* Posts by Jimmy Floyd

545 publicly visible posts • joined 7 Oct 2008

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Feds shutter one-stop stalker shop

Jimmy Floyd
Paris Hilton

Oh, THAT stalker shop

When the title talked about a "one-stop stalker shop" I thought it referred to Facebook...

Paris, because she WILL ONE DAY BE MINE! <demented cackle>

MPs grill BBC heads over Manuelgate

Jimmy Floyd
Unhappy

I smell a rat...

I noticed the young Ms Baillie on the cover of a trashy men's magazine (Nuts, Zoo, something similar) at the weekend. Hasn't she done well in such a short space of time? And her publicist is the famed Max Clifford, which is quite a feat for a previously unknown exotic dancer.

It would, of course, be ridiculous to suggest that the anti-BBC coalition of The Daily Mail and Sky have furthered Manuel's niece's career simply so that they could score some points off Auntie Beeb while giving Georgina a boost in her quest to be a 'star' (or D-list celebrity - whatever).

Yes, ridiculous. Of course. But there's far more to this than meets the eye.

Auntie Beeb's amazing, evolving, ID card stories

Jimmy Floyd
Flame

Bint

Given how unpopular this bint is I'm surprised her security goons (she must have some) allow anyone the chance of "regularly coming up to [her]." Not that I'm implying in any way that she might be a lying little toe-rag with all the charisma of a water-boarding-and-electricity session.

Attorneys for Palin email hacker: 'Don't call him hacker'

Jimmy Floyd

@AC

"Palin's political career is over and out."

With any luck, though there seem to be persistent rumours that she might make a run in 2012 (for the presidency, not the Olympic team). If she was nominated, it would show very clearly that the Republicans hadn't learnt a damn thing about shit-for-brains morons in positions of authority...

Endeavour crew set for ISS gig

Jimmy Floyd
Alien

A bit of fashion sense, please

That's all very well, but you'd think with the vast resources available to NASA that they would be able to buy some new spacesuits instead of using Tintin's hand-me-downs:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Explorers_on_the_Moon

Distrust means cop databases suffer arrested development

Jimmy Floyd
Coat

I know there are a lot of acronyms in this article...

...but did you really feel you had to define what 'EU' and 'US' stand for? :-)

Mine's the one with the dummy down in the pocket.

Maradona rubbed from Yahoo! web by Argentinian judge

Jimmy Floyd

An embarrassment to sport

While the censorship is obviously "a bad thing," I can't help thinking it couldn't have happened to a nicer cheat.

Except perhaps Michael Schumacher...

UK lists preferred occupations for immigrants

Jimmy Floyd
Coat

Aye, laddie!

"Scotland needs speech and language therapists at all levels."

Seems reasonable. I can't understand a word of anyone from Glasgae.

Mine's the one with the "Wee Bastard Sasenach" badge on the front.

DNA convictions fall as database doubles in size

Jimmy Floyd
Coat

Aha!

It seems obvious to me that if you are not on the database by now then you are most likely to be guilty. Yes, it's all becoming clear now....

Mine's the one with your DNA on it.

Half of Brits abuse apostrophe's

Jimmy Floyd
Flame

Eh?

Professor Christopher Mulvey ... lamented: "...To get it right, you need to look up the rules every time you think an apostrophe might be needed - and do this for the next six months in order to 'internalise' the rules."

I would like to commend the good Professor on becoming one, given that it must have taken him a good number of decades to learn even the most basic academia. Six months to learn some grammar?!

Google fixes world's most stupid bug

Jimmy Floyd
Black Helicopters

Help!

Can anyone please explain how that bug might have been created? As a programmer, I am at a complete loss to understand how such an error would occur.

Unless they're reading all your messages. Which would explain the black helicopter.

Fifty years later, steam appears on British railway

Jimmy Floyd
Thumb Up

@AC

Hilarious. Are you secretly Monty Burns, by any chance?

Defra drafts proper pet practice for the daft

Jimmy Floyd
IT Angle

Oh dear....

Are we really that stupid, or does the government merely think we are?

Genuine question - I honestly don't know.

Halloween pardon sought for accused witches, sorta

Jimmy Floyd
IT Angle

Good show, El Reg

I'm glad El Reg spotted the rather blatant piece of publicity-stunting there. Too many news organisations who should know better ... didn't.

The explanation might be that it's a slow news week. Pity the BBC then for being the sacrificial virgin to the media god on the alter of news (as Chris Morris - another witch-huntee - might have said).

Mobile blocking tech for trains

Jimmy Floyd
Coat

@Sarah Bee

Probably speaking to their girlfriend... :-)

Jimmy Floyd
Coat

"WiFi will be blocked"

WiFi from where, exactly? A bloke running alongside the train with a wireless router and a 50km length of Ethernet?!?

Ford to drive green motoring with 'leaves and vines' dashboard

Jimmy Floyd
Thumb Up

Errrrrm.....

"The driver is immediately engaged by the SmartGauge displays..."

...and distracted from the focus of driving thus leading to a high-speed departure from the road and into (ironically) a tree. One less car on the road then! Environmentally it's quite, quite brilliant.

BBC's speak you're branes collapses under Brand-Ross sex outrage

Jimmy Floyd
Paris Hilton

Rupert Murdoch isn't missing out

At work we have a TV screen which is sometimes set to Sky News, as it was this lunchtime. I notice the Evil Empire is dedicating the sort of coverage to this which is normally reserved for major terrorist attacks, celebutard breast implants and (occasionally) serious news.

A mite opportunist, one might say?

Paris, because she may have slept with Russell Brand but no-one cares either (least of all Paris).

Thomas tells CEOs told to sort out data protection

Jimmy Floyd

Easy does it

"Clear thinking and paperwork

Getting the technology right

Focussing on people and technology"

And, may I suggest, "not having the data in the first place if it isn't necessary" - that's always the easiest / safest / most efficient solution.

Home Office acts to kick out Iceland's hate preachers

Jimmy Floyd
Coat

@John Lettice

I shall defer to your knowledge of Switzerland there, John.

Mine's the one with the fondue set, the Milka chocolate and a bar of 1940s gold from I know not where.

Jimmy Floyd

...and the Swiss!

To quote the great Murray Walker: "Unless I'm very much mistaken..." Switzerland is part of the EEA as well, while simultaneously trying but failing to pick those bits of the EU they like whilst ignoring the bits they don't.

But Swiss bankers don't hide behind a veil of secrecy useful for hiding taxes, do they?

I really would like to see you try to keep EU citizens out of the UK, Jacqui. Only because you'd fail and lose your job.

Pipex upgrade causes email snafu

Jimmy Floyd
Coat

Going back a bit

Co-incidentally, I've just found a pair of floppy discs in my desk drawer at work left by a previous occupant circa 1995. They promise to get me on-line with Pipex Dial (!) v2.6. Do you think they'd still work or has this upgrade now scuppered my nefarious 14.4kbps plan for gopher domination?

Home Office guides plods on photography

Jimmy Floyd
Paris Hilton

"...the dividing line between political activism and involvement in Terror is increasingly fuzzy"

Predictable.

Well it is, isn't it? Remind me when it is we get to vote them out?

Paris, because she at least knows when she's being shafted.

London consumers trounce corporates in wireless security

Jimmy Floyd
Paris Hilton

Too many of the damn things anyway

We (London) may have good security but there's too much data flying around the airwaves anyway. In our Zone 3 flat (i.e.: 7 miles from the centre) I can find fifteen different wireless networks using my Windows Mobile phone and WiFiFoFum. Fifteen!

If I want to play on-line games I have to hook the Xbox up to the router using a cable because the unpredictability of wireless lag makes it tricky, even with a 16 Mb connection.

Paris, because she's blonde and lags behind the conversation a bit.

BBC's TV detector vans to remain a state secret

Jimmy Floyd
Thumb Up

Good

Those who campaign against the licence fee usually trot out one of four wobbly arguments:

1) "It's too expensive (but I pay for Sky)"

2) "I never watch BBC (but I pay to watch adverts on Sky)"

3) "We should have a choice over what we pay for (but, in reality, I'm too stupid to make decisions for myself because I prefer paying to watch utter dross followed by adverts on Sky)"

4) "I work for Sky."

So, with apologies to those who genuinely don't have a TV, I much prefer the option of bullying those who would see the end of our venerable, valuable though occasionally flawed BBC and turn British TV into the unwatchable 'experience' like what the Yanks have.

It's about quality over quantity, people.

NASA's greatest clanger

Jimmy Floyd
Pirate

@Stu

It won't be the fox-hunters that go for the Soup Dragon (though they'd have every right, evil bastard that it is). No, it'll be Mr Spoon and the cast of Button Moon who hide a secret hobby of dressing up in red coats and hacking n'er-do-wells to death with kitchen utensils.

Fancy nipping for a quick two-thirds of a pint?

Jimmy Floyd

At the risk of going all metric on this...

...it's the difference of 189ml (or 6.65 fl. oz, a unit of measure I've never understood - surely that's confusing volume with mass?)

While the idea is good on paper, as 2/3 of a pint is a pleasantly quaffable measure, if 200ml makes that much difference to your level of soberness then you really should stick with cranberry juice.

Home Office coughs to Dutch DNA screw-up

Jimmy Floyd

What the Lib Dems said

Gordon Brown added: "All your DNA are belong to us."

Bespoke top level domains 'to cost $200,000'

Jimmy Floyd
Stop

Mad mad mad

The whole idea of adding more TLDs is incredibly stupid.

"Hmm, domain name land grabs have always proven to be chaotic, expensive and time-consuming. Let's do it again."

Bank of England prescribes 'boredom'

Jimmy Floyd
Alert

@Dave Ross again

That the British markets and currency are both down today is undoubtedly from Mervyn King's comments (and his holiness Gordon now, it would seem). Whether the news that we're in a bit of a pickle comes from the governor or whether the markets find out for themselves (and markets are very good at that) as events unfold the overall effect is much the same.

It's the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. I reckon we're somewhere between stages three and four (God knows there's been enough denial). Perhaps Merv is just helping us along the process, and surely sooner is better than later?

In short: don't shoot the messenger.

Jimmy Floyd
Go

@Dave Ross

You're probably right, it's just "talking the market down" that's the root cause of all this. Not the £1.5 trillion of personal debt. Not the flood of cheap money after 2001. Not the unsustainable housing boom, nor the obligatory housing crash that was bound to follow. Not the reckless lending. Not the record levels of national debt. Not NuLabour's "economic miracle" based on the back of a bloated public sector. Definitely not Gordon Brown's very existence.

Nope, it's probably just Merv's fault for uttering the 'r' word.

Back in the real world, the good governor has been one of the few sane voices in this whole worldwide debacle. He should be Chancellor.

Flanders demands its own top-level domain

Jimmy Floyd
Paris Hilton

Give 'em to Luxembourg

If Belgium does split , why not assimilate the French-speaking Walloon region (population 5 million) into Luxembourg (pop. 400k)?

It's just a question of mathematics.

Paris, because she knows where to stick many things (except the Belgians).

Germans seduce Jacqui over remote hacking of disks

Jimmy Floyd
Paris Hilton

Spirit? Or letter?

"Wolfgang Schäuble ... emphasised the need to work "in the spirit of the law"."

Mmmm. How about just working *within* the law, Wolfy?

Paris had Germans screw her too (in 1940, I believe)

Wikia layoffs ground Jimbo's imaginary jet

Jimmy Floyd

Revenue

What is Wikipedia's business model anyway? How is it actually supposed to make any money? Or is that question, like, SO pre-dot-com?

Brussels bemoans low take-up of electronic cash

Jimmy Floyd
Thumb Down

We know where you live

Perhaps one reason, out of many, is that we Europeans aren't that enamoured by the thought of all our transactions being recorded somewhere. As I live in London, Uncle Boris (previously Komrade Ken) already knows about my travelling habits through the Oyster card.

We need a good reason to have another little chunk of our privacy eroded. Like free pr0n - yes, that might do it.

RIPA ruling closes encryption key loophole

Jimmy Floyd
Black Helicopters

Privacy?

All your keys are belong to us

Jacqui Smith resurrects 42-days after Lords rejection

Jimmy Floyd
Stop

Putin would be proud of her

Someone remind me, when is it we get to vote them out? Can't bloody wait...

Next Windows name unveiled: Windows 7

Jimmy Floyd
Jobs Halo

Maybe ask the Good Lord Jobs

Perhaps Microsoft are including in their numbering system the version of the Mac GUI that "inspired" Windows in the first place?

NSA spied on US aid workers, officers, and journalists in Baghdad

Jimmy Floyd
Pirate

Haven't we heard this before?

"It was just always, that, you know, your job is not to question"

Or, to put it another way, "I vos only obeying orders."

MEPs vote to recognise flag, anthem, motto

Jimmy Floyd
Paris Hilton

@Steven Knox

Just to be pedantic, the 12 stars don't reflect the 12 founding members (mainly because, at the time, they couldn't agree on exactly how many members there were!).

There are different reasons for 12 but they can be pretty much summed up by "it just seemed like a nice number to have."

</useless_fact_of_the_day>

Paris, because she's French. Isn't she...?

Blu-ray add-on coming to the Xbox 360?

Jimmy Floyd
Go

HD-DVD

I've got a HD-DVD drive for my Xbox and love it. The discs on eBay are at least half the price of the Blu-ray version which makes it cheaper than renting the film (especially from the ludicrously pricey Xbox renta-flick service). I'll go BluRay only when I sell the Xbox.

US teen cuffed for sending nude phone pics

Jimmy Floyd
Joke

In other news...

Children are to be blindfolded whilst taking a shower so they don't corrupt themselves with their own nudity.

Famed investor backs away from web-obsessed Microsoft

Jimmy Floyd
Alien

If he was any sort of hedge fund manager he'd short it

The whole point of a hedge fund is ... to hedge. So if he sees MSFT going down the pan why doesn't he just short-sell it and make money that way?

Perhaps because it's far riskier to short a stock, with potentially reduced reward, and he isn't actually that convinced of his own opinion.

The alien, because I can't understand what I'm doing writing in support of Bill's Baby.

This page has been intentionally left blank

Jimmy Floyd

Her name still sounds like...

...some sort of Star Trek character.

Mosley asks Europe to change UK privacy laws

Jimmy Floyd
Paris Hilton

@ Mark

Your question itself reflects the problem with the current situation: namely, that any attempt to reign in the press is met with howls of "censorship" and "freedom of the media" from the vested interests (yes, I know you didn't). Naming and shaming a corrupt politician: obviously necessary. Naming and shaming a possible paedophile (thank you, Daily Mirror): more likely an invitation to mob rule. But hey, it makes us look good to morons.

Is it right that Mosley and paediatricians should have to suffer for the freedom of the sewer press to boost their sales by printing anything they please? Max's unpopular role within the FIA might have induced a little schadenfreude, but still I say no. The balance is too far towards the media and a little recalibration might even improve the quality of the UK's news (God help us - no, not you Rupert).

Of course, who is it that would actually decide whether a story was published or not under Mosley's system? Pity the poor bugger who would; damned if they do and damned if they don't.

Paris, because why would you care what she does in her 'private' life? Apart from titillation, of course (he he, I said "tit")

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