* Posts by Christoph

3323 publicly visible posts • joined 24 Dec 2007

US Marines seek more than a few good men (3,000 men and women, actually) for cyber-war

Christoph

"convincing them to sign up for military life in the Marine Corps could be a very tough sell indeed"

The stereotypical hacker physique is pretty much antithetical to what the US Marines insist on. Digging them out from behind the piles of empty pizza boxes and Jolt Cola bottles to do basic training would be distinctly non-trivial.

Pirates, pirates, whatchu gonna do? Advertisers cop a visit from PIPCU

Christoph
Big Brother

So Plod can now shut down the funding for any site they take a dislike to, with no oversight and no appeal.

They don't even need to tell the site that it's happened, or why they've suddenly lost their advertising.

The top doc, the FBI, the Geek Squad informant – and the child porn pic that technically wasn't

Christoph

Re: Chain of custody

"Our policies prohibit agents from doing anything other than what is necessary to solve the customer’s problem"

So that's OK - they have a policy against it. You can be quite certain that a young, lowly paid, bored computer tech is never ever going to search customer machines for *.jpg in the hope of finding some raunchy stuff. Trust us!

Anti-smut law dubs PCs, phones 'pornographic vendor machines', demands internet filters

Christoph
Alien

Do these filters have to be installed on internet connected cars? (As well as fridges)

I wonder how many faults will be introduced by the extra software and possibly hardware needed.

They will have a system to add new sites, but will there be any way at all to remove false positives?

Though by US conservative standards teenager advisory sites, abortion help sites and breast cancer help sites will not be considered 'false' positives.

How long before they announce they will block fake news sites like the BBC and Snopes, and only allow true news like Breitbart and Fox News?

What happens in Vegas doesn't stay in Vegas: Razer prototypes nicked

Christoph
Holmes

Since people are prepared to stand in queues for hours and spend a fortune to be the First! to get the latest greatest tech gadget, I can easily see someone being prepared to steal something that nobody else will have yet.

Pharma hate figure Martin Shkreli suspended from Twitter

Christoph

If they are banning people for “inciting targeted abuse of individuals” isn't it way past time they kicked Trump off?

MongoDB ransom attacks soar, body count hits 27,000 in hours

Christoph
Joke

MongoDB only pwned in game of hacking

Insane blackhats behind world's most expensive ransomware 'forget' to backup crypto keys

Christoph

So if nobody has paid, how do they know the files can't be decrypted? Analysis of all the software's functions?

Busted Oracle finance cloud leaves Rutgers Uni unable to foot bills

Christoph
FAIL

So what's the problem?

Why wasn't this found during the period of parallel running of the old and new systems?

And why haven't they implemented the roll-back scheme they prepared before the transition?

Err, they did have those, didn't they? Since it would be so obviously silly not to?

El Reg just saved your Wikipedia Xmas

Christoph

Having interacted with one of Wikipedia's editors, I can report that there is another expense involved. When they appoint a new editor, they supply an official broomstick for them to shove up their arse.

Beeb flings millions more £s at Capita for telly tax collection

Christoph

They send me letter after letter after letter. Those go in the recycling unopened.

They occasionally send a bloke round to hammer on the door. I no longer bother telling them yet again that I don't have a television - I just tell them to get off my property, and shut the door.

Meat pies in SPAAAAAAAAAAAACE!

Christoph

It's just

Pie in the sky

New US rules on 'vehicle-to-vehicle' communications under consultation

Christoph

"hazardous location notifications"

That could be very useful:

WARNING! BMW driver approaching.

Christoph

"identifying what road cars are on"

STOP! There's a car crossing the road right in front of you!! . . . on the bridge over the motorway you're on.

UK Home Office slurps 1,500 schoolkids' records per month

Christoph
Big Brother

"We take privacy extremely seriously and access to sensitive data is strictly controlled.

Oh, that's all right then. I'm sure the government will take good care to make all that incredibly sensitive data secure. It might even be several months before the whole database is posted to the net by a hacker.

Remember kids, your teacher is there to spy on you for the government.

Say bye-bye to net neutrality next year, gloats FCC commish Pai

Christoph

"it's unclear if the proposed revisions will benefit consumers or the companies that sell to them."

No it isn't. Not in the slightest. The companies will get the money and the consumers will get the shaft.

New British flying robot killer death machines renamed 'Protector'

Christoph

Slaughter McSlaughterface?

Wow. What a shock. The FBI will get its bonus hacking powers after all

Christoph
Holmes

What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander

The US has passed a law saying they can hack into the computers of anyone, including people outside the US.

I wonder what their response would be if a foreign government passed a law stating that in that case, any of their citizens could legally hack into US government computers?

Small ISPs 'probably' won't receive data retention order following IP Bill

Christoph

Re: Look at the details to find the devil

Or some plod (or anyone else from the long list of agencies who can snoop through your browser history at will) who's a bit short of the ready looking for anyone who has accessed porn sites, then looking up more detail on those people, then selecting suitable targets for blackmail on the treat of revealing those porn site visits.

Snail mail thieves feed international identity theft rings say Oz cops

Christoph

Secure you mail box? Isn't it lucky that postal workers are so well treated and highly paid that they would never dream of intercepting your mail before it even reaches the box.

US citizens crash Canadian immigration site after Trump victory

Christoph

Re: and we thought brexit was a bloody stupid decision

I'll just leave this here ...

McDonald's sues Italian city for $20m after being burger-blocked

Christoph

But why would they object to such an iconic cultural image as the famous Golden Showers?

China passes new Cybersecurity Law – you have seven months to comply if you wanna do biz in Middle Kingdom

Christoph

"Critical infrastructure providers also have to buy their equipment from a list that has been government tested and approved. "

So by the time the bureaucracy approves it, they will be allowed to buy 10 year old equipment that is no longer manufactured. Or equipment where all the development money was spent on bribes.

Browsers nix add-on after Web of Trust is caught selling users' browsing histories

Christoph

Re: the appropriate measures to regain the trust of our users

The appropriate measures?

Here is your service revolver, we'll leave you alone with it.

Christoph

Re: Web of Distrust

But when we've practised quite a bit

We find we get quite good at it!

World-leading heart hospital 'very, very lucky' to dodge ransomware hit

Christoph
Joke

Presumably there would be all sorts of moaning and whingeing if they used the malware senders as donors?

Christoph
Joke

Re: This wouldn't happen if they were running Windows.

"<Sarcasm> needs to be included as a valid tag in the next HTML specification."

No point - the UK wouldn't need it and the US wouldn't understand it.

What should the Red Arrows' new aircraft be?

Christoph

Re: Thunderbird 2

Anastasia

Christoph

If we're resurrecting old designs ...

The TSR-2

America has one month to stop the FBI getting its global license to hack

Christoph

Hopefully all the other countries will declare the FBI to be an illegal organisation, and will arrest and imprison any FBI agent or employee found in their country.

Smoking hole found on Mars where Schiaparelli lander, er, 'landed'

Christoph
Joke

At least the lithobraking worked.

Meanwhile, in America: Half of adults' faces are in police databases

Christoph

Re: And when it seriously goes wrong?

He was lucky. He actually got to trial and had enough evidence to prove his innocence.

If he hadn't had that, he would have been offered a plea bargain. Confess and do decades of prison, or get a sentence longer that his possible lifetime.

Report: UK counter-terrorism plan Prevent is 'unjust', 'counterproductive'

Christoph

We've got to punish this child because our (untested, unscientific) theory says he might be a criminal in the future.

If we're sufficiently nasty and evil to him, that will stop him hating us.

Oh God, here comes the artificially intelligent boss bot – look busy!

Christoph

Sacrificial goat

"We apologise for (getting caught at) our latest mess-up, and we have fired the director responsible"

Blighty's National Pupil Database has been used to control immigration

Christoph
Big Brother

"There are currently no plans to share the data with other government departments"

(Checks watch)

"OK, it's now five minutes later so we can change our mind."

Snowden investigator slams leaker-detector background checks

Christoph

"Snowden and Manning made decisions after the checks that they would do something they said they wouldn't do."

When they found out that the US government made a habit of doing multiple vile things they said they wouldn't do.

NASA opens ISS to private sector modules

Christoph

Free fall porn movies?

But you may have problems with that (NSFW)

Adventures in (re) naming your business: Fire up the 4-syllable random name generator

Christoph
Joke

"invents four-syllable names with extra lashings of “q” and “z” and “j” and so on"

Don't be silly. You'd end up with some ridiculous letter combination like "XKCD", and nobody will ever remember something like that.

Yahoo! spymasters! patent! biometric! online! ad! tracking! IRL!

Christoph

Will the sensors be able to analyze the exact colour of the spray-paint they were covered with within minutes of starting to spy on passers-by?

Hubble telescope spies massive 'cannonballs' of fire from dying star

Christoph

Goodness Gracious

Great Balls of Fire!

Early indications show UK favouring 'hard Brexit', says expert

Christoph

"It would be "some time" before it became clear which UK goods and services, if any, would benefit from any such trade deal, and the terms on which they would do so, Lougher said."

Because any such trade deal is entirely dependent on the goodwill of the EU negotiators to permit us to have such a deal.

If they don't feel like being generous (and why should they?) and we don't have anything to offer in return (and the Brexit people have emphasised repeatedly that we are not going to give ground on anything) then we are out of luck and up the creek.

Psst. Need some spy-on-employees tech? Ask Oriium

Christoph

We found the details of one of our customers on your phone and you don't work in sales or support so you must have been taking our customer files unauthorised. So we wiped your phone clean.

But that's my wife's work address!

Oops. Tough luck, too late.

Four US states demand restraining order to stop internet power handover to ICANN

Christoph

Wouldn't it be nice if right-wing american politicians would actually do something constructive, rather than simply throw spanners in every works they can find?

R2D2 delivery robots to scurry through the streets of San Francisco

Christoph

Re: fixed hazards will be the real challenge

This is the city where the hills are so steep they have to haul the buses up them on ropes.

I want to remotely disable Londoners' cars, says Met's top cop

Christoph

Re: Disabling vehicles for fun and profit...

Even more "fun" - some bugger would get the bright idea of lurking in a remote country lane and disabling any passing car driven by a young female.

But it's the price we have to pay for the police to keep us safe, innit?

Christoph

" the CAA aren't very keen on medium sized drones working that would be quick enough and would stay in the air long enough to get involved in pursuit."

I should bloody well hope not. An operator that's concentrating on following a speeding car through urban roads is not going to be able to also avoid obstacles. A car driver can because it's all in the same place, the road route in front. A drone pilot watching the road can't also separately watch the aerial route.

And I doubt if a drone can corner as well as a car can, especially among buildings.

Flying high enough to avoid everything will lose sight of the car as soon as it takes a few corners.

EyePhones packing Iris-scanning authentication to go mainstream

Christoph
Mushroom

Exploding eyeballs?

"the Samsung Galaxy Note 7 released last month will help spread the technology"

They expect people to hold up to their eyes a phone which has an unfortunate habit of exploding?

Man accused of $180k ass-based gold smuggling scam awaits verdict

Christoph

There's gold in them thar hills

Will US border officials demand social network handles from visitors?

Christoph

They have a perfectly valid reason for demanding this information

It's "Because we can".

They don't need any actual use case for it - they simply grab everything just in case. It satisfies the urge to "Do something!" even knowing it's pointless, and it lets them prove that they can impose whatever they want on funny foreigners and those foreigners have to meekly kow-tow.

Christoph

Re: quote Miranda.

"If you give me six lines written by the hand of the most honest of men, I will find something in them which will hang him."

-- Cardinal Richelieu