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* Posts by Eponymous Cowherd

1596 publicly visible posts • joined 28 Nov 2007

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Dutch send submarine to fight Somali pirates

Eponymous Cowherd
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Armed Merchant Ships

The "Q" ships wouldn't be merchant ships, like the WW1 Q Ships they would be naval vessels operated and crewed by the Navy (ours or otherwise).

The fact that HMS Pirate Basher used to be a merchant vessel and still *looks* like a merchant vessel is irrelevant. She is now a Warship and is perfectly entitled to be armed and blast the shit out of anyone who attacks her.

In any case, to tackle the Somali pirates, the ship, *itself*, wouldn't need to be armed. A Naval crew backed by Marines with a selection of heavy weaponry would probably suffice.

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Eponymous Cowherd
Grenade

Q Ships

At the moment piracy is a reasonably safe and profitable business. This needs to change.

Used during WW1 against U Boats, Q Ships were armed trawlers and coasters crewed by Navy personnel. U Boat commanders didn't like expending their limited supply of expensive torpedoes against small, low value, targets, so they would surface to sink them with their deck gun.

As soon as they did, the "Q" ship's sides would drop down and she would open fire on the unsuspecting sub.

A similar approach would probably work against the Somali pirates. It wouldn't even need the ships to be converted as the Pirates usually pack only small arms and RPGs. Simply crew random merchant ships with heavily armed bastards and wait for the pirates.

If the pirates *do* attack, then avail them of a suitably messy object lesson, ensuring one or two are left alive to convey their splattered comrades back to the shore / mothership to drive the "piracy has its risks" message home.

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It's non-stop fun in Zero Carbon Britain, 2030

Eponymous Cowherd
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When the cure is worse than the disease.

So, Do we take the Zero Carbon Trust's advise and kick *ourselves* back to the stone-age, or wait to see if Global Warming does it for us?

The first is certain, the second is, at worst, probable.

I suppose the ideal "greenie" solution would be for the entire Human Race to commit collective harakiri, leaving the planet to more worthy creatures, but I imagine they'd reject that idea because of the greenhouse gasses given off by our decomposing bodies.

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Google vanishes Android apps from citizen phones

Eponymous Cowherd
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Kill, Kill, Kiiiiilllllll

***"On the other hand the draconian, iron first dictatorship that is Apple has never used it's kill switch for the iPhone."***

Probably because the "draconian, iron first dictatorship" kills apps that might be subject to the "kill switch" before they appear on the App Store.

Its a bit of a two edged sword. If I have installed malware from the Android Market, I would want it removed from my phone ASAP. On the other hand, I would want to be sure only malware would be removed, and not just something Google disapproves of.

I would really like to see settings option along the lines of:-

"Allow Google to uninstall applications"

Always [ ]

Ask First [ ]

Never [ ]

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Google's Android market needs Jobsian strongman

Eponymous Cowherd
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Updates, apps and Java

The Updates fiasco provided by the likes of Vodafone could seriously damage Android. Being 6 months into a two year contract with a 1.6 based phone that the service provider (I'm looking at Vodafone UK, here) won't commit to update is extremely annoying and could put people off Android. The fence sitting is the most annoying thing, they refuse to say whether they will or won't update your phone.

There are, indeed, a lot of garbage apps on the Android Market. There are also a lot of apps that you cannot (and, due to Apple's App Store policies, never will), see on an iPhone. Generally there *is* and app for most things on the market, and, unlike the iPhone, if there isn't an app, I can write it myself (on Windows, Mac or Linux) and don't need to pay anyone to deploy it on my own phone.

There's nothing wrong with Java (at least, no more than any other language), and, IMHO, the Android API is rather elegant and powerful, though that's obviously a matter of personal preference. You do realise we are talking about something that is more akin to the full J2SE, rather than the J2ME abortion that is used to provide Java apps for most other phones. That, I will concede, is a frightful mess.

Running a rooted Vodafone Magic. Got pissed off with waiting for Vodafone to make their blasted minds up.

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Microsoft unveils – wait for it – another mobile OS

Eponymous Cowherd

Why does Ballmer....

remind me so much of John Prescott?

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Killer piranha stalk Folkestone pond

Eponymous Cowherd
Stop

Nasty little native species.

We have our own native nasties:-

Lesser Weever (Echiichthys vipera) and Greater Weever (Trachinus draco) . They inhabit sandy beaches around the UK where they lay half buried waiting for prey. Unfortunately they also get trodden on by bathers who are impaled on their venomous dorsal spines.

The Lesser Weever is the more venomous of the two.

Some years ago I saw someone "stung" in the hand by one of these. I was fishing off a local pier when a tourist's kid caught one. A local recognised it immediately (as did I) and told the lads father to cut his line. The muppet refused to believe something that venomous lived in UK waters and tried to unhook it, his hand only protected by a piece of rag. Needless to say the Weever's spines easily penetrated the rag, and his hand.

First there was an "ouch", followed by a few expletives which, as the venom took effect, escalated into screams of agony and blubbering.....

Yes, they really are that bad.

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Apple bans competing ads from the iPhone

Eponymous Cowherd
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Those pesky developers.....

are quite entitled to make money from their aps by charging for them.

Personally, I would much prefer to buy a "full" version than to suffer an ad-supported version.

The thing that really annoys me, and a practice that seems to be in-vogue amongst Android devs at the moment, is converting a app from "free" to "ad-supported" without warning. In many cases this is pushed as a "Major update" on the Market, but does nothing more than introduce ads.

A current culprit is the producer of (what was) a very good Klondike Solitaire game (Android users will probably know who I mean). A "major update" appeared on the market with many "new features". When you do the update you discover the "new features" are ads. Nowhere in the Market write-up does it mention ads and they don't appear in the Market screen-shots of the same screen where the ads appear. Bloody underhanded.

Then there is the placement of the ads. Right on the card table where you constantly trigger them as you drag cards about.

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Jobs: iPhone sales spank Android

Eponymous Cowherd
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Steve's Afraid, Very afraid

With good reason. The Desire is a stonkingly good piece of kit. The benefit of Android phones over the iPhone has always been their freedom and flexibility, but they were let down by their sluggish performance and lack of polish in use. That is certainly the issue with my HTC Magic and most of the 1st gen Android devices.

Having played with a colleagues HTC Desire, however, it is clear that that problem has been resolved. The user experience is as smooth and slick as the iPhone, without any of the lock-in and control freakery.

Now, the only advantage the iPhone has over a top-of-the-range Android phone is the bling factor. If you don't mind being seen with a phone that isn't an iPhone then there is no benefit in choosing an iPhone over an Android phone.

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From iPhone to iOS – Apple nabs (another) Cisco handle

Eponymous Cowherd
Jobs Horns

Watch out Ian

Steve's coming for ya.

(and Imogene, Isobel, Iolanthe, Isaac. ......)

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Is your office World Cup sweepstake legal?

Eponymous Cowherd
FAIL

Of Mountains and Molehills

It would be a brave decision to prosecute the organiser of a non-profit sweepstake, irrespective of the actualities of the Law.

It doesn't take much imagination to envisage the media shitstorm such an action would create.

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Ballmer says Windows will shame iPad

Eponymous Cowherd
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Regarding Bing

Overheard conversation.....

"Dad, what's Bing"?

"Well, it's like Google, but not as good"

Seems those expensive TV ads are working, then.

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ID cards poster girl laments her £30

Eponymous Cowherd
Big Brother

Proving Darwin wrong?

How has someone this astoundingly stupid survived so long?

Big Brother.

He ain't watching us quite so much as he used to (but still more than is necessary)....

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V-22 Osprey downblast scatters spectators like skittles

Eponymous Cowherd
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Alternate View

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=bc3_1275329146

Whole tree felled

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Met lab claims 'biggest breakthrough since Watergate'

Eponymous Cowherd
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Unhappy

But when taken seriously......

the consequences of an expert witness giving his whacko theories as "evidence" can be tragic.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sally_Clark

Frankly, I believe its an insult to his victims that Meadows is still walking the Earth, let alone that he is still practising.

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Eponymous Cowherd
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Not necessarily

It is the pattern that is important. How variations in mains frequency affect a recording device are probably more complex than merely inducing 50Hz mains hum onto the recording.

Variation in mains frequency may also induce harmonics, vary sampling speed and/or quantisation levels. As long as the variation in mains freq for a given time frame = the variation in the measured attribute then you have a match.

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Eponymous Cowherd
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Nope

As the article says, this will even work on battery powered devices as long as they are in the vicinity of mains power.

I suppose it may be possible to climb into a Faraday cage or go somewhere where there is no mains electrickery nearby.

I wonder if using a generator or inverter to power the recording device, or generate a powerful enough field obscure that of the nation grid, would be sufficient to defeat this technique.

I suppose that an enterprising crook could record the variations in mains freq themselves and then apply them to a recording though It would be difficult to make this appear authentic, particularly if the analysis takes harmonics into account.

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Ballmer, black turtlenecks, and Microsoft's next big idea

Eponymous Cowherd
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Missing the Boat again

Microsoft have a history of missing the boat and then playing catchup by using its corporate muscle to buy the sea the boats are floating on so that its, often inferior, boat has that sea all to itself.

Trouble is, this time, the seas aren't for sale and are owned by corporations that have (at least) as much clout as MS.

With the likes of Apple and Google already having a massive head start with their state-of-the-art racing yachts, by the time MS manages to whack the decrepit pedalo that is WinMo into something even remotely seaworthy, the race will have already been won.

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Blunkett threatens to sue for £30 ID card refund

Eponymous Cowherd
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I'll give him £30 for it

eBay, here I come.

Seriously, though, Blunkett is a few bricks short of a full load. He comes up with the idea for ID cards and the intrusive NIR. He wanted them to be compulsory. He wanted people to pay £30 for something most of them didn't want.

Now he wants a refund on a charge *he* imposed on himself.

He's wackier than Jacqui.

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Queuing for an iPad? Why?

Eponymous Cowherd
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Hmmm

***"If they get an iPad then I won't have to fix it ever."***

Because it is perfect, and if you can't do it, you don't need it?

Aunt Edith: "I can't see the videos on the BBC News website".

Kevin: "That's because they use Flash".

Aunt Edith: "Can you install it"?

Kevin: "Errm, no".

Aunt Edith: "Why not"?

Kevin: "Because Apple won't allow it".

Aunt Edith: "Can I have one of those netbook things. Edna's got one and she can see the videos".

***"Still, it looks like Balmer is taking over WinMo - so good exciting things should be coming out soon."***

Chairs, mostly.

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Eponymous Cowherd

Why indeed....

***Talking to a few people who've been using them for a week or two the killer application, beyond any other, is web surfing while watching TV. Sadly it seems that the quality of our television is now so low that without additional entertainment viewers just become bored."***

Surely a bog-standard notebook / netbook will do this just as well and, by virtue of its hinged screen, can sit on your lap with the screen orientated to the optimum viewing angle, leaving your hands free for operating the TV / STB remote controls.

Can *anyone* suggest a valid use for the iPad that cannot be accomplished easier with a smartphone and/or netbook? This is a serious question, they certainly look very cool, but I cannot think of a single use I'd put one to.

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UK.gov issues death warrant for ID cards

Eponymous Cowherd
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FAIL

Oh do wake up...

and smell the fsking coffee.

It isn't (or, rather, wasn't) the principle of ID cards. If the Labour Government had introduced ID cards as a sort of lightweight passport *without* the biometric centralized NIR Big Brother shit backing it, nobody would have minded.

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Eponymous Cowherd
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We already have them

The "biometric" bit is merely a digital version of your photo and they fulfil our obligations.

I don't have a problem with this as:

a) I don't consider the image of my face to be private.

b) The image isn't stored centrally.

The problems with the proposed NIR based passports were:

a) I consider my fingerprints to be private.

b) Data stored centrally in the NIR.

c) Data can be used by Police for the purposes of criminal investigation (all passport holders would be suspects in every crime).

d) the proposed "enhanced" biometric passports weren't required by international agreement and were merely a sneaky way of getting ID card refuseniks onto the NIR.

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Eponymous Cowherd
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I assume...

Her Majesty's Opposition will oppose the Identity Documents Bill. It will be fun to hear Alan Johnson trying (and certainly failing) to defend the monstrosity that was the NIR.

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BT quotes pensioner £150,000 to get broadband

Eponymous Cowherd
WTF?

Did they think

she was Paul's long-lost sister, or something?

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Google's encrypted search casts shadow on web analytics

Eponymous Cowherd
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Terminator

Funny isn't it....

If you don't control your kid's Internet activity you get one group of twatspanners berating you. If you *do* control their Internet activity a completely different group of assholes has a pop at you.

Just can't win.

I am left wondering at what this particular AC was attempting to achieve with that post and why he/she/it is so bereft of anything remotely resembling a pair of bollocks that he/she/it felt the need to post AC in the first place.

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Eponymous Cowherd
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The problem is...

Even using OpenDNS, you can either block Google (entirely), or not. I want to filter on the query string, and you can't do that over SSL.

So 443 gets the chop on the kiddies computers.

There isn't a lot that Little Miss Cowherd would need SSL for, and when she does she will have to use the main computer (under supervision).

OpenDNS is a good suggestion though. Will certainly use it to block the pron. (just can't be use to block searches (accidental, or otherwise) for pron using SSL Google).

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Eponymous Cowherd
Stop

Bonus blocking

In order to protect little miss Cowherd from an assortment of web nasties I have, among other measures, configured my firewall to block URLs that contain certain words.

One of those words, I have discovered, also blocks Google Analytics.

Bonus!

Now the problem. If little miss Cowherd uses Google's encrypted search, then all of the query string will be encrypted and I won't be able to block based on what she is searching for (either deliberately or accidentally).

So, probably going to have to block port (outgoing) 443 to her PC.

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Halting McKinnon extradition not in our power, says Clegg

Eponymous Cowherd
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FAIL

You do have to wonder, don't you.

Pre election Clegg:

We should grow a pair and stand up to US bullying.

Post Election Clegg:

Bends over, pulls bum cheeks apart and tells Mr President to be as rough as he likes.

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School IT quango to be expelled

Eponymous Cowherd
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Silly me.

And there I was thinking it was based on the size of the backhander.

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Eponymous Cowherd
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And those that do know IT.....

Get so pissed of with teaching secretarial skills instead of IT that they piss off (back) to Industry.

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Eponymous Cowherd
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ICT isn't Computer Science.

Maybe it should be, but it isn't.

It teaches kids to use computers, it does very little to teach them *about* computing.

It attempts to train them to be efficient office drones, but fails miserably. The kids that are interested in computing are bored shitless at having to learn Word and Powerpoint instead of getting down to the nuts and bolts, while the rest are bored shitless, full stop.

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Eponymous Cowherd
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And how do they "persuade"?

***"Supplychain has to persuade PCTs that it's worth while to link up."***

And I can imagine the sort of "persuading" that is required to convince a PCT's chief exec to spend twice what the kit he's buying is actually worth.

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Facebook boss admits privacy 'errors' and promises revamp

Eponymous Cowherd
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Doing a Ratner

***"Zuckerberg describing early adopters at Harvard "dumb fucks" for trusting him with their data have hardly helped Facebook's cause."***

Lets hop Zuckerberg and the whole (un)social networking bullshittery goes the same way as Gerald.

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No refunds for ID card pioneers

Eponymous Cowherd
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Serves 'em right....

Still, the "nothing to hide" brigade can take comfort in the fact that they will be useful for scraping ice from their car windscreens, next winter.

Having said that, those that were *forced* to have ID cards (foreign nationals) *should* be offered a refund as they had no choice in the matter.

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'Dossiers on enemies' found in Italian Scientology raid

Eponymous Cowherd
Stop

Italian Police in Scientologists are control-freak nutters shocker.

Tell me something we don't already know!

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2012 Olympic mascots cop a shoeing

Eponymous Cowherd
Joke

Mandeville?

Sounds like the bastard offspring of Peter Mandelson and Cruella DeVille.

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McKinnon family awaits final, final extradition decision

Eponymous Cowherd
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Indeed.

I recall Nick Clegg making a comment during the election campaign to the effect that the UK should grow a pair and stand up to US bullying.

It will be interesting to see if the contents of his trousers are up to the challenge.

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Eponymous Cowherd
Black Helicopters

Interesting to see...

if the ConLibs have the bottle to stand up to Uncle Sam and sort out this lop-sided extradition treaty fiasco.

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Clegg promises liberties restoration

Eponymous Cowherd
Go

They could also......

stop the DVLA from selling your personal details to any wheel-clamping crook who asks for them.

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Eponymous Cowherd
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Big Brother

School Dinners

I believe this refers to the fingerprinting of kids in schools to ID them for meals. The idea is that they are less likely to lose their fingers than their dinner money or payment cards.

Mind you, I reckon little miss Cowherd would be quite capable of misplacing her own head if it wasn't firmly attached to the rest of her.....

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Eponymous Cowherd
Big Brother

And another thing to scrap........

ANPR.

Well, not ANPR per-se. I have no problem with ANPR cameras reading number plates to check that the vehicle is insured, taxed, not listed as stolen, etc, but once those checks have been done and the vehicle checks out as "clean" then the record (of where and when it was "seen") should be discarded and not stored as a permanent record as it is now.

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Ball lightning is all in the mind, say Austrian physicists

Eponymous Cowherd
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Photographic evidence?

So the various photos of ball lightning are:-

Faked?

Something else that looks like ball lightning, but isn't.?

Or are cameras subject to "phosphenes" too?

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William Shatner to star in Twitter-inspired TV show

Eponymous Cowherd
Coat

My dad says............

You Klingon bastard. You've killed my son!

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Daleks poised to invade tour UK

Eponymous Cowherd
Unhappy

I suppose...

they will be the crappy new plasticy Lego Daleks rather than the original....

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Cops back in on BT/Phorm case

Eponymous Cowherd
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Reasonable Persons

The real test is (or should be) whether a "reasonable person" in the positions of the people implementing the Phorm system should know that such a system does constitute an illegal wiretap.

I would say that such people *should* be aware of the law regarding the interception of private communications. It is their business to know and it is reasonable to expect them to know.

Whether or not they actually had "guilty minds", they should have been aware that what they were doing was potentially illegal. The fact that they claim didn't know should not be allowed as a defence.

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Samsung offers $2.7m of grease for wrestling Bada devs

Eponymous Cowherd
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The difference between chalk and cheese

Samsung have very little to gain or lose from their Android competition. There are countless apps for the Android platform that will run quite happily on the Galaxy so it doesn't really make much difference whether anyone enters the competition or not. Writing an app for the Galaxy is no different to writing one for any other Android based phone.

Bada is a different kettle of fish altogether. Its entirely propitiatory. Bada apps run only on Samsung Bada phones. Unless Samsung can convince mobile developers to learn Bada (as well as Android, iPhone, Pre and Symbian) then Bada is a dead duck. They have to overcome the Bada "catch 22". There is no point in developing for Bada because there is nobody to buy may app but nobody will buy Bada phones because there are no apps for it.

To be honest I would think the Android competition is more generous than the Bada one. As an existing Android developer it costs little time and effort to have a punt at the £2k, but would take a *lot* of time and effort to tool up, learn Bada and create an app for a platform that stands a good chance of flopping on the outside chance of winning £300k (or less). If you have a great idea for a "killer" app, then its far better to develop for the mature Android and/or iPhone and be fairly sure of making money than taking a long shot at a winning a prize.

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Jacqui Smith and Charles Clarke shown the door

Eponymous Cowherd
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No, not communist....

Although their authoritarian style is certainly moving in the Stalinist direction.

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Eponymous Cowherd
Big Brother

Mad Meg

I see that the results for Hackney South and Shoreditch still aren't in at 12:00. I suppose that its too much to hope that Mad Meg Hillier might be given the boot considering her massive majority.

Still, you never know.

Big Brother. Hopefully we will see less of him, now.

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Eponymous Cowherd
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Wacqui Whacked

Good riddance.

Shame that Ed "so what" Balls managed to cling on.

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