* Posts by Gilbert Wham

408 publicly visible posts • joined 6 Apr 2007

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Tasered Oz man bursts into flames

Gilbert Wham

When confronted with man threatening you with lighter & petrol...

...the manual should read: 'Throw a bucket of water over him, then hit him with a stick'. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should the officer introduce a spark, whether by Taser or firearm.'

NHS hospitals struggle to hold back the malware tide

Gilbert Wham

NHS IT

I've worked in a few hospitals, most of which were primarily still running win2k. As for the rogue usb stick, you'd be lucky to find a usb *port*...

Intel cozying up to Google Chrome OS

Gilbert Wham

I, But... Bhehehehe...

But Chrome is *awful*. It's like a Teletubbies browser. Plus, it doesn't have a decent ad blocker. Funny that, innit? A stripped-out, dumbed-down Linux kernel running web-based apps throughout the browser doesn't sound like an experience I'd enjoy.

Gamer embezzles virtual cash to settle real debts

Gilbert Wham

Gopod on him

Nowhere does it say he has actually been prosecuted - just banned from Eve (would a new IP/Bank Account be enough to get round that - IDK from MMORPGS). Perfect crime? He's six grand up with no real comebacks I can see...

Vodafone said to be mulling T-Mobile UK bid

Gilbert Wham

Noooooooooo!

Fuck! I owe Vodaphone a bloody *fortune*! That's the whole reason I am now with this wretched phone company. Can't Orange buy them?

Doom creator bought by Bethesda

Gilbert Wham

@brian 29

Hmmm, I hadn't thought of it THAT way round. You know, Bethesda actually making something that, you know, *works*. Interesting...

UK gov admits gamble on massive net snoop plan

Gilbert Wham

2 Billion Over 10 Years?

The Government wouldn't be able to produce an email newsletter to signed-up subscribers that only cost 2 billion.

Imagine! Government to legislate against badness

Gilbert Wham

@SmallYellowFuzzyDuck

No. No, you bloody can't. I'm not entirely sure you have a wife, but if you do, she's having you on, believe me.

Site news: Unique commenter handles coming

Gilbert Wham

I'm not a number either

A quick Google suggests I am the only extant Gilbert Wham.

Probably for the best, really.

BNP DDoS 'mega-assault' not actually mega in the least

Gilbert Wham

@ Austin Chamberlain

Voltaire never actually said that, though. Plus, DDOSing the BNP hadn't been invented yet.

Yorkshire boozer establishes 'smoking research centre'

Gilbert Wham

Empty, smoke-free pubs?

See, the pubs I go to are all still packed, smoking ban or no. Why? Because they're not shit. The hideous sham of a boozer that infests most of the UK is enough to make *anyone* want to shorten their lives. This less to do with the ban than with the fuckwittery of breweries and the fact that there are a huge amount of idiots cluttering up the place whom we could easily set on fire without too much damage to the country's infrastructure.

Apple brands UK tabloid 'obscene'

Gilbert Wham

Wow...

AC @ 15:06: You believe sanity can be restored by looking at *NAKED GERMANS*?

Jesus.

T-Mobile getting out of blighty?

Gilbert Wham

Data Tariffs?

Yes, that's all well & groovy, but *actually making a phone call* is still quite difficult...

Home Office 'ring of steel' fails the pig plague test

Gilbert Wham

wait, what?

Forgive my naiveté, but I kinda assumed that passport control/immigration people counted who came in/went out of the country anyway? Like, all day? Because IT'S THEIR BLOODY JOB?

I am clearly living in a fool's paradise, am I not?

Google Chocolate Factory patents Data Center Navy

Gilbert Wham

What happens...

...when I roll up with my glass knives, riding my motorcycle with the nuke for a sidecar & take the place over? Eh? What then?

Windows 7 and the Linux lesson

Gilbert Wham

@ John Freeman

"I'm still waiting for a Linux distro to show up that I can pop on my hardware, then go to Best Buy and pick up a game that will load without tweaks to 20 million lines of code"

Hmmmm, you've obviously not played any games from Bethesda's stable then? Yes, I'm looking at YOU, Fallout 3. It's not just Linux that needs tweaking to get things to work...

French adhesive workers stick it to Brit boss

Gilbert Wham

Can I just say

I absolutely LOVE the French. Their penchant for setting fire to things and throwing them at the powers that be endears them to me enormously.

Phorm moves beyond privacy - except when slating rivals

Gilbert Wham

@ D@v3:

From your point of view, PHORM is really irrelevant. You should have sacked BT off by now anyway, because they're rubbish. The current foofaraw is merely the icing on the cake.

Seriously, why does anyone with a choice use BT?

Spies hacked US electrical grid, says WSJ

Gilbert Wham

aaaaaannnndddd...

... cue "well, if they'd just used (X) instead, this would *NEVER* have happened", in 3, 2, 1...

Boffins invent automatic net-hookup roboffinry machines

Gilbert Wham

@ Andy:

Presumably, these two concepts will make it so depressed it will immediately switch itself off?

Space launches could be capped to save ozone layer

Gilbert Wham

Does this mean...

...can haz space elevator now plz? Also, Zeppelins. Big, fuck-off Zeppelins. No, I don't care about the 'wildly impractical, probably an insane idea' hoo-haa. I want a big lift to space and some frickin Zeppelins.

US judge bars teen 'sexting' charges

Gilbert Wham

wait, what?

Confiscating the phones I can understand, but why were they going through the messages?

LG fu**ed off with swearing

Gilbert Wham

Dream TV? Simple:

A TV that magically tunes in to shows from some other dimension where the TV isn't all shit.

BOFH: Defiling the profile

Gilbert Wham

This sounds...

...like a horribly plausible technique. Please tell me it's made up?

Parents in dark about kids' school life

Gilbert Wham

If I ask my daughter...

...'how was her day?' She'll tell me. Right from the moment she got up, to the moment she met me. In incredible detail. I've learned to phrase the question *much* more carefully...

Text-message hoax threatens death by Wal-Mart

Gilbert Wham

Well...

...if it not only fucks up WalMart's shit, but that of the Twilight marketing machine too, I say text away.

Doc-in-chief targets 'passive drinking' with price hike

Gilbert Wham

The reason we drink so much...

...is that it's fucking horrible here. Raising the cost of booze won't improve the situation one jot, believe me.

French yoof offered Halo-esque electric buggy

Gilbert Wham

C-Zen?

Looks more like a Puma to me...

Channel 4 fails to open archives to Mac, Linux fans

Gilbert Wham

Tried 4OD...

...it was so fucking annoying that I gave up & went back to torrenting anything they produced that I wanted to see.

Cops foil Level 3 burglary

Gilbert Wham

Level 3 burglary?

"I put on my robe & burglars hat."

Neil Young posts angry YouTube missive

Gilbert Wham

Sweet Zombie Jesus...

Is the fact that YouTube is reminding people that the cantankerous old git *still exists* not recompense enough?

Pirate Bay rejects law-breaking claims

Gilbert Wham

@ lionel baden:

"i just pondered on the idea of how many of the jury download torrents"

Well, now they've had it explained to them, they probably all will...

Boffins: Send robot lawn tractors to the Moon

Gilbert Wham

All this talk of Helium-3...

...is merely a sideshow. They want a moonbase for the same reason you or I do: because it would be fucking *awesome*.

Cocaine now cheaper than lager

Gilbert Wham

@ AC

10-20 lines? Depends. Coppers can get *very good* coke....

You did what? The trials of supporting remote users

Gilbert Wham

Well...

I got this:

'Can you press ctrl-alt-del for me please?'

'No'

'No? Why not?'

'I've only got one hand.'

'Oh.'

UK gov unleashes biometric IDs

Gilbert Wham

@ T J:

We don't. We have elections to elect *different* bozos, same as everyone else. Getting rid of bozos is not the point of elections...

Two papers about the Hell Desk

Gilbert Wham

Awesome.

I'm happy to do helldesk, so long as I can do it at home, sans pants.

Swiss cops sniff out dope plantation on Google Earth

Gilbert Wham

@Ray

Well, er, yes. People sell dope to make a living. They need to buy food, pay rent, drive cars and pay astronomical electricity bills for all those pumps & halogen lamps...

Iron Maiden axe cut ribbon on 'rock’n’roll' hotel

Gilbert Wham

For London

150 notes for a room isn't that bad...

DHS deploys undercar Kraken tentacle-bombs

Gilbert Wham

@ Roger Jenkins

If things are at such a pass that there are armoured, weapon bearing vehicles being driven at you, I'm pretty sure you're allowed to just shoot them with a rocket.

No military mobile bill-waiver from O2 and Virgin

Gilbert Wham

Wait, what?

Fucking hell, even the bloody *income tax* people leave you alone when you're on active service, don't they? Christ, they even make TMobile look good with a stunt like that...

IWF confirms Wayback Machine porn blacklisting

Gilbert Wham

Be?

Not had any problems accessing it tthru Be since this story first broke...

ASA rules on 'USB Fornication Optimiser'

Gilbert Wham

@ Nic Brough

You must befriend them: become one of them, infiltrate their miserable, curtain twitching, puritan lives, then once you have gained their trust, spike their coffee with LSD and laxatives and chase them round the house dressed like a demonic clown. It's the only way, trust me.

Microsoft eyes metered-PC boondoggle

Gilbert Wham

@ Michelle Knight

You may have something there. This idea makes FAR more sense if applied to consoles. 90% of console owners aren't going to go twiddling with the hardware, and if they have to pay extra to use the extra power in their machine to play that spiffy new FPS everyone's raving about, they'll pony straight up...

Health minister promises Rate-My-Doc! service

Gilbert Wham

What we need...

Is some sort of popularity contest for ministers, where they can be voted out by the public. When can we get one of them?

Attack of the quarter-ton, 'fridge-sized' killer jellyfish

Gilbert Wham

gelatinous cube

Hit Dice only 4d10+32. Not that difficult...

Original lightsabre sale brings big, big bucks

Gilbert Wham

What I want...

...is a Nostromo crew jacket. Which I would wear till it fell to bits.

Native-Linux music player Amarok gets major overhaul

Gilbert Wham

@Neil Barnes:

Nope: me too. Is there, anywhere, a FOSS music player where I can click on a folder and a context menu comes up & says 'play in (X)/enqueue in(X)'? If not, why not?

Did speaker's statement show he doesn't know what day IT is?

Gilbert Wham

@ Craig:

Chances are, they'd just impound the thin client machine, then, once they'd had a bollocking from the senior officer in the computer lab, come back and arrest you for making them look stupid, despite any attempts you may have made to explain to them that carting it off in the first place was grade A Fail.

Pair arrested over leaked BNP list

Gilbert Wham

Pair Arrested...

...yet Redwatch get away with this kind of shit every day. Don't see them getting so much hassle...

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