Posts by Boris the Cockroach

With

some of our stuff, the operators could just hit e.stop and then turn off the plant/robot/machine at the isolator before ending the shift....

When the PC based machines started appearing , it took ages to persude them to do a proper shutdown of the machine from the control interface rather than walking around to the isolator and pulling the nuke lever... why... because the proper shutdown saved all the in use data files to the HDD ready for the reboot... pulling the plug leaves the machine in a indeterminate state because the controls only seem to save to HDD every 10 mins or so....

Anyone for a 2 foot long tool spinning at 7000 rpm and the machine beliving its a tool only 3 inches long..... and people wonder why I keep a spare set of underwear at work..

2 happening occur to me

1st one was when I were a young and keen apprentice at all things CNCery... we had a spiffing 5 axis mill, the hallowed area of the gods(well the guy with 5 years experience of loading punch tapes anyway), one bit of it was water cooled for some reason, trickled through and then dumped. until the maintance guy decided "whats this pipe here? " and cut it off.

Luckily we never started the machine as no one could get near it due to the stench coming out of the drain pipe where the water was dumped into the street sewer.

The other was a few years ago, when the alledged mangler could'nt get the HP coolant circuit running after the coolant tank was cleaned, however he had seen me prime the pump by loosening a hose fitting on the HP circuit when the pump was replaced..... and we all know that this one ends up with the coolant tank being emptied in about 10 secs by a 300 PSI pump .... was impressive how far it went too ...

If only he'd listened... loosened.. and not while the pump was running....

Just need to leak

a nice story to the 'green' lobby about saying "windows 11 wont run on an earlier than 2017 pc resulting in a huge amount of e.waste being generated as companies/people are forced to upgrade"

Should get them frothing at the mouth, making lots of noise and having m$ change the specs to keep them quiet.

Then again my spare/network storage box from 2011 running an I7-2600 with 8gig of ram struggles to run windows 10 (Linux mint 20 runs like a dream) so theres no chance win 11 will run on it.... even if I wanted to

Having been

denied my usual round of keyboard destruction by being dragged to a customer's site by the boss for the day("Be nice Boris, and say things like 'That idea could cause some production issues' instead of 'That idea is a load f'ing shite.. who came up with it? a deranged monkey with a box of f'ing crayons?' ")

I could really really do with a set of those headphones.... and glasses however the boots (steel toed) I can provide for myself but have no one to use the cattle prod on as my PFY handed his notice in today :(

After

printing out the new cockroach coat of arms (2 crossed dead keyboards on a mound of dead keyboards), the BOFH has given me another good idea for making sure the irritating production 'engineer' has an accident.

Just need to google up "Earthed anti-static mats" and know a suitable sparky who can be bribed into doing less than stellar work behind the filing cabinet in said engineer's office.

Followed by a monday morning request "Could you just get that drawing out"......

Yay

Imperial measures

I cant wait... when us engineers can say "just needs couple of thou" instead of "move it 51.8 microns"

Back to the great days of yore when the drawings arrived in metric, got converted to imperial, converted it back to metric because the machines and measuring gear were all in metric too....

Actually its more about making sure the 'hancock is a cock" headlines stay out of the daily w(m)ail and daily excess while winding up the guardian to cover said story (also keeping the "hancock is a cock" story out of there too)

Another

keyboard bites the dust

Not mine... or the PFY's, but strangely my boss has unblocked the register at the firewall and taken a look at the articles within to see if he can find a clue as to why so many keyboards are broken on a friday.

According to the PA, when he read the BOFH , he stood up and shouted "Thats where that damned cockroach finds his ideas!" however his coffee was knocked over in the act of standing up and yupp you can guess where it landed.

Ruined the weekend ..... after all that time and trouble I spent sweet talking the PA so she would'nt notice the PFY dropping the laxative in the boss's coffee... hey ho always next week

Hancock

why dont we just delete the han part so we have an idea of what hes really like

More to the point... is there a special training school in tory party HQ for churning out useless twats to 'run' the health service?

Hopefully

there'll be a very nice "Who? Me?" story out of this followed by a nicer "On-call" story

The internet was designed to avoid single point of failures...... dearie dearie me

HA HA

The title sums this up.

And for

god's sake

Dont say that Taiwan is an independent country else china will ban you

Oh well thats el-reg banned in China (along with winnie the pooh strangely)

A hammer

is the only tool you'll need

Been teaching the PFY the value of buying the right hammer, because the right hammer does not leave incriminating marks on the body.... did I say body I ment luckless idiot who happens to be standing in front of the moniter saying 'machines broke' even though theres plenty of noise from the fans and all the lights are on(clue dumbass had spent so much time sitting in the toilet this morning that the screensaver had kicked in..... and thats 45 minutes)

The PFY showed wisdom though "I dont think luckless idiot will be having much more of a career here.."

Today's reading

comes from the epistile of St Roach to the PFYs , chapter 3, verses 14-23

And lo, the blessed day of anticipation arrived, and yet the day is doubled blessed by the BOFH

But ye have forgotton the command of THE LORD

"Lendeth not thy writing implements to thy master on the day of double blessing, for they shallt become foul and unclean"

But Ye did not listen to the wise words.

And thus, thy writing implements didst become foul and unclean.

And yet you pray to THE LORD "Our implements are unclean" while thyselves are to blame for their woeful condition

You must learneth the true wisdom of THE LORD and obey all his just commands.

Here endeth the reading

Prediction

It will become sort of operational in 2030

There will be a 3 billion pound overspend in getting the system to a state where it can be turned on

There will be another 500 million overspend sorting the problems out.

Crapita share price will go up

Several ex-ministers will have non exec directorships with crapita

Mrs Bloggs coming back from holiday will face 4 hrs delay because they forgot to train the staff and buy more than 1 terminal per airport.

All user data will leak out to black hat hackers and unleash a wave of identity theft and phishing emails.

I hope I'm wrong on all counts , but given past experience with government IT projects.....

There is an

attractive option in letting darwin loose on that driver.......

Sadly though, its not that he'll remove himself from the gene pool , but how many others he takes with him....

PS dont blame the tesla if the owner is a moron

To be honest

If I got that message.. I'd say simply "Thank god I dont have to put up with any more work related shit", walk outside , sit down, and await the sunshine.

Then spend the rest of the day angry as f*** because I wasn't dead.

Icon... yupp

Air gap!

Actually... I suspect one of the c-level twonks did'nt read the sign when surfing for adult entertainment

"DONT DOWNLOAD SHIT FROM A DODGY WEBSITE!"

Or completely missed the one saying

"DONT OPEN EMAIL ATTATCHMENTS FROM 'FRIENDS' "

We had one of the former... borrowed a works PC for surfing 'stuff' d/l this to watch latest US tv shows....

And there went our network... and every PC attatched... thus he became a former employee.

And my boss wonders why I glue up the USB ports when he gets some new PCs in......