* Posts by ian 22

965 publicly visible posts • joined 17 Jun 2009

Europe's broadband bird goes up tonight

ian 22
Unhappy

Hughes?

So not English then?

Yes! It's the Reg Top 5 FUTURISTIC GUNS Thanksgiving Roundup!

ian 22

the most powerful handgun

Cameron's Big Society will likely require all to have Big Pistols. You can be sure the crims will have them. The .50 Desert Eagle, too.

Indian village bans single girls from mobile use

ian 22
Alert

More than 2 children? No Panchayat for you!

So just behead the redundant ones. There, done and dusted.

Not to be too stereotypical, but is this the practice in Muslim areas only, or is it everywhere in India?

How I used Space Shuttle tech to insulate the living room

ian 22

8X spendy! Eye-watering!

Seems a bit expensive, but it could be amortised over time given that energy costs are bound to rise.

Excellent article! I was unaware that aerogel had any purpose beyond aerospace.

Couldn't decide between the "artificial fire" or the "getting coat" icons.

Shell's London office UNDER WATER and besieged by GIANT EELS

ian 22
Coat

A Shell of its former self?

If I put my ear to the building, can I hear the ocean?

Mine's the one with the eel liquor sauce in the pocket.

New RAF transport plane is 'Euro-w*nking makework project'

ian 22
FAIL

"Can't we all just get along?"

Clearly not. However, wishing war on anyone is also clearly wrong.

Top 500 supers: China rides GPUs to world domination

ian 22
Big Brother

Missing clock cycles? I think not.

"While 47 per cent of the floating-point oomph in Tianhe-1A disappears into the void where all missed clock cycles go".

Ha! Those are the Ministry of Internal Security processors, keeping watch over the rest of them.

Elder Brother CP-GP.

How to make boots on Mars affordable - One way trips

ian 22
FAIL

Several questions plan

1. To boldly save humanity from a catastrophe here at home- Do they not think the Earth would be "a catastrophe" if it became as inhospitable as Mars?

2. To boldly save humanity from a catastrophe here at home- A set of geriatric old age pensioners past reproductive age will continue humanity how?

3. To boldly save humanity from a catastrophe here at home- A set of radiation-fried bollocks will continue humanity how?

4. Less expensive than returning them to the green hills of Earth- How much will supplying the poor sods cost?

This plan needs a bit more thought.

iPhone users are sad and mentally unfocused

ian 22

Folklore

"An idle mind is the devil's workshop."

Yes, I dreamt that up. It's the product of my idling mind producing new traditions.

eBay Meg bitchslapped by Governor Moonbeam

ian 22
Paris Hilton

Meg & Carly are gone, BUT

we'll always have Sarah Palin and Paris!

All hail Barbie Stalker Girl!

ian 22
Terminator

Brilliant

Or a Terminator doll with a camera eye- the value added proposition being that the camera will insert meaningless COBOL code scrolling through the video.

No wonder CompSci grads are unemployed

ian 22
Unhappy

Will no one think of the Basics?

When I were a lad, there was no "CS". I had lectures on "Logical Design of Digital Computers", wherein we learnt Boolean Algebra and how to simplify equations. Our first programming projects involved using machine orders (in binary) keyed in using front panel toggle switches, and advanced projects were done using assembly language. Memory management? Ha!

Passion for the work was a must, otherwise the tedium would drive you bonkers!

Does anyone study Venn diagrams any longer? Do any here know what they are? The world is going to hell in a handbasket. Sorry if I sound like an old geezer, but such I am.

Dolphin speaks: Ditch the iPad, give me the Toughbook!

ian 22
Thumb Up

Dolphins taught to communicate with Humans

Of course they are- being more intelligent than humans, it is simpler for them to learn to communicate down to us.

However, I suspect that they only ever bother because they find us so amusing.

PARIS nursing mother of all hangovers

ian 22
Pint

Que viva Espana cabrones!

BTW, is Bar Tito also called Mission Control?

Hoisting a glass of Old Rocket Fuel to your success!

New pocket-sized smartbomb - just for killer robots

ian 22
Grenade

Surgical?

A suicide bomber carries just the weight of one of these bomblets. The result is hardly surgical.

Oh wait, all of those dead people were targets! So all right then.

UK border police seize £500k from Nigerians' hand luggage

ian 22
WTF?

Why were we not told?

The 419-folk never mentioned that the TRUE difficulty lay not in getting the monies out of Nigeria, but into the UK!

Doubly buggered!

Tesco's iPhone app gets barcode reader

ian 22

Or...

A StreetView of the interior of a shop! A bit like the virtual weapons shop in 'The Matrix'.

Spanish fascist decries Franco Eurovision slur

ian 22
Coat

He calls himself a fascist?

Bloody Red if you ask me! Best since Felipe II? The fellow is a modernist, a cosmopolitan!

Phillip II was a fop! Now his father, Carlos Quinto, there's a King a true fascist could hail!

Mines the one with the falangist armband.

Germans develop sleepy-driver car 'warning' system

ian 22
Happy

This Title is Peripherally Applicable

Having been transferred from the Eastern Front to command of a prisoner of war camp, the Major required the reassuring sound of a bed-side clock to sleep. The "tick-tock" sound helped to calm his nightmares.

One day the clock failed. This being war-time Germany, no replacement or parts could be found, so the Major ordered a prisoner to stand outside his bedroom and say "tick-tock" all night.

However, the prisoner fell asleep and began to say only "tick-tick", which awoke the Major.

In a rage, the Major confronted the prisoner and said, "Ve haff vays to make you tock!"

Florida cops tase naked jogger

ian 22
Alert

Warning!

The police are armed and dangerous! Do as you're told and you might not get hurt.

Bloggers swallow iPhone 4 screen weakness claim

ian 22
Thumb Down

Fact-based news?

BORING!

I (and I assume many others) read El Reg in part for the bald news, and in part for the opinion, with which I may or may not agree. If I wanted "unbiased" news, there are other sources. Which do not interest (or amuse) me.

Google robo cars drive selves on public streets

ian 22
Thumb Up

A tight leash?

Glad to hear they prevent it from lunging at passers-by.

Bulgarians bag German pair for pinching panzer

ian 22
FAIL

Done and dusted

I recall an incident in California a few years ago where something similar happened. Some yob made off with a tank, smashing a good few cars before he was stopped. It didn't end well for him. See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vESIVemfG8.

PARIS unveils impressive box

ian 22

Gaffer tape?

At a guess, I'd say gaffer tape has little or no insulating power, so why not use aluminium tape? The adhesive is generally better and more to the point, it looks much more "hi-tech".

Apple's iPad is the hotcake of the 21st century

ian 22
Thumb Down

end to end...

4500000 iPads reach 678.97 miles. Not even to the moon. Meh.

Canada prostitution laws pulverised: politicians apoplectic

ian 22
Troll

Flirting with Godwin aren't you?

Still fighting the cold war after all these years? The communists are no threat and Conservatives busy hopping into bed with the Chicoms is proof.

Brainless sock puppets keeping fear alive.

Stuxnet worm slithers into China, heralds alien invasion

ian 22

My computer is infected

The virus is called "Windows 7".

Las Vegas death ray roasts hotel guests

ian 22
Happy

Vapourise?

Not in England. Not enough sun.

Baby Boomers committing suicide at unprecedented rates

ian 22

Live fast, die young, leave a good-looking corpse

This is their last chance to leave a good looking corpse. Simples.

Monkey squad sent in to secure Commonwealth Games

ian 22

"overflowing toilets"

Monkeys are brilliant at throwing poo. I see them correcting the excess athletic effluent problem in record time.

Mystery lingers over stealthy Stuxnet infection

ian 22
FAIL

So not the work of script kiddies then?

The ayatollahs are now threatening the world with destruction (once they get their Windows NT systems working again).

And yes, it is ironic (Iranic?) that they've gotten their operating system from the Great Satan.

Iran, land of mystery.

Nuclear merchant ships could open up Arctic routes for real

ian 22

No emissions <snicker>

And Chernobyl produced no emissions, either.

Reminds me of the "too cheap to metre" propaganda.

Crash grounds RAF Eurofighters - for Battle of Britain Day!

ian 22

Ejection seats for toffs only

Impressive as Vulcan was, only the pilot and copilot had ejection seats. The poor buggers in the back had none, and were seemingly expendable.

Pope makes central London no-go zone for BT engineers

ian 22
Coat

So the network outage...

... is an act of God?

Mine's the one with the Rig-Veda in the pocket.

Undiplomatic tweet from French diplomats

ian 22
WTF?

"medieval life-style approach"

I had wondered why the pope's assistant called Blighty a "third-world country". Is it the pikey's medieval life-style approach?

PARIS emerges triumphant from hypobaric chamber

ian 22
Boffin

Excellent news!

Now perhaps the nightmares and voices will stop...

The Large Hadron Collider's mega-pic churn

ian 22
Headmaster

Conformation confirmation

"reality conforms to theory" shirley should read "theory conforms to reality". It is science after all. Only in religion does reality conform to theory^W dogma.

Diesels greener than electric cars, says Swiss gov report

ian 22
Megaphone

Save the environment? Meh.

Environment be dammed. I'd buy an electric car just to poke a finger in the collective eye of the despots who own all the petroleum.

British Airways sorry for 'landing on water' nonsense

ian 22
Coat

Airbus designed to "land" on water?

So its the Jesus plane then?

It must be said- Boeing teach their pilots to avoid crashing into water. When will Airbus catch up?

Mine's the life vest with "BA" on the back.

Pro-Palestine hackers spraypaint gov training quango

ian 22

Or Just People That Don't Like Us

There, fixed it for you.

Microsoft gets Speedos in a twist over half-naked 'Meter Maids'

ian 22

two to three weeks of them looking at photographs of the girls

What were the girls wearing in the photographs?

I can visualise the situation at M$:

"Its been 10 days you've been looking at them photos, Bruce! It's my turn!"

Organ banks on horizon as boffins prep tissue-freeze tech

ian 22
Paris Hilton

Organleggers? Meh.

At my age, no one wants my organs, not even Paris. As the current owner, I'm not pleased with them either. Too much wear, not enough lubrication.

Being old might become an advantage in the age of organ legging, although even dirty old men need love.

Michael Dell snubbed by quarter of his shareholders

ian 22

Political baggage

Dell Corp. are huge contributor$ to the conservatards of the Republican Party. The snubbing 25% at a guess would be Democrats.

People have no bloody idea about saving energy

ian 22
FAIL

Journo's job ...

... is to inform. If people are un/mis-informed, that's a journalist's fail.

Giant vulture menaces Scottish skies

ian 22
Alert

Will the RAF dare to challenge it?

The title lead me to believe that our PARIS had taken to the air.

Does this creature fancy aluminium? If so, A320s beware!

Blackpad to 'cost $500, launch in November'

ian 22

Will it be ...

... banned in Islamic theocracies?

We should be told.

Indonesian parliament gets smut eyeful

ian 22
Pint

A plague of fundies

As I recall, Indonesian fundies engage in flogging for beer, and Aussie bombing. Surely those must count for something when the discussion turns to the superior morality of the religious.

Malt does more than Milton can, to justify God's Ways to Man

PARIS pumps up a Mk 2 release mechanism

ian 22

What, no system test?

Its all well and good that you've unit tested the oxygen tube, but you must test the full assembly!

Otherwise, solid engineering.

Leicester City councillors eye up iPad to save £90k a year

ian 22
Happy

"I'm only a stones throw from the city offices."

And you know this how?

I'm sure they've got you dead to rights on CCTV!

Solar plasma aurora storm to hit Earth tomorrow today!

ian 22

Help Stop the Tragedy of CME!

CME (Coronal Mass Ejection) are the greatest threats humanity faces!

<insert piccy of pitiful child here>

Help us bring CME under control! Send your donation to:

CME Foundation

23 Olatunge Road

Lagos, Nigeria

Credit cards only, please.