* Posts by Fatman

2400 publicly visible posts • joined 6 Apr 2008

Distie giant Tech Data's profits collapse amid beancounter probe

Fatman
Unhappy

TD 'shuffling' the numbers.

I wonder if those responsible are still at TD, or, have they done their Seagull1 assault on TD, and have since flown the coop?

Because, in my mind, if they are still there, then I suspect it is nothing more than a matter of time before the ambulances and the Medical Examiner are called to investigate a case of mass Seppuku at TD HQ. TD once was a good company, but numbers-driven brain dead members of damagement have 'infected it'. And we get to see the sad results. I feel for those that still work there, your manglers have let you down.

-------

1: More notable since TD is headquartered in Flori-duh, a coastal US state.

Q: Just why are AT&T, banks snubbing kit from Cisco & co? A: Control

Fatman

"Commodity Networking Hardware": Another way to fund the executive bonus pool.

First off, I am NO FAN(boi) of AT&T, but this new mechanism to fund increases in the executive bonus pool is sheer genius.

Get your suppliers to fund it!!!!

If anyone out there thinks, even for one minute that AT&T will reduce their pricing to reflect their lowered equipment costs; then I have some swampland in Flori-duh I have for sale!!!!

IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!!!!!!

All of this bullshit about cost controls is just crap to feed to the BoD and stockholders.

AT&T execs: "Look at all of the savings we will accumulate, so why shouldn't we participate in the savings?"

It will end up in the pockets of the execs. COUNT on it!!!!

Microsoft shunts top exec Julie Larson-Green sideways to make way for Stephen Elop

Fatman
Joke

Larson-Green's """Promotion"""

I see that the Microsoft execs have decided on a """promotion""" to the worthy Julie Larson-Green in recognition of all of the hard work done to improve the Windows (8) experience.

Congrats on a "job well done".

</sarcasm>

Terrifying photo special: 'Electric Cannon' anal orgasmo-probe in use ... on a BULL

Fatman

Re: Oh wait, the PHB just walked past my office ...

Dying to test out your new kit??

Uni of Maryland hacked: 300,000 SSNs of staff, students, alumni swiped

Fatman
Joke

Re: ... and put some serious effort into security.

Didn't you get the memo???????

Security costs money, which can be better used to pad the executive bonus account, or give to the stockholders. Why should we pay out for security????

</sarcasm>

But, you do know that is the line of thinking of damagement.

Google picks five teams to share $6 MEEELLION funding in Lunar X Prize

Fatman

Re: @Destroy All Monsters

Also, she forgot to add, this time it must be administered through the anal cavity; in order that you receive maximum benefit from the increased dosage!!!

Korean credit card companies hit with 90-day, $100m sales ban

Fatman

Q: But what punishment would the ICO give to all the public sector organisations found breaching data protection?

A: A summary execution.

Retiring greybeards force firms to retrain Java, .NET bods as mainframe sysadmins

Fatman

Re: in a free market there's no such thing as a skills shortage

This portion of your last paragraph needs some editing, which I offer below:

However, when the CIOs and their direct reports keep their heads in the sand up their asses, spend all their time focused on the immediate bettering the next quarter's numbers and not the strategic, this is the inevitable consequence. That's just the cost of being out of touch with market trends.

FTFY!!!

Hey El Reg, where's the NO SHIT, SHERLOCK icon???

Some first-wave big data projects 'written down' says Deloitte

Fatman
Coat

Re: Standard consultant PR

Sorry to be a bit picky; but it would help if you were to show where you fixed the original, using strike through and bold to highlight the changes. I wish this rag would allow underline as it (underline) and strike through are generally accepted methods of indicating changes.

What they don't reveal, for equally obvious reasons, is the percentage of those projects that fail, despite because of the assistance of consultants and system integrators.

See, now much better.

PS, probably the icon most would like to apply here-------------------------------------->

</pendant>

Nasty holes found in Belkin's home automation kit

Fatman
Joke

Re: I can see the future...

"...McToffee, the leading supplier of antivirus software for outlets, switches and lightbulbs!"

I can picture it now, you come home one evening to turn on the light, only to have it still remain off. The control panel is flashing: "software update in progress, please wait". The dammed bulb needs an AV signature update.

Tech Data execs: Nooooo... It's the INCREDIBLE SHRINKING payslip

Fatman

Re: $4.31M to $4.2M

I guess someone will have to skip buying lattes at Starbucks for a few months.

</snark>

Oracle scores mixed bag in Rimini Street software IP 'theft' ruling

Fatman

Re: That's a shame

Well, someone's gotta pay for Larry's yachts island...

FTFY

HP 'KNEW' about Autonomy's hardware sales BEFORE the whistle blew: report

Fatman
Joke

Re: Oracle press releases

I took a look at the first one listed on the linked page (the one dated September 28, 2011), and could not help but note the date of Mr. Lynch's visit to Oracle:

April 1, 2011, quoting from that press release:

... ‘Some bank’ did not just happen to come to Oracle with Autonomy ‘on a list.’ The truth is that Mr. Lynch came to Oracle, along with his investment banker, Frank Quattrone, and met with Oracle’s head of M&A, Douglas Kehring and Oracle President Mark Hurd at 11 am on April 1, 2011. After listening to Mr. Lynch’s PowerPoint slide sales pitch to sell Autonomy to Oracle, Mr. Kehring and Mr. Hurd told Mr. Lynch that with a current market value of $6 billion, Autonomy was already extremely over-priced. The Lynch shopping visit to Oracle is easy to verify. We still have his PowerPoint slides.”

Wouldn't it be fair to say that Hurd & Co recognized Autonomy as an "April Fool's Day Joke"??????

Tata says USA rejecting HALF of Indians' work visa requests

Fatman

Re: At least lessons were learnt and not been repeated (yet).

Yet, some dumb ass member of damagement probably touted thecost savings on his CV.

Tired of arguing with suits? Get ready to argue with engineers!

Fatman
WTF?

Re: This development could lead to a whole new series of BOFH plots.

Do you mean like using the industrial lazer to incentivise the PHB into giving IT more cash???

Fatman

Re: Let me get this straight

Problems arise when someone thinks it would be really cool to be able to run their factory from their smartphone, or when they don't want to spend a single extra buck on making the design secure, or when they feel that having to enter passwords is an unacceptable drag on productivity.

In one simple word: MANGLEMENT!!!!!!

Anons escape human sewer after billionaire bog roll blag

Fatman

Re: Unless it's to make political statement:

Perhaps the miscreants are simply expressing their opinion of the Koch brothers by the selection of the 'target' - a Koch company that makes toilet paper ass wipes, by equating them (the Koches) with the residue their product removes.

Random car shutdowns force Toyota to recall Prius hybrids - AGAIN

Fatman
Joke

Re: "Patch Tuesdays" for cars?

ONLY if the car maker used Windows For Automobiles.

I can just picture it now, driving along at 70MPH, and all of a sudden the dashboard screen turns blue, and the car comes to a screeching halt!!!!!

Fatman
Happy

Re: can you jailbreak your Prius and install a Ferrari instead?

Don't you WISH!!!!!

Netflix speed index shows further decline in Verizon quality

Fatman

Re: Shocked I am

I feel confident that Verizon are doing their utmost to maximise ruin sharehol customer satisfaction.

Fatman

Re: Eventually they will get FIOS ...

Eventually they will get FIOS out but until then they are only patching the old system.

Expanding FiOS, I don't think so, and here is a source for that statement:

http://news.cnet.com/8301-30686_3-20001377-266.html

Apple investor Icahn backs down on share buyback plan

Fatman
Joke

RE: I'm pretty sure it should be a u

You beat me to it!!!

BOFH: Attractive person is attractive. Um, why are your eyes bulging?

Fatman
Coat

Re: Best way to awaken the CRAZY

Husband: "Oh, is this Shark Week You're on the rag, again?"

FTFY!!!

Tim Cook dangles 'new product categories' carrot over $14bn Apple share buyback

Fatman

Re: I don't understand any of this

If Apple buys back shares from the shareholders, does the board exercise the voting rights of those shares or do the remaining shareholders get proportional rights over the votes of the Apple-held shares?

In a nutshell, when a company buys back its shares, they are added to the pool of authorized, but unissued stock shares[1]. While in this pool, NO ONE has the voting rights for that stock. They can be subsequently sold in the future by the company if more 'investment' is required.

------------

[1] Example: Fuster Cluck Co, has authorized the issuance of 1 million shares of common stock, but has sold only 800,000 shares. That means that there is still 200,000 shares available to sell if the company needs more capital if it ever becomes necessary. Until those shares are actually sold, they have no voting rights.

Now, contrast that with this example, Fuster Cluck Co, has sold all one million shares, and still needs capital. It might persuade the current stockholders to authorize the issuance of more shares, at the prospect of diluting the ownership percentage one share represents. With 1 million shares authorized, each share represents 1/1,000,000th of the company. If the stockholders authorize another million, then one share represents 1/2,000,000th of the company. Also, stock in the authorized, but unissued pool do not receive dividends, those dividends are paid only to those who own qualifying shares. One last thing, not all shares in some companies are created equal. There are various classes of stock with differing rights (such as 'Common' vs 'Preferred').

Mozilla takes a page from Google with sync-friendly Firefox Accounts

Fatman
Joke

Re: Australis as default?

The simplified interfaces are designed for mobile devices Joe and Jane Sixpack with tiny screens brains.

FTFY!!!

Snowden documents show British digital spies use viruses and 'honey traps'

Fatman

Re: Posting negative information about a firm on online firms or actively ...

Who are the NSA and GCHQ doing it for when they do it?

A: Their corporate masters in the (to use Eisenhower's term) 'military-industrial complex'.

The same ones that have 'bought and paid for' gubmint lakkeys doing their bidding.

California takes a shot at mobile 'killswitch' mandate

Fatman
Stop

Re: "Mobile 'killswitch' mandate"

You last sentence needs some editing, as shown below:

In this case as in many others, the government acts with the best of intentions, not a plan to harass and suppress the citizens.

There, much better and more accurate (IMHO)

Fatman
FAIL

meet the Law of Unintended Consequences...

Leno and Gascón, meet the Law of Unintended Consequences...

Which would be some enterprising hacker getting their mobe number, and bricking that damn thing.

I wonder how long they would wait to repeal it for 'law enforcement and bureaucrats/government officials.

Stupid assholes!!! They can't see the risks for the general populace if hackers were ever able to mass brick people's modes. Additionally, what recourse would one have if the mode was bricked by accident because a clumsy LEO got the number wrong.

"Sorry 'bout that, I was only doing my job!!!"

Duracell powers into cloud storage market

Fatman
WTF?

Re: How much for 2TB?

That might enough for your typical gung-ho lying out the ass marketroid type to make such a claim.

FTFY!!!

Tech Data: UK accounting errors cost us $27m

Fatman

TD's financial "performance"?

Compensation programmes are to be changed to "better motivate accurate financial reporting and compliance", and tools to document, support and review manual journal entires, and centralise control and finance processes will be introduced.

In English:

"If you fucking lie again, we will take you for a ride in the corporate jet, and then kick your ass out the door with a LEAD parachute; with the harness attached to your neck!!!

Assholes!!!"

HP execs Bradley and Donatelli ready to walk: reports

Fatman

Re: except for the money it's

If I was an HP shareholder (thank god Im not) I'd be asking why their executive comp is so out of whack compared to their performance.

"""Because we must offer competitive salaries and other forms of compensation in order to attract the best and brightest""" or some other bullshit like that!

</satire>

Satya Nadella is 'a sheep, a follower' says ex-Microsoft exec

Fatman

Re: Meh

Let the guy do fuck up something before we make fun of him.

FTFY!!!

NHS website hit by MASSIVE malware security COCKUP

Fatman
FAIL

Re: "Routine security checks alerted us to this problem on Monday morning"

But I smell a whiff of the putrid stench of rotting bovine manure. I wonder if the phone ringing off the hook from El Reg and concerned users is actually what alerted them to this problem on Monday morning?

Icon appropriate for this fuck up!!!

As another commentard pointed out, one of the downfalls of pointing to externally hosted web page url elements.

Fatman

Re: How they want to hold my health records.

That said, it's true that capita don't exactly have a brilliant reputation...

You made a mistake, I have corrected it below:

That said, it's true that cRapita don't exactly have a brilliant reputation...

There, much better!!!

Private pain: Dell layoff bloodbath to hit over 15,000 staffers – insiders

Fatman
Go

Re: And as usual...

the bright staff take the parachute saw the handwriting on the wall before Dell went private and jump ship got the hell out of there before the mass executions started...

There!!

FTFY!!!!

The most appropriate icon for the 'bright staff'.

Why IBM's server sell-off is a lightbulb moment

Fatman

Re: Avoid the commodity

However companies that use these services need to always remember that nothing in cloud cuckoo land is under their control and that this will be their biggest vulnerability.

Nope, You had it right (cloud cuckoo land) the first time!!!

NSA, GCHQ, accused of hacking Belgian smartcard crypto guru

Fatman

Re: I thought my marching days were over

They don't realize cannot comprehend how serious this is.

FTFY!

HP offers $150,000 for 'exploit unicorn' in Pwn2Own hacker competition

Fatman
Linux

Re: it would be the biggest step forward in computer security to date.

The next step forward would be to write a virus that replaces WindblowZE installs with Linux.

</snark>

ChewBacca point-of-sale keylogger SLURPS your CREDIT CARD data

Fatman
WTF?

Re: Sir

Sir, how the fuck do you expect a PoS machine to work if it can't talk to the outside world?

Go OLD SCHOOL, and use only the ones that dial a telephone number to complete a transaction.

The majority of those types DO NOT respond to an incoming call on the connected line; thus, the ONLY TIME they are exposed to the outside world is during a transaction, and at the end of the day when the day's totals are sent.

The biggest problem with most "modern" POS systems is that they often use a POS operating system (aka WindblowZE), which we all know is easily FUCKED.

Snowden: Canadian spooks used free airport WiFi to track travellers

Fatman
FAIL

@Trevor_Pott, Re: @MachDiamond

You took that bait, hook, line and sinker.

You fail to see, that in parts of the US, a God Fearing Christian Nation, it is highly unpopular to be anything other than a Born Again Christian. And the commentard you responded to is one such person.

El Reg BuzzFelch: 10 Electrical Connectors You CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT!

Fatman
WTF?

Re: "BuzzFelch"? WTF?

If they only knew the real meaning of Felch.

See below:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=felch

Yahoo! Mail! users! change! your! passwords! NOW!

Fatman
FAIL

Re: How about informing us properly, Yahoo?

Is it meant to be under the omg! menu?

In the 'states' there is a syndicated 'media show' (IIRC OMG! The Insider) that is partnered with yaHOO!, perhaps that is where they should have publicized it.

It is quite likely more important than the latest antics of Justin Bieber.

Google Glassholes, GET OFF our ROADS, thunder lawmakers in seven US states

Fatman
FAIL

Re: HUD? - modern satnavs Unttil some cracker breaks in

People have been steered into the woods, onto railroad tracks, off of piers, and off road edges.

You forgot airport runways.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-24246646

IT executive at JP Morgan dies in fall from bank's London HQ

Fatman

Re: Hmm...

My sentiments exactly.

Have an upvote from me.

We're on the same wavelength! TV stars cosy up to flog spare Hz

Fatman
FAIL

Re: So what

Not so fast, guys, there are a couple of things many do not completely understand - from a broadcasters perspective.

1) If two (or more) competing stations in the same TV market agree to combine their signals on a single stream, what protects those that give up their current channels from being screwed in the future. Doing so, you put your future in the hands of your competition, and while the brain dead MBAs might think that is a GOOD THING, seasoned broadcasters would not be so trusting.

2) Also, you have put your future in the hands of a competitor, whose ownership may change in the future; and while now, all things are 'peachy keen', all it takes is one corporate asshole at a NEW OWNER to fuck you straight up the ASS!

3) The only technical reason why a station might agree to such a 'combination' would be if they currently had suckass coverage, and combining would improve their coverage. But 1 and 2 still apply.

The part that the MBAs like is that you reduce CAPEX (maintenance of broadcast transmission equipment), and somewhat reduce OPEX (expenses incurred in broadcasting like electricity, tower site maintenance, etc.) The $64,000,000 question is simply: "Can you TRUST your competition NOT to FUCK you over, once you sign the contract." Because once you give up the frequency, you MAY NEVER BE ABLE TO GET IT BACK!!!!!

Sony on the ropes after Moody's downgrade to junk

Fatman
FAIL

RE: Jesus give it a break with the rootkit nonsense.

Jesus give it a break with the rootkit nonsense.

YOU DON'T GET IT, now do you!!!??????

Sony is run by an arrogant bunch of assholes who feel that they can do as they damn well please!

The only way, we as consumers can express our displeasure with their actions is by VOTING WITH OUR WALLETS!!!!

Hence why it is absolutely necessary to remind Sony's arrogant executives of their serious missteps.

AGAIN

and

AGAIN

and

AGAIN!

Lloyds Group probes server crash behind ATM, cash card outage

Fatman
FAIL

Re: HP Servers?

... well, you can always parachute out before the reality hits the ground. FAN!!!

FTFY

Thanks for suggesting eBay should flog PayPal. It's not happening, CEO tells Carl Icahn

Fatman

"Is he trying to make quick profits on his investments? Or maybe he just like seeing his name in the headlines?"

HELL Yes!!!!

FTFY

Alcatel-Lucent and BT unveil super fat pipe, splurt out 1.4Tb per second across London

Fatman

Re: What

send three times as much data through a single transponder on an 1830PSS

My 'takeaway' of getting the higher throughput, assuming the fiber can handle it, amounts to just a "box change" at each end.

So, am I correct?

Ancient carving of 'first human-built holy place' = Primitive Vulture Central

Fatman

Re: Ted talks

"Biting the hand that feeds IT" isn't really an apposite tag line. I suppose "Picking at the rotting carcases left behind by IT" MANGLERS"

FTFY!