30 posts • joined 24 Oct 2008
Lying? Nah, Can't Be
“No security system can claim to be completely bulletproof"
Yep that's true...so why were the banking system so adamant that Chip and PIN was *totally* bulletproof when they trumpetted it's 'wonder arrival' all those years ago? OMG could it that they were, <gulp>, lying? =8O
Oh hang on, I forgot that this was never about security and preventing fraud but about being able to shift the blame onto someone else. Complete set of bastards.
Pains me to say it but how come this guy gets to use the 'idle curiosity' card but a certain someone else (who I will admit I despise) is off for a free 'holiday' courtesy of the United States?
But then of course there are two important factors: 1. He works for the police (albeit as a civilian) and 2. Yankee-Doodle-Dandy-Land hasn't had it's security holes exposed.
I'm off to be 'idly curious' about Semtex
"How Did That Get There?"
Given that we keep being told how ants are super smart, how long until Iran launches an ant farm into space and the little critters 'accidentally' create a nuclear warhead.
And of course I do mean 'create' and would never for a second suggest that someone else left it in the capsule by mistake. Oh nosireebob, not never.
Same Sex Viewer?
Male, female, Graham Norton?
Sorry Mr PervScanner but I don't want *anyone* looking at what I've got stashed in my trousers (although I will promise that it won't explode and make a mess everywhere...well not on a plane anyway).
Paris as I'd happily watch her go through the PervScanner
Oh Blimey, The Shock (or not)
As most of my family come from Hartlepool I can honestly say: "And? This seems pretty much par for the course"
This *is* the town that not only hung a monkey (as noted above) but also had a full centre page spread in the local paper about two pensioners pushing a dog about in a pram and a football ground where the supporters(?!?!?!?) changed ends at half time.
There are also rumours that they still burn witches and throw stones at passing planes, but I can't substantiate them :whistle:
Take Note Apple...
Hope the Cupertino people are watching as these guys, deep in the jungle, seem to have solved the iBook licensing problems, battery life *and* come up with a material that will keep Greenpeace happy.
The real questions are though, does it come in black and does it require a virgin sacrifice to make it work (oh hang on, that usually only applies to Windows)?
Paris because she knows all about wood
Just Tell The Truth
The researchers at King's College just need to own up and admit that they're crap in bed and haven't got the faintest idea what they're doing. It's definitely there and if you know what you're looking for and how to use it...boom!
Mine's the one with the ecstatically happy woman who'll do pretty much anything afterwards
Rescue, Rescue, Rescue
OMG you mean that kids *aren't* falling out of trees anymore? =8O
Right, the little gits next door are gonna get marched to the nearest oak, forced to climb it and then have pot-shots taken at them until they fall out. I could even charge for that...might even make a bit of money... Bwuhahahaha
Is It Just Me...?
Not sure if this applies to anyone else (I could just be a freak) but I can't watch 3D as the merging of the two images in my head causes me excrutiating headaches within minutes. Anybody else with the same problem?
Of course with all the media hype about it, the future (in this little corner of the IT world) ain't looking so bright anymore =:(
It Doesn't Make Sense..
Or rather, it *didn't* make sense until the word 'SAP' came. Gives me the shakes just thinking about it.
For any members of the Avon and Somerset police IT body behind all this, here's a handy hint: Buy a proper database and and spend the cash you saved on writing some business logic that actually works *for you* rather than spend a fortune on something that not only makes you jump through hoops but makes it damn near impossible to invoice for those hoops in the first place.
Just imagine how many teachers you could buy with that. But this is education in Britain in the 21st century so what would be the point of trying to generate that little spark of interest in young minds when you could just let them Twitter your m8s (or however you bloody well write it - sadly I *got* an education) instead.
Laptops don't turn kids onto education, good teachers do. So well done Gordo - another great way to keep the proles in their too-stupid-to-know-any-better place
I Still Don't Get It
Call me dense (as ever) but I *still* don't get this. OK so you can now charge your electricity-wagon without the need for wires...but it *still* takes hours and hours.
In my current kill-all-the-children-and-cute-seal-pups diesel, when it's running out of fuel I go to somewhere called a 'filling station', spend 2-3 minutes filling up, and then go off on my merry (carbon spouting) way. With all of these schemes, I need to pull up, miles from home, sit there for hours waiting for the battery to charge and then have my boss screaming blue murder at me for missing an important meeting.
What am I missing?
Success Is Guaranteed
"The first ID cards are scheduled to be issued to non-EEA foreign nationals next week (25th November)"
...and half of which will promptly have been 'lost' by 26th November. That won't be a problem though as I'm sure that most terrorists, illegal asylum seekers, dole scroungers, non-NuLabour voters and everyone else that us decent nothing-to-hide members of the public should live in fear of, will happily trundle along to the nearest police station (or wherever) and apply for another card - "What's that Mr Bin Laden? You've lost your ID card? Well just fill this form out and we'll have you on your way ASAP"
Mine's the one with a one-way ticket to anywhere-but-here
Defendant - The Rivals
The answer is brilliantly simple and could overhaul the legal system. Instead of putting screens up for the jury to ingest the info in little bite size chunks (as they're obviously too inept to concentrate for more than 15 seconds) just turn the whole thing into a real-life reality TV show.
For an hour the two sides (defence and prosecution) blather away while some jazzy graphics slide across the screen highlighting the 'crucial facts' (kind of like Oprah, Springer or Jeremy Kyle - "Mother claims child ate dog", "Chili addiction ruined my sex life" etc. etc. etc.) and then just let the great unwashed masses take part in a phone vote. Verdict gets announced two hours later by Ant and Dec, Saturday night TV gets yet another 'fantastic show', justice is done, the great unwashed get to unleash their send-the-monster-daahhhhnn Daily Mail vitriol and some TV exec makes a fortune (half of which gets split with the CPS and used to build the 54 news prisons the UK would need).
Jobs a good 'un. OK actual justice would have to be ignored (I'm figuring that the most photogenic, angelic, or just 'loveable' would win) but what the hell, this is the price we pay for having that vile demon known as the internet (and 24 hour news).
Paris, as she obviously quite happily takes 'em down.