* Posts by Mike Crawshaw

508 publicly visible posts • joined 29 Nov 2007

Page:

Hubble transmissions cease as computer fails

Mike Crawshaw
Alien

It's a PLOT, I tells ye!!

This is all a dastardly plot by the Xenuthians - they see the Hubble looking out into space as our early-warning system, and, with that out of the way, they can freely invade and force us all to watch Tom Cruise / John Travolta films forevermore!!!!

Meat Loaf gets Q gong

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Up

But it has to be said....

that he sounds / performs a damned sight better than Amy Whinehouse!

*grins, ducks, and runs like hell!*

EU bids to dominate future nebulous buzzword

Mike Crawshaw
Go

Web 3.0 Definitive Definition. Definitely.

A great big shit sandwich. With cheese. And olives. That costs £24.99. And has advertising burned onto the bun. And, right after eating it, an annoying waitress wants you to fill in a questionnaire about your "dining experience".

BT's third Phorm trial starts tomorrow

Mike Crawshaw
Stop

Not really an opt-out, is it?

"BT chief press officer Adam Liversage confirmed that opted-out traffic will pass through the system during the trial, but said it "will not be mirrored or profiled".

So if you opt out, your data still goes through the system, but they promise not to do anything with it. Well that's ok. After all, they're both reputable, trustworthy companies who would never lie to us.

Oh, wait....

Not In Any Way, Shape or Phorm!!!

Tw*tdangler defends Benito Mussolini stunt

Mike Crawshaw

"pfft this is shit..."

"I liked the Blaine-in-a-box thing though. I went to see him get lowered down. Amazing how many people were there just to go "pfft, this is shit", on an especially cold night." (Sarah, 14:30)

They said that because they were hoping the box would get dropped...

Fire-breathing black cabs: Shock eyewitness photo

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Up

OMFG!!!

Does their arrogance know no bounds??? Blatantly advertising their allegiance on the licence plate (L15ARD)??

The courage of the NRA photographer is an inspiration to us all.

Right: Which one of you lot invented 'tw*tdangle', eh?

Mike Crawshaw
Happy

@SecretGeek

"But I am actively involved in dissemination of the word to everyone I meet (In context obviously, I'm not just shouting 'TWATDANGLE!' at passing strangers.)"

I've found that shouting "TWATDANGLE!!!" at passing strangers is actually quite fun. I recommend it.

Airline industry refuses to be ID card guinea pig

Mike Crawshaw
Flame

As a Johnny Foreigner*...

They can bollocks. Issuing them to foreign residents before anyone else? I'm pretty sure that's got to break some sort of bullshit discrimination law, there's enough of 'em about. In fact, as a member of the CoFSM, I'm pretty sure that it's against my religious beliefs to be tagged like this, and forcing me to do so is incitement to religious hatred. Or something.

(I wonder if the Jewish communities are looking into the details? I reckon they've probably got a pretty decent chance of saying "fuck right off" based on history... and they have a lot of lawyers...)

(*No, I didn't get a council flat after being arrested by the British Navy...)

Another London BT exchange hit by thieves

Mike Crawshaw
Joke

No Prosecution

No matter what evidence is found. BT gave the alleged thieves implied consent, y'see....

Royal Navy won't fight pirates 'in case they claim asylum'

Mike Crawshaw
Joke

Inappropriate commander?

"There is in fact an international naval force operating in the Arabian and Red Seas called Combined Task Force 150 (CTF 150), currently commanded by a Canadian officer..."

WTF? The Canadian Navy consists of 2 blokes in a rowing boat with shotguns!!

(disclaimer: I'm Canadian, OK?)

Fujitsu and Sun arm juttejutsu server with quad-core processor

Mike Crawshaw
Coat

Nod to Juttejutsu?

Or perhaps a nod to 'Madarame Ikkaku' the Manga character (no, I've never heard of him either, but Manga's hip with the kids these days, isn't it? Isn't it?)

<-- The one with the colorful iron fan in the pockets, ta...

El Reg dresses The IT Crowd

Mike Crawshaw
Unhappy

Multiple Chances?

I don't suppose that, as someone who signed up AGES ago, and has actually BOUGHT SOMETHING from C&C, I'd have a better chance of winning than one of these bandwagon-jumpers who're subscribing just for the competition and will unsubscribe again straight after, would I?

Yeah, thought not...! *humph*

Coming soon: Spider-Man - The Musical!

Mike Crawshaw
Stop

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!

There, that's better.

eBay: don't come on our US site without protection

Mike Crawshaw
Pirate

Meh

The company was once a treasure-trove of tantalising tat.

Now, it's actually kinda morbid curiousity only that keeps me paying attention, in a loose kinda way, to see just how long it takes this Titanic to slip beneath the waves, whilst its customers are jumping for the lifeboats, and the band plays on.

E-Bay = Pirates.

Kings of Leon to freetards: Y'all are trash

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

Not even for free

Funny, I was talking about them with another music-lover this morning. Neither of us would even d/l any of their stuff for free, it's shit.

Hearing a lot from / about shite bands whining about piracy recently, saying it's affecting their sales and stealing the champagne from their swimming pools. Sorry guys, but your sales are affected because you're shit and nobody wants to buy them, no matter what the record company's telling you.

EFF sues Dubya over warrantless surveillance

Mike Crawshaw
Coat

@ All - Take a Deep Breath...

And remember that WP is an attention-seeking troll. The more you reply to him, the more he has his posts justified. He's a Crusader, y'see, bringing the light of Truth, Justice and The American Way to the limp-wristed heathens that benight our world with their Ungodly Ways.

Let's not get distracted from the article itself by his rant about dirty bombs and wishing death on the EFF who are obviously "peedyfile terrywrists!!!!!" a la Daily Mail headlines.

The US govt has been caught with its hands in the public's drawers. Now they're saying that, even though it wasn't legal at the time, now it is, and therefore it always has been, and we should be grateful that they are, in effect, able to wiretap any comms at any time for any reason, without following the processes (warrants) that were in place to prevent abuse of their power. It's for your own good. What's particularly scary is that the McCain / Palin partnership are even more god-bothering than Bush, and (based on some of Palin's emails that have come to light) she seems to be the type that will happily send in troops anywhere she likes because God told her to. Maybe God uses her neighbour's dog to talk to her...? (cf. Son of Sam)

"It is better that a thousand innocents suffer death than a single guilty man be free to spread his heresy"

Anyone guessing where that comes from wins a slightly-used teabag. No, it wasn't Bush, though I imagine if he heard it, he would use it...

<- cat, hat, out for a smoke.

Noel Edmonds defies BBC's jackbooted enforcers

Mike Crawshaw
Stop

It angle?

Well the TV Licensing people DID check their database for Mr Edmonds' current licence status...

500,000 oppose Red Arrows Olympic ban

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

If only...

We could get that many people to care about something that's:

a) important

b) not come from newspaper making random stuff up to boost flagging sales.

*sigh*

Norway sends entire citizenry's ID info to media

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

Translation

"According to the tax authorities, the documents can only be opened by using a secret code and so damage may be limited"

He means it's a bunch of Excel files protected with a "pa55word"...

Oz pub slammed over 'No Undie Sundie'

Mike Crawshaw
Go

I wonder...

If they'll introduce it in the Walkabout chain over here..?

Texting worse for drivers than drink or drugs

Mike Crawshaw

How on earth..?

Do you get invited to take part in these things? Where do I sign??

HMV keeps Warhammer-ers from goblins

Mike Crawshaw

HMV were really pushing this too...

HMV were e-mailing people to promote the entire "early access" thing - I got at least 2 emails from them about it, where they were pushing just this game. Apparently you get two exclusive in-game items as well, or something similar. Glad I decided against it (I love the Warhammer novels, but won't pay a monthly subs to play a game, as it's not worth it for the amount of time I would use it).

Bad HMV. There will be many beardlings adding the name of HMV to their Book of Grudges.

Scientists study near-death sensations

Mike Crawshaw
Happy

Ahhh, Plato...

Nice to see some culture sneaking in. If you could work in some references to Histories by Herodotus, that would be great...

Reg readers rage at comment icon outrage

Mike Crawshaw

@ AC 15:08

"Kung-Fu Phooey"??????????

I think you'll find it was "HONG KONG PHOOEY" with his "Hong Kong Book of Kung Fu".

Hmm, yep, a pedant icon might be appropriate....

Mike Crawshaw
Flame

Politicians.

Something about them. Something fair and accurate. Something that clearly indicates that they are a lying, selfish, egotistical, back-stabbing, self-serving, conniving, sleazy, dishonest, imbecilic, inbred, technophobic AND technophiliac, interfering, power-hungry, dictatorial, hypocritical ASSHOLES.

Something like that. Especially that Gordon Brown, his eyes are too close together.

Senator saves YouTube from al Qaeda

Mike Crawshaw
Pirate

Ninja Training...

YouTube bans? HA!!! As there is free an unfettered access to dodgy 80's films like Ninja Terminator and Revenge of the Golden Ninja, my ninja training will continue.

By watching these over and over, I have already learned how to change into a (yellow) ninja costume (which I didn't have with me, complete with an arsenal of sword, staff, bow, throwing stars, knives, nunchaku etc) in the midst of a backflip, whilst making a loud **SPANGGGG!!!!** noise, then badly lipsynching everything I say.

<- pirates beware!

OMFG, what have you done?

Mike Crawshaw
Coat

Hmm not sure...

Well the new icons are crap. The ads are a pain. Don't like the fixed width. But it does load way faster.

Will reserve judgment for a week or so.

<-the one with the old icons in the pockets...

UK.gov told not to subsidise superfast broadband

Mike Crawshaw

Competitor Nations?

"The UK's internet infrastructure should be benchmarked every year against competitor nations"

<hopeful>

Is South Korea a competitor nation, by any chance?

</hopeful>

Thought not...

University offers one-day Jedi course

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

I'm no Hutt...

but that Jedi Mind Trick didn't work on me... Trilogy 2 was the movie equivalent of the content of Jabba's toilet after a particularly nasty curry & guiness session the night before.

Back to the point, though: no lightsabre = not interested!!

Royal Society: Schools should show creationism 'respect'

Mike Crawshaw
Stop

Hmmm. Maybe I read a different article?

But tbh, I read this as "in science classes, we need to be able to show how Creationism is not a valid scientific theory if asked."

How is that a bad thing? If, in Science, a kid says "but teacher, my mommy and daddy and Pastor say that the earth was created in 6 days by a great big beard in the sky who then nipped off to the pub with a stern warning about leaving the apples alone!!" - should the teacher not be able to demonstrate why such is not the case in scientific terms?

I don't see anywhere that the Royal Society is saying "let's abandon Dawrinian evolution in class, and let the kids decide which they like best between Abrahamic Creation, Norse or Egyptian mythology (as Paul Buxton pointed out, the Egyptian one would be particularly entertaining!) and 'we just kinda turned up. who cares how?'."

Accepting something as a worldview just means that they have to say "some people believe that...." rather than saying it is true in any way.

For example, I can state that nazism and communism are both world views. Doesn't mean that I'm supporting either of these, nor does it mean that I am saying either is valid - I'm just accepting that there are people out there who believe these viewpoints. I *HAVE* to accept this position (that they are worldviews) in order to destroy the philosophical standpoint on which they rest through reasoned (and supported) argument.

All from the article:

“teachers need to be in a position to be able to discuss science theories and explain why evolution is a sound scientific theory and why creationism isn’t”.

"The Royal Society is opposed to creationism being taught as science."

"The statement quotes Reiss saying, "Creationism has no scientific basis."

"I have referred to science teachers discussing creationism as a worldview'," he goes on to say, "this is not the same as lending it any scientific credibility."

Or maybe this is actually an article about Paris. In which case, my sincere apologies.

Brits are Europe's biggest gadget buyers - official

Mike Crawshaw
Coat

Fags and Booze FTW!!!

The gov should also be celebrating £34bn on these, as that's probably worth at least £10-15bn in tax revenue (depending on the fags/booze split). Bastards.

<-the one with a pack of Marlboros and a bottle of Jack.

Bury council carries can over spycam binmen

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

NewSpeak

like the NewSpeak at the end of the article, especially considering the recruitment of children to inform on neighbours, just like the "Spies" child organisation in "1984".

Thumbs down for the gov using this as an instruction manual.

Exposed: North Korea's taekwondo assassins

Mike Crawshaw
Joke

*sigh* why can't we just all get along?

and beat the living shit out of each other in the ring without getting political about it?

Doctors rally for right to call UK.gov quangonista a 'sh*t'

Mike Crawshaw
Pirate

He was pretty tame...

Knowing a couple of people affected by these changes, I'd say he was being pretty generous with his comments. The mere mention of her name is enough to turn gentle, kind, caring people who just want to help and heal, into rabid psychotics foaming at the mouth with a taste for human flesh. Y'know, kinda like saying "Jaqui Smith" at a Liberty /Amnesty convention...

Beware the innocent systems 'health check'

Mike Crawshaw
Coat

Huh?

The REAL WTF is that...

Oh, hang on, sorry, wrong site...

Academic wants to 'free up' English spelling

Mike Crawshaw
Go

@ Torben Mogensen

"Rather than changing English spelling, it would probably be a lot easier to make people pronounce words the way they are spelled, "

I can't help it.

"I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English Ku-nig-hits."

How to stop worrying and enjoy paying for incoming calls

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

No. No. And AGAIN, NO!

I'm not scared of Bill Ray...

Based on this, surely, if you're making a call from an (e.g.) O2 phone to another O2 phone, termination charges would not apply, as it's not travelling "outside" the network in the same way as an Orange-Vodafone call.

So, will they waive the incoming charge for the receiving phone in this instance? Or will they charge anyway "to prevent confusion"? My money is on the latter. How about ported numbers? 07710 is an O2 prefix, but might be pretty much on any network at the moment, and, as such, neither the calling nor called party can tell which network the other phone is with, even if they're familiar with which codes generally come from which network. If I receive a call from an 07710 number, which is O2, and I am on O2, why the hell should I pay a termination charge to receive that call when the network isn't paying one? This winds me up enough when calling a number that I think is O2 and cheap, and then finding out after 15 mins that they've ported to Voda!!

This is a money-spinner for the networks, and nothing else. They're envisioning the drop in profits from the caps in roaming charges, and wondering how else to pay for their yachts.

And no, I don't use VOIP - I have a landline and a mobile, that's plenty enough. And, also, no, I don't want to move my landline number onto my mobile or vice versa. I like having two numbers. My mobile number is fairly freely available, my landline number is only known to close friends and family. And no, if they introduce making me pay to pick up calls, I will simply turn off voicemail and reject the calls that I don't recognise / can't be arsed - leading to less traffic for the networks.

To summarise the above: No, No, and Thrice, NO!

Columbia set to resurrect Ghostbusters

Mike Crawshaw

Overrated Originality?

"Anyway, originality is overrated. Lots of really terrible art is unlike anything that went before it."

Well said Sarah...!

Ladies and gentlemen, please direct your attention to the contents of the Tate Gallery... all the exhibits share two traits. Originality and terribleness.

Phone phishers hop on filesharing legal threats bandwagon

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

I'm actually surprised!

That the scammers are using the phone first, at least. E-mail is less effort, more time-effective, and requires less manual input, not to mention easier to "scattergun", sending out hundreds of the same template at once.

Either way, scammers and lawyers - who can *really* tell the difference? Is there one?

Lockheed demos AI-based roboforce command tech

Mike Crawshaw
Stop

@ Tony Barnes

Dammit, I was gonna say about the name too. But I'll just add a bit:

The story of Icarus was one warning of the dangers of over-ambition without taking dangers into account, where the central character, ignoring those who warned him against his foolish actions, over-reached - using what would then be regarded as experimental technology - and, as a result, became a red smear on the ground when it all went horribly pear-shaped.

Perhaps Lockheed Martin should take this into account before we all end up Reap(er)ing (sorry, couldn't resist...) the fruits of their labours by living out Terminator / The Matrix / Robocop / I Robot.

In the meantime, I'd like a plasma rifle with a 40-watt range. What d'ya mean, only what I see?

Kids may benefit from mobiles in class

Mike Crawshaw

Recording Teachers?

I thought that the teachers etc were dead against this, to the point where classrooms are the one part of a school where CCTV doesn't appear? But the kids can record teach reading a poem? I wonder how many suitably-edited versions of those will end up on YouTube...

eMusic rattles ISPs over legal downloads

Mike Crawshaw

WTF?

"It seems premature in the extreme to be warning of the consequences of something that doesn't even exist."

No it's not. It's common sense to try and prevent said "danger" that's being warned against from coming to pass. That's the point of a warning.

Chinese boffins crack invisible-shed window problem

Mike Crawshaw
Happy

If I had an invisible shed...

I would need to see out. How else would I know when to hide the beer and porn when I see the missus coming??? Mere invisibility is no impediment to Her Wrath....

Dixons Group still suffering

Mike Crawshaw
Joke

"Firm has much to be cautious about"

Not as much as anyone going into their stores does!!

Reding tells Euro MPs to back telecoms reforms

Mike Crawshaw

Damn...

"The speech called for quicker data portability, compulsory data breach laws if private information is lost, more transparent pricing structures to make life easier for consumers, and more wireless broadband services to improve net access for rural types."

At times like this, she sounds halfway competent. Then I remember that she wants the called party to foot termination charges, and the illusion evaporates....

Neo-Nazi forum hacked

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

Left v Right

To the people saying the far left are better than the far right....

Stalin was far left. So was Mao Tse Tung. So was Pol Pot. Ho Chi Minh. Putin. Kim Jong Il. Whoever the hell's currently in charge in China.

When you take far left or far right, and keep going the way the majority do once they have any power, you go full circle, and although the justifications may be different, the actions are the same. It doesn't matter to the guy being gassed / sent to the Gulag / face-down in the killing fields / harvested for organs what the political motivations are.

Condoning this behaviour because you don't agree with someone is the start of nasty, nasty things. I seem to remember a certain vertically-challenged Austrian started by socially excluding and demonising those whose politics he didn't agree with...

(despite the flameproof leather jacket, I feel obliged to point out that I am not in any way agreeing with the neonazis/afas/scientologists/any other involved party. It's depressing that I feel I have to clarify this.)

US to give some rendition info at Gitmo trial

Mike Crawshaw
Black Helicopters

Surely....

If the US had nothing to hide, it would have nothing to fear....?

Erotic artist urges spanking for Jacqui Smith

Mike Crawshaw
Thumb Down

Nebulous Definitions - @ Andrew Thompson

a-d are pretty straightforward in themselves, as long as you don't get into the entire "appears to be" bit. E.g. you take a mobile phone pic of your mate on his stag night, pissed up and shagging one of those inflatable sheep - is that covered under (d)?

So. Is "Girls with Guns" covered? Strictly speaking, yes, as lives are *portrayed* as being threatened. But in reality? We don't know. It'll all depend on who decides whether the portrayal is "realistic" and who decides whether it is realistic or "offensive / disgusting / obscene".

"Fairly specific"? Not at all. It's all going to be judg(e)ment calls, and the results will be entirely subjective based on the interpreter. When our legal "professionals" are split as near to 50-50 as you can get with 5 people, it doesn't bode well.

Mike Crawshaw
Joke

Like the campaigners...

I'd like to know what parts of my collection would contravene the new policy. I'd e-mail it to them one item at a time for comment, if it weren't for the fact that by the time I was halfway through, they'd be thinking they were being DDOS'd....!

Common usernames get more spam

Mike Crawshaw
Happy

@ Lots

You're all hideously wrong! Never mind, some of them were quite entertaining - especially the Futurama ref. I think some of you guys need to get yourselves on Countdown!

@ chrisw: I've had the address for years now, I guess people don't auto-add me to their books, or that they haven't been scanned - at least I haven't received spam as a result, either way. Maybe the spam lists can't handle the addy length? (19 chars before the @)

@ steogede: I could compare Hotmail to a lot of parts of a dog's anatomy, but none of 'em are complimentary.... I mainly use it for legacy reasons (had it for the best part of a decade, before GMail etc) and it's the address I use for a lot of forums etc - I'm just too lazy to change them all!

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