* Posts by Christoph

3317 publicly visible posts • joined 24 Dec 2007

Garage worker prangs £200k Ferrari

Christoph

They should be able to get him for quite a lot

If he hadn't cleared it with his boss to do a burn up^W^Wtest drive, surely he's liable for taking and driving away? On top of the reckless driving etc.

Taking a fast car in for repair and expecting them not to thrash it looks about as safe as taking a computer in for repair and expecting them not to search the disk for JPEGs

Neil Armstrong renews attack on Obama space vision

Christoph

Only the top guys

Yes, they imported some top talent. But they used many, many thousands of skilled workers on Apollo. It's no good having skilled designers if there's nobody capable of building the designs competently.

Christoph
Boffin

Tough luck

Guys, the reason is that you *can't afford it*.

In the 60s your economy was doing well, the top communist country was deeply in debt to you, and you were stamping on the head of one small country. Oh, and you had good science and engineering education. You could only just afford the moon shots.

Now, the world economy is in the pits, you are gigantically in debt to the top communist country, and you are stamping on the heads of two different small countries. And you have crappy science and engineering education and have to import your skilled workers.

You simply cannot afford a big space programme any more.

Oz filmmaker to flog virgins for TV doco

Christoph

There's an offer in already

Apparently a Mr S. Maug has offered them piles of gold and gems* for suitable virgins.

* Mithril coats *not* included.

Report reams IT admins for secretly snapping student pics

Christoph

Just a slight update there

So the story has changed from:

"We didn't take any pictures"

to

"We took fifty eight thousand pictures. But we didn't download any of them"

Well, no problem there then.

Election 2010: The sillier options

Christoph
Megaphone

Why this prejudice against the metabolically challenged?

No mention of the Citizens for Undead Rights and Equality?

http://www.votecure.com/vote/

Vote for Zombie Rights!

Met terror squad beats all complaints

Christoph
Black Helicopters

Of course they're innocent

1,500 coppers and every single one is as pure as the driven snow.

In further news the pope is a muslim and bears all use WCs

Lord of the Rings man made a Knight

Christoph

No, it doesn't

Still not King

No penis pumping for Papuan plod

Christoph
Unhappy

That's all we needed!

Now we all have to update our spam filters to block adverts for "gatal-gatal"

Police send Reg hack CRB check database

Christoph
FAIL

They should never have created those files.

There is no possible reason for multiple copies of that file to exist.

Nobody can handle that many individual names or details - only a summary could be useful. If they need details on an individual they can go to the *single* master copy for it. (And possibly their access gets logged.)

Making multiple copies is ludicrous - all it does is take the data out of any control. And it can never be properly updated or deleted, because you can't be sure how many copies there are or where they are.

It's completely wrong headed for any information, let alone confidential stuff.

And this was found by chance. Which makes it almost certain that it was not an isolated instance, but probably standard practice.

iPod implicated in US attack sub prang

Christoph
Pirate

Left hand down a bit

Who let Mr Phillips have that iPod?

Murdoch hacks grumble over outsourced IT failures

Christoph

They were warned

The Sun editors were warned that this would make their "newspaper" go tits-up.

And they said "Great! Just what our readers want!"

High Court: Moderate user comments and you're liable

Christoph

Interesting distinction

If I've got this right: he can remove a comment if someone else objects to it, but he cannot remove a comment if he himself objects to it (even if his grounds for objection are identical)?

And suppose he remarks to someone else that he doesn't like a particular post, and that person then agrees and asks him to remove it? Does that count as him editing?

If he's made that remark where anyone else could read his comment, would that mean he could *never* remove the post because the person objecting might have first seen his comment?

Field day for lawyers there.

German group urges boycott over Facebook privacy shake-up

Christoph
Pirate

"Carefully Selected"

Is there any evidence whatever that this selection will not be exactly the same as every other company that hands data to "Carefully Selected" other companies?

Carefully Selected as those that will pay them the most for the data.

New Reg comments system ready to launch

Christoph
Thumb Up

Obvious omission

Please add a function to translate plain English into amanfromarsese.

BT hijacks business browsers

Christoph
FAIL

Speechless

I usually do a nice line in sarky comments for this kind of idiocy. But this is just beyond belief. How can they be so *stupid*? Did not one single one of the people involved stop for an instant and think about what they were doing?

"as when trialled it did allow us to successfully communicate the availability of Desktop Help to a large number of customers"

Well, yes. It could also "communicate the availability" of Viagra and penis enlargers. BT have just proudly and publicly announced that they have placed themselves in the same category as all the other spammers. But actually hijacked their paying customers to do it.

I see a need for El Reg to introduce a 'Batshit Insane' icon.

Google remarkets behavioral ad eyeball creep

Christoph
FAIL

Great news for the spammers

All that's needed now is to fool you into visiting a page, and google will then kindly serve you up that spammer's ads on all the other pages you visit. So there will be a lot more junk designed to trick you.

Well, not 'you' as in El Reg readers - see comments above re AdBlock and NoScript.

Complete ACTA text leaked online - at last

Christoph
Joke

I can't see what everyone is complaining about

What's the problem? They are quite clearly arranging to give the public Royal treatment.

If it was good enough for Edward the Second, it's good enough for you.

Met launches net café spy operation

Christoph
Black Helicopters

Begging on their knees for problems

"Café owners are asked to use their own judgement as to what amounts to extremist material."

What could possibly go wrong?

Will all the ones that spy have the posters? Because obviously no business user should go near them as their commercial confidential material will be spied on.

The big companies had better issue warnings to all their staff straight away that these places must not be used under any circumstances..

Train rebrand costs us dear

Christoph

Even BR did it

When Notwork SouthEast was introduced our 8 carriage fairly modern trains went off to be repainted, and for several months we had 4 carriage slam door trains which were horrendously crowded in the rush hour.

Man could face prison over six second 'extreme porn' clip

Christoph

There's a difference?

Loathing Tweedledum doesn't imply any liking for Tweedledee.

Does anyone know if the latest lot of anti-'encouraging terrorism' laws make it illegal to urge people to vote for the only man ever to enter parliament with honest intentions?

Christoph

We know what the clip was

It's now been made public what was in that clip.

It was indeed an obscene, revolting, depraved, disgusting, repellent and offensive act.

It was a picture of someone voting for NuLab.

Brown creates one UK.gov website to rule them all

Christoph

Not a problem

When you mark google analytics as untrusted, NoScript puts in a dummy version so that sites that require it still work.

Sophos sorry for blog comment spam campaign

Christoph

Who was the company?

Why have the names of the marketing company and its directors not been published so that legitimate businesses can make certain never to trade with them or with any future company run by those directors?

Computer glitch prompts 50 raids on elderly couple's home

Christoph
WTF?

Completely clueless

In four years they haven't been able to fix a major bug in their system, and have now given up and kludged round it? Their computer system is Not Fit For Purpose. If it's so complex that they can't track that fault down, it must be riddled with other bugs. People are going to die because of faults in that system.

And in fifty events, not one of the police has learnt that there's a problem with that address and they should check before raiding it, so they have to use a computer kludge to do it for them?

By the way, were the alarms completely bogus, or were fifty other people left wondering why the police were ignoring their emergency call?

One good thing about it though. They're lucky they're in New York. If they were in London the Met would have shot them the first time.

Facebook stands up to UK.gov's cyberbullying

Christoph

Empire building

"His organisation wants to be the "central portal for helping keep children safe online". "

So a tragic death is simply something to exploit for a bureaucrat to build his empire bigger?

LHC boffins crank beams to 3.5 TeV redline

Christoph
Alien

So that's what happened!

"much the same as if HMS Invincible had suddenly popped out of nowhere"

So that's the origin of all those stories about time-travelling warships! When they switch it to full power the black hole it creates will rip open a gap in time.

Muso turfed off train for 'suspicious' set list

Christoph
Flame

Tell them what you think

They decided it was their job to peer over everyone's shoulder and read their private notes just in case they could pick out something to give them an 'excuse' to get their rocks off harassing someone?

I would suggest that every rail passenger carry a piece of paper saying clearly "BRITISH TRANSPORT POLICE ARE NOSY LITTLE SHITS"

Home Secretary swats away calls for Mosquito ban

Christoph
Megaphone

What's the problem?

High power amplifiers are very portable these days. The kids could just carry them round playing their favourite music and set to the maximum possible volume to drown out the mosquito.

After all, they find that music pleasant so there's no grounds for other people to complain just because some people don't like the noise and are driven away from that area. Selective sonic weapons are selective sonic weapons - sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

Y2.01K hits Garmin satnav

Christoph

Who was there?

Was there a blue police phone box outside the pub?

Bing shies away from gay-as-day search results in Arab countries

Christoph
FAIL

Scunthorpe

So they've banned arab women from finding information on breast cancer.

But what about arab ornithologists checking on blue tits?

Or anyone who passed their exams summa cum laude?

Computer boffin on NHS Spine: Get out while you can

Christoph
FAIL

Very very slanted letter

I had the letter. Pages of bumf telling me how wonderful it was, no warnings at all. A multi-page booklet on all the wonderful things it could do. A form to send off for more information.

And if you want to opt out? Well, it did get mentioned. But there's no form for that, and it's not one of the options you can send off for. To opt out you have to go to a web page or phone a number.

So I download the pdf from the web page. A three page document. Two and a half pages of telling me how wonderful the system is and how I shouldn't opt out, and a half-page opt-out form to send to my doctor.

And all that was on that form were standard identification details, and a signature and date.

It would have been no problem whatsoever to include that form with all the pages of other stuff. But then of course people might have seen it and used it - they might actually have made their own choice instead of being bulldozed by our 'democratic' masters.

Even if I hadn't previously intended to opt out, that form would have made up my mind for me. It makes it perfectly clear that their claims and promises are nothing more than standard NuLab lying in their teeth.

US unveils planet-hugging London embassy

Christoph
Alien

A diplocube?

It's not anything to do with the Borg. Definitely. Honest. Trust me.

Christoph

Secure boundaries

"the required secure boundaries incised into the hillside and out of view".

They're using a ha-ha?

US school comes out fighting over webcam spy claim

Christoph

Management speak

"The District has not used the tracking feature or web cam for any other purpose or in any other manner whatsoever."

How do they know?

What access controls did they have in place? Who knew the access codes, and how were those secured?

How often was this facility used and for what purpose? What is shown in their detailed usage logs of this?

They did of course keep such logs? After all, nobody with the slightest sense would set up such an intrusive system without proper controls, would they?

Christoph
Big Brother

How many other children were spied on?

How many times was this spyware used on the children before they happened to find a picture that they wanted to take action about? They didn't just chance on it the first time, it must have been a *lot*.

Which makes complete nonsense of their claim that they only use it if the laptop is reported missing.

And what the hell right have the school got to decide that what a student does at home in his own bedroom is "improper behavior"? It is none of their damn business. They didn't cite 'criminal' behaviour, or anything else they might have stretched to a justification, just 'improper'.

Gods help a country where a child may never ever experiment with anything that some arrogant adult busy-body might find 'improper'. What, they might even discover what bits of their own body look like? How terrible! They ought to be kept in utter ignorance right up until the complete disaster of their wedding night!

SMITH, WINSTON! WHY AREN'T YOU DOING YOUR HOMEWORK?

Aussie anti-censor attacks strafe gov websites

Christoph
Paris Hilton

Primary interest

His primary interest is big tits. He has made it publicly and officially clear that he is obsessed with big tits to the point of trying to ban small ones on the grounds that such women are not real women. He is unashamedly telling the whole world about this overwhelming obsession.

Christoph
Grenade

Making small-breasted women illegal

When the Australian government increases the scope of this law (as governments always do) to make sex with small-breasted women the equivalent of child rape, will there be a grace period for such women to get a boob job before their husbands are dragged off to jail?

Will the government pay for these boob jobs? If not, what if a woman can't afford it?

What happens if a woman refuses to comply so as to get her husband jailed?

How is the minimum legally permissible breast size defined? When the average breast size goes up due to all those compulsory boob jobs, will the legal minimum also increase, resulting not in an arms race but a breasts race until Australian women are physically unable to stand up?

US judges leave definition of obscenity to Amish, Kansas

Christoph

Not just US standards

And if they really meant it, it would mean that US sites could be prosecuted for material that was obscene in other countries.

Pictures of unveiled women drinking alcohol, driving cars and talking to men they are not related to?

Of course being the US the obvious reciprocal will somehow not apply.

Silicone implants that generate 'leccy invented for US spooks

Christoph

One for Viz magazine

The new Viz superheroine - Tazer Tits

Aussie censor balks at bijou boobs

Christoph
FAIL

How to win over the voters

I wonder how impressed Australian women with non-gigantic breasts are with being told that they don't count as real women? And that their husbands are vile paedophiles for desiring them?

Defects in e-passports allow real-time tracking

Christoph

What more can they do?

Can someone still use a 'legitimate reader' that they've stolen, to read any passing cards and get this code?

It is possible to identify the nationality of issue of the document? And so build for instance a nationality specific bomb?

TSA screener plants powder baggie in flier's luggage

Christoph
Flame

Damn right he should go

The old "It's a young woman so it's funny to terrify her" gag? At least they've finally recognised that there are some things that security shouldn't be allowed to get away with.

Police arrest MD of dowsing-rod 'bomb detector' firm

Christoph
Grenade

A bit more than just fraud

How many people have been killed because security relied on these devices and a bomb got through?

How many have been killed because the device 'reacted' and security shot them?

How many have been killed by security who knew perfectly well that the device is garbage but used it as an excuse?

Nominet appoints itself web policeman

Christoph

Good news for the crooks

Hack your competitor's web site, plant dodgy data, then report it. Time it for their busiest period, and watch them lose all their customers.

Firefox 3.6 goes live and final

Christoph
FAIL

Personas

The new Personas (see the welcome screen) are very impressive. Over 30,000 ways to make your toolbars illegible!

Big Brother Blue seeks biometric anti-terror patents

Christoph
FAIL

Worse than useless

Security will spend all their time hassling anyone with the slightest trace of autism or of anything else that makes them 'different', while the well-trained attackers will be ignored.

Yanks floored by nail guns, computers and baseballs

Christoph
WTF?

Don't be too sure

"we are living in a world where a bloke can shove a coathanger in his cock. Compared to that, nothing should be a surprise."

I invite you to consider a quote from the forum that Adrian Jooste mentions further down-thread.

This is an actual, genuine quote about an actual genuine case.

"self-administered hydrofluoric acid enema"

Is it art or is it pr0n? Australia decides it's ALL filth

Christoph
FAIL

Err ,,,

"(d) an act of penetration, in the presence of a child, of the vagina or anus of a person with a part of a person’s body or with anything else"

How long before a woman is convicted for nipping into a public toilet to change a Tampax without first abandoning her infant child? Or for using a suppository to control the piles she got due to the next pregnancy?

Survey outs Britain as nation of tech twits

Christoph

That's terrible

This seems to imply that a large percentage of the rest of the people interviewed actually gave accurate replies to some idiot with a clipboard? What were they thinking of?