nav search
Data Centre Software Security DevOps Business Personal Tech Science Emergent Tech Bootnotes
BOFH
Lectures

* Posts by Stevie

6198 posts • joined 12 Jun 2008

I want to buy a coffee with an app – how hard can it be?

Stevie
Silver badge

Re: own voted for the use of "no problemo"

Aye.

Everyone knows it's "Nae problemo".

4
0
Stevie
Silver badge

Re: designed by guys [...] who "kind of know" how to do it but in actuality, not quite

And who've never ridden a bus or bought coffee in their lives.

It's clear to me that the execrable user interface foisted on me after the latest ATM "upgrade" was designed by a numpty who had never used an ATM for more than pulling out cash.

Yesterday I wanted to pay a credit card bill and transfer some money between accounts. Used to be one log-in, four key press operations. Now its TWO card log-ins, each with four keypress operations.

Idiotic.

0
0

Curiosity's computer silent on science, baffling boffins

Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

A possible explanation.

If only there were someone nearby able to give the thing a tap with a Brummie Screwdriver ...

2
0

Developer goes rogue, shoots four colleagues at ERP code maker

Stevie
Silver badge

Re: the survivors usually have not much will to fight more and get more bombs.

Oh I dunno.

My relatives tell me the flattening of bits of London and almost all of Coventry did nothing to quell the desire to get stuck in and do unto others. From all accounts Dresden was a *boost* to the German civilian morale, and Tokyo was firebombed "scientifically" using data gathered during and after Dresden, yet Japan was still highly bellicose afterward.

It all depends how the leadership depicts the way forward.

2
0

'I am admin' bug turns WD's My Cloud boxes into Everyone's Cloud

Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

All your ripped movie are belong to lightbulb.

0
0

A spot of Python in your Azure automation? Step right this way, sir

Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

"Python 3, alas, is not supported and trying to use one of the latest and greatest functions will fail."

Azure workflow developers also announced Algol-60 support "only a decade away".

1
0

National Museum of Computing to hold live Enigma code-breaking demo with a Bombe

Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

Shame. If they'd decided to start around 1:30pm I'd be able to watch without getting up in the middle of the night - not gonna happen.

Of course, it being a Friday the start would be more like 3pm and no-one would be at their peak, decrypting-wise.

1
0

The Reg chats with Voyager Imaging Team member Dr Garry E Hunt

Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

Would Doctor Hunt be interested in the fact that the Uranus phase of the mission was celebrated with a front page headline in the Long Island Newsday?

"Voyager Passes Uranus And Moons!"

I sometimes wonder what the rejected draughts of that headline looked like.

3
0

First Boeing 777 (aged 24) makes its last flight – to a museum

Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

"Good god! What on earth's that Tomkinson?"

"Model of a Boeing 777 sir. Good isn't it? It's got two Pratt and Whiney engines and ..."

"It's a bit big for a model isn't it? What scale is it?"

"Full scale sir. It's got a fully functional avionics suite and ..."

"If it's full scale it isn't a model 777, it's a 777. There'll be hell to pay on speech day if anyone sees this!"

"But sir ..."

"Get it down to no more than a 12 inch wingspan and we'll say no more about it. You're a very stupid boy building 777s."

"But sir, there's over 350 tons of metal in there!"

"Do you want to be sent to the Headmaster?"

12
0

Microsoft: Like the Borg, we want to absorb all the world's biz computers

Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

Can it be long before I boot my workstation and am confronted by Nadella's face screaming "BRING ME A BLUE PAGE!" instead of the swirly window thingy that indicates I'll soon be browsing El Reg?

1
0
Stevie
Silver badge

Re: just need to change some of our business practices.

The clarion call of the FOSS community for two decades when their loud claims of "equivalency" were demonstrably refuted.

Thank Torvalds those Captains Oblivious no longer have the floor.

1
3

Sysadmin misses out on paycheck after student test runs amok

Stevie
Silver badge

Re: Gabrielle Drake

... so Gabrielle Drake in her purple wig and string vest could launch Interceptors.

In American versions the vests had shirts under them. I thank SID I watched in the UK.

6
0

Russia: The hole in the ISS Soyuz lifeboat – was it the crew wot dunnit?

Stevie
Silver badge
Pint

Re: In space, no one can hear

You won't get many upvotes on this Hans. Everyone is an "engineer" and so has by definition, never actually bent metal for real.

But have an E-Beer.

5
0
Stevie
Silver badge
Pint

Re: Interviewed on Russia Today...

You are a bad man and will never get to heaven.

Please have an E-Beer, awarded for drollery.

16
0
Stevie
Silver badge

Your mass doesn't change as long as your speed isn't relativistic.

I dunno. If watching Apollo 13 taught me anything, it is that in zero g one's mass can change, though you don't want to be floating next to one when it does.

10
2

US govt concedes that you can indeed f**k Nazis online: Domain-name swear ban lifted

Stevie
Silver badge

Re: Bottom hidden by fog

"How can you fail to mention Foggy Bottom?"

Or indeed, Soggy Bottom.

There's a Six Mile Bottom on the A11 I seem to remember.

3
0
Stevie
Silver badge

Re: No Scunthorpe in the US

Makes Intercourse, Pennsylvania rather bland by comparison.

3
0

Python joins movement to dump 'offensive' master, slave terms

Stevie
Silver badge

Would everyone please stop using trigger as a verb. (4 Mr Humbug)

Good enough for the UXB teams in WWII, good enough for me.

Expel it forcefully from your anterior dorsal orifice.

2
0
Stevie
Silver badge

Re: But which one is in charge there?

"Man is the master, and a woman's place is in the home!"

Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau (Dec).

3
0
Stevie
Silver badge

So now your going to upset the Indians and the Hippies?

First Nations and Hippies.

5
0
Stevie
Silver badge

Re: or Maybe...

"What the F ever happened to "Stick and stones may break my bones BUT WORDS WILL NEVER HURT ME!!!""

I dunno. Why don't we ask Cliff Richard? Or Garrison Keillor?

1
0
Stevie
Silver badge

Re:clearly no device should be the slave of another

Bad news for your car's brakes then.

3
0
Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

Stupid shit like this is how we end up with Donald Trump and Brexit.

Azathoth's Nebular Nutsack!

2
0

Raspberry Pi supremo Eben Upton talks to The Reg about Pi PoE woes

Stevie
Silver badge

Re: Oh dear, a fan

Agreed. Real computers are cooled by convection currents in the liquid sodium coolant.

Or is that fast breeder reactors? I always get the two confused (which explains the prompt criticality fiasco when I deployed my home-made set-top box).

79
0

Y'know what? VoIP can also be free from pesky regulation – US judges

Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

Then vendors shouldn't be allowed to use the terms "phone" or "telephone" for their information service.

1
0

A boss pinching pennies may have cost his firm many, many pounds

Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

Wait a burster-cotton pickin' minute here!

These stories are blatant "On Call" tales! I'm calling shenanigans*.

* - Rt. Hon. Hubert Shenanigans, member for Much Widdling in the Cut and minister for E-Press humour column accountability.

4
0

make all relocate... Linux kernel dev summit shifts to Scotland – to fit Torvald's holiday plans

Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

I wonder if the "accident" was predicated by the fact that 3/4 of British Columbia appears to be on fire?

I was in Grande Prairie, Alberta last weekend and the stink of smoke was so strong it seemed the town was burning. Nope, just the wind veering eastward.

1
0

Using Python in Visual Studio Code? Microsoft has new toys for you

Stevie
Silver badge

installing vs code on Linux

Miserable sinner!

You stand accused of heresy on two counts: Heresy by thought, heresy by action and heresy by speech ...

Three counts!

You have only one chance: Renounce the heretical thoughts, recant the heretical speech ... two chances!

Etc etc.

14
1

No, no, you're all wrong. That's not a Kremlin agent. It's someone with 'inauthentic behavior'

Stevie
Silver badge

Inauthenticityness

I hope I'm not called to task for my inauthentic Google searches.

I often search for things like "nuns", "rocket launchers", "corset" and so forth just to see how bizarre and diverting the sidebar ads can get in El Reg.

I may not be able to turn off internet tracking, but I can damn well drown the trackers' data warehouses in worthless noise.

1
0
Stevie
Silver badge

Re: Hit the 'Reset' button

Reboot the internet to clean out all the 4chans.

0
3
Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

*Ponders whether Arsebook, Twitface, Pornogram et al can be classified as monopolies*

#StandardOil

1
1

Trainer regrets giving straight answer to staffer's odd question

Stevie
Silver badge

Re: New depths

Sales Revenue pays wages? I thought the real revenue came from the service contracts sold to new owners and renewed by nagware. Salesthings need not apply.

1
0
Stevie
Silver badge

Re: Austin America: 4 jelabarre59

The Austin America appears to be a rebranded 1100! Learn summat every day.

I have an 1100 story you might enjoy on my "celebration of incompetence" blog.

1
0

We've found another problem with IPv6: It's sparked a punch-up between top networks

Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

From my reading of the article this seems like a rare IT case where the situation needs less git to improve.

Ahahahahaha.

0
0

Russian volcanoes fingered for Earth's largest mass extinction

Stevie
Silver badge

Re: Trumpet

"These eruptions were yuge, bigly yuge. Some say they lasted a million years, some say ten million. I dunno. Beats me. But a yuge eruption lasting ten million years seems to me proof that Crooked Hillary hid her emails in the earth's crust. Why isn't Jeff Sessions demanding we investigate that? I spoke to the Russian Premier, a great man, great man, and he has no problem with our teams investigating all we want when it comes to Siberian rocks and Hillarycanoes."

15
3
Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

So the theory is that everything got suntanned to death because the air was full of halogens?

How about everything choked to death because of all the halogens in the air and dissolving in the sea?

2
1

Don't let Google dox me on Lumen Database, nameless man begs

Stevie
Silver badge

Re: Bah!

"Unless the court, in the round, understands all the circumstances of the case as to the background, as to any risk that actually, of undermining the order, obviously that will defeat the object"

Sorry, downvoters. I re-read this and attempted to diagram it, but it might as well be Furbish.

It's still palpable, ungrammatical blither, brought on by a desire to use twenty words when six will do.

28
0
Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

Difficult to refute an argument made in such blithering language.

10
6

Experimental 'insult bot' gets out of hand during unsupervised weekend

Stevie
Silver badge

Re: an anarchic term

I'll bet LDS is happy someone explained all that to him.

Hey, LDS, apropos of nothing, did you see that X-Files episode where Mulder distracted the vampire pizza delivery guy by throwing sunflower seeds all over the floor so he'd have to pick them all up?

2
0
Stevie
Silver badge

Re: Scotland wide

Holidays in Scotland are staggered.

It's the whisky. I blame the whisky.

24
1
Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

The Unisys OS2200 OS has a built-in line editor. For a long while it was the only editor Unisys offered for that line, and despite Clever Young Things trying unsuccessfully to excise it, it is still there today. It is packed with juicy features.

One feature is an internal messaging facility that allows people to send each other "mail". It works by provisioning a specially-named file that the editor looks for on loading, displays the contents if found and deletes.

I once told a colleague about a contract I worked where someone figured out they could catalog a file of the right name and put a write key on it so the editor couldn't delete it making for an "eternal" message. I also informed him of the response, where the victim did the same but made the first character of the key underscore, which for arcane VT protocol reasons would mean the entite key would not display on the screen, hiding its existence from the viewer.

You guessed it. Next day I had a non-dying message with the secret give-away I had not confided (but didn't need, since it didn't take Sherlock Holmes to deduce who the genius hacker was, and How The Trick Was Done).

I grinned and got busy. The trick worked because the terminal treated the leading character of the key as unprintable because the character encoding of file details in the system were non-ASCII. I sent a print of those details to an ASCII file and read that, where the key was shown in all its glory.

Then I retaliated responded. I did the same basic trick to the joker, but lodged a batch request to run the file catalog each morning at 6am.

The boob got an anonymous message that he eventually figured out how to delete. Next day, same story. And the next.

He came in early and got messaged. He stayed late, watched me go home, came in early and got messaged. Finally he waved a white flag and I rescinded the batch request.

The best part is that this only worked because of my victim's mindset; he was fascinated by the tech side of our business but sneered at the operational side. Had he propery thought it through my method would have been obvious.

14
0

Don't mean to alarm you – but NASA is about to pummel the planet with huge frikkin' space laser

Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

Oh great! Like the globe wasn't warm enough already without melting stuff with giant space lasers!

0
0

Abracadabra! Tales of unexpected sysadmagic and dabbling in dark arts

Stevie
Silver badge

Thank You Mr Fat Finger

"Piwers". Perfect.

7
0
Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

I noticed that in our new building lobby the fluorescent light panel above each elevator door would brighten slightly when that car was about to arrive.

I would use this to grandiosly command the elevator to appear (loud voice, arms spread, the Full Gandalf) and, when it had, step in, turn round, and say quietly to the nearest smiling person "Pray that I don't turn to the Dark Side and use my elevator-summoning piwers for the forces of evil".

One morning I began the performance but when I turned there was a Spanish lady standing there crossing herself at me.

Not sure whether that counts as a double win.

40
0

Winner, Winner, prison dinner: Five years in the clink for NSA leaker

Stevie
Silver badge

Re: Reality Loser

The USA was never a democracy. It was and is openly a Republic, and de facto an oligarchy.

2
0

Intel rips up microcode security fix license that banned benchmarking

Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

You CAN expect your lawyer to have a grasp of the business, and this one did. Told it would make things slower he/she did his/her job.

His client should have said "people can read the EULA and will under these circumstances".

0
0

IBM slaps patent on coffee-delivering drones that can read your MIND

Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

The proof of concept drawing looks like an XKCD strip.

4
0

One-in-two JavaScript project audits by NPM tools sniff out at least one vulnerability...

Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

Javascript a security risk? Coo, hooda thunkit?

I mean there have been all those cross-site scripting attacks.

But fair's fair. I mean, the users had broken the unwritten law.

Get Rid Of Useless Javascript Now!

1
1

Heads up: Fujitsu tips its hand to reveal exascale Arm supercomputer processor – the A64FX

Stevie
Silver badge

Bah!

40 megawatts? Does it come with its own nuclear reactor?

What?

2
0

The Register - Independent news and views for the tech community. Part of Situation Publishing