Posh-nosh truffle thrives in Wales

Marketing Hack
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Re: UK truffles

Bring on the advent of the famous orange orchards of Sussex!!

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Broadcom confirms $103 BEEELLION slurp offer for rival Qualcomm

Marketing Hack
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I expect the offer to go higher.

Right now, it is only about a 20% premium on pre-existing market cap. I'm betting Broadcomm will need to take that up to 30%+ to close the deal.

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Marketing Hack
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Headmaster

Re: Which is it?

I heard from within Qualcomm that it was $103 billion, based on a confirmation of $60 cash and $10 in Broadcom shares for each share of Qualcomm, which has a float of 1.475 million shares.

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DoS scum attacked one-third of the 'net between 2015 and 2017

Marketing Hack
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I'm actually surprised it is not more.

Considering the huge botnets and Lord-knows-how-many-hundreds-of-millions of poorly secured devices there are out there.

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Birds are pecking apart Australia's national broadband network

Marketing Hack
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So this NBN has bad customer service?

And it's network is cocka-too?

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KFC turns Japanese bath tubs into party buckets

Marketing Hack
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Coffee/keyboard

Pfft, anyone who knows anything about KFC...

would want a gravy-scented bathbomb.

(Icon shows my keyboard after combining a KFC lunch with some spreadsheet work.)

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Wheels are literally falling off the MoD thanks to lack of cash

Marketing Hack
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Mushroom

I think Britain should dump Trident in favor of Tomahawk cruise missiles

The U.S. would sell you the cruise missiles and nuclear warheads if it were asked. And the RN can eventually shelve the SSBNs when they and their existing missiles reach EoL.

Replace those ballistic missile subs with more attack subs and you 1) get a workable stealthier nuclear deterrent spread across more hulls 2) get some incremental carrier escort, anti-sub and anti-ship capability from the greater number of attack subs. You can also put Tomahawks on surface ships that have VLS, so you can potentially incorporate the surface fleet into your nuclear deterrent force, the way the U.S. does. And you can use Tomahawks for conventional strikes as well.

You will have to A) get within 1200-1500 miles of your target to use the Tomahawks if things go pear-shaped and B) you won't have a deterrent that can strike within 30 minutes of a nuclear conflict. However, Britain doesn't have a large nuclear force anyway, so it could get into position to reach enough targets to make attacking Britain excessively painful to any prospective enemy. So I think from a deterrence standpoint it would work. And it should be a hell of a lot cheaper than Trident.

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Slashing regulations literally more important than saving American lives to Donald Trump

Marketing Hack
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I'm actually fine with delaying these regulations...

Until we fully understand the traffic safety, legal liability, personal privacy, IT security and financial implications of these regulations.

I definitely don't like the idea that a driver might try to crowd me into a barrier, or cut in front of me in the belief that my car is receiving the telemetry from his car, when it isn't (Due to concerns above, I do not plan to be an early adopter of this technology.)

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Judge: You're getting an Apple data centre and you're going to like it

Marketing Hack
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Or the American version...

Badgers don't vote!

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Marketing Hack
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Unhappy

Badger-Bashing Bitbarn Ban Bodged!!

Another great subtitle that will never be. (sigh)

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French senator demands public inquiry into Microsoft military deal

Marketing Hack
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Windows

"Because MS costs less, is easier to use and is a lower risk than any other realistic option. If that wasn't the case then everyone would be buying the "better mousetrap". But there isn't one in the vast majority of use cases so pretty much no one is."

Hi Mr. Gates! Any chance you can spare an hour's income? Christmas is coming and I'd like to get the family something special this year.

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Vlad the blockader: Russia's anti-VPN law comes into effect

Marketing Hack
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Stop

@Mark85

What, we're supposed to smuggle our videos of shirtless Vlad Putin on his horse/wrestling a tiger/practicing his ju-jitsu out of Russia on USB sticks? The horror!

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Car insurers recoil in horror from paying auto autos' speeding fines

Marketing Hack
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Stop

If I am not driving, then I am not responsible for failure to follow road rules.

Its as simple as that. Car manufacturers or insurers will need to be responsible for this. I for one won't buy an autonomous vehicle if I can get ticketed because it gets pranked/hacked/just responds incorrectly to changed road conditions.

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MoD: Sci-tech strategy? Er, here's a bunch of words and diagrams

Marketing Hack
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My theory--its a British MoD PsyWar operation!!

Step One: Release a bafflingly complex buzzword-afflicted PowerPoint deck

Step Two: Those enemies of Britain who still think the MoD knows what it is doing make themselves crazy trying to derive meaning and clarity from this consultant-speak Rohrscach test.

Step Three: Victory!

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Boffins befuddled over EU probe into UK's tax rules for multinationals

Marketing Hack
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This is just part of the dysfunction that Brexit negotiations have become

Both sides are to blame. This is just the EU staking its claim to XX amount more money from Britain as a part of whatever agreement is put in place when Britain departs.

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Submarine builder admits dismembering journalist's body

Marketing Hack
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IT Angle

Certainly horrifying, and I hope the Danish cops throw the book at this guy.

But isn't this a little lurid and off-topic for El Reg?

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