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* Posts by Howard Hanek

676 posts • joined 25 Apr 2009

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Poor people should get slower internet speeds, American ISPs tell FCC

Howard Hanek
Happy

Oliver Twist

For this evening's performance Oliver will be played by 'Poor People' and Mr. Bumble by 'ISPs'

Whatchu got for us this week, Microsoft? Skype, Powerpoint tweaks and – oh – another foldable

Howard Hanek
Windows

Swamp Thing

Visions of that head slowly rising out of the green goo where so many MS 'Projects' found their final resting places.

Tech support discovers users who buy the 'sh*ttest PCs known to Man' struggle with basics

Howard Hanek
Happy

It Probably Started Very Early

With incorrect head clamp usage at birth.

Microsoft polishes up Chromium as EdgeHTML peers into the abyss

Howard Hanek
Happy

Right

Lipstick and pigs, n' stuff.

Sing it loud and sing it proud: It's all about the cloud for Microsoft

Howard Hanek

Cloud? Or is it fog? Like in pettifoggery.

OneDrive Skype integration goes live aaand... OneDrive falls over in Europe

Howard Hanek
Happy

But Don't Forget!

...you MUST use OneDrive once a month or your account will be purged. Microsoft ALWAYS gets the purges right. On THAT they have a perfect record.

Microsoft reveals terrible trio of bugs that knocked out Azure, Office 362.5 multi-factor auth logins for 14 hours

Howard Hanek
Happy

Just About Given UP Windows

The latest update won't permit me to login with anything but a temp profile and wiped all my premium subscription 3rd party software. I have several Linux boxes working and want to completely dump Windows for the future.

Groundhog Day comes early as Intel Display Drivers give Windows 10 the silent treatment

Howard Hanek
Unhappy

Yes I Had a Problem

The USB speaker platform I use with my HP Elitebook for demos just would not work. It took several hours and quite a bit of effort to get it working no thanks to MS who totally Borked the drivers in Windows 10.

If at first or second you don't succeed, you may be Microsoft: Hold off installing re-released Windows Oct Update

Howard Hanek
Childcatcher

Mission Impossible

"Bill Gates has been found guilty of crimes against humanity. Your mission Mr. Phelps is to unravel the giant bowl of spaghetti sitting in Redmond, WA and lift the oppression plaguing billions worldwide. As usual the Secretary will disavow any action......while he shorts their stock"

It's November 2018, and Microsoft's super-secure Edge browser can be pwned eight different ways by a web page

Howard Hanek
Stop

Another Example of Male Oppression

Your depiction of a MALE turkey is all the proof I require that the misogynists at El Reg require reeducation. Plucking turkeys for the poor or something.....

Oi, Elon: You Musk sort out your Autopilot! Tesla loyalists tell of code crashes, near-misses

Howard Hanek
Childcatcher

Relive History

...imagine the Tesla dash cams are the cockpit of a Japanese Kamikaze and relive one of their 'successful' missions.

Sudden Windows 10 licence downgrades to forced Xcode upgrades: The week at Microsoft

Howard Hanek
Happy

Re: Solidarity

Right after I posted this Microsoft granted me a Capital letter license in appreciation.......It expires in one week and the renewal fee is $1500 annually......

Howard Hanek
Linux

Solidarity

To show my solidarity with Microsoft this week I'm using only lowercase letters not having a proper license to use capitals.

Palliative care for Windows 10 Mobile like a Crimean field hospital, but with even less effort

Howard Hanek
Childcatcher

Wait!

Didn't the majority of patients DIE in those Crimean field hospitals?.......Florence Nightingale not withstanding?

Windows 10 Pro goes Home as Microsoft fires up downgrade server

Howard Hanek
Headmaster

Someone Tell Bill Gates

It's altogether appropriate that he's using Redmond to develop the world's perfect toilet.

Slabs, huh, what are they are good for? Er, not quite absolutely nothing

Howard Hanek
Headmaster

Nope

No matter how long I hold the tablet to my forehead it doesn't help. Talking to it isn't much of a help either. It always ends up trying to sell some Google this or Google that.

Smartphone industry is in 'recession'! Could it be possible we have *gasp* reached 'peak tech'?

Howard Hanek
Linux

I keep hearing the term 'peak tech' and I searched Googles maps over and over and .......it's not anywhere to be found. Is it in Taiwan perhaps?

Got a new Surface? Have some firmware. Old Surface? La la la la la, we can't hear you

Howard Hanek
Linux

Graveside Services?

Microsoft really should advertise the death announcements of their products in newspapers of record. Hire an experienced funeral director he'll do the announcments, funerals and internments professionally and with the proper respect for the bereaved.

Microsoft promises a fix for Windows 10 zip file woes. In November

Howard Hanek
Linux

Windows Exploder

Add forensic data recovery to the list of skills necessary to run the Windows platform.

'Where HAS your data gone today?'

Memo to Microsoft: Windows 10 is broken, and the fixes can't wait

Howard Hanek
Linux

Speeding Up Migration

....from Windows to Linux or OS/X. We run a mixed environment and permit experienced users their preference. The trend has been moving away from Windows usually after they compare notes on the stability of their systems and the ease or inconvenience of upgrades, security and maintenance. Windows users resist change but those that have migrated are pleased with the increased efficiency and the reduction of the hassels that seem to increase with each major upgrade.

Our performance goals and expectations do not diminish based on problems derived from users personal system preferences. We hold THEM responsible and while we support their preferences we do not accept as an excuse the 'system ate my work product'.

Apple boss demands Bloomberg Super Micro U-turn, Russian troll charged, NSA hands out cash, and more

Howard Hanek
Happy

Please End the Confusion

Despite Bloomberg's best efforts to be known as the home of the dodgers they're still in LA and are doing great this year.

Well slap my ass and call me Judy, Microsoft's Surface Pro 6 is just as hard to fix as the old one

Howard Hanek
Linux

Laugh

....we can resurrect the idiom once used on dying horses ....you're ready for the glue factory.......

In Windows 10 Update land, nobody can hear you scream

Howard Hanek
Linux

Pity

....Windows doesn't name it's versions like Ubuntu. I can think of dozens of 'Noisy...(fill in the blank) names for this release.

That 'Surface will die in 2019' prediction is still a goer, says soothsayer

Howard Hanek
Linux

Memories

Commercials featuring legions of young people smiling and using their Surface in a mini mob acting as if they're getting high just off the vapors makes me now laugh how....again......Microsoft has demonstrated all the commitment of a pre-pubescent to their latest 'solemn' vows. They are just NOT serious about hardware.

Does Google make hardware just so nobody buys it?

Howard Hanek
Linux

In Other News

Every other day comes an announcement that some luxury goods house is closing their flagship store. I suspect the marketing philosophy of 'charge less than one week's illegal drug supply' for their 'targeted' segment isn't working any longer.

Microsoft Surface Pro 4 owners: So, about that other broken update…

Howard Hanek
Happy

I Suggest a Rebrand

To Google+

Google now minus Google Plus: Social mini-network faces axe in data leak bug drama

Howard Hanek
Happy

Stepping Stones

All those inviting new 'Stepping Stones' to a bright new data driven future were just land mines weren't they?

Microsoft yanks the document-destroying Windows 10 October 2018 Update

Howard Hanek
Happy

Adapt a Script?

From 'Little Shop of Horrors' to 'A Great Big Shop of Horrors'

Day two – and Windows 10 October 2018 Update trips over Intel audio

Howard Hanek
Happy

Question

I see from the captioned picture that El Reg's staff have decided upon what represents an average Window's user. It falls short though not depicting the horror filled expression that they so often show.

Volkswagen links arms with Microsoft for data-slurping cloud on Azure

Howard Hanek
Linux

Right

Their collaborating on a new diesel powered version of Windows that will pass emissions tests. It just needs some 'tweaking'.

Click your heels, um, mouse thrice and you've quickly got Ubuntu on Hyper-V in Win 10 Pro

Howard Hanek
Linux

Sorry Microsft

I'm running more and more Ubuntu 18 with windows vm's than the other way around. Much more.

Build your house on solid rock or sand? Microsoft says our sand is very 'pure' and rock, well it's 'common'.

Microsoft: You don't want to use Edge? Are you sure? Really sure?

Howard Hanek
Linux

Of Course

The software no one uses is always more secure.

Microsoft tells volume customers they can stay on Windows 7... for a bit longer... for a fee

Howard Hanek
Childcatcher

The Wonderful Future Microsoft Has Planned

.....doesn't include efficient, stable, workable solutions for all applications for all users so much as a 12 month subscription for everything and anything and the abuses all monopolies bring.

Cracking the passwords of some WPA2 Wi-Fi networks just got easier

Howard Hanek
Happy

Quick Fix

Use a MAC table of your devices and that will block all others. A little work but worth it.

Windows 10 Insiders see double as new builds hit the deck – with promises to end Update Rage

Howard Hanek
Happy

Wonderful, Wonderful

....but I always rely on a recent backup being ready to 'correct' their 'many' mistakes......

You're indestructible, always believe in 'cause you are Go! Microsoft reinvents netbook with US$399 ‘Surface Go’

Howard Hanek
Happy

Inventory

What are they going to do with the warehouses full of their old fondleslabs going back to the original?

The butterfly defect: MacBook keys wrecked by single grain of sand

Howard Hanek
Headmaster

Apple's Reply

It's not a defect. We deliberately designed the keyboard to prevent MacBooks from falling into the hands of terrorists......

IBM memo to staff: Our CEO Ginni is visiting so please 'act normally!'

Howard Hanek
Childcatcher

Be Prepared

All staff members who have medical conditions that prevent genuflection please have written proof available upon request.......

Buttonless and port-free: Expect the next iPhone to be as smooth as a baby's bum

Howard Hanek
Happy

Improve On Nature

Um, ah.......Apples have stems. Its difficult to grow one without it. Its where it gets its power from.

Why the 'feudal' tech monopolies run rings around competition watchdogs

Howard Hanek

Re: Not 'Feudal'

Submission is 'not' fealty. Submission is slavery.

Howard Hanek
Childcatcher

Not 'Feudal'

Feudalism can not exist without 'fealty'. From the highest to the lowest their bond was one of shared fealty.

Norwegian tourist board says it can't a-fjord the bad publicity from 'Land of Chlamydia' posters

Howard Hanek
Happy

Norwegian History

At the turn of the Twentieth Century Norway as a country was dying. So many people were emigrating that the country was almost depopulated. What a lost opportunity. If it weren't for their oil they'd be among the least important, poorest countries in Europe. They'd be back to using reindeer as their primary motive power.

'No, we are not rewriting Office in JavaScript' and other Microsoft tales

Howard Hanek
Childcatcher

Failure UP

In years to come scientists will discover the cause behind of the Great Meteor that impacted Redmond in 2018 linking Microsoft's defiance of several natural laws as the 'attractor' that guided the gigantic missile to it's target.

Microsoft says Windows 10 April update is fit for business rollout

Howard Hanek
Happy

Our 'Fitness' Experts Have Given Their Approval

.....I take no solace in this having met some of their 'Fitness Experts' who have spent their entire careers unraveling massive bowls of spaghetti......

Keep your hands on the f*cking wheel! New Tesla update like being taught to drive by your dad

Howard Hanek
Happy

Market Solution

Insurance premiums WILL solve the 'dilema' of what to 'do' about self driving cars.

New York State is trying to ban 'deepfakes' and Hollywood isn't happy

Howard Hanek
Childcatcher

Unicorn Extinction

.....another Unicorn extinction event.

Microsoft will ‘lose developers for a generation’ if it stuffs up GitHub, says future CEO

Howard Hanek
Childcatcher

Future Conference Check-Ins

"Please have ALL your licenses in order BEFORE you step up to the registration desk....."

Anyone without a valid Windows 10 Product ID will NOT be permitted to attend.

Lack of governance on new police tech leaves 'worrying vacuum' – Brit biometrics commish

Howard Hanek
Happy

Possibilities

Think of ALL the possible applications for the phrase 'worrying vacuum' ! My first thought being Parliament.......

Nadella tells worried GitHub devs: Judge us by our actions

Howard Hanek
Coat

Ghengis Kahn to the Chinese Once Said...

....you know.....about judging and actions.....and stuff.

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