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* Posts by Christoph

2631 posts • joined 24 Dec 2007

Unlocked: The hidden love note on the grave of America's first crypto power-couple

Christoph
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Joke

That picture with people facing in different directions reminds me of the cryptographic encoding of the William Tell Overture.

Eight women, facing towards the camera, away from the camera, towards, away, towards, away, away, away.

Titty bum, titty bum, titty bum bum bum.

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Twitter breaks bad news to 677,775 twits: You were duped by Russia

Christoph
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"we are emailing notifications to 677,775 people in the United States "

Cue massive wave of spam saying "This is Twitter. Russians may have compromised your computer. Please log in here for details of how to deal with this. ACT NOW or it may be to late!"

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In Soviet California, pedestrian hits you! Bloke throws himself in front of self-driving car

Christoph
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Re: It's San Francisco

"it's been that way for at least 60 years that I recall."

A lot longer than that. This coming 4th February is the best estimate for the 200th birthday of Norton I, Emperor of the United States and Protector of Mexico.

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US senators vow to filibuster FBI, er, NSA's domestic, errr, foreign mass spying program

Christoph
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"This program has gathered information on innocent Americans and is ripe for future abuse," warned Daines. "We must do our due diligence."

"This program has been turned into a backdoor," complained Warren. "We need reforms for better protections for Americans' privacy."

"Section 702 as it is written allows the government to spy on us," noted Leahy. "We have a right to privacy."

And tough luck on innocent foreigners who have no protection for their privacy and no right to privacy.

If the Yanks don't like it up 'em then don't do it to everyone else.

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Facebook settles landmark revenge porn case with UK teen for undisclosed sum

Christoph
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There is supposed to be a massive database of details of known child porn images so they can be automatically detected. A nude picture of a 14 year old is (other than some *very* restricted cases) clearly child porn. Why was this image not detected in this way after the first complaints?

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Hawaiian fake nukes alert caused by fat-fingered fumble of garbage GUI

Christoph
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Re: Oh my GUI

"If my wife denies my conjugal rights, or the morning milk is sour

From eight to nine in the morning, you're in for a nasty hour

The button being so terribly close, it's really a dreadful joke

Just a bump with my arse as I go past, and you'll all end up in smoke"

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Dear US taxpayers, 4.5 BEEELLION of your dollars were blown on unapproved IT projects

Christoph
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"in many cases the dosh was blown on updates or modifications to existing contracts – and staff did not think they needed approval for the changes"

You can't just spend that extra million dollars on the modifications to meet the changed specs - you need to get approval first! It will only delay the project by about six months and add 10 million to the cost.

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Boffins closer to solving what causes weird radio bursts from space

Christoph
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Re: Easily understandable quantities

How do they work out the total power? Are they assuming it's spraying power in all directions?

If it's actually a narrow beam then the power could be much less.

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UK Data Protection Bill tweaked to protect security researchers

Christoph
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Re: So essentially..

Yes, you 'probably' don't get prosecuted and jailed. As long as you haven't made the slightest slip up that a malicious prosecutor can seize on and blow up out of all proportion.

And this is for professional security researchers. What happens if someone else notices by chance that due to someone's oversight, some data can be trivially de-anonymised? Do you know exactly what procedure to follow and who to notify, having never thought about this before? Can you find that out with certainty, within 72 hours of first going "Oh, that's odd"? Or would you do better to keep quiet and let the information leak out, rather than risk jail for trying to warn people?

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FBI says it can't unlock 8,000 encrypted devices, demands backdoors for America's 'public safety'

Christoph
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Whose law enforcement?

"backdoors in encryption exclusively for law enforcement."

Will this be securely held within US law enforcement? So every other country in the world will be expected to let the US read all their private data at whim?

Or will it be shared with law enforcement in other countries - so that they can then read US private data?

Or shared only with the Five Eyes countries, assuming that they won't read US data (ha!) - but that still expects other countries to let the US read all their data.

Or do they seriously expect that they can make all US citizens (including criminals) use their broken encryption while the rest of the world uses secure encryption that the US can't break? But change to broken encryption when they travel to the US?

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MPs sceptical of plan for IT to save the day after UK quits customs union

Christoph
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Re: There are no specs because the UK's trade agreement hasn't been negotiated with the EU yet

But of course we can develop a full featured solution ready for Brexit despite having no idea what it will need to do until a few instants before Brexit. And all the companies which will use it will be able to make all their own systems compatible with it in the same amount of time.

After all, our wonderful government has stated that it will happen, so that proves it.

Don't listen to all that carping about the 'real world' - a Minister's casual comment overrides mere physical reality. Good grief, next you'll be saying that the NHS is in crisis merely because there's people dying on trolleys waiting for treatment, despite the prime minister clearly stating that there isn't a problem.

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UK.gov admits porn age checks could harm small ISPs and encourage risky online behaviour

Christoph
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They have history of this. The Internet Witch Hunt Watch Foundation once caused major problems on the entire Wikipedia site over a single photo.

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Nebula spotted with more super-sized bodies than a gym on Jan 2nd

Christoph
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Re: LIGO/VIRGO

As I understand it, it's not stereo vision - because with only one detector you can't tell which direction the waves come from at all. Stereo vision works by measuring the difference between directions as measured at two different points.

It's done (again as I understand it) by measuring the difference in timing at the different detectors. With modern ludicrously accurate clocks you can work out the extra time-of-flight at light speed where one detector is further away from the source than another. Then you work back from that to possible positions of the source. With three detectors you can get a pretty good fix.

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If you won't use your brain our machine will use it for you, Nissan tells drivers

Christoph
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Re: Rosy future

"You wouldn't like me, I'm rather slow. "

But wait for my big brother to come along ...

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Military alliance NATO adopts official hymn

Christoph
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Re: To be fair...

the "Halls of Montesuma" which is set to a major key and is supposed to "motivate" you to fight.

That tune is originally the "Gendarmes' Duet"! Hardly a motivation to fight :-)

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US Homeland Security breach compromised personal info of 200,000+ staff

Christoph
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"That information could include name, social security number, address, phone number and date of birth."

And the entire contents of your smartphone, that they copied off when you went through immigration.

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Brazil says it has bagged Royal Navy flagship HMS Ocean for £84m

Christoph
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Re: Whats in a name

"Big Chaz", shirley?

Big Ears

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Christoph
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Re: Whats in a name

Troutbridge

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Now that's sticker shock: Sticky labels make image-recog AI go bananas for toasters

Christoph
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The new SWATing

Create "This is really a gun" sticker.

Stick it on someone's back.

Wait for police to zoom in and shoot them.

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Christoph
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Re: Still no laughing matter

"pass them for the wetware to examine with more care."

Pass them to the wetware for them to fulfil their required quota of rejected claims.

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UK security chief: How 'bout a tax for tech firms that are 'uncooperative' on terror content?

Christoph
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Re: Tax Laws

"The UK is the fifth largest economy in the world. It is a hub of commerce, finance and law, of business services,"

And it's about to flush all that down the toilet on March 29 next year.

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Christoph
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"They've likely caused vastly more economic damage than ISIS ever could....

They've cause 120,000 excess deaths through austerity. Far far more than all the terrorists put together.

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Astroboffins say our Solar System could have – wait, stop, what... the US govt found UFOs?

Christoph
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Of course there's Aliens!

It's obvious. Just look at the evidence. The closer you examine it all, the less actual evidence there is. The more detail you look at, the less there's any sign of them.

So that Proves they exist!!!! Haven't you heard of Homeopathy????

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Weed wish you a merry Christmas: Pot-toting OAPs tell cops 30kg stash is for pressies

Christoph
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Joke

They should have lit the stash when they saw they were being followed, so the cops would have been driving through the smoke cloud.

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CSS and Javascript on GOV.UK page take early Christmas holiday

Christoph
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Re: "we have nothing further to add"

They need Javascript to do the addition.

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What's taking so long? UK.gov pressed over continued delays to biometrics strategy

Christoph
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Re: Why...

Mr Firearms: Because the magazine only holds 12 bullets.

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US senators rail against effort to sneak through creepy mass spying bill

Christoph
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Flame

"Paul noted that "the information on foreigners is gathered in a less-than-Constitutional manner – and most of us are okay with that"

There are several thousand million people who are NOT okay with that.

European laws protect people and their rights, whatever country they happen to be citizens of. US laws protect only US citizens and regard non-citizens as not real people and having no rights.

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HMS Queen Elizabeth has sprung a leak and everyone's all a-tizzy

Christoph
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Aren't those fighters going to get a bit dated?

"new aircraft carriers, which are set to become Britain’s flagships for the next half-century or more"

"flight trials with the new F-35B fighters that will fly from her during her British service life. "

Does anyone know of any first-class military aircraft which have remained operational and first-class for over half a century?

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Ey-up, mardy Rochdale council has dropped plans for ban on swearing. Thank f$ck!

Christoph
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The response to this is well known

If they were to bring in this rule then people will simply use alternate swear words. The usual response is to use the names of the councillors as the required obscenities.

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SCOLD WAR: Kaspersky drags Uncle Sam into court to battle AV ban

Christoph
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Now they know what will happen with backdoors

The US and UK government repeatedly demand that all encryption be backdoored. This is one of the reasons it has so far always failed - no other country is going to use software that the US/UK can break but they can't. And if you tell other governments the backdoor they will be able to read US/UK messages.

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Walk with me... through a billion files. Slow down – admire the subset

Christoph
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Re: reads will be to stuff already cached in memory

A directory read will pull in at least a whole disk sector, with other directories included. When you go down the tree you don't throw away the directory bits you've already read. Any decent system will optimise all this as much as it can. It's not perfect but it's far better than accessing the disk every single time.

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Christoph
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"Assume each node access requires a disk access and this takes 10 milliseconds; then a 10-node file system would take 100ms roughly plus the access needed to walk back up the tree; say 150ms being simplistic."

Well yes - if you first switch off all the caching. With modern memory sizes most of your reads will be to stuff already cached in memory.

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IT buyer? Had enough of pesky resellers cold calling? You aren't alone

Christoph
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"some 90 per cent of these one-way blabfests lasted between one and five minutes"

"DO NOT COLD CALL ME!" [SLAM]

More like 5 seconds, after they've identified themselves.

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No, BMW, petrol-engined cars don't 'give back to the environment'

Christoph
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And it comes with free personal ownership of thousands of miles of roads.

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Elon Musk says he's not Satoshi Nakamoto and is pretty rubbish at Bitcoin

Christoph
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Re: I am ...

Sebastian Tombs?

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Rolls-Royce, Airbus, Siemens tease electric flight engine project

Christoph
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Is this actually practical? Can they power electric aircraft over a reasonable range without either too much weight of batteries or a really long extension cord?

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Fujitsu imagines adjusting your rear view mirror for better hearing

Christoph
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So what's new?

The driver can already use a Bluetooth earphone so the passenger doen't hear the other side of the conversation.

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Abolish the Telly Tax? Fat chance, say MPs at non-binding debate

Christoph
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Re: Threatogram received from Crapita today

Did it have their new bit on the outside, demanding that you tell them when your house is going to be empty?

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From Vega with love: Pegasus interstellar asteroid's next stop

Christoph
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Re: spinners

Or a dish shaped depression on the side of a sphere, that focuses reflected light towards us.

But what kind of object would have a shape like that?

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Help desk declared code PEBCAK and therefore refused to help!

Christoph
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Hopefully it makes it rather more likely that the next time she has a problem she will listen to what the technician tells her, rather than insisting on overriding the person who she has called specifically because he knows more about it than she does.

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Tesla launches electric truck it guarantees won't break for a million miles

Christoph
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Safety?

A whole lot of stuff about how the this increases safety.

And then he announces an updated Roadster that has a top speed of 250mph.

There is absolutely no possible way that can be done safely on a public road. Even by a highly trained driver, let alone the kind of idiot who would buy something like that.

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Christoph
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Re: Initial comments from a guy with a Class A.

"Where does the lovely Mrs. jake sit?"

Or Bobby McGee?

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Inside Internet Archive: 10PB+ of storage in a church... oh, and a little fight to preserve truth

Christoph
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"copies of its data out of the US, because it's good to have an offsite backup."

I would say that it is absolutely vital to have copies of the data outside the USA. And not just with the current regime. The Snowden revelations show clearly that for instance the NSA would have no qualms whatever in hacking in and changing the data, or simply ordering them to change it and forbidding them to say anything about it.

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Q: Why are you running in the office? A: This is my password for El Reg

Christoph
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What could possibly go wrong?

I've injured my foot and need to phone a friend / a taxi to get me home. Oops ...

Oh, it's OK, I can override with the unlock code.

Oh, it's so long since I've used it that I can't remember it.

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The four problems with the US government's latest rulebook on security bug disclosures

Christoph
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"informing US and allied government entities of the vulnerability at a classified level"

Presumably those governments will patch against the vulnerability, and also warn their chums critically important companies to patch against it.

So when a new bit of malware trashes all the small companies but doesn't touch the big ones or the government then it will be pretty obvious why.

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Remember CompuServe forums? They're still around! Also they're about to die

Christoph
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Re: First Quantum Link... then Usenet... now...

"the discussion boards of old are gone"

CIX is still going

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MPs slam HMRC's 'deeply worrying' lack of post-Brexit customs system

Christoph
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Re: @ ZSn

"A democratic vote we had never had about our membership of the EU."

Apart from this one, you mean?

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Christoph
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Re: We're fecked.

Is that what we're calling it now? Buggered Day?

It's when our economy gets washed down the B-Day.

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Christoph
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Re: Why do we need to import anything...

maybe we can look forward to decades of drinking delicious "rhubarb tea"

And the English Oak trees will give us plenty of acorns so we don't need to import that foreign 'coffee' stuff!

(Wanders off singing "Hearts of Oak". Very badly, and off-key.)

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Christoph
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Re: We're fecked.

Don't forget that all the systems that have to work with customs must also be upgraded and tested. Every firm that imports or exports must have its in-house systems working by B-Day, and they can't even start until the new system is defined.

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