Posts by TeeCee

@Ned Ludd

".......some sort of long hose taking advantage of earth's gravitational pull would be much more efficient."

Don't be silly. With that level of siphonic pressure you'd never stop it once started. There'd be a long, loud sucking noise, the moon would shrink and the Earth's water levels would rise dramatically*. The sudden shift in mass between Moon and Earth would destabilise the system causing The End Of The World**.

*Pissing off the Carbon Cultists who think they have a monopoly on this one.

**Quite possibly due to some crustal instability CGI bollocks.

Re: Yeh Rite Like?

Ah yes, one of the "Ploughshare" projects or "what civilian purposes can we apply our enormous pile of nukes to?".

I saw a programme on this a while back, included that they'd tested this idea (dig line of holes, insert nuclear weapons, detonate, instant canal) in Alaska.

The test showed up a serious drawback, the canal created had significant levels of radioactive contamination. Who could possibly have seen that one coming eh?

@Drew Cullen

I, for one, welcome our El Reg Technical Overlord.....

Qualifications.

'....only "qualified people" are permitted to assist him with the firearms.'

'..“You aim it right, left or down and take the shot.”..'

I suppose those two together mean they'll be getting "Bernie the bolt" out of retirement then?

Re: Only one American dock?

True, but terribly naive.

The Americans will put up four docking ports, to maintain docking port parity and also preserve the existing one for willy-waving value (regardless of whether or not they actually have any spacecraft to dock with them). Barack Obama will make a keynote speech stating the new US objective to have over a hundred docking ports in orbit before the end of the decade. The Russians will counter by announcing a humungous new booster capable of lifting a single 100 port module in one go, which they'll never actually build. The Americans will spend billions of dollars actually building a similar booster (which will differ in that it will have plush upholstry, be able to also carry a crew and have a potato peeling attachment*), before they notice that the Russians haven't ponied up with the firestick.

The ISS will run out of power and come crashing back to earth as all its solar panels will be shaded by docking port modules.

*Courtesy of a NASA budget bill line item.

@David W.

Ah. That'll be due to the terrible shortage of Hovercraft eel-trap makers.

It's a dying art you know........

How long?

".... tense nine-hour armed standoff...."

"<Whiiirrrrr, Ka-chunk> YOU HAVE NINE HOURS TO COMPLY" just doesn't have that ring to it somehow.

@Hollerith 1

When and if the time comes, that question we'll answer by holding up a banana and they'll say: "Ah yes. We remember now, free bananas. Which electrodes did you want where again?"

@scottboy

How could I have overlooked Rythmic Gymnastics? I'm mortified...

Re: Let's get this clear.

"Or did he murder then rape her?"

So that's necrophilia added to the rap sheet then. With a record like that I wouldn't be surprised to find animal sex in there somewhere.

<goes to check>

Yup, "glennbeckisasheepshaggingperv.com" is available* so it could easily be true** with a few minutes work.

*Although I checked that using Network Solutions, so it probably won't be for a while (El Reg articles passim).

**For a given value of "true" where Truth is defined as="it sez so on teh intuhwebs".

Re: Solution

Seconded. Second problem in 10+ years here too. I'm happy to forgive 'em with that sort of record.

If any of the stuff I was directly responsible for only went pear-shaped twice in ten years, I'd be pretty bloody pleased.....

Re: Not the cheapest.

The important bit in the price is the words "Sim free". The price in the Pulse review is for a T-mobile locked phone with a PAYG contract.

You're comparing Apples with Pears.

Re: Thank you for that.

That's funny, I'm not sure we've met and yet you seem to know me so well......

Jenga, The Movie.

In which two huge skyscrapers are built and then a big chunk is poked out of the middle of each. Will they fall down or won't they?

Oh, hang on, it's been done..........

Rickrolling.

Being made to feel like a complete n00b for not changing passwords?

There's an app for that.

"Kids love it,"

Yeah, for like five minutes.

Then they go back to the Wii / Xbox / Cartoon Network / whatever.

They're not going to sell many of these come Xmas with that sort of attention holding record.

@ ac 13:37

".... literally millions of intranet pages and home grown web based apps that can't run on any version of IE thats > 6....."

We certainly have (certainly many thousands anyway). I haven't found any of it that won't play ball in IE8 with compatibility mode on though (and "View Intranet pages in Compatibility mode" is the default).

It took a minor tweak to the Intranet zone security settings (enabling cross domain data access) to get it 100% gripe free.

Anyone still trotting that out as an excuse isn't trying hard enough.

Dust 'n fluff.

I recall once going out to do some work on an IBM S/36 5363 (the "underdesk box" one). While I was there, I took the opportunity to down it, open the case and hoover out the accumulated dirt as it was in a rather dusty environment. At one point, I opened the card cage cover and what was revealed induced some pithy comments in anglo-saxon.

Where there should have been a set of cards containing the CPU, disk controller et. al. with air passing through to cool 'em was a solid block of crud with the card edges peeping out of the side.

Unlike the machine in the article, it still worked.

Re: Great Value

They've already done that in Europe.

Up 'til recently, the drill was to apply for a renewal with the local British embassy, paying the usual fee, plus postage.

Now they've changed it to run the whole lot though Paris and outsourced the whole shebang to a bunch of shady incompentant thieves.

There's now a surcharge for the privilege and your passports are returned using what has to be the most overpriced courier service on the planet*. The only payment methods are either something electronic unique to French bank accounts and post offices (very clever) or by enclosing all your Credit card details with the application (yes all, including the CVV details - driving a coach and horses through the rules here). There's a surcharge for Credit Card payments too.

To cap it all, the thieves in question run an enquiry number. This is a local, premium rate, number in each European country affected, each charged at the maximum allowed under local telco regulation rules. The first thing you're asked for is your Credit card details so they can charge you two euro a minute on top of that, which if not breaking the letter of the charge cap regulations is certainly at odds with the spirit of same. Then they put you on hold..........

Total cost runs to a shade over 100 quid a pop, plus any eye-wateringly expensive time on the phone spent bollocking them for screwing up, which they do all the time (hardly surprising when failure is so handsomely rewarded).

I had a total sense of humour failure. They make Ryanair look like philanthropic angels.

*and I'll bet a stack of cash that the courier service only sees about 10% of it, which would be nearer the market rate.

Re: New petition please...

You might just get what you want.

One of the things that's come out of the expenses whitewash^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Hreview is that they're ending the system where an MP standing down gets a huge payoff, but they're postponing this change 'til after the election.

So any MP who resigns this time round will get a big fat bung and any who decide to try for another term, er, won't. Will the last one out please turn off the lights......?

This is crap, isn't it?

".... "dump caverns" lying a little off the main track...."

"...become extremely hot and quite radioactive..."

Are you really trying to say that when they take a dump it leaves a huge, steaming pile in a side room? I think I knew that.........

@Pablo

"...installing a backdoor (google updater)..."

It's a backdoor?

That's funnny, I'd rather assumed it was a marketing tool designed to sell multicore CPUs and SSDs. Removing* this wonderful piece of crapware from your PC does more for boot times than upping the CPU frequency by a gigahertz, adding a gig of RAM and swapping the HDD for a velociraptor.

*I do mean "removing" rather than "uninstalling", as the uninstall option appears to do nothing bar expunging the end-user visible bits.

Back to front?

"....a thorough revision and change of the copyright legislation, a complete removal of the patent system...."

Just swap the words "copyright" and "patent" around and it makes sense then.....

Make one yourself!

You will need:

One Sinclair QL. One iPhone. One can of Holts "Silver Wheels". Blu-tack.

1) Spray the QL with the "Silver wheels" and allow to dry.

2) Blu-tack the iPhone to the top of the QL above the microdrive slots.

3) Er, that's it.

Ah, the eternal IT flip-flop bandwagon rolls on.

We've just been through a period where big, centralised systems with big, centralised databases are "in". It now looks like we're entering a period where small, distributed systems with tightly scoped local datasets are "in".

Exit "big iron" boys stage left, muttering "we'll be back".

Nothing to see here. Move on.

Target market?

It's quite obviously the perfect small city runabout, if you are a BMW X6 driver.

They'd look perfectly matched parked side-by-side in the drive.

@Pete 8

"Cupcake anyone, while we watch the Trolls and Fanbois over-react?"

Thank you, don't mind if I do.

Mmmmm. Cake....

Re: WTF?

The clue's futher down: "Police Act 1997 (Criminal Records) Regulations 2002".

They haven't changed the act, only the implementation instructions associated with it. Presumably the CRB "owns" these instructions / rules / guidelines and can do pretty much WTF they like with them.

This is how representative democracy really works. The public votes for a load for a load of idiots who promise to do X. The idiots then enact a bill that says something that passes for X when squinted at in a poor light and tag on Y and Z for good measure. Then the whole shebang gets handed over to the machinations of the Civil Service. They carefully read between the lines to interpret X, Y and Z to mean pretty much anything they think is a Good Thing and issue policy documents, guidelines, rules and regulations. Anyone who gave a shit about X in the first place wonders WTF happened.

It's just like "Chinese whispers", only in triplicate, on approved stationery and usually played over lunch with a supplier of services.

Re: "Google"

Are there lots of wiggly roads there too? I'm just wondering if the bends justify the beans......

@Charles Manning

That might be funny if you included the correct punchline, which is:

"Because they're tight-fisted wankers."

Re: Already dead...

Yup. They're going to have to replace that 3.7" * display with a 94mm one too.

* Heresy. Should be Three and Seven Tenths of course.

Oh, I dunno.

I read the full version and he wanted booze classified above various drugs for nastiness.

Now, if that were taken seriously I don't see it resulting in a liberalisation of drug legislation.........

I for one am quite glad they decided to sack him rather than listen to him, regardless of their motivations, as I'm quite partial to my pint of medically intoxicating, addictive and incredibly dangerous liquid.

Re: Where is...

Cette transformable robot d'assault "Optimus Prime" et dehors de shot au gauche en full embattlement de les Decepticons Francais, obviousment.

Avec excuses au Kilometers Kingston.

Goal seeking?

In the past, goal seeking AI systems have proven rather adroit at spotting the simple (and not necessarily desired) solution to a given problem. So, given the task of applying fluidic modelling processes to humans, is the simple solution:

a) Perform highly complex computational tasks to model humans moving in a fluid-like manner, all the while modifying the processes based on observed deviations from prediction?

Or

b) Puree all the pesky, unpredictable humans down into an oozing goo that can be easily modelled with a simple algorithm?

Re: Interesting

Bloody funny more like.

From the amount of Hot Air on the subject exuded by the fanbois round here you'd have thought that we were on the brink of a MacOS / Linux war for the desktop as they vie to be the successor to the moribund Windows.

Meanwhile, in the real world.......

I have to admit I'm a little cheesed off at this. Not because of MS handing arses on plates to all comers from the opposition, but I was rather hoping that 7 takeup would be a bit of a damp sqib so they'd be forced to cut the sodding price. Guess I'm screwed.

@Paul 4

I guess we're talking about the sort of people who are so incompetant that they can't even spell "computer" here.......oh.......hang on.......EPIC FAIL!

@Mike007

I can answer that. The resale value of fibre is reduced to zero as soon as you attach a Toyota pickup to one end and rip it out if the ground by brute force.

Some enterprising Nigerians found this one out the hard way when they tried to ransom a "highly valuable" cable back to the local arm of a western company after they'd nicked it. They's been operating this scam for years and were rather upset to find that their chosen occupation was being made redundant by the advance of technology.

Gave me a good laugh when I heard this one firsthand.