* Posts by Sarah Balfour

361 publicly visible posts • joined 14 Apr 2007

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'Fry-OS 8' iPhone BLEW UP MY PANTS wails roasted Johnson

Sarah Balfour

Re: Citation provided.

I have absolutely NO IDEA why you didn't get an upvote for that. So I gave you one.

Virtual reality WHIPLASH CHAIR in shutdown scare

Sarah Balfour
Devil

Bussines edition…?

Good to see you're adhering to the usual strict El Reg proofreading protocol, Si!

Revealed: Facebook Boss Zuckerberg's One Weird Trick When Hiring

Sarah Balfour

Err…

…because privacy IS the issue…?!

Sarah Balfour

Re: Puzzled?

Wonder if it's made of rubber and has a pulley in the middle…?

Look, I'm stuck in bed, I feel like utter shite, and I've had that stuck in me nugget for WEEKS. Just trying to get shot.

Lost WHITE CITY of the MONKEY GOD found after 500 years

Sarah Balfour
Unhappy

Re: Only Ill

THe app is crap. I use News360.

Reg, update your app - the latest version is dated almost 2 years ago! I know you hate Apple, but c'mon!

Sarah Balfour

Re: @Mr/Ms/Mrs Sarah Balfour: i don't think I've given as many upvotes…@FruitoftheLoon

Cheers, Loony! Think the only reason I'm still hanging around 'ere is coz no fucker can be arsed to ban me! This isHONESTLY the only forum from which I've yet to receive my marching orders (an it ain't for want of trying, neither!).

I've been here under my real name so long I can't be bothered using an alias.

Sarah Balfour
Devil

i don't think I've given as many upvotes…

…as I have to this thread. Thank you for making a nonhuman hominid, of indeterminate gender very happy.

Sarah Balfour

Re: "Ethnobotanist"?

Ethnobotany is the study of the relationship.between people and plants, just as ethnozoology is the study of the relationship between humans and nonhuman species.

A botanist is merely concerned with the study of plants and their classification in relation to other plants. Without ethnobotany, we'd not know about the miracle of cannabis for example, nor opiates.

Ethnobotany is a very real science. Think of all the hallucinogenics and psychedelics we now know exist.

I'll direct you - and anyone else interested - to http://www.erowid.org.

Sarah Balfour

Re: So how does this LIDAR work?

'LIDAR' - sounds like a lie-detector-cum-radar, especially useful when listening to PMQs (although, with the current shower of shit, it'd probably explode within the first 30s).

Sarah Balfour

Re: Threepwood!

Did they happen to find a rubber chicken with a pulley in the middle (I've ALWAYS wanted an opportunity to post that!)…?

Sarah Balfour

Re: I'm sure it's nice to find.....

So glad to see I wasn't the only one…

Apple: We could expose our WHOPPING 12 INCH iPad - but it's not real

Sarah Balfour

Re: Mouth, Meet Meal

Always makes me smile how almost everyone believes there were 3; I'm no theologian, but I believe the pertinent passage reads summat like this:

"And then came there men from the East, bearing with them gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh for to honour the new born…"

NOWHERE does it explicitly state the number of wise men; 'men' obviously implies more than one, but there could have been 2 - there could have been 2,000 - nowhere is the exact number mentioned.

Number of gifts DOES NOT necessarily equal number of givers, and vice versa.

Wish Apple would add an advanced symbols keypad - the number of times I've wanted a 'not equal to' sign…

Sarah Balfour

Re: Mouth, Meet Meal

You're also forgetting that Xmas is only in December because the Romans already celebrated the (re)birth of the Sun on the 21st and the newly-formed Xian church wanted to capitalise on that. The chance of Jesus ACTUALLY being born in December is between zero and none, especially if you take all the events leading up to his birth and view them historically.

I don't celebrate Xmas at all - I'm an atheist, why should I…? I also hate people.

East Timor was officially removed from the internet yesterday

Sarah Balfour

Re: The future of startups

…quetzovercoa.tl

The BBC wants to slap a TAX on EVERYONE in BLIGHTY

Sarah Balfour
Mushroom

I LOATHE the Bigoted Biased Corporation…

…and I DESPISE the NHS, too. I've explained WHY I find the NHS so particularly abhorrent on here fuck knows HOW many times and, as no fucker is listening or, if they are, don't give a shit, I'm not going to do so again.

The poor are the ones getting fucked over the most by the NHS. It's like the govt has listened to,Dead Kennedys 'Kill The Poor' and taken it as an instruction manual.

The NHS is the epitome of CAPITALISTIC GREED, and CORPORATE EVIL. It's also the perfect example of a FASCIST organisation.The very fact you believe otherwise proves I'm right.

It's 'healthcare' controlled by the STATE - WTF would you blindly trust the state with your health…?! You're ALL out of your tiny minds! Let the state control your health and, by extension, it'll control you. I hate to keep mentioning them (no, actually, I don't) but statins - WHY do you believe that cholesterol causes heart disease and, therefore, you need to take a statin to control it…? Could it be because the NHS told you…,! Have you EVER stopped to think for one split nanosecond that the NHS could be WRONG - or, more accurately - LYING…?! 99.9999999999999999999999999% of what you read on NHS Choices is UTTER BULLSHIT! 'Truths, debunked whilst I was barely out of prep school, yet they're STILL being taught as gospel at med schools even now.

All this 'SAVE OUR NHS!' bollocks is doing EXACTLY what the fascists WANT you to do, which is WHY I'll,have no part of it.

REMEMBER

MORALITY IS DOING WHAT IS RIGHT, REGARDLESS OF WHAT YOU'RE TOLD

OBEDIENCE IS DOING WHAT YOU'RE TOLD, REGARDLESS OF WHAT IS RIGHT

State-drugged sheep, the whole fucking lot of ya!

Kill, kill, kill the NHS/kill, kill, kill the NHS/kill, kill, kill the NHS

Telly behemoths: Does size matter?

Sarah Balfour

Apparently…

…the size of a guy's car is inversely proportional to… does the same apply to tellies…?

Up until just a few years ago (2010/11) my parents still had the B&O telly they bought around the time my sister was born (she's 36 now). If they'd not been forced to ditch it, I'm pretty certain they'd be watching it still. They've a 35" Panasonic Viera in the living room now and a 22" Samsung in the kitchen (which, ironically I've always thought, considering Apple and Sammy ain't exactly bestest buds, supports AirPlay). There's an old-ish Sony CRT in the front room (one of those TV/VHS combis), and it has, semi-successfully, been hooked up to a Freeview box, though it's rarely watched, and my folks have a Hitachi LCD they inherited from Dad's dad, in the bedroom (who, prior to that, had the same B&O model my parents did, as did Dad's bro and family).

Personally, I don't have one, coz there's feck all on worth watching (even though I do - or at least DID - qualify for a free licence).

BOFFINS: Oxygen-free, methane-based ALIENS may EXIST on icy SATURN moon Titan

Sarah Balfour
Devil

Cheers, Graham, have an ear worm.

http://youtu.be/7ZS2-4-iUJ4

El Reg regains atomic keyring capability

Sarah Balfour
Unhappy

I haz a sad, too…

they is all gones! I could just get a big purple one, I guess…

Sarah Balfour

Orcs - or Norks…?

Sarah Balfour

Re: Mine work too

So do I, but the two shades of blue look identical to me, and why can't I have a large green one…?

Sarah Balfour

Re: Originals still going strong

Considering there are just shy of IRR43,000 to the £, and considering the current state of the Iranian economy, that's probably more dough than is actually circulating in Iran…

I, ROBOT ~ YOU, MORON. How else will automated news work?

Sarah Balfour
Thumb Up

Football…

it’s-just-some-overrated-overpaid-people-running-around-a-field-kicking-a-ball

There, FTFY.

And I likes a bit of Kraftwerk, I does.

I've often found myself wishing I was Kryten, so I could swap heads if the current one quit functioning. My head often quits functioning. It'd be nice to be able to replace it occasionally. M

Although, at the mo, I need a new body, too…

Spotty Ceres baffles boffins with bright patches

Sarah Balfour

Clangers.

Who uses the Universal Credit system? ALMOST NOBODY, says report

Sarah Balfour
Unhappy

spoken like someone who knows fuck all about UC

UC was Idiot Dickhead Shit's crackpot idea to pay us disabled less money. He believed that, if we got it all as one payment, it'd seem like we had loadsamoney because he thinks we're all stupid, and completely incapable of realising that the lump sum equated to <33% LESS than what all our entitlements would have toted up to individually.

Oh and don't buy into the myth that IDS is skint, he's got a bit, he's just too tight to use it.

He claimed over £6k for Flash All-Purpose wipes between September and December last year - that's 360k wipes worth. Except it isn't, because he was charging the taxpayer up to £20 a wipe. I obtained his expenses under the FoIA.

Marconi: The West of England's very own Italian wireless pioneer

Sarah Balfour
FAIL

Lizard is the southwestern most point of Britain…

Really…? You Scilly boy!

My mum's dad worked for Marconi Wireless, shame he moved into oil after that (worked for Vickers from - actually I don't know when - but he didn't retire properly until he was over 80).

Sarah Balfour

Re: UKIP

It's impossible for foreigners to win noble prizes; to get gonged, you have to be born British (I think). Did you, in fact, mean Nobel…?

Sarah Balfour

Re: I think I may have family involved

Parents doesn't require an apostrophe, neither…

Didn't the Left once want the WORKERS to get all the dosh?

Sarah Balfour

Re: However

Not as bonkers as the amount the taxpayer forks out to keep Betty and her inbred parasitic, racist, xenophobic, paedophilic, fascist (and that's just Phil and Chaz!) family. Betty gets more than £1m A WEEK, fuck knows about the rest of the cunts.

Yes, I agree, Premier League wages ARE insane - but at least the taxpayer isn't paying 'em.

Vive La Révolution! Vive La République!

For pity's sake, you fool! DON'T UPGRADE it will make it worse

Sarah Balfour

Re: Apple builds crap computers designed to fail after just a couple of years

I'm sorry, I can't accept that. I've a Mac Plus still in perfect working order, although I WILL accept that they've not been AS reliable since the switch from PPC (although I do still have an early Intel MP that works, but it's got 3 rather tiny HDDs).

Sarah Balfour

Re: Perhaps I could try sheep farming instead. It’s got to be easier than this.

I reckon he's had the wool pulled over his eyes been fleeced enough. Pig farming's quite lucrative I hear, you'll always be the one bringing home the bacon. Dairy…? Sorry, I'm milking it now…

Superfish: Lenovo? More like Lolnono – until they get real on privacy

Sarah Balfour

Pike…? Pun not intended, eh…?

HAWKING ALERT: Leave planet Earth, find a new home. Stupid humans

Sarah Balfour

Re: "I believe that the long-term future of the human race must be space"

Couldn't be more apt - why…? Say 'Endemol' slowly and what does it sound like…? (You'll need to adjust the syllable-stress slightly).

Sarah Balfour

Re: Monkies in tin cans.

"Monkies"…?! How do you spell the singular of that…?!

Sarah Balfour

Re: says:

Nah, the Moon's full of soup - everyone of my generation knows that!

Sarah Balfour

Re: Clever chap!

How many yer had…?!

Sarah Balfour

Re: many famous scientists ... start to pontificate outside

The plural of genius is only genii when using it in its original Romantic sense (guardian spirits).

G'on then, do yer worst, yer downvotes can't hurt me!

BOFH: The Great HellDesk geek leave seek

Sarah Balfour
Unhappy

Fer feck's sake Reg!

Gerrit sor'ed! I had BOFH and Dabbsy bookmarked, and then they both vamoosed - was beginning to worry that Dabbsy'd been collared by GCHQ. I've now found him by accident twice, and I usually end up reading him about a week late.

I don't take to change well. I don't take to owt well, as it goes.

PENGUINS are just TASTELESS, say boffins

Sarah Balfour

Re: Not only are they tasteless...

EVERYTHING'S smaller than it was 30 years ago - and thinner; like a lot of chocolate on yer biscuit (is it just me, or doe that somehow sound really filthy written down…?), tough! I don't eat 'em anymore, but Dad does - and you can see the biscuit through whatever it is that Jacob's pass off as chocolate!

Mum used to buy Picnics all the time as a kid - she came over all nostalgic t'other day, and bought one; it was about 3mm thick, with one - I kid you not, ONE - solitary peanut!

Bring back Aztec bars! And Texans! And Secrets!

I only eat raw chocolate these days, the less stuff's been buggered about, the better… I'm munching on a trail mix made with 100% raw Ecuadorian cacao drops, macadamias, coconut shavings, and a few goji and golden Inca berries.

I eat most of my food raw, cooking decreases the nutrition.

Hello Barbie: Hang on, this Wi-Fi doll records your child's voice?

Sarah Balfour

Re: What if the earth had legs?

Technically, the turtle has none - it has flippers (or whatever you want to call 'em).

Apple Watch 'didn't work on HAIRY FANBOIS, was stripped of sensor tech'

Sarah Balfour

Re: Really?

Yes, and the NHS ALSO says that saturated fat and cholesterol cause CVD/CHD, eating fat makes you fat, grains and starches are healthy, calories in > calories out = weight loss. A low-fat/high-carb, calorie-restricted diet = weight loss, eating a high fat diet causes gallstones, eating red meat will kill you… I'm struggling, really STRUGGLING, to think of of a single NHS proclamation containing the tiniest grain of truth - nope, aren't any.

Wanna know why this country is fat and sick…? The NHS is the reason this country is fat and sick. If you wanna remain relatively healthy, simply do the exact opposite of what the NHS tells you, especially when it comes to diet. According to NHS Choices, everything we've been eating since the dawn of man (red meat, saturated fat, cholesterol, etc.) is suddenly gonna kill us and, everything we've only been cultivating for a mere 10k years or so is a health food! The evidence for the bullshit is out there if you look, I'll give you some starter pages:

Http://www.drmalcolmkendrick.org (ex-NHS GP, hounded out of the NHS for telling the truth about saturated fat, cholesterol, statins and CVD/CHD. The 'diet-heart hypothesis' was debunked in the late 70s, yet kids attending med school today are STILL taught it as though it was fact. Dr. Kendrick is also an advocate for a low-carb/high-fat palaeo-style diet. Author of 'The Great Cholesterol Con')

Http://www.dietdoctor.com/faq (blog of Dr. Andreas Eenfeldt, Swedish GP, and another LCHF palaeo advocate)

Http://www.cerealkillersmovie.com (website for South African-shot film about the dangers of a so-called 'healthy' Western diet)

Http://www.chrskresser.com (LCHF advocate, health myth debunker, and author of 'Your Personal Paleo Code')

I'll tell this to you straight: the NHS has two ambitions

1. Making the UK the world's fattest and sickest nation

2. Arse-fucking Big Pharma as it does so

Do you realise that many GPs are little more than Big Pharma salesmen…? They're not remotely interested in your health, merely in shoving their employer's latest poison at you, for which they'll receive a decent commission. They draw a big fat NHS salary and another from Big Pharma.

Keep reading that GPs are leaving the NHS due to 'stress'…? I suspect their consciences have bested them and they've been hounded out for speaking the truth.

If anyone who reads this is currently taking any kind of statin, I URGE you to read Dr. Kendrick's book. It could, very literally, save your life. If you're taking statins, chances are you're also taking a PPI and something for GORD (gastro-oesophageal reflux disease). Your GP will tell you that heartburn/acid reflux is caused by EXCESS stomach acid, this is bullshit, heartburn (which may lead to GORD) is actually caused by INSUFFICIENT acid and taking a PPI will increase your risk of developing an ulcer, which will increase your chances of developing gastric cancer and continual acid reflux increases the chance of oesophageal cancer.

I expect a billion DVs for this, but I speak truth…

Sarah Balfour

Re: On the outside?

That's the singular possessive of nurse, NOT A FUCKING PLURAL!!! FFS! What were some of you DOING in English lessons…?!

Big Blue drops a billion dollars to refresh its pig herd's lipstick

Sarah Balfour
FAIL

A billion…

…and they STILL produce an infographic using Comic Sans (The Font That Won't Die)…?!

Still got my Speccy. No longer got a tape player I can hook up to it though. Got a RAMpak, too, though I never did figure out how the damn thing worked (then the connector got rodented, so now it never will).

Boffins baffled by the glowing 'plumes' of MARS

Sarah Balfour
Thumb Up

He's right…

Followed by a totally loony eclipse a fortnight later (SkySafari just informed me when I went to check). If only I had a 'scope, and lived somewhere with less light pollution (it's rarely less than 60% here. Some nights I can make out the Orion Nebula - just! - but it's a rare thing).

Mozilla's Flash-killer 'Shumway' appears in Firefox nightlies

Sarah Balfour
WTF?

I thought that HTML5

Was meant to kill off Flash…? Why do we need summat that plays SWF files now…? Me no understandee. Someone explain for the hard-of-thinking (it IS only 07:10, and I've not topped up my blood caffeine yet!).

Forget robo-butlers – ROBO-MAIDS! New hotel staffed by slave-droids

Sarah Balfour

Re: It's only a matter of time..

Herbivore's what…? That's a singular possessive, not a fucking plural, dickhead! What is it with people…?! If a word ends in a vowel, it DOES NOT require an apostrophe in the plural!

Herbivore means 'plant-eater', not 'grass-eater' aka vegan when it comes to humans. Veganism isn't a healthy lifestyle (despite what vociferous veganists, such as Morrissey, would have you believe). The human digestive system isn't designed to extract nutrition from plant matter, our guts are too short, nor do we have the dentition to effectively masticate plant fibre. Every creature has a genetic and evolutionary dietary blueprint, and it makes as much sense for us to eat nothing but plants as it does a tiger or lion. What happens when a cat eats grass…? It throws up (usually on the living room carpet. Cats are cunts like that. Samson, my mother's last moggy, used to wait until he got on their bed. He was a Greebo - a total bastard, but to my mother he was just a big softie (even when he used to try to try to lacerate her jugular)).

Anyway, the point is that cats need meat and so do we. It was no coincidence that Steve Jobs succumbed to pancreatic cancer, his 100% carb diet would have significantly overloaded his pancreas.

If you want to avoid all the world's major ills, it's simple; simply eat the opposite of what the NHS/USDA would have you believe is a healthy diet, and you won't go far wrong.

Do what I do; find a reputable supplier of grass-fed/finished organic cow flesh - and eat it raw. I've been eating raw steak - and raw eggs, when I can be certain of their provenance - for over a decade. Cooking destroys the nutrition (particularly iron and B12).

Though back to the subject, I've eaten grass, used to do so a lot when I was at uni. Baking with it was popular, brownies especially so. But it was added to many things; pot roasts, pot noodles, even hash browns.

Hacker catches Apple's Lightning in a jailbroken bottle

Sarah Balfour

There's one TEENSY problem…

Apple seemingly alter something that prevents 3rd party cables working with each new itineration of iOS. I've got some 3rd party cables from a company called Twisted Envy (sounds more like the name of a nu-metal band) and, whilst they worked perfectly with iOS 7, try to use 'em with 8 and you'll get the 'this cable is not certified…" message and your iThing won't charge. If I stick one in my Air 2, I don't even get the popup, just a blunt 'not charging', where the battery life percentage should be.

The only 3rd party manufacturer which HAS cracked it is Belkin, as I'm using 2 of their UltraFast chargers as I type this, one on a Touch still running 7, and on this 'ere Pad running 8. I wish I knew how they worked coz it's cut charging on the Air 2 from <20hrs for a full charge with Apple's brick, to between 2 and 3 (2.5 is typical). It's 12W vs 10, so it's not as though it's that much more powerful.

Yeah, I know Belkin don't count, but I'm still in awe of this thing.

If anyone's interested, it's an UltraFast 2.4, cost £25 from Amazon. If you need help, tweet @BelkinCares, otherwise you're calling India. But you probably knew that…

Online retail giant Amazon GOES TITSUP ACROSS EUROPE

Sarah Balfour

Re: 'irredeemably autistic'

As a autistic person, have an upvote. To the 2 pusworms that downvoted you (and Syntax) may your scrotums (scrota?) be filled with the acid of a billion fire ants.

Boffins grasp Big Knob, get ready to go ALL THE WAY at the LHC proton-punisher

Sarah Balfour

The Higgs Boson has been found!

Oh wait…

http://himmapaan.deviantart.com/art/The-Hugs-Bison-313002479

Sarah Balfour

Re: What's the Fucking Point?

Clarkson, too, please - oh PLEASE?!?! And can they all smash into Katie Hopkins…?

Meerkats helped Ofcom unlock White Space spectrum-hopping

Sarah Balfour

Re: Live feeds?

It's also February*. Yesterday, in this corner of Blighty at least, it chucked a fortnight's-worth of rain at us in less than 24hrs. My corner of Blighty ain't too far from London Zoo so, if it was raining here…

*says she, stating the bleedin' feckin' obvious.

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