Posts by Mark Lockwood

Biz?

Anyone who orders a business laptop in beige needs a good talking to with a cattle prod

No need for a title

Surely we need a BOFH Barbie, complete with cattle prod

That's not a Psion rip off

It's a Toshiba Libretto. Takes me back to the 90's though. Happy days

http://www.squit.co.uk/computers/photos/libretto.jpg

Oi, Car Designers

Where's my flying car? And where's my flying car icon gone?

Universial Scientific Measures

Good to see that we are still using Wales as the size of things as it is clearly a convenient measure. But how many times will 12.8 megatonnes of carbon fit into Wembley stadium, and how many Routemaster buses will create such an amount. Inquisitive minds demand to know

It's clearly a new phenomenon

This never went on 20 years ago. Things like Jamie and his Magic Torch and Chorlton and the Wheelies were obviously created by someone with a sober head

Shamlessly stolen from The Now Show

Showing national distaste for the BNP is getting us now where, no body likes them and they don't care and all that.

What we need to do is all join the BNP, vote Sir Trevor McDonald in as leader and change their name to something silly like Badgers, Not Potatoes.

That'd shut them up

This doesn't surprise me

He's a BMW driver. I have it on good authority that the next versions of the 5 series will come without an indicator control, as they are never used in the current models

37% of the market

Unless they pay some serious bungs, there's not a snowballs chance that this will get through the Monopoly & Merger Commission.

Slow news day

Innovative Ideas

I have one for them. How about a clean, reliable service that doesn't cost the earth.

Until then, I'll stick to the car, thanks

I hear SkyNet calling

Linking this to the "Scientists ponder rules and ethics of robo helpers" story - http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/08/20/royal_academy_of_engineering_autonomous_systems_report_09/ - once our new metallic friends work out that we have a ray gun that will render them inoperable, isn't it just possible they will see us as a threat, and develop human-destroying machines to protect themselves.

Sounds a worryingly familiar scenario

20 seconds to comply

Wasn't this the basis for the plot of Robocop?

@Mike

You don't want them, you'll go blind....

Name

How about "Where's My Flying Car"

@ElNumbre

ElNumbre, there is a massive difference between Twitter and ElReg comments. Here on the comments page, it's not my time I'm wasting, it's my company's :)

@TeeCee

I used to dream of having a 256Mb stick...

Cash & Carrion

Can we request a "My job came back from India, but due to the economic climate, I'm retraining as a plasterer" T shirt please

Grrr

You owe my company ANOTHER new keyboard

Slaughtered Lamb

Guaranteed this will be moved to become a trendy wine bar fill of bowler hatted blokes in Barnsley.

Never mind Jenny Agutter, where will they get a car that can go from London to the Moors faster than the original MG?

Remember the Alamo...

ntended to let soldiers shoot at and hit enemies hiding around corners?

Great, now you don't even have to be in the line of sight to be hit by friendly-fire...

To be fair

If you have to use Arcserve, you're already very unlucky. It being version 13 probably won't make your life any worse

Mine's the one with the DLT drive parts in the pockets.

Points of View

Why oh why oh why must the BBC continually change my computer background. Surly they have more important things to do, like send a load of Z Listers half way round the world to climb a hill or something

Danish?

The lady doth protest too much, methinks

Huh?

I thought it was the year of the Ox?

Can you pass me the one with the spring rolls in the pocket, ta

Not only are these available on Google Earth

... but any would be terrorists could get the information for an Ordnance Survey Map and a London A to Z, and could do for the past 30 years or so.

For the love of God, will someone please think of our children, and children's children.

That is all.

Bah

So not only do I have to pay for their God-awful food, I now have to pay to get rid of it?

I paid 99p for this ticket, give me the respect I deserve....

Aspergers

It's nice to have a name to this horrible affliction

This reminds me of

The old urban myth of the US Battleship and the lighthouse - http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/l/lighthouseandaircraftcarrier.htm

Nice to see that Entente Cordial is still holding strong

I think we should fight against these spelling fascists

Follow me, comrades, dyslexic IT workers of the world untie

Precedent

I recall being told a story about how some Scottish students came up with the idea of an "online bookshop" back in the days of Netscape and dial-up 'tinternet.

They built a front end, and asked various governing bodies to help with funding. They were told it would be against competition law and would be unfair to physical bookshops.

Then some American's registered the domain Amazon.com....

Those who forget the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them

Ooook

Mines the one with orange hair on it....

Ergonomic design

Wow, that circuit board wrist strap looks so comfortable....

I'm not afraid of Bill Ray

Mobe? I thought we'd banished that word. I suppose you wrote that article on your lappy....

Mines the one with the Nelly the Elephant logo on the lapels

Peace and love

What's the secret button combo to refuse to sign the high score leader board. Inquisitive minds have a right to know...

Ladies smellies?

In Streatham?

Have the local bobbies questioned Naomi Campbell?

Amazing?

"That in this day and age a phone can be released to market that actually just doesn't work is amazing"

Really?

Undesired words?

Goggle

Apple

Anti-trust commission

Feel free to add to the list....

Mac Hackers

Presumerbly this story is linked with this - http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/10/10/graphics_card_wireless_hacking/

If your laptop's running that hot

Your fan's broken

In a quote from the boffins...

They said, "There have been speculations that the Universe is not in its most stable configuration, and that perturbations caused by the LHC could tip it into a more stable state, called a vacuum bubble, in which we could not exist, unless one of the magnets goes titsup, in which case you can wave Mont Blanc goodbye"

Rebrand

Just call it a speeder and be done with it.

Oh, and where's my flying car icon?