* Posts by TeeCee

9435 publicly visible posts • joined 5 Oct 2007

Pope pooh-poohs airport perv-scanners

TeeCee Gold badge
Joke

Of course he's against them.

As soon as he steps into one it's going to be bleedin' obvious that he's actually a Dalek with a rubber head duct taped to the top*.

*Turning Daleks into respected pontiffs is the little-known 102nd thing you can do with duct tape.

AMD's 'Magny-Cours' Opterons surface on eBay

TeeCee Gold badge

We need the glare.

Were it not for that, the reflective sufaces would clearly show that the photographer is actually a fat, sweaty bloke who's stark bollock naked. (c.f. El Reg reflectopr0n (tm) articles passim).

I'll go with the glare thanks, it's an improvement.

Chuck Norris botnet doesn't infect routers...

TeeCee Gold badge
Coat

@vincent himpe

"norris aside"?

Oh dear. I'd hate to be in the amount of shit you're going to be in when Chuck notices that. And he will. One day. Soon.

Microsoft connects Web2.0rhea dots in Outlook... bitch

TeeCee Gold badge
Unhappy

Yes, but.

Remember here that one of the hot topics amongst the chair-polishing fraternity is "how do we use this social meejah thingy?". This in turn leads to a Policy Decision which says that future IT purchases must have "social meejah thingy" in them somewhere.

The correct question here is "do we need this shit?". That never gets asked 'cos the tech pages of the Financial Times are busily crowing the virtues of the "social meejah thingy" and how its bound to make millions for everyone, leaving those not involved as busted dinosaurs.

Google buys app, removes from app store

TeeCee Gold badge
Gates Horns

Embrace, Extend, Extinguish.

FFS Google, get it right. You're supposed to Extend before you Extinguish, not Extinguish immediately after Embracement with some vague possibility of later Extension.

You still have much to learn from the experts in this field.

Intel joins troll-blocking club

TeeCee Gold badge
Troll

If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...

"The firm acquires patents and provides the rights to its clients.". For money.

So it's a patent troll with a slightly different business model then? Presumably anyone not stumping up the protection moolah will be pushed to tell the difference between RPX and an old skool patent troll though.

X2 triplex multicopter prototype suffers gearbox snag

TeeCee Gold badge

Osprey.

There are two massive advantages to the Osprey that no pure chopper can ever compete with in level flight.

Having a chunk shot off a wing is an inconvenience. It doesn't matter how many engines you've got working if you lose a piece of rotor.

When it all goes completely pear-shaped, having a gliding angle better than that of a rucksack full of rocks is a big plus. Ok, you can autorotate a chopper to a soft landing, if you know what you're doing, but if you didn't want to land on what was directly beneath at the time you're a bit stuffed.

ISS gets bay window onto Earth

TeeCee Gold badge
FAIL

That Kathryn Hire quote.

She deserves a slapping. The correct thing to radio back for posterity as the first quote with the windows open is of course: "Hey! I can see my house from here."

All those millions spent to set the gag up and she fluffs the punchline.....

Oracle should cannibalize JavaFX Frankenstein

TeeCee Gold badge
FAIL

Oh dear.

I went to that linked FX app.

You failed to mention that the length of time the "wait while I'm loading" bit sits there doing its stuff makes Flash look screamingly quick by comparison.

What's the term for something slower than "unacceptably crap"?

Ex-Army man cracks popular security chip

TeeCee Gold badge
FAIL

Shurely shome mishtake?

That would be true were the Public sector to actually have funds, managers et. al. They do it by paying their pensioners out of current tax revenues, there's no investment of contributions to provide a pension later going on here. This works by having an infinite supply of money that's scalped from the taxpayer rolling in.

You don't have to be a financial genius to figure out why this is unsustainable long term and why there's such a drive to raise public sector retirement ages.....

Oxford snaps high-speed movies with consumer cams

TeeCee Gold badge
Coat

How spiders see.

They experimented with that for a while, but it didn't have legs.

Mine's the one with the Basil Brush guide to humorous quips in the pocket.

'I'm an IT worker not an assassin'

TeeCee Gold badge
Alert

"...allegedly buy weapons..."

Other reports today seem to indicate that this particular "allegation" was made by, er, Hamas.

It's going to be terribly difficult for them to convince anyone that they're a political organisation if they keep telling the truth like that.

Swedish mother-daughter saint skulls are ringers, say boffins

TeeCee Gold badge
Joke

Chinese whispers.

It's amazing how "I would have been in, but some horny little bugger got there first", becomes "...a magic holy deer of god..." over a few hundred years.

Note to Captain Kirk: Warp speed will kill you

TeeCee Gold badge
Thumb Up

This may not be a problem.

"...advanced radiation-resistant alloys...."

Well, there's that or you could just sit in your isolated bubble of spacetime inside the warp field while hydrogen atomic carnage occurs outside same in the rest of the Universe.

Maybe this is the "warp signature" that they're always tracking? Like a contrail with enormous and highly radioactive knobs on. Science of Star Trek 1, party-pooping boffin 0.

Bit nasty for anyone you happen to pass by at speed though, shades of the Queller drive there.

Facebook goes lighter than Lite

TeeCee Gold badge
Joke

Old news.

You should try the new lower than ultra-low bandwidth version, "Facebook Bugger All". When installed it provides a Facebook icon on your smartphone that links to "about:blank".

The content's a massive improvement over the full fat version....

Schmidt denies Google wants 'dumb pipe' carriers

TeeCee Gold badge
FAIL

Re: What the hell...

You have an analogy problem there. It's not the petrol that's important (that's like the "bits 'n bytes" side of it) it's the distribution side that's more like the networks.

Now if every petrol station were the cheapest, most basic, unattended card payment type, serving only base-spec 95 RON* you'd have a point. Unfortunately for your analogy the fuel companies reckon there's money in the "added value" side, hence the shops, coffee bars, attendants, car washes, vacuum cleaners, graded fuels et. al.

Maybe data networks are like vehicle fuel and there's a world where both dumb and "value added" offerings can coexist. Certainly round here, the fact that the unattended, "dumb pipe" stations serve your fuel somewhere between 5 and 10 cents a litre cheaper than the attended ones has not driven the attended, "value added" ones out of business. Sometimes people are prepared to pay a bit more for bells and whistles.

*Oil-burner drivers? STFU and take it as read there's another nozzle pushing some DERV blend there too.

Google Buzz bug exposes user geo location

TeeCee Gold badge

XSS?

I suppose that since they need to ensure that seamless scripting across google, analytics, 1e100 (is that right?), Old Uncle Tom Cobbley and all works without any issues, they're always going to have to leave a few doors open that would be far better slammed shut and heavily bolted.

Or am I missing something here?

Labour MP denies calling Tories 'scum-sucking pigs' on Twitter

TeeCee Gold badge
Happy

Re: Twitter

You mean it would make sense if all the tw@s were in an earthquake zone?

I can agree with that too.

TeeCee Gold badge
FAIL

Plato.

Let's see, now that Representative Democracy has degenerated to the level of handbags in Tw@ter-land, a quick look at Plato's Republic is in order to tell us what comes next.

Oh, Tyranny, that sucks........

Scenic overlook bolted onto ISS

TeeCee Gold badge

Yes, but....

Surely when in zero gee, nothing's suspended from anything and thus the torque required to remove whatever it is should be lower?

Personally I think NASA are playing fast a loose with terminology and that these bolts were not "torqued" (i.e. tightened to a specified torque setting) but just "done up tight". The torque level associated with "tight" would certainly be affected by whether or not the bloke with the spanner can rely on gravity holding him down while he applies the oof.

TeeCee Gold badge
WTF?

torqued

I'm more interested in how, if you apply a torque of x to a bolt, gravitational effects cause it to become x+n. I need to know how much I should adjust for g the 75 lb/f that I'm supposed to apply to my cylinder head bolts.

Scots unleash world's strongest beer

TeeCee Gold badge
Grenade

Insult?

I've just held a quick straw poll in the immediate vicinity and everyone thinks that the German fun-poking here is both amusing and entirely justifiable.

Then again I am English and sitting in a Dutch* office at the moment, so I may not have surveyed a representative sample of the population as a whole.

*Special request. My colleagues would like their bicycles back if it's not too much trouble.

EMI puts Abbey Road under the silver hammer?

TeeCee Gold badge

EMI 1929

Hmm, even Abbey Road's own website says that the building was originally bought by EMI in 1929. That would seem a tad difficult, since EMI wasn't created until 1931 by the merger of the Columbia Gramophone Company and The Gramophone Company (who owned Abbey Road).

Interestingly here, the Wibblepedia says that The Gramophone Company aquired Abbey Road in 1931.....shurely shome mishtake?

MoJ and police discipline Twitter sinners

TeeCee Gold badge

Makes sense.

They can't have the troops talking informally to the public and possibly finding out what they think now, could they?

The lads might start to ask some difficult questions. You know, like whether cuffing photographers and hauling them in for, er, taking photographs aids good public relations? Or whether taking orders from Richard Brunstrom rather than treating them as the inane outpourings of a small-minded fucktard makes you a good Police Officer or just a prize tit?

Microsoft made a phone, and I hate it already

TeeCee Gold badge
Happy

There's another way.

Don't buy a pricey known-brand WinMo phone, where what you're paying for is the lovingly crafted, less-computer-more-phone interface anyway. Shop around and source a cheap as chips, unlocked, basic WinMo only unit bereft of bells, whistles and other OEM crap. Then add the third party UI of your choice (which you can then shut down if you happen to need all the hardware at your disposal and restart when you don't) and an application base to suit.

This also has the advantage that when you're adding stuff on you don't run into incompatibilities with OEM O/S customisations or deliberate hamstringing by the network operator.

Best of all you get (and only pay for) what you want rather than what some Twitbook-fixated marketing arsehat in Korea or Taiwan thinks you want.

Wreck of 1930s flying aircraft carrier dubbed 'historic'

TeeCee Gold badge
FAIL

Re: Computer controlled.

An old chestnut and untrue. It wasn't trying to land, it was trying (and successfully at that) to prevent a stall. This is what happens when you shove the throttles open from idle and pull the nose up on a plane fitted with large turbofans that have a 30+ second spool to thrust from idle time.

Try reading the conclusions of the investigation rather than the comments section on Wingnut Central. There's a reason why those aircraft are still flight certified despite that little pig's ear.

Holy Father turns on to Dad Rock

TeeCee Gold badge
Grenade

Self-destructive tendancies.

There was I thinking that the reason that Neil Young refused to play with Crosby, Stills and Nash for so long was because of Dave Crosby's excessive coke habit, which Neil disapproved of. Also that the reason that Neil was limited on studio time and appearances for reasons of illness was because of his epilepsy and not due to booze or drugs as is more usual in the industry.

Nice of you to clear that one up for me.

iPhone must-have crowd inflates UK gadget insurance claims

TeeCee Gold badge
Joke

Re: So...

Oh dear. I was rather planning to claim for the TV that got smashed in a blazing row with the wife the other day. Now I realise that may be considered a bit moody.

Doctor Who attempted to overthrow Thatcher

TeeCee Gold badge
Grenade

Subliminal effects?

Maybe the political content was noticed, subliminally. This must be why the entire audience went "this is complete and utter shit" as one, without ever really being able to put a finger on what specifically was so god-awfully crap about it....

IBM super is Met Office's 'chief weapon against British cynicism'

TeeCee Gold badge
Coat

Their forecast has a warm bias?

Hmm, I wonder where they got their climate model code from?

Paris Hilton canes the Brazilian lager

TeeCee Gold badge
Pint

Great. Now I don't know what day it is.

Lager and Paris? On a bloody Monday? You swine.........

Chips make you chipper: Official

TeeCee Gold badge
Joke

Nostradamus and chips.

"The firey dragon of the East with the sword shalt bring forth, .........mmmmm, nice chips, bit more vinegar......mmmmm. Lovely. Where was I? Ah, yes.....scattered showers with bright periods and a win on the lottery. That'll do."

With MS funding, No2ID gains entry to EU eID group

TeeCee Gold badge
Headmaster

Ah, yes.

I'll agree that it looks more "right" like that, but since the whole word is spelled "flabbergasted" (and I did check that) I think it's more likely correct as is.

Put it this way. I thought carefully over whether or not to include an "h", it wasn't an unconsidered decision. If you feel that I took the wrong choice here, then that's your opinion and I respect it.

TeeCee Gold badge
Gates Halo

MS funding No2ID?

Can I have a new flabber please? This one's completely gasted.

World of Google zombies mistake news story for Facebook

TeeCee Gold badge
Alien

Doing the title thang.

All your facebook is belong to us!

Outlooked Office for Mac 2011 unveiled

TeeCee Gold badge
Joke

Re: Hardcore Excel

You are Mac's Hardcore and I claim my five pounds!

Computer Engineer Barbie coming soon to a toy store near you

TeeCee Gold badge
Coat

Re: Equality

You must mean "Refuse Operative Barbie" there surely?

TeeCee Gold badge
FAIL

BMW?

Given BMW's legendarily god-awful integrated phone/bluetooth functions, if you did drive one you'd probably still need an earpiece if you wanted it to do anything useful. Like make a phone call.

If you really want something that actually works reliably, get any car without and fit an aftermarket Parrott system. Cheaper too.

Samsung unveils Bluetooth 3.0, 802.11n smartphone

TeeCee Gold badge

Bada?

I wonder what the as-shipped default Search Engine is.........

MS update gives some XP boxes the Blue Screen

TeeCee Gold badge
Happy

Seems right

The linked MS thread has info here. Seems that the problem may be due to the TDSS rootkit. Replacing the infected atapi.sys that this POS puts in place with a kosher one on affected machines seems to fix the problem (as does uninstalling the "dodgy" patch - for which instructions are provided).

This would explain why those machines affected don't seem to have anything else in common by way of configuration.

If this does turn out to be the root (hah) cause, I don't think we can blame MS......well, not for this particular cockup anyway. I'll keep the flamethrower on standby 'til a definitive answer turns up.

Mozilla admits Firefox add-on malware false alarm

TeeCee Gold badge

That help.

"...thanked McAfee for helping it sort out the confusion..."

Let me guess how that went:

"<Ring><Ring>Hello? McAfee? Mozilla here. We've got a bit of a problem. Your tool says this piece of code has the 'l33tboispwnn00bs' virus in it, but the bloke wot wrote it says it's kosher, any ideas? Oh. Right. Your bad eh? Right you are then. Yup, thanks. No, nothing else. Byeee. <Click> Fucking arsehats....."

Street View catches Finn with his pants down

TeeCee Gold badge
Grenade

"....a less compromising pose..."

Ok, I'm intrigued. Exactly how is being immortalised on teh intawebs in a rampant display of onanistic love less compromising than being seen just sitting there with yer meat 'n two veg out on the counter?

Opera plays chicken with Apple iPhone police

TeeCee Gold badge
Thumb Down

Probably pointless though.

A quick snoop in Opera's Mini forum reveals that Mini lacks Flash support.

So that's the one killer feature that might entice the faithful to ditch Safari for something else missing then. As a result, any shenanigans over Mini's acceptance by the Apple store will be a storm in a teacup, as nobody'll* bloody want it anyway.

*Or perishingly close to nobody anyway. I'm assuming that the subset of Apple fanbois who are also Opera fanbois is a fairly small number of people in the greater scheme of things.

Researchers rip iPad apart to reveal Apple's profits

TeeCee Gold badge
FAIL

That car analogy.

Really bloody awful that and worthy of the icon all on its own. The iPad costs were for components, not raw materials (probably down to a few pennies there).

Your car though. Look up the price of each component and add 'em all up to get the DIY cost. Costs quite a bit more than buying a bloody car, doesn't it? So, in that case at least, the cost of assembly, marketing, product design etc is somewhat more than outweighed by the advantages inherent in mass production and bulk purchase.

Ok, your car manufacturer isn't paying even trade rates for components, but I'll bet a sack of cash that Apple aren't paying manufacturer's quoted bulk prices for 10,000 units for their bits 'n pieces either, so iSuppli's "costs" will probably be on the conservative side.

Apple are coining it.

One month later, Google still censors China search

TeeCee Gold badge
WTF?

Eh?

You've noticed that what is, in effect, the world's largest advertising agency has pulled off a massive PR stunt and you're asking why?

Leopards / spots FWIW.

'Clumsy' French cop tasers schoolkid

TeeCee Gold badge
Headmaster

Glock 40?

No such animal (according to Glock anyway).

Do you mean the Glock 22? i.e. the one that takes S&W .40 rounds to satisfy the calibre fixated types across the pond.

BAA poo-poos Bollywood star's pervscan printout put-on

TeeCee Gold badge
Joke

Bollywood star?

I guess that's why he's making such a song and dance of this.

'Electronic fags' are useless - US prof's startling claim

TeeCee Gold badge
Terminator

Electronic fags?

I read that in "translate from US Engrish" mode and had a *really* nasty RoTM moment.

The machine uprising was a short war and the human race was buggered right from the word go.

Viking frogmen chase Street View spymobile

TeeCee Gold badge
WTF?

Life imitating art.

Well, not exactly. More like life getting right in the face of art and bigging up its superiority.

Arab conned into marrying bearded lady

TeeCee Gold badge
Coat

Obvious really.

They mistook it for a Viola case and thought he might be about to take it out and play it.