Posts by Fred 1

Only a quarter?

Both my boys 10 & 12 are on Facebook as are most of their classmates. I wonder how many "18" year olds are really registered on there. They are part of the generation that has grown up with web access, and I think it would be wrong to exclude them from this aspect of it.

Gagged

I think I am speaking for many of us here when I say...

<CENSORED>

Never flush in a tunnel

On the old BR trains where the flush just opens up a hole in the floor, the pressure pulse from travelling through a tunnel can be enough to turn the crapper into a fountain.

Winning strategy

I have always believed that microsoft are a corrupt, immoral and criminal organisation who are a disgrace to the IT industry.

I am a reasonable man however, and would be prepared to reconsider this position for a suitable bribe of sex and drugs.

Ghost porn

There is so little pron available on the internerd featuring young horny models that I am desparate to obtain some fuzzy negative images of fat middle aged women.

Hypocrite

I tried posting some pictures of my most intimate and private activities on facebook, and they closed my account and told me never to come back again.

Guess I'll just have to show them off the old way, down in the park at dusk.

Quite right too

Of course these fake drugs should be banned.

They are nowhere near as good as the real thing.

Of course since puff has been illegal since before I was born it is ever so hard to get these days.

Sometimes it takes me a couple of hours to track any down.

Airport Insecurity

A girl I knew worked as a security guard at Gatwick.

She claimed that they would pick out sexy looking people and ask their colleagues to search them.

Especially that girl walking through the airport in the bikini top.

Clearly she had plenty to hide.

With staff of this calibre on the job, I think we can rest safely in the knowledge that these images will be treated with the utmost propriety.

Waterworld

I think that in the interests of science, we should send Kevin Kostner there anyway.

While I realise there is a slight possibility of him surviving the ordeal, it is nonetheless a risk worth taking.

It's hers

Because her dead dad bagsied the word fair and square.

Every time anybody utters the word noxious they should pay her a huge royalty.

Thomas the tank engine and his bitchy mates

I was so glad when the boys grew out of this dross. The youngest declared one day "It's a bit babyish", and his brother instantly lost interest.

James the red engine was a smug git.

Then he crashed.

Ha ha served him right laughed Thomas.

Such a relief to move on to the classics.

Thunderbirds are go!

Dangerous advice

When I tried to tell one of the girls in the office that a reverse cowgirl would be safer than just saying good morning, she puched me right in the nose.

Consequently this careless article increased her chances of catching something enormously.

Deny this then if you can

Sure the world is not warming up much.

Most of the increase in trapped solar energy seems to be going into polar and glacial melting.

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn18218-seas-could-rise-14m-warns-antarctic-climate-review.html

http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg20427355.900-melting-arctic-forget-polar-bears-worry-about-humans.html

Same turd

Better polish

Waste of time

Is there a massive problem with identity fraud at the border?

How many bad guys or asylum seekers will be thwarted by this measure?

Only the very dumbest.

Oh no, they are taking fingerprints, I'll just go and sit in the back of that truck and cry.

Oh look, I've just crossed the border anyway.

An expensive and intrusive measure which will nonetheless be completely ineffective.

Absurd

We could not stop the British/Americans/Israelis/Somalis/Serbians/etc. from doing these things in the field.

Therefore you can not do them in a game.

No back door?

Luckily there are several wide open ones round at the front.

Thank god

I really need this, I am always losing my pockets

Ablative Armour

The tip of my anti laser missile would be coated with ablative armour.

When the laser hits it, it instantly vapourises into a layer of thick impenetrable smoke.

Shark steaks anyone?

Well duuuhhh!

It's obviously due to the effecet of a micro black hole in erratic orbit around the planet. This will be generated in 3011 by the Really Really Big Hardon Collider, and slip back in time to the current day when they reverse polarity on the cornfield, causing the crop circles to spin backwards.

Pah! These so called scientists know nothing.

Who are the real targets

Luckily these measures are only there to spy on terrorists and child molesters.

As a mere domestic extremist, I am sure they will have no interest whatsoever in my communications.

About time

Yes, America, that foul stench is coming from your back yard.

Good to see you have finally noticed.

No alternative?

Perhaps the reason that alcohol use is so out of hand is that society has criminalised the alternatives?

The name of the body is also somewhat pre-loaded - Misuse of Drugs

No, I think most of us who indulge are using them correctly, just as nature intended.

Tough on the truth

The last thing this government needs is honest advisors.

If people started telling te truth, the whole fabric of society would break down.

Zombie teachers

The dead may walk - but they can't work in teaching

It's all changed since my day then.

At least there are still plenty of jobs for them in politics.

Three Strikes - not a bad idea actually

Could somebody please remind me how many times the right dishonorable gentleman has been booted from office in disgrace?

We've tried holy water and a stake through the heart, I think decapitation is next on the list.

Just remember kids -

Home Fucking is killing Prostitution

The ultimate low point

Not moral enough to be associated with Microsoft.

I can't think of a worse indictment for anybody.

@Sarah

"I now support whatever course of action would mean I would never have to moderate this thread ever again."

In that case I'd suggest extraordinary rendition, followed by summary execution.

Well, maybe a little torture first, just for fun. Nothing excessive, only a few years worth.

Dangerous ground

What happened last time the USA said "Hand over that criminal", and the country in question said "Show us some evidence first".

I don't think we should dare to piss them off.

Look at the state of Afghanistan now.

Madness

Just because the whole premise of the test is complete bollocks, does not mean that we should not use it to give brown foreigners a hard time. In fact it fits in perfectly with the rest of our logical and humane immigration policy.

Petition

No worries. Now that somebody has started a petition, the problem is as good as solved. Just look at all of the other famous successes of this method. Like er... and ah...

Bugger

Paypal, security clowns

This would be the same PayPal that have trained their users to click on PayPal links in their email.

So now all mr. Phisher needs to do is send out a bogus PayPal email with a link to a bogus PayPal site, verified by a bogus PayPal certificate.

PayPal BS

"We're working to see if there are any technical workarounds on the PayPal side which can be put into place,"

Oh yeah, how? The whole point of the fraudulent page is that it is not anything to do with PayPal.

We'll find a technical workaround for a transaction that never actually hits our site???

@Sandman

As a lifelong member of the Sex Pirate Green Party I'd just like to say that we hate the Green Pirate Sex Party. Bloody splitters!

Drumming up demand

I noticed recently, that they are asking anyone who appears to be under 25 for ID before they can buy alcohol. Presumably this is to make all of the young folks desperate to sign up. Machiavelli would be so proud.

Absolutely Fine

I expect that the fine is probably too low. It should work out at more than the profit they made over several years of illegal anti competitive behaviour to act as an effective deterrent.

Sounds plausible

Perhaps this would explain the recent glut of Essex bananas in the shops.

Smells like...

So, is this an example of the famous uncanny valley, where the avatar becomes more creepy the nearer to real it looks?

Hail Loki

Conclusive proof that not only does God exist, but she has a seriously twisted sense of humour.