nav search
Data Centre Software Security DevOps Business Personal Tech Science Emergent Tech Bootnotes
BOFH
Lectures

* Posts by Alan Bourke

720 posts • joined 15 Aug 2006

Page:

Forget your deepest, darkest secrets, smart speakers will soon listen for sniffles and farts too

Alan Bourke

Bollocks to this creepy shit.

You might as well invite an ad industry rep in to sit in your living room taking notes, while leaving the front door open for passing hackers.

Doom at 25: The FPS that wowed players, gummed up servers, and enraged admins

Alan Bourke

I would like to point out that if you want to revisit classic Doom

then you want to be using Brutal Doom (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YoADewX12E)

Expired cert... Really? #O2down meltdown shows we should fear bungles and bugs more than hackers

Alan Bourke

Bad news. The fog's getting thicker.

And Leon is getting laaaaarrrrrger.

Microsoft readies the swatter as more bugs wriggle out of the Windows 10 woodwork

Alan Bourke

Try associating Notepad++ with .txt or .csv in the problem build.

Computer says no.

Waymo's revolutionary driverless robo-taxi service launches in America... with drivers

Alan Bourke

The whole driverless car thing

remains a non-solution to a problem that doesn't exist.

Microsoft polishes up Chromium as EdgeHTML peers into the abyss

Alan Bourke

Use Firefox

Or Chrome, if somehow you think Google data slurping is morally superior to MS data slurping.

Shall we have AI judging UK court cases? Top beak ponders the future

Alan Bourke

Of course we bloody won't.

This AI bollocks is surpassing even the blockchain bollocks in terms of utter bollocks.

Boeing 737 pilots battled confused safety system that plunged aircraft to their deaths – black box

Alan Bourke

So anyway, tell me again how great an idea self-driving cars are ...

...or would be if they were remotely feasible today.

Check your repos... Crypto-coin-stealing code sneaks into fairly popular NPM lib (2m downloads per week)

Alan Bourke

Re: Javascript

yeeeeees ... but the Apollo computers were designed to do a few things perfectly, they weren't really general purpose.

Premiere Pro bug ate my videos! Bloke sues Adobe after greedy 'clean cache' wipes files

Alan Bourke

Back it up

and dry your eyes. Supposedly a pro and no backups?

Persuading world+dog to love Microsoft's AI assistant a step too far for Acompli founder

Alan Bourke

Re: Integration

The thing is that O365 is useful and highly popular.

Slabs, huh, what are they are good for? Er, not quite absolutely nothing

Alan Bourke

But ... but ... they're going to replace consoles and PCs

... if you were to believe a bunch of idiots 8 or 10 years ago

Roughly 30 years after its birth at UK's Acorn Computers, RISC OS 5 is going open source

Alan Bourke

The Archimedes was a brilliant machine.

Way ahed of its time. I wrote a music tracker on it that worked with four tracks of samples, in BASIC. Try doing that on a Miggy or ST.

Facebook names former Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg head of global affairs

Alan Bourke

Has he promised it'll be always free for students yet?

Try the fish etc

Apache OpenOffice, the Schrodinger's app: No one knows if it's dead or alive, no one really wants to look inside

Alan Bourke

Aw look a $ sign instead of the S

Like it's 2002.

Microsoft's elderly .NET Framework shakes stick at whippersnapper Core while Visual Studio drops another preview

Alan Bourke

Your point?

"I don't have to pay for licences and certified retraining"

.NET Core, ASP.Net, SQL Server Express, VS Developer Edition, all free and who's making you do certified training?

"We also never hear what MS feels about Googles Firebase platform"

The one where you have to pay for licences?

You're alone in a room with the Windows 10 out-of-the-box apps. What do you do?

Alan Bourke

Re: Not turn them in to apps.

EDLIN? Go on out of that with your bloatware.

copy con myfile.txt <enter>

line 1 <enter>

line 2 <enter>

ctrl-z

Bingo.

Microsoft adds Windows module support to PowerShell Core while Amazon unleashes it on Lambda

Alan Bourke

Re: How come they can't learn bash, perl ?

Is '.Not' this decade's version of 'M$' ?

Grow up.

A boss pinching pennies may have cost his firm many, many pounds

Alan Bourke

Re: Developer PC

Cut my teeth on DEC Pascal in a room full of VT220 terminals connected to a VAX 11/780. When all the terminals were in use a 100-line Pascal programme could take 30 minutes to compile.

I've seen the future of consumer AI, and it doesn't have one

Alan Bourke

Re: All this "AI" stuff...

As far as I can see, yes. Nobody has yet demonstrated to me that we are any closer to an actual artificial intelligence that we were when neural nets were invented. Basically these days you could call a Hangman game on the BBC Model B an AI and get away with it.

No need to code your webpage yourself, says Microsoft – draw it and our AI will do the rest

Alan Bourke

"These didn't involve AI."

Neither does this.

Windows 10 July update. Surface Pro 4. Working fondleslab. Pick two

Alan Bourke

Re: I'll say it again

Yeah, people still use it because for most people it works perfectly well most of the time, and they might want to play some games, or use Office, or especially the software that is used to run businesses, run payrolls and so forth.

Alan Bourke

Re: This is one of Microsofts biggest failures

That July update was a shitshow in many ways.

Microsoft takes another whack at killing off Windows Phone 8.x

Alan Bourke

I had a Windows Phone.

As an OS it was not bad, especially if you tied it to a wider Windows ecosystem and you didn't mind a Microsoft version of the Apple walled garden approach.

The problem was with apps of course. The Facebooks et al were there, if grudgingly updated at a quarter of the frequency of the iOS\Android equivalents. The killer for me was the lack of 'second tier' apps - your local transport company or energy provider, or college. They all have iOS\Android apps, why would they bother their holes getting stuff rewritten a third time for a platform with a tiny market share?

If only 3D desktop printers could 3D print sales! Units crash in Q1

Alan Bourke

but but but

This is the biggest revolution since the microchip, it must be, the men on the internet said. Not clear whether it's before or after everyone is using touchscreens and the keyboard and mouse is dead, or after.

Happy birthday, you lumbering MS-DOS-based mess: Windows 98 turns 20 today

Alan Bourke

Welp, it was better than 95 and ME ...

... but let's hear it for the NT kernel.

Atari accuses El Reg of professional trolling and making stuff up. Welp, here's the interview tape for you to decide...

Alan Bourke

Re: Oh how the might have fallen...

"Atari STE was a giant among machines - probably the best all-round home computer platform across all arenas on the market at the time"

Aha. Ahem. Yeah.

Did you test that? No, I thought you tested it. Now customers have it and it doesn't work

Alan Bourke

Re: What about Windows?

Yeah, point me at the codebase of tens of millions of lines that has zero bugs. You have no idea do you.

Don't try and beat AI, merge with it says chess champ Garry Kasparov

Alan Bourke

Deep Blue != AI

There is no AI.

Microsoft programming chief to devs: Tell us where Windows hurt you

Alan Bourke

Re: "We want to ask developers, what is your pain point"

> Went ti update powershell - a fucking command shell. 500M download.

Well then it updated a load more than PowerShell. PowerShell 4 is part of the Windows Management Framework download, and that's under 50MB even with everything included.

Score one for the bats and badgers! Apple bins €850m Irish bit barn bid

Alan Bourke

Our lunatic planning process

writ large.

Fork it! Microsoft adds .NET Core 3.0 including Windows Desktop apps

Alan Bourke

Dollar sign for an 'S' in Windows.

What is this, 2002?

HP Ink to compensate punters for bricking third-party ink cartridges

Alan Bourke

Ah 'Epsom' printers.

Years ago I used to work in an office of dimwit tech support people. I had to print out an A3 sheet and stick it on the wall, as follows:

(picture of racecourse) = EPSOM

(picture of printer) = EPSON

(picture of popular Gaulish cartoon character) = ASTERIX

(*) = ASTERISK

... before I disemboweled one of them.

Press F to pay respects to the Windows 10 April Update casualties

Alan Bourke

"Upgrading users should be able to ignore the viewer as before."

LOL, cold.

I'll miss CHM files. Yeah, it's all online, but not every device is online always. Plus the search facility on the online equivalents tends to suck.

Don’t fight automation software for control, just turn it off. FAST

Alan Bourke

Even in the extremely unlikely event that fully autonomous vehicles ever become viable

I'll still be driving myself thanks.

Boring as she goes at Sage? Oh no, no, no! Shares slide as sales slip below forecasts

Alan Bourke

Re: Maybe ...

Pegasus

Alan Bourke

Re: Maybe ...

Is there a good open source ERP? Because there hasn't been any time I've looked.

Windows Mixed Reality: Windows Mobile deja vu?

Alan Bourke

The old adage remains true ...

3D TV, VR ... if you have to put something stupid on your head, it'll be niche at best.

Self-driving cars still do not exist even if we think they do

Alan Bourke

Re: They kinda do and kinda don't

Do they? Without a human there just in case? No.

You're SAP-ing my will to live: Licensing debate lumbers on as ERP giant tries to rebuild trust

Alan Bourke

Are SAP unique in this?

Seems extreme.

Munich council: To hell with Linux, we're going full Windows in 2020

Alan Bourke

Politics is nothing to do with it.

The facts are as stated - the software they need mostly doesn't exist on Linux and LibreOffice is a poor relation for any sort of serious corporate use. It's blindingly obvious. It's why every company I walk into uses Windows. They're not 'all about the pork', they're about running the software they need to do business with the minimum of bullshit.

"By then the MS lock in will be total" - when you're a city council it doesn't matter if you're locked in. Had they got the Linux project to work, they'd be locked into that. It's not like they'd be able to change distros or something at the drop of a hat.

Android at 10: How Google won the smartphone wars

Alan Bourke

The Amiga failed?

Didn't really get traction in the US because high-end Apples being cheaper but a major success everywhere else.

Off-brand tablets look done, but big players are growing

Alan Bourke

Buh buh buh the PC dead

The men said, on the internet.

Guy Glitchy: Villagers torch Openreach effigy

Alan Bourke

If the guy is an architect and needs to shunt large files around over the web

... why didn't he evaluate the internet situation before moving there?

39 episodes of 'CSI' used to build AI's natural language model

Alan Bourke

So they're using a television programme displaying no intelligence

for something that isn't artifical intelligence.

Gotcha.

IT resellers, this is your future: Shifting driverless cars within 5 years

Alan Bourke

Two words.

My arse.

So the 'Year of Linux' never happened. When is it Chrome OS's turn?

Alan Bourke

No ...

it means Linus thinks he won.

When Microsoft make Windows a Linux distro, then he'll have a point.

Alan Bourke

Widespread Linux on the desktop remains elusive.

The software that homes and businesses want just isn't there. Don't say LibreOffice. It looks like a 1998 shareware application.

But so what? The desktop is not the be all and end all like it once was.

Microsoft's foray into phones was a bumbling, half-hearted fiasco, and Nadella always knew it

Alan Bourke

I had a WinPho for 18 months or more.

As an OS it was very slick. Of the two 'walled garden' phone operating systems, I'd take it over Apple's Fisher-Price UI any day.

What killed it for me was app support. Not necessarily your Facebooks et al, but 'mid range' apps. Your local transport provider's real time updates app. Your local gym chain fitness class booking app. They all have iOS and Android versions, but never Windows.

Page:

The Register - Independent news and views for the tech community. Part of Situation Publishing