* Posts by Stevie

7282 publicly visible posts • joined 12 Jun 2008

Microsoft phone support contractors told to hang up after 15 minutes

Stevie

Re: rubbish

"to balance those 15 minute calls when the average call duration is of 1.5 minute there must have been a bunch lasting negative 13 minutes..."

Only numerically speaking, Mr Scientist.

Ooh missus, get a grip on my notifications

Stevie

Bah!

First class mail. That's the one where you have to lick it before you shove it in, right?

FBI director claims that videoing police is causing crime uptick

Stevie

Bah!

More cobblers from the "encryption = win 4 terrorists" man.

Can ad biz’s LEAN avert ADPOCALYPSE?

Stevie

Bah!

Lean? Not hard to define:

No script payload. No motion. No pop-up or expanding overlay.

So, a still picture that stays in the sidebar or heading and doesn't follow the scroll or swell over the text in the event of a (usually inadvertent) mouse-over.

Just like they do in paper magazines.

Did Spotify hire Alan Partridge to run its Netflix-style video push?

Stevie

Bah!

Desert Island Disco in which everyone who perpetrated the radio scene in the mid to late 70s gets abandoned on a desert island with just a can opener and a GoPro. Three times a day a plane overflies the island and drops one can of some sort of food. Hilarity ensues.

Brit polar vessel christened RRS Sir David Attenborough

Stevie

Bah!

The proper name for the ROV would have been Subby McSubface, but apparently that is an owned copyright belonging to Mistress Alexa's House of Executive Correction.

Or so I'm led to believe.

By the neck others.

You can always rely on the Ancient Ones to cock things up

Stevie

Bah!

The anti-handiman demons. They hover over a home improvement or repair job in swarms, waiting for just the right comedic moment to infest the equipment and, for actual example, make the chain on a chainsaw come off the bar at maximum wellie even though it was in perfect adjustment and had plenty of oil. Anti-handiman demons are what cause everyone on the planet to sever the cord of their own hedge trimmer (which has driven everyone to replace corded tools with battery-powered equivalents, allowing the prospect of a simple recharge burning down one's house).

I known them well. Google The Occasional Stevie and feel my pain.

29 years of data shows no mobile phone brain cancer link

Stevie

Bah!

Wothless "study".

The phones only cause cancer if the user has been vaccinated.

'I thought my daughter clicked on ransomware – it was the damn Windows 10 installer'

Stevie

Re: Forgive me for not understanding how this happened 4 Chris W

Yes I see your point.

Now let's prosecute all the Volkswagen owners for operating a vehicle in contravention to the emissions laws. You can't tell me they didn't know that their computers were jiggered and if they didn't they should rtfm and serves 'em right.

What?

Stevie

Bah!

They may have downloaded the files (and fuck them for doing that) but since the very first mention of the installer in these pages I used a registry update prined in the comments to shut down the nagware and haven't seen it since.

I dunno why others don't follow suit. There are plenty of sources for how to do it out there.

'Bitcoin creator' Craig Yeah Wright in meltdown

Stevie

Bah!

Why would "The Media" learn "its lesson" by not giving this man any more fame time?

The Register hasn't.

Cops deploy StingRay anti-terror tech against $50 chicken-wing thief

Stevie

Re: Terroist? 4 Francis Boyle

And yet the world is a distinctly smaller, duller place without him on it.

Back into your cubby under the stairs, Francis! I don't want to have to use the cattle prod!

Stevie

Bah!

When I voted to allow Stingray anti-terrorist tech into New York I thought we were going to get those cool buildings that sink into the ground when danger threatens, not some lame cell phone jiggery pokery.

Just kidding. No one got to vote on it.

Stop resetting your passwords, says UK govt's spy network

Stevie

Bah!

Passwords would be much more secure if their use was tracked and compared with previous usage patterns, like credit cards are.

Override out-of-band lockdown with a two-factor authentication and Bob' yer muvver's bruvver.

How to evade the NSA: OpSec guide for journalists also used by terrorists

Stevie

Re: How to avoid being spied on...

Shadow Systems, I name you Ted Kazinski and claim my five pounds!

IBM's quantum 'puter news proves Big Blue still doesn't get 'cloud'

Stevie

Re: Bah!

None of the really cool stuff is, though.

Because, you know, liquid helium.

I vivdly remember the announcement of the affordable CD drive being trumped by IBM who said they had one that could store data at seven times the density of that one's capacity, so yah boo sux.

Downside? Liquid helium or didn't work at all.

Stevie

Bah!

Pretty much anything IBM has announced in my IT lifetime has required immersion in liquid helium to work as advertised. Talking about that aspect of any new IBM service or thing is, I suspect, redundant.

Perhaps immersion in liquid helium of the marketing staff would be in order, though.

Ex-HP boss Carly Fiorina sacked one week into new job

Stevie

Re: I like Canada

That's "Canadia"!

Stevie

Re: Next stop for Fioroni ...

... must be Monster Cloud.

Stevie

Bah!

Point of information Mr Chairman:

A candidate cannot really have a running mate until they are a presidential candidate.

What Ted Cruz was doing was saying that CF would be his running mate when he got enough delegates to derail the public choice and grab the nomination by insider back-room dealing with the delegates themselves.

The irony here is manyfold, starting with Ted Cruz's insistance that he is not a Washington Insider yet he knows well and good how to steal the nomination from the (bewilderingly dim) people's choice using the inside workings of his party machine.

A good portion of America sees this for what it is: high comedy and desparation.

A Brit cloud biz and an angry customer wanting a refund: A Love Story

Stevie

Re: Threats?

Spot on. When feeling defensive, play the frightened victim card.

Stevie

Bah!

The last time someone accused me of threatening them in an email I agreed to a phone conferece with me, the accuser and our bosses to appologise.

The meeing was cancelled when it became apparent to my boss that:

a) I expected the other person to appologise for accusing me of threatening them

2) I intended to ask the other person's supervisor to get the poor sod some professional help.

The final nail in the meeting-coffin was when I produced the unredacted message from my "sent" folder and challenged both supervisors to show me exactly where I had made any sort of threat to anyone whatsoever.

F-35s failed 'scramble test' because of buggy software

Stevie

Bah!

Could this be a legitimate use case for systemd?

Daft draft anti-car-hack law could put innocent drivers away for life

Stevie

Bah

So disconnect the fucking cars from the internet. Shut down the WiFi and bluetooth device discovery gubbins.

And show the politicians a bigger publicity opportunity.

Pop goes the weasel! Large Hadron Collider blown up by critter chomping 66kV cable

Stevie

Bah!

We need video. Nothing funnier than exploding weasels.

Your mother has a smooth forehead, Klingon language lovers roar at Paramount

Stevie

Bah!

Didn't see this one coming.

Oh wait ...

Germans stick traffic lights in pavements for addicts who can't take their eyes off phones

Stevie

Re: @ It's the same sort of internet cowardice

Says the person hiding behind the ac monicker. Nice one.

Sorry mate, gallows humour is a fact of life. Your outrage is misplaced as are your tales of sad old people.

Where I live we've lost a few young people to being run down by trains on grade crossings. Crossings are protected by barriers that come down about fifteen seconds before the train arrives. Trains sound an earsplitting ait horn with THREE blasts as they approach. And yet the smartphone phuckwits still get mown down.

This is in no way, shape or form the fault of anyone but the squishee.

And of course the bill for the cleanup and the lawsuits and the therapy for the engineer and the organ collection team and police units on site (who are the ones I feel sorry for) goes to the taxpayer.

So no. I don't think I'll take your misplaced rage-induced advice. I'm not the one needs my head examining. That treatment should be given to anyone who survives the inevitable result of their own brainless behaviour.

I'm on record here and elsewhere in my belief that there should be laws against people owning portable electronics that are more intelligent than they themselves are. This nonsense just strengthens my position.

Stevie

Re: @ A number of you here

The comments are in general witty and I would point out that it ain't the ones making fun who are ultimately responsible for you not feeling like anything for dinner after you finish your shift. What exactly do you expect the driver who hits some stupid idiot without the brains god gave a cowpat to do anyway? Other than get into therapy for the inevitable mental trauma, that is.

We have train drivers here who have been at the throttle when a drunk or depressed moron has swan dived in front of the train, and who are never going to get back behind the throttle even after months of therapy because how many times can you watch someone burst six inches from your face?

Stick the blame where it belongs fot fuck's sake: with the phone phuckwit.

Stevie

Re: Trams

So, not only run over by a tram, but had all his amalgam fillings magnetized into the bargain.

Stevie

Bah!

Anyone wandering out into the road while smart phoning is In Play.

The only legitimate debate is: how many points are they worth?

Rampant robot tries to rip my clothes off

Stevie

Bah!

Most boring video ever. A stunning indictment of the 1980s.

And why is Ted Cruze in it?

Another failed merger, Carly? Ted Cruz to bring in ex-HP boss Fiorina as running mate

Stevie

Bah!

If Cruze were serious about engaging in mortal Thunderdome combat with Trump for the Republican nomination he'd fight crazy by upping the ante.

Yes, I'm talking Sarah Palin, the nuclear opition of crazy politics. I doubt she'd know the diffence between Ted and Don so grabbing her allegiance would be as simple as asking her to do that voodoo that she does so well.

Naturally this would not result in an electable ticket but what the hell.

Game of P0wns: Malvertising menace strikes Pirate Bay season six downloads

Stevie

Bah!

Winter is coming.

30 years on, Chernobyl wildlife still feeling effects of nuke plant catastrophe

Stevie

Bah!

On the upside: no Daleks.

What do you call an old, unpatched and easily hacked PC? An ATM

Stevie

Re: You don't f***ing say?

Wait, I thought the black box was the internet. Somebody nip up Big Ben and see if it's still there.

Docker hired private detectives to pursue woman engineer's rape, death threat trolls

Stevie

Bah!

One wonders at the psychology involved.

F-35's dodgy software in the spotlight again

Stevie

Bah!

We had this phenomenon back in the late 70s. Computer-based systems are prone to being enhanced unil they stop working at all.

"Mission Accomplished".

The next phase is to quietly shelve whatever it is and agree never to speak of it again.

Google Loon balloon crash lands in Chile

Stevie

Re: You don't get lessons like that these days

Mostly on account of the number of CMOS-fitted devices crammed into everyone's pockets.

Stevie

Re: tie thier tails together

"The ascending balloon will encounter charged particles that will eventually counteract the be-staticed cats, causing them to lose charge and fall off."

Which is why you use ebonite and not amber when selecting your cat-charging rod. More attention to the lab notes is indicated and certainly more time cranking the Wimshurst machine. A little time with a balloon, a cat, and a common or garden gold leaf electroscope would seem to be in order too.

And lets not forget the cork ball apparatus.

Less reliance on assumption and more on the behaviour of one's balls when excited by the Van Der Graaf Generator would stand every young lad in good stead.

Stevie

Re: tie thier tails together

Dangerous rubbish!

The correct method is to rub each cat's fur vigorously with an ebonite rod and stick it directly to the balloon envelope with the generated static electricity.

What on earth are they teaching in schools today?

A perfect marriage: YOU and Ubuntu 16.04

Stevie

Bah!

Because it was sentenced to the maggot pit some years ago?

Romania suffers Eurovision premature ejection

Stevie

Bah!

Why is it always the foreigners who demonstrate innovative thinking when it comes to problem solving? Questions should be asked in The House.

Dutch students serve up world's first 'drone café'

Stevie

Bah!

The Dutch have cracked the vexing issue of how to get glassed in the face before anyone's had anything to drink and without all that tedious mucking about starting an argument.

MoD contractor hacked, 831 members of defence community exposed

Stevie

Bah!

Not getting why entire credential file wasn't encrypted, userids 'n' orl.

Kent Police handed domestic abuse victim's data to alleged abuser – a Kent cop

Stevie

Kent Police has been fined £80k...

So, the taxpayers were fined, really.

What about PC Fuckwit, (The Spousebeater's Friend)? Fined? Desk duty? Demotion? Sacked? Reassigned to Craggy Island?

I've often wondered whether the answer to these Blue Wall cases might not be to sue the relevant police pension fund in some way. Once the Boys in Blue understand that for every baddun they stand behind their own bottom line takes a potential smack in the hurtybits the urge to persuade the badduns to come forward would be overpowering.

Stevie

Bah!

As soon as it became clear that the complaint was being made against a fellow copper the story not only made more sense, it became one more in a set of depressingly similar "band of brothers" spousal domestic dispute stories.

Can the lawyer be called up before the bar? Stupid question: they are the very worst "wall of silence" offenders, closing ranks tighter than doctors do when one of their own is shown to possess above average levels of moral blindness and culpable malpractice.

Spouses of cops should have some other way of accessing the laws supposedly that protect them than the very buggers posing the problem and their boozer buddies.

What a bloody disgrace.

FBI's Tor pedo torpedoes torpedoed by United States judge

Stevie

Bah!

Perhaps if the FBI lawyers hadn't been so distracted trying to set precedent with the high-profile iPhone cracking case they could have spotted this obvious uckfup in the making.

And while having no sympathy for pedophile scum, there's a small discrepancy in the FBI's expectations (200 000) and their haul (1300). Again.

As for the judge, it is unrealistic to expect a human being to have pinpoint knowledge of all laws, and we do not know what the FBI representative(s) said to justify the warrant. Disappointing that it didn't occur to the judge to question jurisdiction, but ultimately the blame for this sits in the FBI's court from my seat in the stands.

How innocent people 'of no security interest' are mere keystrokes away in UK's spy databases

Stevie

Bah!

(Mode =Clouseau) So M'sieu werdsmith, are you saying ... that you wish to be made into an office block?

Qualcomm channels Star Trek's Scotty as it faces a mobe chip wreck

Stevie

Bah!y

Years ago I had a boss who asked how long it would take me to do a complex task.

"Three days."

"What if I said you only had two?"

"It would still take three days of me working through lunch, taking no breaks, staying late and working when I get home. This isn't Star Trek and I don't inflate my estimates so I can pull a "Scotty". You say you need this badly, I take you at your word. It would be helpful if you would take me at mine."

That was the end of that particular stupidity.

So you’d sod off to China to escape the EU, Google? Really?

Stevie

Bah!

There ought to be somewhere one could add a few seconds of themselves laughing as a video petition that Google stop talking out of their corporate arse.