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* Posts by N2

1143 posts • joined 12 Jun 2009

Page:

UK.gov ploughs cash into creaky police technology

N2

£100 M funding

How the tils at 'The Ivy' will be ringing & yes, thats just enough to cover expenses, not the real cost of the potential Crapita MOAFU's to follow

(Mother Of All Fuck Ups)

0
0

Apple laughing all the way to the bank – with profits of $5.3m per hour

N2

Re: Mac sales declined nine per cent over the quarter

Agreed.

That silly tube like MacPro thing

Batteries that cannot easily be replaced

Anything else that easily cannot be replaced

shit keyboards that don't last

fixing stupid problems that dont need fixing in the vain cause of 'innovation'

To name a few

9
0

Capita still squats on top of the UK's software and IT services heap

N2

The Crapita winning formulae...

Bid really low

Deliver crap, usually late

Explain that it will take more time & money to fix

client is so deep in it, they agree

repeat above two steps as required

5
0

Windows 10 Insiders see double as new builds hit the deck – with promises to end Update Rage

N2

Re: Whats wrong with

Seems good, just needs clippy to animate it:

Hello would you like me to fuck-up your PC?

Options:

Now

Just when you're really very busy and doing summit important

Next time you are away from the office

Overnight

At the time of:

The last two will be greyed out

11
0
N2

Re: Predictive Fuckups

It used to be fine, you could choose from:

Turn em off

Pick what you needed

Or everything

Just what was wrong with that?

31
0

I predict a riot: Amazon UK chief foresees 'civil unrest' for no-deal Brexit

N2

Re: Burn down the high st

Think the councils with thier ever increasing rates & over zealous parking wardens have done a fine job.

7
0

Microsoft still longs to be a 'lifestyle' brand, but the cupboard looks bare

N2
Trollface

Lifestyle brand?

The further I keep Microsoft from my 'lifestyle' what ever that is, the better.

1
0

Wearable hybrids prove the bloated smartwatch is one of Silly Valley's biggest mistakes

N2

I have a smart watch

I paid £330 for it and some 25 years later I could sell it for £500

1
0

Azure certifications are awful, Microsoft admits, so it has made new ones

N2

Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer

Once asked me, whats that you are doing in MS-Dos?

Me: Oh, I'm just mapping network some drives, then I will add it to users the logon script

MCSE: oooh, how do you do that then?

4
0

Microsoft: For God's sake, people, cut down on the meetings!

N2

Meetings

I'd walk out after 45 minutes, if you can't get it by then theres no point.

& power point should be limited to 12 slides, after that I'm asleep.

2
0

Automated payment machines do NOT work the same all over the world – as I found out

N2

Your hovercraft is full of eels...

Instead of directions to the station, it stated: 'please fondle my bum'

The joys of self service stations, at least most of them here in France speak the language of the credit cards issuing country.

Parfois.

2
0

The cybercriminal's cash cow and the marketer's machine: Inside the mad sad bad web ad world

N2

What ads?

Updated hosts file with about 30,000 advertising shyte host names resolved to 127.0.0.1

Then theres AdBlock Ultimate with a few of my own scripts or filters, whatever

Then theres NoScript

Been a while since Ive seen an advert on-line and I'm not missing them at all.

3
0

Registry to ban Cyrillic .eu addresses even if you've paid for them

N2

why not ban

.bid, .date, .shite, .tools, .etc .as .some .fucking .wassock .gave .these .away .to .all .the .fekking .spammers

.knuts

3
0

Google leaps on the platform formerly known as Firefox with $22m splurge for KaiOS

N2

Re: Please keep it open

...and don't send data home without permission.

Agreed, but don't you have to agree that everything belongs to Google?

6
0

UK taxman has amassed voice profiles of 5.1 million taxpayers

N2

Re: I'm one of those 5M

Also, they send out letters demanding action "within 7 days of the date of this letter", and you don't actually receive them until the 7th day.

I must admit of all the nipple tweaking, cunt twanging practises big business & arse hat organisations like these have adopted over a number of years, this is one of the worst.

Along with those "here to help" slogans.

3
0

Happy birthday, you lumbering MS-DOS-based mess: Windows 98 turns 20 today

N2

Re: The ONLY things going for it were

Yes, I ran 2K well to 2010 most of the other versions were bloated, power sapping, gilded turds.

I suppose 7 was OK, but my 2K box was so reliable, loved it warts 'n all.

4
0

Unbreakable smart lock devastated to discover screwdrivers exist

N2

Geek lock

Who needs a code?

Any battery powered angle grinder would do.

2
0

Microsoft says Windows 10 April update is fit for business rollout

N2

Re: FS@*! Windows

Just tell them to place their laptop in front their car wheel before they drive off.

They soon stop pestering.

1
0

Microsoft tries cutting the Ribbon in Office UI upgrade

N2

Re: Come back Clippy

It's years since I've used Microsoft Office and some how this is now amusing,

Yes, it really is that long!

9
3
N2

MS

Will probably tout it as a new feature...

7
0

Microsoft reveals which Windows bugs it might decide not to fix

N2

Does that include

Forced updates?

25
4

Actual control of Windows 10 updates (with a catch)... and more from Microsoft

N2

Sounds like

Ransomware to me.

2
0

Microsoft will ‘lose developers for a generation’ if it stuffs up GitHub, says future CEO

N2

Re: Lose the trust of developers for a generation?

Agreed,

I think as parents and grand-parents we have a duty to educate the next generation.

4
0
N2
Trollface

I don't trust Microsoft

with anything & I never will

Niether do my wife, our son & daughter

and we will make sure our grandchilren don't trust them either.

4
2

1,300 customers of Brit bank TSB defrauded due to botched IT migration

N2

More like

There is no one who feels more for TSB share holders than me.

Customers? - they're a fucking inconvenience.

1
0

The hits keep coming for Facebook: Web giant made 14m people's private posts public

N2

It was my mistake, and I’m sorry.

Again,

Throw away, meaningless words if not backed up by correct actions.

I've not trusted any of this sort since the Internet began and its a policy thats paid off.

3
0

Activists hate them! One weird trick Facebook uses to fool people into accepting GDPR terms

N2

Re: So glad I'm not affected

You are if you use Websites that have Google or Facebook scripts.

So you browse the web without NoScript or a decent hosts file to edit such garbage out?

2
0

UK's Royal Navy accepts missile-blasting missile as Gulf clouds gather

N2

Re: What worries me....

"do we have any anti-missile-missile missiles?"

Actually this is something us Brits can do some flag-waving over -

And Avenger shot down an Excocet with its Mk 8 gun, they missed the second which was engaed by ships staff with small arms as it flew past.

2
0

Microsoft patches problematic OS to deal with SSD woes

N2
Pint

Re:

So now fixing a previous fuckup counts as good news for Windows 10!? Bit like the captain saying the plane is crashing but the good news is we'll be landing early...

Pint

0
0

About to install the Windows 10 April 2018 Update? You might want to wait a little bit longer

N2
Trollface

Well

Diddn't Microsoft state their O/S was never intended for internet use?

3
0

Capita cost-cutting on NHS England contract 'put patients at risk' – spending watchdog

N2

Capita high standards?

Ye Gods, what are they smoking?

High standards of complete cock ups, over budgets, late deliveries.

3
0

You've been Zucked: Facebook boss refuses to face-off with Brit MPs

N2

Re: "You can call me a dreamer..."

Why not just block Fb until he turns up?

0
0

It's 2018, and a webpage can still pwn your Windows PC – and apps can escape Hyper-V

N2

I don't trust Microsoft with Security

Never have & never will.

Thankfully, I retired from this nonsense a few years ago & I must say, it's great to be a spectator.

0
0

So when can you get in the first self-driving car? GM says 2019. Mobileye says 2021. Waymo says 2018 – yes, this year

N2

Live crash test dummies

Here is your opportunity!

4
0

UK.gov expects auto auto software updates won't involve users

N2
Trollface

Re: Oh this will be fun....

Like BMW ...

1
0

Windows Notepad fixed after 33 years: Now it finally handles Unix, Mac OS line endings

N2
Trollface

Wow!

Microsoft actually fixed something? Amazing & quite quick for them...

2
1

MacBook Pro petition begs Apple for total recall of krap keyboards

N2

Apple

Have done some really shit things on Cooks watch,

He needs to go & perhaps things might improve.

3
0

Take-off crash 'n' burn didn't kill the Concorde, it was just too bloody expensive to maintain

N2

Defrost the chicken

Yes,

We had to tell the Americans who destroyed several engines.

3
0

What the @#$%&!? Microsoft bans nudity, swearing in Skype, emails, Office 365 docs

N2
Facepalm

Excellent

Anything that shrinks their customer base must be a good thing, well done for yet another hole in the foot which must both resemble a culinder by now.

Whereas shooting each other is probably absolutely fine.

Wankers of the very highest order.

2
0

BT to slash landline rentals by 37%... for the broadbandless

N2
Trollface

Seriously

Surprised anyone uses BT after their price hikes.

11
10

Patch LOSE-day: Microsoft secures servers of the world. By disconnecting them

N2

Re: Oh dear

You are taking the piss, aren't you?

0
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Surprise UK raid of Cambridge Analytica delayed: Nobody expects the British information commissioner!

N2

Nobody expects the British inquistition led by Cardinal Fang...

Our main elements are: fear, suprise and a fanatical devotion to the Pope...

Apart from the fact Cardinal fang dosnt have any teeth, never mind give it a week or two and everyone will have forgotten about it.

4
1

Hip hop-eration: Hopless Franken-beer will bring you hoppiness

N2

Re: Happy to be living near Germany

Excellent idea,

Happily living in France, where 'beer' is almost free until you buy it in a bar and most of the wine is rather good.

2
0

Five things you need to know about Microsoft's looming Windows 10 Spring Creators Update

N2

Re: Aaaargh!

Surprised El Regizeera had to do a poll at all, or do you need consent to read the relevant user agent?

0
1
N2
Trollface

Windows creators fuck up will...

1. Take at least 30 minutes to install

2. Feature 'improvements' of little if any real use.

3. Open the doors to everyone nearby.

4. Forces you to use their cruftware browser.

5. Better to keep tight lipped on this one.

</Troll>

7
0

Windows Server 2019 coming next year and the price is going up

N2

Brilliant

News ways to make familliar fuck ups, where do I sign?

1
0

Windows 10 to force you to use Edge, even if it isn't default browser

N2

Anything else would be malware

Noting like a malicious aplication forcing choices on you?

Fuck wits of the very highest order.

2
0

Capita screw-ups are the pits! Brit ex-miner pensioners billed for thousands in extra tax

N2

Crapita

The gold standard for cock-ups, usually on a biblical scale.

3
0

Screw everything! French swingers campsite up for sale, owners 'tired'

N2

Re: I need new glasses

Average lion climaxes?

2
1

AIDS? Ebola? Nah – ELECTRO SMOG is our 'biggest problem', says Noel Edmonds

N2

Snake oil, snake oil

Come & get it, £2000 a bottle

Suckers

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