* Posts by Michael H.F. Wilkinson

4255 publicly visible posts • joined 24 Apr 2007

BOFH: Groundbreaking discovery or patently obvious trolling?

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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>DUMMY MODE ON!<

Liked that, it has been a while. I thought I picked up the signs of bringing management stack theory into practice and wasn't disappointed. Extra thumbs up for making the boss think he has a cunning plan.

Why have just one firewall when you can fire all the walls?

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

It was mounted at Cassegrain focus, but declination -10 could push it beyond the safe levels when the object was not due south, as I recall. Apparently, the engineers left quite a safety margin (thank goodness).

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Re: "could hear the telescope motors start humming"

Note that the spectrograph was ours, bolted on the back of the scope, and the telescope software had nothing to do with the limits on the spectrograph, and there was no way for the coders to know that this limit applied.

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Didn't affect an entire network, but I do recall a scary experience with a computer that was controlling a 1.5m diameter IR telescope high up in the mountains of Switzerland. We we testing a new IR spectrograph, and one of the instructions I got from the engineer was that I should not move the telescope below -10 degrees declination, or else the liquid nitrogen and liquid helium might get poured out of the system, and various things might fail dramatically. The software controlling the telescope was, lets say, "interesting" in that an English language user interface was a late addition (afterthought is the correct phrase). It was very basic: it would prompt you for the coordinates of the object of interest, show the coordinates on the screen, and ask for confirmation by asking "Is this OK?".

At one point, I noticed I made a typo in the coordinates of the object of interest, entering -16 deg declination rather than -6 deg. At the prompt "Is this OK?" I dutifully entered "N" for no, just as I had successfully entered "Y" for yes previously. I was horrified to see the cheerful response I had seen so often before "Then I go!", and could hear the telescope motors start humming. There was no way to stop this before it pointed to this low position in the sky. Apparently, the user interface would consider any character input as a thumbs up, except for Cntrl-D (Unix EOF). We rushed upstairs expect all kinds of damage caused by this action. Luckily, the spectrograph survived this abuse, and worked fine for the rest of the session. I did suggest to our Italian hosts that they might want to update their UI and manuals.

Copilot coming to Windows 10 to help navigate the OS's twilight years

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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Re: Déjà vu all over again

Some repressed memories are rearing their ugly heads at the mere mention of Clippy. What is it that makes artificial cheerfulness (AC) make me as a user feel the need to apply the 230 V kind of AC to various parts of a computer's anatomy that were never intended for it? Let's face it, Eddy the shipboard computer in the HHGTTG was far more annoying than Marvin the paranoid android ever could be.

Lawyer guilty of arrogance after ignoring tech support

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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Re: GIF pronunciation controversy

I just use a different file format. Saves trouble

Beijing reportedly asked Hikvision to identify fasting students in Muslim-majority province

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

"suspected of fasting"

The fact you would want to find such "suspects" is suspicious. Not unexpected in the case of this particular government (and I bet there are many others who do the same, but less overtly).

Bright spark techie knew the drill and used it to install a power line, but couldn't outsmart an odd electrician

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Ouch!

Lucky the drill was sufficiently insulating to prevent a truly shocking experience. This is precisely why I like these little cable detection gimmicks, even if the plans of the building are available and show where the wires should be. I have encountered enough short-cuts and assorted wiring horrors (including a yellow/green wire carrying 220 V AC) that I don't trust anything. Measure twice, drill once, one might say.

BOFH: Monitor mount moans end in Beancounter beatdown

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Coffee/keyboard

Brilliant, just briliant

"Budget item 4857 rings less bells than an unemployed hunchback."

Some students passing by my office were rather startled by my hoot of laughter. I will just let them think I was grading exams, and I had just come across some of the more hilarious answers (like blithely stating that the square root of -4 equals -2, and happily suggesting that value ass a plausible focal length for a camera lens).

Woo-hoo, UK ahead of Europe in this at least – enterprise IT automation

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Of course BOFHs want to do their own thing

with quicklime and old carpets if needed. If heads of IT tell them what to do and said heads will be at the business end of a database normalization warning

CompSci academic thought tech support was useless – until he needed it

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Mushroom

Re: Depends.

Interesting use of "powder room" I wasn't aware of. For me, being a bit of a navy history buff, a powder room is a place where one would NOT want to light any matches (hence the icon). It would be a rather bad idea to confuse the two forms

Boeing acknowledges cyberattack on parts and distribution biz

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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So why use a photo of what looks like a damaged Tupolev 134 (Crusty in NATO parlance) to accompany this headline on the main page? Suspected Russian involvement?

I'll get me coat. The one with the aircraft spotting guide in the pocket

Alien rock remains found not on but deep inside the Earth

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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Fascinating stuff

Odd to think that deep under our feet, some remnants of Theia may have clumped together. A little bit of proto-moon rock embedded in earth, one might say

BOFH: Adventures in overenthusiastic automation

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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Absolutely hilarious episode

I wonder if the instructions referred to in the line "HIDE FOR TWO WEEKS THEN REPEAT LAST INSTRUCTION – INDEFINITELY" there is any mentions of "CHAINSAW", "QUICKLIME" or "OLD CARPET". Alternatively it might refer to "DATABASE NORMALIZATION WARNING"

Ask a builder to fix a server and out come the vastly inappropriate power tools

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Re: Ouch!

The PFY has also been known to apply the KZZEERRRT!

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Ouch!

Very hair-raising experience

I once had someone want to weld components to a printed circuit board of a stage light controller I had built and maintained for a student drama society. I suggested soldering was the better option. As she was doing some practice soldering on a little spare PCB, she kept confusing the terms, so when she next called the soldering iron a welding tool I couldn't resist going "KZZZEERT!" when she next put the soldering tip on the PCB. Apart from confusing the terms, she was very capable, and did an excellent job. I kept up the occasional "KZZZEERT!" until she got the terminology right.

NASA just patched Voyager 2's software but spared Voyager 1 the risky rewrite

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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Software patches available after 46 years of operation

Now THAT is proper long term support!

Amazing stuff by the team at NASA

Making the problem go away is not the same thing as fixing it

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Megaphone

A former colleague of mine disabled the loudspeaker in his office due to the deafening sound of the test alarms set off each first Monday of the month, by opening the box up and snipping through the wires. This wasn't as daft as it sounds, because there was another speaker in the corridor outside his office, which produced such an ear-splitting volume that if you couldn't hear that with the office door closed, you were probably beyond help already.

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

I have found many smoke detectors happily go off when enough steam develops in the kitchen, or just when you are frying or grilling something, which is why I put a CO detector in ours (and another one near the central heating system). It doesn't respond to usual cooking activity, but should respond to an actual fire.

One door opens, another one closes, and this one kills a mainframe

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

OOPS!

Narrow escape there. Reminds me of the time I was showing some students around the Centre for High Performance Computing at the university, and we came across the fridge-sized cabinet housing the Cray J932. Not much to look at, but with an impressively big rectangular green LED showing the machine was up and running, and a (very well recessed) power button below. One student asked what would happen if he pressed that button, whereupon I said that two little semicircular steel claws would come out and clip off his finger, and if that malfunctioned I had a set of pliers to complete the job. He seemed to accept that "explanation."

BOFH: We've made a big mesh, Boss. That's what you wanted, right?

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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Brilliant episode, once more

"And the new SSIDs are saying you're not a gobshite."

Lovely touch. Malicious compliance turned proactive

Mars helicopter to try for new speed record on Thursday

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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Love this

Having grown up in the Apollo age, I just love all these landers, rovers, orbiters, and now helicopters exploring distance worlds.

Search for phone signal caused oil spill, say Japanese investigators

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Re: Wow

Just after the cruise ship capsized a new line of t-shirts appeared in stores nearby, with "Vade a bordo, cazzo", as I recall

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Facepalm

A-bloody-mazing!

At least the captain of the Titanic had the excuse that icebergs don't show up on maps, and don't stay put, unlike, oh, I don't know, a bleedin' coral reef! Who would expect one of those in the vicinity of an island in the tropics?!

OSIRIS-REx successfully delivers NASA's first asteroid sample

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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Re: Typical delivery courier

with the small furry creatures (who some say aren't REAL small furry creatures anymore, not like when they were young)?

I'll get me coat

No, no, no! Disco joke hit bum note in the rehab center

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Happy

Could be worse, of course

Status Quo's 4500 times would last considerably longer (around 10 minutes), and then there's 2112 by Rush at just over 20 minutes.

BOFH: A security issue, you say? Activate code tangerine

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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Re: CODE TANGERINE

Absolutely. It was either going to be a hapless beancounter, but much more likely the boss

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Coffee/keyboard

Wonderful episode once again!

"A man who – more than once – glued a tinfoil cutout of a pistol between the pages of the Boss's journal when he knew he had an upcoming flight."

Brilliant detail

Chap blew up critical equipment on his first day – but it wasn't his volt

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Re: "They're able to plug any lead into any socket."

I have observed people forcing a VGA plug into a VGA socket the wrong way round. Needless to say it didn't work. Nor did it after they put it in the right way round the next time. Somehow pins had been mysteriously broken.

PEBCAK problem transformed young techie into grizzled cynical sysadmin

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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Re: Assumption

"... are talking about the same app."

Or indeed inhabit the same planet

Excellent XKCD reference, BTW

BOFH: What a beautiful tinfoil hat, Boss!

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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Re: ECO DECT

Shaken, not stirred, of course!

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Re: ECO DECT

The phrase "homeopathic doctor" reminds me of a paper I once wrote for Annals of Improbable Research on a quantum mechanical interpretation of homeopathy, arguing it might work as long as you never look. The doctor must therefore never see his patient again. A pre-print is here.

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
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Re: A classic episode

Absolutely. Sheer genius. I assume the PFY's final thesis was on database normalisation warnings.

LibreOffice 7.6 arrives: Open source stalwart is showing its maturity

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Re: long-form writers...

I still work in LaTeX, and most if not all computer science journals I submit to allow LaTeX, although Word templates are usually available as well. Especially with online collaborative tools like Overleaf, multi-author editing works flawlessly in LaTeX, whereas opening a docx file on a machine with a slightly different install of Office can cause all sorts of changes in layout, and you are suddenly over the page limit for the journal (this was a while ago, maybe Office 365 solves these issues). My last few encounters with journals or books that wanted docx format were not pleasant experiences, especially because I need to use a lot of equations, and need to refer to them easily. Word is fine for many simpler things, but I have sworn never to submit any of my scientific writing in Word. It is not worth the aggravation.

BOFH: Zen and the art of battery replacement

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Pint

Elegant solution ...

to the problem of battery replacement

Profitable too.

I'll drink to that

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Which would probably lead to a database normalisation warning

BOFH: WELCOME TO COLOSSAL SERVER ROOM ADVENTURE!!

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Happy

Re: Spoiler alert - game solution

Unless of course the halon (still in use in any BOFH outfit) kills you first

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Next move: KZZZEEERRRT!

BOFH: You can be replaced by a robot or get your carbon footprint below Big Dave's

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

froid should be frood (bloody autocorrect)

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Pint

Lovely episode once more

Really cheered me up this rainy day.

On a philosophical note: does drinking alcohol also count as carbon sequestration? Methinks it is time for an experiment.

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Max was definitely a cool froid who really knew where his towel was.

BOFH: Lies, damned lies, and standards

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Coffee/keyboard

Association of Servicepeople for Software and Hardware Over the Lifetime of Equipment.

Sheer genius once more!

Brits negotiating draft deal to rejoin EU's $100B blockbuster science programme

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

I just hope

I can collaborate with many good friends and colleagues in the UK as easily as I could before.

BOFH: Cough up half a grand and we'll protect you from AI

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Pint

True enough, but with all the database normalization warnings and the problems with windows installs, first aid is generally pointless. Old carpets and quicklime trump bandages and disinfectant.

Techie wasn't being paid, until he taught HR a lesson

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Happy

Re: Proof if needed

"Screwsmith" is a brilliant word. I can imagine the BOFH list "Master Screwsmith" on his CV (would that make the PFY "Assistant Screwsmith?). The screws in question would be thumbscrews, of course. Beancounters and HR-droids would be screwsmiths of the other kind

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Joke

Re: Proof if needed

But automatic screw-ups are so much more efficient than manual ones. Besides, manual screw-ups are so last century, although they can be lovingly tailored to each individual victim

BOFH: Good news, everyone – we're in the sausage business

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Re: CMOT Dibbler

But not named "Rex" ;-)

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Happy

Brilliant episode

I was half expecting the BOFH to quickly set up a company in AI working at the tera- or exa-spandrel level, and grabbing some cash, but the sausage factory twist is brilliant. The ending hints a bit at the sausages in question being of the CMOT Dibbler quality level.

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
Coffee/keyboard

Tea-soaked keyboard issue here as well

Scientists claim >99 percent identification rate of ChatGPT content

Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge

Interesting stuff

Apart from the caveats raised by the authors of the study, there is of course the issue of how ChatGPT and its ilk will develop, and we may be locked in a perpetual arms race between educators wanting to test writing skills of students, and increasingly sophisticated tools for students to hide their lack of said skills. A similar arms race may develop between editors of journals and authors on production and assessment of original work. Educators at least have the last resort of the written exam, in controlled conditions, but as editor of a journal it is going to be very hard to detect AI-generated text from original writing of the authors whose name is on the front page of a paper. Style changes would not necessarily mean much in multi-authored papers, as different people may be the main author of different parts.

AI tools are certainly not going to go away. We need to learn to live with them

We live in interesting times