* Posts by Stevie

7282 publicly visible posts • joined 12 Jun 2008

Steve Jobs' death clears way for Broadway star to play Woz

Stevie

Bah!

No punishment the putative afterlife could deliver can compare to the cosmic naff-ness of being portrayed by Ashton Kutcher.

I consider any outstanding wrath on my part re: the late Jobs and his overblown tat to be properly assuaged.

Of course, I'd have been happier if it had been Keanu Reeves.

Murdoch 'sorry' he didn't shut News of the World years ago

Stevie

Bah!

Call me a cynic but I'm not buying so much as a word here.

Indiana cops arrest violent 6-year-old

Stevie

Bah!

Well done El Reg! This story works on so many levels.

I love the fact that the Indychannel (whatever that is) got a comment from a neighbour, aka "someone who isn't a teacher or teacher's assistant in any class with the boy, wasn't present anywhere the incident played out and doesn't actually live with the family so is a natural witness as to the boy's standard of behaviour".

Then there are the comments from a self-confessed teacher (though not well represented as such by his right hand).

Voland: More please. I know you said you wouldn't, but there is a growing fan base for your right hand's meandering op-ed pieces. I don't tweet, but if I did I'm almost certain I would be tweeting your praises, perhaps with the vowels stripped out for brevity or something. I'd definitely do something facebookily positive re: Voland, were I in fact in possession of a facebook account.

Stevie

Bah!

My suggestion: Six days detention on the school maggot pit.

Uni plagiarism site buckles under crush of last-minute essays

Stevie

Bah!

To all those young things who are outraged that their lives can be substantially altered by a computer scoring some facet of their lives, then passing the results to clueless humans for the requisite draconian response:

You are going to *hate* real life, which in the West is largely predicated on this practice. Want to write novels? Buy a house? Get a credit card? *Cancel* a credit card? Persuade someone that delinquent matters of law-breaking should not be directed your way based on name similarity (and not particularly close similarity at that)? Get a job? Buy insurance (which other people might insist on as a condition of something else on this list)?

I live in eager anticipation of the EMP of global nuclear war. Maybe then we can lose this idiotic belief that data=information.

Gotta run. Some lawyer served me with papers accusing me of refusing to answer a summons I never received in a town I've never been in on account of an accident I never had in an ambulance I don't own, and I have to explain to him the importance of checking that more than the surname and country match when compiling his list o' perps.

IBM fires Power-powered Penguins at x86's weak spots

Stevie

Bah!

I've been sitting in some meetings in which the option to boot Linux has been raised.

For the life of me I cannot see the logic in buying a Power computer and booting a Linux O/S on it. You get none of the AIX features that make the Power frames so attractive in the first place, and you pay lip service only to saving bux by running an inexpensive open O/S on Gold-Plated Bog-Roll Holder fitted hardware that cost an arm, a leg and several internal organs to acquire.

At the risk of opening a can of double-entendre worms re: contract bidding, I have to ask: "where's the payoff?"

Lesser-spotted Raspberry Pi FINALLY dished up

Stevie

Bah!

No case? This is what Lego is for, dammit!

Vintage alien tech crash-lands in field

Stevie

Fools!

But...notice that there are no propellers on those "aircraft" and you can see that what we actually have here is an insultingly careless attempt to disguise some sort of reactionless-thruster or gravitic drive capable craft as an innocuous "native" conveyance!

The insidious threat posed by those who made this travesty cannot be overstated!

We are Not Alone! The dark is full of things with pointy teeth!

Aiee!

etc!

Aliens Blu-ray disc set

Stevie

Bah!

Is the dialogue still mixed so low you get DEAFENED BY THE MUSIC and SFX?

All this tech and I *still* can't opt to hear what the f*** is going on without waking the neighbours or puncturing a drum.

550,000-strong army of Mac zombies spreads across world

Stevie

Re: Russian AV company wants free publicity

I'm pretty sure the pertinent question is whether or not it has installed itself with escalated privileges.

Feathered Tyrannosaurus uncovered in China

Stevie

Bah!

These ridiculous dinosaurs were the reason the terrible lizards died out.

The herbivores laughed themselves to death and the rest starved as a result.

Google shows off Project Glass augmented reality specs

Stevie

Bah!

Great. Another thing for idiots to do instead of watching the road while they drive.

IT urine bandit fired and charged

Stevie

Hooray!

I agree that everyone should sit in cheap chairs, but this does not go far enough.

My own experience leads me to the conclusion that everyone should wear size 11.5 double-E shoes with a flat sole, 44 inch waist trousers and glasses that correct for astigmatism.

Because what's good for me is, as everyone here so clearly understands, good for everyone.

UK hacker jailed for nicking PayPal, banking data from MILLIONS

Stevie

Bah!

Write a python script to smash his fingers with a hammer and be done with it.

iPhone fanbois enraged by Instagram's Android triumph

Stevie

Re: iPhone users <> Apple fanbois

Is that big- or little-endian?

Stevie

Bah!

What a great use of the paradigm-shifty interwebs.

On the other hand, can't the apple fanbase simply switch to a paid vanity press service? After all, gated communities cost uber-dosh to live in. If you made them free, *anyone* could move in.

Game of Thrones Blu-ray disc set

Stevie

Bah!

I'd rather say "the best so far". If the story has any point it is that nothing can be said in terms of "ever".

One moan I had is that it seems the script-writers have fallen into the Hollywood trap. "The first series is loved by all. The first series has cursing. Put more of that in the second so it will be even more loved".

I'm no prude and I curse like a trooper myself when the need arises (and it arises often), but the opening of season two had me struggling to find the plot amidst the rather gratuitous - even in Westeros terms - levels of "witty badinage".

And yes I've read the books, and mostly liked 'em. The bits I dislike have nothing to do with the colorful metaphors, but things that break the suspension of disbelief.

I'm also loving this comment thread, especially the bits written by the leader of the Linear Guild. "Make the talky-man stop!" More of this please.

Adam Sandler's cross-dresser shocker is Razzies stonker

Stevie

Bah!

You people *do* understand that no-one over the age of 16 is expected to watch Adam Sandler movies, don't you? Adam Sandler is to comedy what "Twilight" is to literature.

Internet Explorer nibbles browser rivals, swells by 1%

Stevie

Bah!

Rounding errors have made this so-called pie-chart a worthless piece of garbage. The "Other/Undetectable" segment should of course be -1%.

Quitting your job? Here's how not to do it

Stevie

Bah!

You had me right up until you said "bonus".

FBI nabs AWOL soldier for stealing Paul Allen's debit card

Stevie

Bah!

This is why computer languages are better than English when it comes to scaredy-cat legal beartraps.

WITH ALLEGEDLY{

body of article with a bajillion "alleged"s removed for reading clarity

}

Americans resort to padlocking their dumb meters

Stevie

Bah!

So that's what the fear is? Not the fear that if the electricity company reps can take a drive-by reading with something resembling a TV remote that they will be laying off hundreds of meter readers who stand little chance of getting a job in this economy?

Because, you know, that is what I heard. When I asked my meter reader why the (British parent owned company's) gas and electricity meters couldn't be like my water meter.

But I guess your version has more Anti-American-Knee-Jerk comment possibilities (and I see plenty of people taking advantage of them already so clearly you are right).

Brazilian cops hunt pillaging 'gang of blondes'

Stevie

Bah!

Kidnapping is at epidemic levels in Brazil according to one of my friends who now lives there. I suppose it's what happens when you have very disparate standards of living and insufficient funds in the old Law Enforcement piggy bank.

Space probe in orbit above Mercury sees signs of polar ice

Stevie

Bah!

First, let me say that the Register scores over these so-called "scientists" on the language front by the most welcome and apposite use of "Gad" in its caption. Compare this with the clumsy reaching and rule-breaking that was required to get the probe's name to spell "MESSENGER" when accronymified. The whole bunch should be horsewhipped.

British Captioneering Journalists:1 American Scientists: Nil

Second: Ice? Really? Someone needs to get these sliderule-toting poindexters a new calendar. April is still a week away.

New iPad can't get its Wi-Fi up

Stevie

Bah!

This is an outrage! There is no way on this Earth that anyone could possibly have known that streaming video would consume bandwidth like I consume Cherry Garcia ice cream. Clearly these iPad users are being victimized for their lifestyle choice. All iPads should be recalled and fixed so they run as expected.

Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells.

Testicle-boiling new iPad ignites fanboi fury

Stevie

Bah!

"Testicle-boiling"? Really? Is there even one actual case of a scrotal vapour incident? If so it would indicate a rather novel 'nad arrangement or possibly some sort of extreme B&D appliance deployment given the usual method of iPad usage.

I assume even that bloke from the old Apple commercials who thought you needed to dismantle a PC to install a printer would be clued-in enough not to attempt to use an iPad by sitting on it.

You're crap and paid too much for the little work you actually do

Stevie

Yeah...

I was once farmed out to a man who ran a project which was the product of two different large organizations with a history of non-cooperation. The system would only work if everything was swiss-watch locked-down. Naturally it never happened.

I swept in, assessed the technical and political issues and announced that I thought I could stop the suite breaking for a day every time there was a database upgrade. This was greeted with "Meh" and I was gradually sidelined and messed around by the very manager I was trying so hard to help until I quit.

It was only after I transferred out of this operation that I reflected that said manager had a reputation as a firefighter without peer. Things would go publicly and catastrophically wahoonie-shaped and he would sweep in, loudly coordinating several departments and over the course of a few hours he would wrest a victory from the ashes of disaster. He'd built a very successful career out of this behaviour.

My offer to fix what was systemically wrong was not the gift from the gods I had in mind, but a threat to his very livelihood. No wonder he would cut me dead in the corridors some days.

I'm not fond of the things this article's author writes, nor of his style, but in this article he has hit the nail on the head and those arguing otherwise ought to think again.

However, it isn't enough to be loud. That just makes you annoying (and in all likelihood a Unix SA). You have to be loud and visibly productive, like the article actually says.

Cameron's 'Google Review' sparked by killer quote that never was

Stevie

Bah!

"provenance", surly?

The Beatles' Yellow Submarine set to sail in 4K by 2K

Stevie

Er...

"The Beatles"?

Braben sticks knife into secondhand games market

Stevie
Thumb Up

Re: Go get a grip, Mr Braben

Tailors. Heh heh.

V. Droll.

Stevie

Bah!

Because increased revenues would naturally translate into lower prices at the counter rather than higher remuneration for the producers, just like it always does.

Soon the lock-down will be so intense that there will be no market at all, and then everyone will have to enter the real world.

Encyclopaedia Britannica - Ah, the memories

Stevie

Re: dumbass, we have the internet

Er...full set of E.B less than $1400, my first computer in '96 $3000.

Could tiny ebooks really upset the mighty Apple cart?

Stevie

Re: Bah! (Hardback/paperback/ebook)

Your argument only makes sense from a paper book model. It makes no sense whatsoever with an eBook. There is no extra overhead to justify differential pricing.

eBooks remain overpriced and under-prepared. They cannot succeed the way they are being sold, which is the point. Dead tree is still the preferred sales model.

Stevie

Re: Who cares about the publishers?

"Sure, publishers also do marketing, (although its quality and effectiveness can vary greatly), but a savvy writer can do that too."

Actually, I suspect this is wishful thinking. Experiments by musicians in the arena of self-promotion suggest that although an artist *can* get the word out, the word goes out only very slowly and to people who are already familiar with the artist's work. I was once quite friendly with a musician who held the distinction of making the most MP3 sales in a certain year (back at the dawn of the buy-by-wire phenomenon). He was immensely popular with those who knew of him, but word spread glacially despite his heroic self promotion on any platform that stood still long enough - Yahoo, MySpace and later Facebook.

Publishers can push the word into areas too costly for an artist themselves to consider - like national papers, the side of a bus or two, a hucking fuge billboard towering over a high street somewhere. Which is why they take such a cut.

Stevie

Bah!

Went to a Kindle at Christmas and speaking from my own experience, eBooks are ridiculously overpriced and under proof-read.

I seem to pay as much if not slightly more than I would over the counter for the paperback version. When the book is only available in hardback, the eBook is priced at aggressive hardback-style prices. I saved 25% recently by waiting for the publication of the paperback *before* I bought the e-book of the same title. Where is the sense in that?

eBooks are clearly a "something for nothing" proposition for book distributors, with little or no thought given to the different paradigm from the purchasers point of view.

Eddie Murphy heading for worst movie ever glory

Stevie

Bah!

Plan 9 etc isn't a benchmark of bad. That title was unarguably taken by Van Helsing, the only movie I was glad people were texting in because it gave me something marginally more interesting than the movie to watch.

Best comment: "Well, the tickets were expensive but at least the movie sucked".

Xbox 360 video cable boasts NOISE VIRUS protection

Stevie

Bah!

CD "rim balancers" that prevent exploding discs

Magnets that slip around the neck of a wine bottle and magically improve the taste.

Magnets that you wear on your wrist to (insert imaginary beneficial effect).

Hi-fi leads that defy physics to bring you a "fuller" experience.

Anything that comes in a package labelled "homeopathic".

And now the nonsense comes to console gaming. Had to happen, I suppose.

Every year it becomes harder not to just give in and go into the Expensive (and Useless) Tat For Credulous Loons biz. Dirty money, but by crikey as I get older I'm forced to admit that some people have it coming.

Boffins render fibre obsolete

Stevie

Thrrrp!

Good luck selling this technology to the public once I leak the ugly fact that these "neutrinos" you write of are radioactive.

The press will thrash about yelling about Cherobyl Rays and Fukushima Computers and all grant monies will dry up faster than the Möhne reservoir after a visit by 617 Squadron.

Lawyers of Mordor menace Hobbit boozer

Stevie

Bah!

Just hang a carving of a rearing horse in place of the pub sign and have done with it.

They should counter-attack by getting the street on which the pub is situated renamed "Sharky's End". I doubt anyone thought to trademark that as it ain't in the film and lawyers don't read books if my experience of them is anything to go by.

Defending trademark is all about whether the alleged infringement will "confuse" a potential customer for the alleging party's product. A quick (and ethical) compliance with the cease and desist on the use of images from the movies should sort that out.

After all, no-one could confuse a student-infested pub with a film. "Two adult tickets for the piss-awash bogs and beer-swilling loud idiots please". See? It doesn't work.

Google to app devs: Use our pay system ... OR ELSE

Stevie

Bah!

"If you enjoyed playing this game, SupaThing - the most affordable entry-level game of its type available for Android here, you might like the advanced gamer products available at (name your alternate marketplace)"

Xeon E5 is hot stuff, but not all in a good way

Stevie

Bah!

I for one welcome the advent of the liquid sodium cooled processor.

Mammoths, sabre-tooths MURDERED by second giant space boulder

Stevie

Bah!

Now if we could just figure a way of interpreting the data to show that die-off was particularly heavy amongst the Religious Right of said megafauna we would have all the space funding we could use and then some.

Asteroid could SMASH INTO EARTH in 2040

Stevie

Er...

"further refine"

No, that's "further DEfine". To "refine" its orbit we'd have to give it a shove or two.

Are we sure this bunch are, you know, real scientists who know stuff?

Ancient Iceman murder victim was lactose-intolerant, sickly

Stevie

Bah!

Still no mention of his Carpal Tunnel Syndrome or Erectile Dysfunction I see.

Typical shoddy, workmanship.

It's game over for pinball pioneer

Stevie

Damn!

Nothing like the sound of the ball smacking the glass after giving it a damn good flipping.

I salute you sir.

Bone-bothering boffins build GIANT penguin from fossils

Stevie

Bah!

The reconstruction picture is wildly inaccurate. It does not show the green tentacles or the glowing eyes.

Melting Arctic leads to snowy winters

Stevie

Re: Do you remember those two terrible Winters we had?

It was the way he told 'em.

Stevie

Bah!

Not a denier, but: What snowy winter?

My beloved winter implement o' fun, Troll the Snowblower of Supreme Spiffiness has sat gathering dust owing to a distinct lack of the usual couple of feet of white stuff this year. What little fell was swept away with a broom by my kid.

Those bloody Canadians stole my winter, and I want it back!

Nearly one in 10 Brits 'fess to shower phone faux pas

Stevie

Bah!

Or, you know, just turn them off.

They have an off-switch, and just about everyone but my mum has voice mail so no urgent missive will be lost.

And no office college could complain about having their phone non-destructively turned off under circumstances of such boorishness. Neither could a colleague.

Stevie

Bah!

Step 1, dress in bathing costume and tee-shirt.

Step 2, place Motorola Razor in pocket.

Step 3, install "rainbird" type lawn sprinklers and adjust, congratulating now-drenched self on wise choice of clothing.

Step 5, reach into pocket for phone...