* Posts by Mike Crawshaw

508 publicly visible posts • joined 29 Nov 2007

Page:

Revenue admits another IT cock-up

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

@ Stu Reeves, Re: Last Year's Data

Been there.

I was out of the country for 6 months of one year, and had to use my UK earnings only on the form, which was minimal, because I continued to live off a redundancy payment for a while after getting back. They paid me the maximum Child Tax Credits etc, even though I was, by this point, earning in excess of £30K - and the following year wanted a lot back... Telling them that they were calculating incorrectly got me absolutely nothing but a large telephone bill and a nervous twitch whenever I hear "Your call is important. Please hold."

Good luck with that...!

(thumbs down for HMRC)

Facebook battles Google over access to user data

Mike Crawshaw
Stop

"which doesn’t respect the privacy standards our users have come to expect"

He said THAT with a straight face????

The economy: A big Arab did it and ran away, claims PM

Mike Crawshaw
Paris Hilton

Cheap and Decent Whores

There is definitely a shortage.

Erm... so I've been told. Not that I would know. I think I heard someone talking about it.

<-need I explain?

Tories show they're ready for government...

Mike Crawshaw
Happy

El Reg Party Seconded

@ Senor Beavis: I agree. I suggest "5" includes mandatory filming and posting to YouTube. Or possibly YouPorn, depending upon the activity in question.

Important Requirement!!!

*As long as El Moderatrix is the "Party Whip".

Could you pass me my coat? Seeing as I'm chained up, I can't seem to reach it...

Mike Crawshaw

Another reason...

that they're ready for power:

"A spokesman for the Tory Party also claimed we weren't allowed to report this story..."

Yep, "suppression of the media" sounds like a democratically-elected government in this country to me...!

Anyone remember when Alice Cooper "ran" for President in the US? His slogan was "I don't care".

ATTN: NULAB/NUCON - IT WASN'T PROFESSIONAL POLITICAL GUIDANCE!

(PS: Cheers for running it anyway El Reg - nice to know we can count on you for unbiased and impartial pisstaking of all politicians...)

Microsoft pays people to use its search engine

Mike Crawshaw
Joke

Useful... Not!

Discounts on E-Bay? Refunds through PayPal (subject to processing fees) - not really an incentive to use this, I'm afraid!

US Reapers get satnav bombs, deploy on Canadian border

Mike Crawshaw
Joke

Revenge for 1814?

Never let it be said the 'merkins forget a grudge...

Teen battles City of London cops over anti-Scientology placard

Mike Crawshaw

@ Billy Goat

Thing being, the exact opposite of your scenario is true. the Cult of $cientology have carte blanche to do and say what they like as long as it doesn't break the laws of the land (and a lot of the time that doesn't stop them...) - but anyone who disagrees with them and says so is "silenced".

Therefore they have free speech, and we do not. That's the part that winds me, and I don't doubt a lot of others, up so much. It can only live and die on its merits if its merits are open and up for debate amongst supporters and detractors alike, rather than simply banning anyone who says anything "nasty" about them - even if this includes, as in this case, the repetition of a legal ruling.

Mike Crawshaw
Flame

Cu*t of Cu*ts

F*cking ridiculous. They're not a recognised religion in this country (cu*try?), so they shouldn't be able to hide behind religious discrimination laws or similar. I don't give a flying f*ck whether what I say upsets them, just like they don't give a flying f*ck that their repression of my right to free speech upsets me.

I want them to come to my area (Sheffield). I've converted a Mormon missionary into a beer-swilling smoker, so my next challenge is this lot. F*ck, I might even make the effort to go find some of them.

Flames, as they would once have been burned as witches, the lot of 'em.

Ofcom pulls plug on wholesale broadband regulation

Mike Crawshaw

@ Jolly

have a look at the SamKnows site:

http://www.samknows.com/broadband/search.php

enter your postcode here and it will bring up your local exchange, including details of providers.

HTH

UK.gov plans central database for all your communications

Mike Crawshaw
Unhappy

Feature Creep...

"It applies only to information around communication - the time and duration of your chat, ***not its actual content***."

"Yet" is the word to add there... it's obvious that there will be:

"a requirement, under certain circumstances, to examine the content detail of certain communications in order to validate those communications as valid and legal, for instance, the difference between phoning an Auntie in Pakistan for a recipe and phoning a cousin in Pakistan at the same telephone number in order to have a terrorist communication. We need to know what you're saying in order to keep you safe. If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear."

Mobiles help UK malls track shoppers' every move

Mike Crawshaw
Black Helicopters

Cue.... (queue? que? Let's not start that again...)

me turning my phone off and on repeatedly whilst waiting for the gf to decide which pair of shoes she actually wants. If they want to know where I'm going and what I'm doing, they can ask me.

(And I'll say no, of course, but it's only polite for them to ask, rather than assuming that I want them to track me.)

Any details which malls are involved in this?

Brown brown-noses Google, Brin demands privacy

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

Pass The Eggs

Gordon Dubya Brown makes an even better target than Ballmer...

Google under fire again for handing user info to police

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

6 days in prison??

Arrested on Friday (16th) and remanded until 21st - for saying he hates a politician.

Sheeeeeit.

Hope the uk.gov don't hear about this one and get ideas. Cos I REALLY hate Gordon Brown....

(Not AC so Google don't have to get involved....!)

Yorkshire police head off pillow fight anarchy

Mike Crawshaw
Stop

"we're not able to police".... bitch whine...

"The last thing we want is for a thousand drink-filled youths fighting each other and getting the wrong idea. That could turn into something a lot more awful that we're not able to sort of police."

Yeah, I know. They can't handle a handful of them at a time yelling "come on then!!" at each other on a Friday night outside Majestyx*, so what hope would they have of battering into submission, sorry, "policing" a thousand or more people at once?

* I used to live in Leeds. Whenever the police turned up to a fracas, they always seemed to either:

a: if dressed in riot gear, hit everyone in the immediate areas with truncheons, regardless of the person's behaviour (e.g. a girl trying to stop her boyfriend bleeding out by staunching a knife wound who was clouted round the head with a truncheon for "resisting arrest")

b: if not equipped with shields etc, use the Sam Vimes method - wait until everyone was either scarpered or unable to move, and arrest the latter.

Thus spake the Moderatrix

Mike Crawshaw
Paris Hilton

@ Graham Bartlett

Some friends of mine are a couple, both female (and both hot, which is great, unfortunately they've never invited me for "that sort of evening".... bah!), and they've told me about the local "specialist sexual orientation catered for" nightclub they frequent actually has "twin stalls" in the ladies, specifically for that sort of shenanigans.

Happy fantasies...!

(Paris, as I'd imagine she'd be quite popular there...)

Mike Crawshaw
Happy

Void/Miyamoto Musashi/Yes

Yes?

Hmm.

Truly Zen. I stand in awe. Or rather, sit in the lotus position, staring at a cave wall, chanting a mantra, contemplating your wisdom, in awe.

Life a mess? The Moderatrix can help

Mike Crawshaw

Void? OK.

Well, you did ask....

According to Miyamoto Musashi, the Kensei, in his seminal work "Go Rin No Sho":

"In the void is virtue, and no evil. Wisdom has existence, principle has existence, the Way has existence, spirit is nothingness."

Should we therefore aspire to the state of void, where virtue is present but "evil" is not, where virtue thus becomes meaningless due to the absence of its opposite - or should we abstain from the void state, in order to allow virtue to have meaning?

Mike Crawshaw
Coat

"Strict Guidance"?

Please tell me it's Sarah and not Paris....!!!!!

"Whatever you say, Mistress...."

<- the one with the numerous interesting straps, thanks!

Google kills Anonymous AdSense account

Mike Crawshaw

@Tom - Heinlein

I recommend "Starship Troopers". Not only is it a great read (and not much like the movie at all), it gives an interesting insight into the man via the motivations of the characters.

Mike Crawshaw
Joke

Scientologists in Google...

That explains why most of Google's press statements make as much sense as the Operating Thetan manual....

Developing world buoys up software pirates

Mike Crawshaw
Stop

Numbers Game?

"The BSA welcomed the drop but admitted more needs to be done to curtail the counterfeit software industry in Britain, where it claimed losses hit £925m in 2007"

So.... that is definitely the "lost sales" value, right? Mr BSA, you've taken account of the fact that people will happily pay £30 for Dodgy Software X from E-Bay, but isn't prepared to pony up £200 from PC World for Official Software X because it's simply not worth that much to them, right? We're only talking about the people who bought a dodgy copy, who would, of course, have paid full retail otherwise?

Right? I can't hear you, Mr BSA...?

Dixons admits 'it's even worse than you thought'

Mike Crawshaw
Joke

"it's even worse than you thought"

I'm sorry? Dixons is worse than I thought? Nope, not possible...!

Son of 419 victim contacts El Reg

Mike Crawshaw
Coat

@ Spleen

OK, so it took a while to see your reply to my reply to your reply. Or whatever the hell it was...

The point you make is different to the point I made.

The difference is in the type of scam they've been exposed to in the past - they've mainly been exposed to face-to-face, physical artefact scams. You'd be very unlikely to get them to buy a cow/pig at a market that isn't what it seems, for example - because they have experience of that kinda thing. But the magical world of moving numbers around is a different matter entirely.

Also, many, especially older, people still subscribe to the belief that "if it's written down, it must be kosher" - and this puts them off-guard. "If it wasn't ok, they wouldn't be able to put it in writing", kinda thing. They think that because it's in writing, they're somehow protected against it ripping them off!

Yeah, the guy was probably thinking he could maybe make ££££ without much effort by "cheating the system", and he was incredibly stupid for doing so. Not disputing that. But being stupid isn't (yet) a crime. And y'never know. If it's genuine, and he's a preacher, maybe he was going to use the millions to run an orphanage? *koff*

Oh, and it *is* possible to cheat an honest man. e.g. There's not much dishonest about believing in new age medicines etc, and buying a bottle of cat urine from a quack doctor who claims it will cure Condition X. Gullible, yes. But not dishonest.

Now it's pub o'clock at last. Hurrah! Grabbing coat, the one with Geniune Calvin Klein aftershave at £1.50 a bottle in the pockets...

Mike Crawshaw
Black Helicopters

@ Various Respondents.... Bloody Hell....

Stewart Rice: nope, probably not sent to just El Reg. But the fact that it was sent to El Reg, which any casual Google-Friend can see is an IT-thing, would make it a less-than-desirable target for this sort of scam, but a reasonable choice for someone wanting advice on an internet-based scam that they've been hit by. As an AC posted shortly after you, who searched details of the message, it indicates that it's not a bulk-mailer, you know how fast they turn up on search engines. Yes, it is possible it's a brand new one, which got bulk-mailed out yesterday, and hasn't made it onto the "scam lists" yet, and they just happened to send to El Reg first, but I doubt it - the odds against make it unlikely.

Bobbles31: most 419-type scams launch pretty quickly into the "offer". This one doesn't make any attempt to garner cash. Yeah, it might be a targetted attempt to establish rapport prior to asking for money, but usually, especially if a bulk-mailer sent to many addresses, the offer is immediately "on the table", to minimise time wasted. You don't want to establish a rapport with 50 people before finding out that 49 say "F*@K OFF!!" as soon as you mention money, because it's more time-consuming than making the offer to 1000 people, of whom 10 might respond with interest, making them worth spending the time on.

Spleen: we have a lot of information in mainstream media about scams like this, and people STILL get taken in. Be it 419s, lottery scams, buy-to-let "clubs", timeshare, whatever. TV, radio, effectively unfettered internet, print media etc all flood with information about these all the time. Hell, there was a documentary on about the Buy To Let clubs last night. In India, where this guy is located, that level of media isn't present yet. So, if in this or any other developed country, where people fall for this sort of thing all the time, can we really expect someone else in a country where this isn't the case to be equally informed?

Robert Cooke: I use the term "IT Rag" in an affectionate way. No other IT publication uses the Eee girl photo quite as much, which means that El Reg has a special place in my heart.

I'm not saying it's genuine, though I reckon there's a possibility that this is the case, **based on what El Reg published** - if there's a rider at the bottom with details of who to make the cheque payable to, then ok, scam! However, as long as they're not asking for money, I'm content to give the benefit of the doubt. No, I won't be sending El Reg cash to forward on to him...

People everywhere fall for scams like 419, and some get themselves into a lot of trouble. Same with lottery wins (tbh, I find people falling for that one even more stupid - how the hell did I win the Canadian Lottery when I live in England and never bought a ticket, exactly???), pyramid schemes, blah blah blah. They all offer something substantial for comparatively little, and people delude themselves into thinking that the risk (if they even consider it) is worth the potential gain. Yes, because they're greedy, dishonest idiots, but that's by the by. Enough people fall for these things to make it worthwhile for the scammers to continue. Until that is no longer the case, it will continue.

It's 920am, and I already need a drink...!! Helicopters, cos it seems like hiding in my bunker might be a good idea...

Mike Crawshaw
Dead Vulture

I'm not so sure... @ cynics

I don't actually think that this is a "419 mark II".

It's been sent to an online IT rag - not individuals. Not the best move if you're wanting gullible types, but a reasonable move if you want advice, especially considering the number of associated topics El Reg has covered over the years.

It doesn't ask for money - just advice.

It includes contact details.

I reckon it's either genuine, or a publicity hoax ("let's see if they'll fall for this, ho ho"), but it doesn't come over as a "please send me money" type. Assuming it's been reproduced in full...

Assuming it's genuine, the guy's dad has been an idiot. But remember that thousands of people fell for this scam in *this* country, where we have ready access to information about the scam in question, and scams in general - in India that's not as much the case, and the money involved is worth a lot more than it is here - so the dad would have been less aware of the dangers than a comparable person here, and the rewards would have seemed greater.

Sad. If it's genuine and not a variation on "for every time you forward this email some poor child in Botswana will receive 0.001p". Which is possible.

Dead Vulture cos I know if I'd lent somebody £thousands and found out they'd pissed it away on some scam, they'd be ending up in a similar state!

SMS costs more than using Hubble Space Telescope

Mike Crawshaw
Go

Free Texting...

Ah, Sluggy. You remind me of when I was working @ O2 (OK, Cellnet, as was - before BT Cellnet, and before O2) back in 95-03 when our call centre operators (the guys you got when you dialled 100 - none of this "press 1 for this, 2 for that", either!) used to tell our punters about foreign SMS Centre numbers cos they used them themselves! Before the bloody management got wind of it...!

Apple to announce handheld games console at WWDC?

Mike Crawshaw
Paris Hilton

@ Neil Hoskins

"Nobody is stupid enough to buy an iPhone and a separate iConsole when they could just get an N-series Nokia with N-Gage included."

You really do underestimate the stupidity of the masses, don'tcha?? I see people with an iPhone, iPod and an extra iPod Shuffle for the gym! Seems redundant to me (without getting into the details about whether you like or dislike Apple products), but I guess I just don't earn enough to give Mr Jobs all my money....!

Taser gun usage soaring among UK cops

Mike Crawshaw
Joke

Re: "Accuracy"

"Of course that assumes that anyone in power still knows how to tell the truth."

Even suggesting that is a possibility shows you have waaay too much faith in the current establishment....!

Google-Yahoo! collects some strange enemies

Mike Crawshaw
Happy

@RickyTheRiot

"Surely even they aren't that low."

HAHAHA!!!!

That was a true "mouthful of coke meet monitor" moment!

Windows XP SP3 sends PCs into endless reboot

Mike Crawshaw

OEM

Can't remember if it was SP1 or 2 for XP (THINK it was 2, but no promises...), but there were massive problems with OEM kit there too, IIRC Dell customers in particular had to wait for a "Dell version" of the SP in question.

Sounds like it might be, as Stephen Usher says, this issue, especially as there's prior form for it. Either way, I'm gonna wait for the dust to settle before I install.

Office 2007 SP1 goes automatic for the people

Mike Crawshaw
Paris Hilton

No Thanks!

Office 2K7 SP1? Errrrr..... no. Office 2K7? Errrrr.... no.

I imagine the "design" of 2K7 went like:

Punter: "This Excel thing. It doesn't have enough rows!"

MS: "It has 65,536 rows. Per sheet. And you can have lots of sheets. How many rows do you want, exactly?"

Punter: "It's not enough for mah spreadsheet!!! Ah need a MEEEELEEON ROWS!!"

MS: "Hmm. How's 1,048,576 rows? It's a nicer number."

Punter: "Can I put convoluted variable VLOOKUP formulae nested in multiple IF statements in EVERY SINGLE ONE???"

MS: "Yeah, sure. You *could* do that... but..."

Punter: "YES!!!! GIMME!!!!"

(one spreadsheet "design" later)

PC: *fizzle*.....*whirrrrr*.....*clickclickclick*.....*pop*

Paris. Because I bet she wants a million rows.

Barclays Capital slashes contractor rates by 10%

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

Timing

Take the 10% hit. Become less productive and spend more time goofing off / working on side projects (the Dilbert method as Pete describes above).

Wait until working on something *absolutely* critical with exceptionally-tight timeframes.

Walk. With a big smile and a cheery wave.

Peekaboo pledges pole-dance kit for Wii

Mike Crawshaw
Go

Re 18 rated games on Wii

Steogede:

"You would hope this would get an 18-rating, which would trigger a ban from Nintendo - they don't allow 18 rated games to be published for their consoles."

Elrond Hubbard:

"18-rated games - like the Wii version of Manhunt 2, you mean?"

And Resident Evil - The Umbrella Chronicles... No More Heroes...The Godfather (Blackhand Edition)... Mortal Kombat Armageddon...

Murdoch sees MySpace miss targets

Mike Crawshaw
Joke

MiFaCroCeSoBoFtOk!!!!!!

The name's a winner. Patenting it as we speak.

Extreme porn bill gets final reading

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

Gordon Brown Picture??

Gotta be illegal under this. I certainly consider any picture of him to be:

*"grossly offensive": check

*"disgusting": check

*"otherwise of an obscene character": double check

and seeing as these are some of the oh-so-well-defined parameters to be used, well, we can look forward to never seeing a picture of him again. Worth it just for that, surely*?

*oh, ok. "no it's not, and don't call me Shirley!"

AT&T halts holidays during 3G iPhone launch window

Mike Crawshaw
Pirate

say WHA?

Hi boss, you know you said I could have some time off in June, and to come back to you with the dates once I'd booked it? Well, me and the wife are going to Bermuda for 2 weeks! We're SO excited! Huh? Oh yeah, the dates. From 23rd June to 4th July would be great, so I'll be back Monday 7th July....

What do you mean by, "ther's an exciting product launch, and I'm going to love it", exactly?

>KZZZZZEEERT!<

Pirates. because AT&T are.

BT Fusion rises again

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

Also includes!

Not to mention a full-version Phormware application embedded into the handset, listening to your conversations and occasionally interrupting with "You said 'BT are fuckers', would you like to hear some adverts for other services available from BT? Say 'OK' to continue."

But they don't know who you are* (terms and conditions apply. Words used do not describe the service, including phrases such as 'unlimited'. Please see website for full details. When stating we do not know who you are, that does not imply we can't find out, but we're not going to tell you that.), so that's ok. And it keeps you safe from people who might otherwise listen to your conversation whilst sat next to you on the train. Really.

Cynical about anything from BT these days? Moi?

Jacqui Smith un-downgrades cannabis

Mike Crawshaw
Coat

Why pay attention to the facts?

When there's a potentially favourable Daily Mail front page at stake?

The one with the lead weights in please, pass it over to Ms Smith and throw her over the side.

Private sector saviours wanted for desperate ID scheme

Mike Crawshaw
Coat

Re: Well there's one company

I don't reckon even Capita would want a part of this one!

Mine's the one with 5CR3W-UK/60V on the back in bright yellow paint for easy recognition through CCTV and targetting lasers.

Two arrested over piracy at computer fair

Mike Crawshaw
Jobs Horns

@ "Was it £100,000 or £1,000,000?" AC

"What about different prices in different countries for the same software? I wonder how many of those "pirated" boxes were imports from US.

I'm looking at you MSFT and Adobe..."

You forgot to include one other large company...

http://www.channelregister.co.uk/2008/04/25/apple_grey_ipods_etailer/

ISP reporting network to pierce bandwidth smokescreens

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Up

Count Me In!

We all know ISPs lie, and it'll be nice to have some independent proof of this as opposed to the current situation of nothing but anecdotal evidence, which, as every marketing drone knows "doesn't reflect the excellent service that ShitCo delivers to its thousands of satisfied customers.."

Winehouse cans Bond theme project

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Up

Hurrah!

Now I can go watch the film without cringing through the credits!

PS: Anon Coward, if all the articles about her tire you, there's an easy solution...!

Oz cops sound iPod road cross death warning

Mike Crawshaw
Joke

I'm safe then!

As I use a SanDisk mp3 player with a black cable...

Phorm in phormulaic logo phorm storm

Mike Crawshaw
Go

It might....

work if they do take them to court. With the sheer volume of negative publicity surrounding Phorm (Data Whores), a very-similar logo could be argued as having a negative impact on Phorm Design, and thus leave Phorm Design with a case for damages (lost revenue - potential clients assume that they are connected with Phorm (the Big Bitches) and thus take their business elsewhere).

I've seen court cases succeed on flimsier grounds than that!

iTunes to offer movie downloads on day of disc release

Mike Crawshaw
Pirate

International Pricing...

"According to the magazine, Universal, Fox, Paramount, Warner, Sony, Lionsgate and others will today say they will allow iTunes to sell new movies for $15 on the day those films are released on DVD. They will also begin offering back-catalogue movie downloads for $10 a pop."

Which will likely equate to £15 or a new one, or £10 for an old one here in sunny Blighty...

Think I'll stick to the 5 for £30 deals in Zavvi!

How scanners and PCs will choose London's mayor

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

No, no, no.

"We could do a sample manual recount, but if it turned up a problem, we wouldn't be able to do anything about it, which would be the quickest way to collapse voter confidence in the result,"

No, the QUICKEST way to collapse voter confidence in the result is to state that "we think it'll work, so we're not going to check it, and we won't do anything if we think there's a problem cos we don't want anyone to know if it doesn't work."

Grand Theft Auto 4 queue man stabbed in head

Mike Crawshaw
Paris Hilton

@ Liam

Liam: Don't understand your response....

You quoted me:

"The people I really feel for at the moment is the staff in the real life games stores who will be under huge pressure with kids (some with parents / other adults) coming in to buy this game, and the problems they're going to face with that."

And replied:

"thats no different from kids wanting toys that are too expensive. my parent just said NO when i was younger. since then i have gone out and earned my way without help from anyone. saying YES just to make life easier is the reason we have so many unruly kids that cannot take NO for an answer."

Maybe I'm being slow today (wouldn't be the first time) but I don't see the connection.... All I was saying there was that I feel for the games store assistants who are getting the shitty end of the stick from kids & parents when they refuse to sell / say "you ARE aware this is an 18-rated game you're buying for your 9yo son, right? And that the game manufacturer agrees it's not suitable for minors?" - because they get a lot of grief for this (based on what I've seen in Game/HMV/Zavvi etc). I don't personally think this is a suitable game for kiddies, even if they are "very grown up for 12", and was just telling the AC he's not on his own with the child pestering him. My 12yo nephew has been doing the same to his mum, but she has the balls (metaphorically!!!!) to say no and deal with the ensuing tantrums. So did I when he then came to ask "Uncle Mikeeeeeeey" because I *do* buy him some 15 etc rated games - but only after I have played them myself and am comfortable that the content is suitable. In this case, "no chance kid!"

Paris cos I'm probably just being slow (again).

Mike Crawshaw

@ AC

You're not alone. I've spoken to a number of people with kids under the age recommendation for this game who are being whined at, and a significant majority are in the position where they either have bought, or plan to buy, this game for said kids to end the pester-factor. In every case, I've tried to put them off, because it really, really, isn't suitable for children, and I know I wouldn't want my kids playing it. Some agree, some don't, but a lot weren't aware of what sort of content was in it.

The people I really feel for at the moment is the staff in the real life games stores who will be under huge pressure with kids (some with parents / other adults) coming in to buy this game, and the problems they're going to face with that.

Slashdot website down

Mike Crawshaw
Joke

This is wonderful!

The % accuracy of spelling on the web has increased 4% today...

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