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* Posts by Anonymous Custard

1873 posts • joined 25 Jul 2008

Boss helped sysadmin take down horrible client with swift kick to the nether regions

Anonymous Custard
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Re: Jukebox

Nah, he would have just snapped his fingers to resolve it...

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♫ The Core i9 clock cycles go up. Who cares where they come down?

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: The song the headline refers to...

Ah well, now that song's in my head I'm just going to have to put on "An Evening Wasted" and go the whole hog...

"Spring is here, spring is here. Life is skittles and life is beer..."

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Microsoft's 'room-scale' Ginormonitor probably not as big as a room

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Does whatever a spider can?

Equipped with a 20-point touch display, the screen would be ideal for an expensive, if brief, game of Twister

Or for Spider-Man to give team briefings to the Avengers?

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Official: The shape of the smartphone is changing forever

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

As long as the volume also goes up to 11, then everyone will be happy... ;)

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No, seriously, why are you holding your phone like that?

Anonymous Custard
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Pirate

Employ them to do the entering?

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Slight variation

A super soaker might be simpler.

What you fill it with depends on how annoying they've been...

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Talk like an Egyptian

@getHandle - Most smart phones have proximity sensors that disable the screen when it's held close to your head.

Unfortunately some people seem to have proximity sensors which disable their brain when the phone's held close to their heads...

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Anonymous Custard
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Pirate

Re: Slight variation

If they're being particularly obnoxious it's fun just to join in and make your own comments loud enough to be heard by the remote party too. And of course make them as brain-dead and sarcastic as you can.

Even the most thick-headed moron will usually get that kind of hint that they've become a freakshow. And if all else fails you can just say you thought it was an open party line that anyone could join in as you're being forced to listen to it anyway.

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Only yesterday...

"The Apprentice" and its vain morons who don't want to risk the phone obscuring their face from the camera has a lot to answer for, this being one of the worst trends...

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Google offers to leave robocallers hanging on the telephone

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: "If the AI detects that a machine is calling you and you don't want to speak to the machine ..."

Try the following response, in as sinister/weirdo voice as you can manage, and end it with an evil chuckle:

"Ah no, it wasn't an accident, it was quite deliberate. He was the last person to cold-call spam me but I got him back..."

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Automated payment machines do NOT work the same all over the world – as I found out

Anonymous Custard
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Drug cops stopped techie's upgrade to question him for hours. About everything

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Entering New Zealand

An obstacle of managers? Or perhaps an obstruction?

Or as STP would probably allow under license, an embuggerance...

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Not OK Google: Massive outage turns smart home kit utterly dumb

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Nobody Expects

They add Spanish, so the devices now know about siesta's and decided to try one out in all this hot weather?

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Relive your misspent, 8-bit youth on the BBC's reopened Micro archive

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Ah the old "we're so much better than you as we have the web, simple apps, easy block coding and all this other fancy stuff like IOT and self driving cars" modern day view.

To which we old greybeards of course reply "we never had any of that, so we rolled up our sleeves and created all that stuff you take for granted..."

And yes, I can remember when all this were fields, now get off my land! ;-D

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Anonymous Custard
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Alien

Re: Will the give out the source code for Elite?

There's nothing poor about it, at least if you're playing it right...

Right on Commander!

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India tells its banks to get Windows XP off ATMs – in 2019!

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Question?

Between arriving and boarding a plane at most airports you'll see at least a couple of PC's running XP (or occasionally even older Windows). Not to mention the common sight at the gate of them printing off the passenger manifest on a dot-matrix printer.

Luckily all just controlling the cattle movement of bodies onto planes rather than anything too safety critical, but still makes you wonder sometimes...

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Tech rookie put decimal point in wrong place, cost insurer zillions

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: Not just lira

Ah you mean the kind of scenario leading to the age-old joke of someone pushing a huge wad of notes in a wire shopping trolley to go buy a loaf of bread. They get mugged and someone steals the trolley, leaving the pile of notes behind?

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Superman 3 was tidying up all the "rounding error" fractions into one pot and then taking that iirc.

Not quite the same thing.

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Unusual to say the least

And his boss should have checked him and so should get a share of the blame, etc etc

Remember it's bosses all the way up...!

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DIYers rejoice: Hitting stuff to make it work even works in space

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: full circle....

Modern man bashes rocks on other worlds for curiosity....

Or indeed with Curiosity...

Don't knock percussive maintenance!

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Intel claims it’s halved laptop display power slurpage

Anonymous Custard
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Boffin

Re: Inquiring mind wants to know...

And will they be baked using 1272 (14nm), 1274 (10nm) or 1276 (7nm) designs?

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Did you test that? No, I thought you tested it. Now customers have it and it doesn't work

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Had a close call

Always live by the engineering mantra to sales and marketing minions -

"Just because you made a promise doesn't mean I have to keep it for you..."

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Send printer ink, please. More again please, and fast. Now send it faster

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Reminds me of French sales

Well if a tomato is a fruit, who can say that a grape can't be a vegetable?

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: There are so many extarordinary stories

Button fly combined with braces. Works wonders...

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ISP popped router ports, saving customers the trouble of making themselves hackable

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

How many people...?

...were surprised it was SingTel not TalkTalk?

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: This is why I feel....

Just done the same myself (my Fritz!Box 7590 should be arriving sometime between tomorrow and the end of the week, whilst my faithful old D6200 goes to have a rest in the attic after many years faithful service (as it's only ADSL and can't do VDSL).

The fact that my ISP supplied router is a £35 POC that doesn't even have gigabit Ethernet ports being part of it, and also the fact that I can't firmware upgrade it myself (and the supplied firmware is known to be buggy), plus to cap it all off even after a full factory reset they can't connect to the damn thing either to do it for me. And they've even seemingly locked it out of useful stuff like being able to change the DNS or put it into modem-only mode to daisy-chain it to the D6200.

Given they can't do the one thing that would be required, time to go self-administered and get some decent kit in place.

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BOFH: Their bright orange plumage warns other species, 'Back off! I'm dangerous!'

Anonymous Custard
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Mushroom

Re: "So the real problem appears to be employing people who don't watch where they're going?"

In my experience on the average street, it's less about employment and more about general existence...

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Is your smart device a bit thick? It's about to get a lot worse

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Try rubbing it down with one of the aforementioned items...

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Excelelnt song!

Although one would wonder how many know that Tainted Love (I know by Soft Cell, but sung by Almond) is also one (originally recorded by Gloria Jones in the mid-sixties) and might rival it?

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Better Option

No, some others of us know our place as well (in the wrong and to blame usually, regardless of what about).

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Police block roads to stop tech support chap 'robbing a bank'

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Must have been a quite impressive experience

@Lee D

Not if it's of a suitable design (like a mushroom EMO one) that could be triggered using your leg (knee or thigh bash for examples)...

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ISP TalkTalk's Wi-Fi passwords Walk Walk thanks to Awks Awks router security hole

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: Ralink router?

Currently (for home fibre anyway) they're offering D-Link 3782's and Huawei HG633's (and also the HG635 for business, but they seemingly can't/don't/won't offer them to home users any more).

They've just also brought out a new super hub (a Sagemcom apparently), but if you want one of those as an existing customer you have to shell out £120.

That said on both the routers whilst WPS is enabled in the configuration that ships, it can seemingly be switched off via the router's web dashboard (as can uPNP). Of course whether that actually does anything physically is another question entirely.

At least that's my experience in the time between the upgrade to fibre and going out and buying my own Netgear that I could configure how I wanted to and lock down (as my old ADSL one wasn't VDSL compatible).

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Sysadmin hailed as hero for deleting data from the wrong disk drive

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

The placebo effect is just as applicable in tech as it is in medicine.

And if it "resolves" an issue, don't knock it...

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Want to know what an organisation is really like? Visit the restroom

Anonymous Custard
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Alert

Re: We need some ...

Although in the office bogs here there's mixer taps, which if the previous user has flowed hot water then proceed to flow residual hot water for a couple of seconds from the pipework even if you open the cold tap.

You very quickly learn to give it a moment between turning on the tap and actually putting your hands into the water stream, as the hot water heating here is all too efficient.

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Flamin' Nora! Brit firefighters tackle blazing fly-tipped boat

Anonymous Custard
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Mushroom

Re: I name this vessel...

Boaty McBurntface surely...?

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NASA fix for Curiosity rovers's damaged drill: hitting it, repeatedly

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

My thoughts exactly, as an argent follower of it myself :) Very much the Scotty Principle in action.

For those who don't know what we're talking about -

https://youtu.be/t9SVhg6ZENw

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America's forgotten space station and a mission tinged with urine, we salute you

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: the final crewed mission of the Mercury programme

Maybe he should have honoured the tradition started by Gagarin of pissing on the tyre of the bus taking him to the Launchpad? Apparently it's now so ingrained as a lucky ritual that they all do it.

https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/why-russian-astronauts-pee-on-a-bus-tire-before-launching-into-space-and-other-preflight-rituals

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Atari Space Shuttle

Nah, nothing beats the Skylab Landing Bay level on Manic Miner on the ol' speccy ;)

https://youtu.be/aOkV6b7IOJM

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: I hope..

@Unicornpiss - there's some argument that people like Tim Peake, Chris Hadfield, Peggy Whitson, Luca Parmitano, Helen Sharman, Michael Foale and Sunita Williams would all class as such heroes. Or at least deserve to, as probably do anyone with the balls to sit on a large firework built by the lowest bidder and pork-barrel scraper.

Maybe not the pioneers that the Mercury, Gemini and Apollo guys were, but still risk takers (such as Parmitano almost drowning in space) and great ambassadors for space and science in general to the public.

And as the shuttle sadly showed twice, even with "mature" technology, they could still kill if things went wrong.

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Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: the whole setup was pretty crude

As part of our work training we do a Kepner Tregoe Analysis course (problem solving, situation appraisal, that sort of thing) and one thing I learned was they used it during Apollo 13.

Went into quite some detail, and to understand quite how ingenious they had to be (and unfortunately how many self-created issues of incompatible hardware they had to overcome - square filters in round holes and suchlike) is fascinating to read. Those men truly earned their "steely-eyed missilemen" status.

Can't find the full one they shared with us, but the link below has an abbreviated version:

http://www.kepner-tregoe.com/case-studies/client-success-stories/aerospace-industry/an-abbreviated-use-of-problem-analysis/

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Android devs prepare to hit pause on ads amid Google GDPR chaos

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Consent

So does this mean I might get ads for what I might actually want, rather than ads for stuff I just bought off the internet?

Wonders will never cease, what will they think of next...?

Perhaps adverts that don't play stupid inane tunes at full volume (especially the ones without a mute button) when the app you were using that spawned them was on silent/mute?

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Your software hates you and your devices think you're stupid

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

@AC a couple of posts up - Did you get it cheap from the estate of the dearly missed Douglas Adams by chance?

Just be glad it hasn't got an AI or personality option...

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Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: There's an island somewhere...

I know the audience here :)

For your other question -

http://www.tech-lane.com.cn/first%20product.html

Seemingly available via eBay or several other auction sites.

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Anonymous Custard
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Re: There's an island somewhere...

I think my previous toaster came from there.

It was allegedly a 4-slice one, consisting of two long slots. Of course these slots were about an inch too short for two slices of bread laid landscape, and the depth was such that putting them portrait meant the top couple of inches poked out when it was toasting.

So either way around you always ended up with a band of untoasted bread at one end of one side on each slice.

Said abomination has now been replaced by a nice 4-slot twin toaster, and all is tasty and golden.

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Fixing a printer ended with a dozen fire engines in the car park

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Don't wear high vis

Reminds me of an oddly ironic sight I once saw at the Solstice services near Stonehenge - a bunch of army squaddies in their usual full cammo fatigues, plus each with a high-vis vest (they were at the gas station topping up their landies).

Always struck me as a rather bizarre combination, and creased my missus up when I pointed it out to her.

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Anonymous Custard
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Flame

Re: Had the fire brigade called to a five star hotel, in Malta....

Had that here at work too, the microwave one.

We had a supply company install a vending machine for frozen microwave meals (which to be fair were actually almost edible) and alongside it a couple of microwaves for the heating-up thereof. These things were catering grade microwaves, somewhere in the region of 3000W or so.

But despite various notices etc of the fact, people also tended to use them for their brought-in stuff and just stick the times in that the packet said, regardless of the fact that those were for an 800W or so home microwave.

Cue regular and repeated fire alarms as various items were nuked and ended up blackened and smoking, or in one memorable case literally molten and on fire.

Needless to say neither the vending machine or the microwaves are here any more.

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Did you guess 2019 for Intel's 10nm chip ramp up? Congratulations

Anonymous Custard
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Headmaster

Re: So that's 90 atoms wide with a 9 atom thick oxide layer.

It's equivalent to a 9 atom thick oxide layer, but it's a high-K material, not SiO2.

Hence physically it's rather thicker (and so less leaky), with the same electrical characteristics.

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The Sun will blow up into a huge, glowing bubble of gas during its death

Anonymous Custard
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Joke

Re: Star-lifting

It might also get a touch warm, although I guess you could do it at night ;-)

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Admin needed server fast, skipped factory config … then bricked it

Anonymous Custard
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Trollface

Re: Lightning icon required =========>

@SImon Hobson

I can't repeat some of his other tales - at least not in polite company !

So come on then, repeat them for us unruly and impolite commentards... :)

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