* Posts by Destroy All Monsters

16005 publicly visible posts • joined 3 Jun 2008

Apple iPhone exec falls on sword

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Jobs Horns

As Max Zorin said...

"So, anyone else want to drop out?"

Extreme porn law on the ropes

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Big Brother

"seriously unpleasant application of sharp objects to genitals"

Hopefully the genitals of assorted parliamentarians and ministers.

Can we have that Tiger Clip on YouPorn now?

Wikileaks publishes encrypted 'insurance' file

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Alien

They are actually...

...a Pakistani product (in the sense of, a tool partly controlled by Pakistani secret services). With Saudi Ideological input, AFAIK.

Of course they got good traction what with all the warlords that were cancering up whatever remained of Afghanistan.

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Big Brother

Paging Colonel Kurtz

Implying that gunning down sand denizens a mile downrange from Apache attack helicopters piloted by stimmed-up kids with hormonal problems will save said sand denizens from being blown apart by suicide bombers on motorcycles.

Yes, I perceive the logic.

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Megaphone

The US DoD megaphone program...

"A posting about Wikileaks has appeared. Go to this URL and say something nice about the US military or smear Wikileaks."

Pentagon Wikileaks probe reaches MIT

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Big Brother

Why is the lamo man singing like a nightingale?

Outing MIT all by himself is really a Bad Idea. His fridge will probably start shooting high-velocity beer cans at his arse when he's on the phone to his handler.

Liberal Google, Yahoo!, Apple hurting America claims Reagan

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Go

junta@reagan.com

Or maybe

ollie.north@reagan.com

What about

kissinger@reagan.com?

Or how about

genocide@reagan.com?

taliban@reagan.com?

The possibilities are endless.

'Be careful' warning accompanies latest Linux kernel

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Linux

Steady as she goes...

...and watch out for those patent icebergs, capt'n.

Boffins authenticate Apple 'Antennagate'

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Jobs Halo

A Karl Rove is demanded!

KAAARRRRLLLLLL!!!!

As quoted by Ron Susskind:

The aide said that guys like me were "in what we call the reality-based community," which he defined as people who "believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible reality." I nodded and murmured something about enlightenment principles and empiricism. He cut me off. "That's not the way the world really works anymore." He continued "We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality—judiciously, as you will—we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors ... and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.

'Death to browsers!' cries Apple mobile-app patent

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Big Brother

"Proper protection of ideas and intellectual property is essential in our economic world"

In truth, no-one has ever shown that this is actually the case.

Well, at least lawyers and civil servants are winning their bed, breakfast and Porsche Cayenne with that idea.

UK.gov sticks to IE 6 cos it's more 'cost effective', innit

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Pint

Bon Howard is currently filling out a travel expense form...

...as The Laundry management has heard that Her Majesty's gummint is holding on to outdated and quite possibly spiritually infected technology with suspicious alacrity and has decided that serious headbanging and a few exorcisms might be in order.

Russian gang uses botnets to automate check counterfeiting

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Big Brother

In other news...

A researcher has uncovered a sophisticated "financial instruments" ring that uses compromised banks to steal and hoover trillions of dollars worth of savings off the public and then recruits governement officials to cash them.

No-one even cares.

Software emulation copyright case bumped to ECJ

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Thumb Up

It's an epidemic!

Of good sense.

US legalizes jailbroken iPhones

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Big Brother

They have to believe it...

....their income depends on it.

Quackspeak and Doublethink will get the meals on your table every day. Not to speak of the keys to your new McMansion.

Hell, just listen to Greenspan talking at any time during the last fifteen years.

Wikileaks creaks under demand for Afghan war logs

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Megaphone

Just the US military top brass and marektdroids

Call the waahhaaambulance!

The Wrath of Jobs' latest victim: Motorola

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Happy

I lolled!

It's like in those olden times when all the pimply-faced geeks and retards (back then, including me, were fighting during recess about whether the Amiga or the Atari ST where somehow Da Best and then Appletards came out of the woodworks laughing at others because no-one understood the immense forward-looking Jobsian Wisdom of not having preemptive multitasking Apple Wondermachines...

Good times, good times.

Empires built on free code aren't cheap

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Happy

So going to epic scale is expensive?

Uh, yes. Also, water is wet, Sky is blue, You need to be at the right place at the right time (preferably while the economic bubble is still inflating) etc. etc.

"average seed deal size has actually climbed to $5.4m, up from $4.0m in the fourth quarter of 2009"

Just means that money is still cheap. Better hurry though, the next stage of the economic crash can't be far off. And this time, there will be dead people hanging from trees.

Apple, Google, NASA, and the Rainbow connection

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Headmaster

Nothing good can come of this...

...nor anything useful.

It's just a gentlemen's club.

Well, I do hope Penrose has some time writing books on physics. Not on AI please, the asshattery is unbearable.

Dell warns on spyware infected server motherboards

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Gates Halo

I'm waiting for the moment...

...when your BIOS, after having helpfully shown that it is in fact a specced-down Windows XP due the to well-known error popus, the various "bong" sounds and Clippy making noises on the lower right, presents you with the possibility to log into Facebook while-u-boot, tweets your uptime with Javascript, presents you with hardware-relevant ads and downloads 20 Meg of "fun&games" from a Romanian Website while you wait for the RAID construction to end.

Won't take long now.

I'm mean, what consumer can resist the goodness of those features?

We need a Marketdroid icon. Saintly Bill will do.

Facebook tops half-billion users, wants your innermost thoughts

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FAIL

Zuckerberg cause of the Meltdown?

I'm sure people in Government and Financial Wealth Generators will purr like fat cats at this idea.

'Howling lesbian gangs' greet jailed Lindsay Lohan

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Thumb Up

Erich von Gotha now writing at the Sun?

Amazing stuff.

Moar!

Steve Jobs death-grips iPhone 4 reality

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Jobs Halo

It's like saying something against Israel, really

It's truly amazing that a problem which doesn't exist or has only something to do with the number of bars shown (which are also disappearing on other maker's phones if you grip them really tight which of course you wouldn't do with the expensive iPhone kit in the first place) and about which truly no-one complains because otherwise returns would be off the chart is even being discussed in the apparently biased and Apple-hating press.

No, really. Does Apple send professional blog fixers out en masse?

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Jobs Horns

So...

...in addition to not being able to get a good signal, the iPhone4 now has zero material value? Actually negative, because you seem to expect "postage paid", too.

Gizmodo editor reunited with seized goods

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Jobs Horns

The reality distortion field is strong around here

>$100 000 prototype

facepalm.jpg

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Dead Vulture

Moral compass decay detected.

"one of the more dramatic scenes in the still-ongoing Gizmodophone opera buffa"

This is _not_ an opera buffa. It is unalloyed Corporate Police State action.

Still, guy should be grateful that they didn't cap/tazer his ass a few times just for the fun of it (aka. "resisting an officer in his line of duty")

Steve Jobs denies Judas Phone antenna problems

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Jobs Halo

"Antennagate has been predominantly a US thing."

...probably patented by Broadcomm.

Underground tunnel complexes FOUND ON MOON

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Alien

As far as I know....

...no-one is under the impression that the Moon is a fake surface built to kept stupid apes from wakening the ancient evil of an Inhibitor Device, so no.

New Jersey car prang woman blames carjacking

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WTF?

Why did I think of Mount Rushmore when seeing that mugshot?

Bizarre.

Dead Pink phone fallout hits Microsoft's top brass

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Big Brother

This is management-think...

...tech teams don't work like that. They are often dedicated but can get demoralized really quickly if Mr. Armani from upstairs shows up and thinks he knows what he's doing and has this tech knowledge down pat because he has an MBA from Unsoldered University. Erratic feature control, marketing interference and micromanagement then gets you something out the door, but it's just boving excrement.

You also lose the tech team.

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Flame

Which would just mean...

...that giving incentives to "control IP behind the tech" leads to massive waste and trainwrecks.

Quite different from what the USPTO would have us believe.

It would be like wanting to control the bones of the roast chicken you just bought. Hell yeah.

Apple bars radiation nanny from App Store

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Boffin

What!

"iPhone users are entitled to control their exposure to mobile phone radiation"

That's completely unacceptable. The world-wide experiment in fanboi mutation MUST continue.

El Reg marks Steve Jobs for termination

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Big Brother

Well, well....

1) Get US "unitary" president to take ombrage at Steve Jobs.

2) Prez decides to put Steve on deathlist (no oversight required).

3) CIA-controlled drone armed with Hellfire missiles starts from Sunnyvale AFB (violating a few dozen laws no-one cares about any longer)

4) ???

5) Fanboi rage!

SCO rises from the dead (again)

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Terminator

This is like a Hollywood slasher movie!

...where the young woman relaxes in the bath with a significant other after having dispatched the Bad Thing ...

... then suddenly!

NSA setting up secret 'Perfect Citizen' spy system

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WTF?

Anticitizen One!

"You've got to instrument the network to know what's going on, so you have situational awareness to take action," an unnamed military source told the paper.

Translation:

"You have got to make some work and pretend that you can do a better job than the private sector at knowing what's going on, then pretend that you can actually do something, Hollywood-style, about a problem. If you don't shell out like crazy, you might also get a budget reduction next year and nobody wants THAT"

Wikileaks US Army mole Manning charged

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Terminator

Didn't McChrystal himself say

"We've shot an amazing number of people and killed a number and, to my knowledge, none has proven to have been a real threat to the force."

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Grenade

Shut up Lamo! You get the role of Cipher in your next life.

'Lamo said the soldier was "basically trying to vacuum up as much classified information as he could, and just throwing it up into the air"'

I hope it comes down. Hard.

NetApp shakes fist at sprat supplier over ZFS

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Dead Vulture

"faced with someone using its stolen property supplied by a third party"

This is not copyright infrigement (where the notion of "stealing" is already bent out of shape), it's about patents. Patent infringement has nothing to do with "stolen property". It, however, has to do with ideas being "near" each other (with an arbitrary definition of distance), where one of those ideas has been granted a state-enforced area of avoidance by clueless USPTO employees.

Guys could just release the implementation on sourceforge and leave it at that.

Nine Inch Nails guy scores Facebook movie... bitch!

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Pint

Because....

Zuckerberg has a Pulp-Fiction like wallet with "I'm CEO, bitch". I think.

IBM sends sodden supercomputer to Zurich uni

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Headmaster

Attention guys

It's either Zürich ETH (Federal Institute of Technology, of Niklaus Wirth fame) or Zürich University. These are two different institutions in two different buildings, though in the same Rämistrasse IIRC.

Irate Prof icon, obviously.

Superpowered energy-storing wonder stuff created in lab

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Terminator

It's DARPA on the bomb...

...I mean, on the phone.

Beware of cold call scammers pushing rogue antivirus

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Happy

Yes, but...

...IS your SkyBox working correctly?

IT insider admits stealing info for 2,000 bank employees

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Pirate

Sentencing is scheduled for July 21

It will involve being led into the cubicle hall. Then video cameras will be turned off.

On the other hand: 1 million USD for that amount of work? HA HA HA HRM!!

US $250m superbomber 'almost as good' as $8m robot

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FAIL

Never seen "Thunderball" then

Claiming "more secure control" for blowing a few thousand million USD of taxpayers' money on a fleet of warshit consumer goods that no-one needs probably means that "scraping the barrel" needs to be upgraded to a new superlative expression.

Colorado vampire drives woman into canal

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Paris Hilton

But how do you notice it's a vampire?

Suppose Bela Lugosi suddenly appears in front of your car. Wouldn't you stop for this well-dressed, slightly pale gentleman. Though this being 2010, one would have to change this to "Suppose a boys band member suddenly appears in front of your car...."

Yes, software can be patented, US Supremes say

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Thumb Down

The US is just annoying anymore.

Freedom. Innovation. Liberty. Courage. Relevance.

Not over there.

Microsoft PR boss sweats in face of Apollo Creed Apple, Google... world

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Go

Microserf surge!

Pass out the lucite excellence awards.

nCircle purges posts after researcher's arrest for explosives

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Unhappy

Briging back the "compliant" into "compliance"

"Security and compliance firm nCircle quietly purged several blog posts written by a former researcher."

Yeah. How's the work as doormat going?

Microsoft hit with Salesforce patent 'violation' counter punch

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FAIL

Software Patent fight!

It's like bums fighting over who first found that half-empty bottle of Four Roses in the trashcan.

Venus home to lost cities left by long-dead aliens, says ESA

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Pint

Obligatory Stross novel link

For the weak end:

http://www.antipope.org/charlie/blog-static/fiction/hugo-noms/Palimpsest-published-for-hugos.html

Laid-off public sector techies better get flexible to survive

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Troll

They see me trolling

....they hatin'