* Posts by TeeCee

9433 publicly visible posts • joined 5 Oct 2007

Tories promise medals not money for science and R&D

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FAIL

Medals not money?

I suppose we have to expect this sort of idea from someone who's made a fortune out of things that suck.

Daily Mail reader out-tw*ts the Tw*t-O-Tron

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WTF?

That's just amazing!

He got 119 downvotes for that on the Daily Heil website?

Fascist bastards just ain't what they used to be.

Vodafone ships Mariposa-infected HTC Magic

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No mystery

"...attempted to establish a backdoor.........on connected PCs during the synchronisation process."

So the payload's on the device and they've somehow managed to hook into the sync process to install it where it can run. I'll bet an Android device can look like a connected drive to a Win PC for ease of copying back and forth and they've gone with the age-old autorun trick.

Were that to be so (the "appear as a drive" bit) the Conficker infection is easy to explain as that's how it spreads, it's never relied on the thing that presents the drive being able to run the code. I wouldn't mind a side-bet on the Mariposa infection being down to somebody retrofitting this replication mechanism to same.

Steve Jobs says 'No' to iPhone-to-iPad tether

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FAIL

I do.

Same reason as you get mails with "Sent from my Blackberry" at the bottom. The owner thinks that letting everybody know that they've got whatever it is will make everyone think that they also have a huge willy.

It's very sad, but it's true.

Botnet takedowns 'don't hurt crooks enough'

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FAIL

Well DUH!

So the rewards for building a huge botnet are potentially in the millions and the risk is "having to go to all that effort again if it's taken down".

Losing the battle? Not even bloody fighting it might be more accurate. IIRC the only reason they caught the bloke behind Mariposa was 'cos he was too greedy to just walk away when it went obviously pear-shaped on him.

Anti-binge drinking ads add to binge drinking

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Pint

I'm not surprised.

The caption on that ad says that "Binge drinking can lead to unplanned, unprotected sex".

Er, that's supposed to be a downside????

TFIF I say.

US weather-watching sat blasts off

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Troll

"perform climate studies".

Ah, so it's exactly like a weather satellite that doesn't perform climate studies, only with a bit of healthy optimism built into the temperature sensors then?

NFC breathes new life into tombstones

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FAIL

Or......

Bung the stonemason a few quid extra and have a url carved into the granite.

If I want something read in 3000 years' time I'll go with the proven tech here, words chiselled into solid rock.

Ofcom wades into UK 'Net Neutrality' row

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There's FAIL there alright.

But not by them.

What they're talking about here is whether or not Virgin are allowed to prioritise the sending of said goal clips to their customers over other traffic on their, or anyone elses, network.

If you're the one downloading 200gigs of <COUGH> "Linux distributions", you'd probably say no. If you're a football fan living next door your opinion may differ depending on the backhaul contention rates behind the scenes.

How FBI, police busted massive botnet

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Coat

Overreaction at El Reg?

I suspect that this is an unfortunate result of our repeated complaints about the creeping use of American Engrish around here and some automated checks for same.

Obviously whoever it was was actually wearing a hood.....

SeaWorld killer killer whale must die, Bible insists

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Joke

The Bible.

I never cease to be amazed at the comprehensive coverage of unlikely situations therein.

I have to say though, finding that it covers what to do in the case of homicidal zombie revenant* oxen is probably the most surprising thing I've heard so far.

*I'm guessing that the stoning for the first offence is supposed to be fatal, what with the instructions not to eat the resulting flesh** and all.

**Probably a sensible warning if they are prone to coming back from the dead. I'm not sure that Gaviscon is up to coping with the level of gyppo tummy that could cause.

Street View threatens to throw Eurostrop

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Happy

Re: Simple solution

Sounds expensive having two cars though.

Surely it would make more sense to have a bloke with a red flag* walk a defined distance in front of the car? That would keep the speed down and ensure that everyone had plenty of time to zip up their fly or whatever.

Some problems have already been solved in the past.

*That, or possibly ringing a bell and shouting "Unclean"......

Google Research probes educasearch engine

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Google Educational Search?

I'm guessing that'll be exactly like Google Regular Search, but with the Wikipedia results displayed in a more prominent font and given an even larger kick up the rankings than usual. Sponsored links will still be at the top, but they'll be the nearest text book on Amazon that the engine can find.

Oh and a pr0n filter to stop Biology students suffering stunted growth due to excessive "study time".

Buzz Aldrin goes Dancing With The Stars

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Thumb Down

You turn with the quote Buzz.

"That's several small steps for a man, but one giant cheque in the Bank Account."

I know a bloke's got to eat, but couldn't he have gone into tobacco advertising, the pr0n business or something else less tacky than this?

Typing merely by thinking - plugless brainjack kit invented

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Stop

Cyberpunk?

Nah! All the ones I've read the surface contact headsets were both readily available and widely used, but the serious boys still went for jacks to get improved response, throughput and feedback.

This is just the wussy option, gimme the real thing.......

Hunt for murderer of lost golden cloud toads hots up

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Good question.

Ask the Mayans. They were heavily into water management and storage to protect themselves from El Nino effects.

Oh dear, we can't. An extraordinarily extended cycle did for them in the ninth century. That'll be before industrialisation and any alleged Anthropogenic climate effects.

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Stop

No shit Sherlock!

".....climate change will no doubt play a role in future extinctions,”

A safe bet that as it's played a massive role in a large number of the previous ones. Most of these rather inconveniently occurred before there were any people around to blame for it though.

US burg renames self 'Google'

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Grenade

Oops.

That looks suspiciously like the logo for the, er, other Google they've used for the city name there. I wonder if they got permission to use it?

It would be rather funny if, rather than the hoped-for humungotubes, they got a lawsuit from Google...

Apple kicks out quack app, keeps boobs/farts

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Coat

Ice-skating tights. Take note.

Any of you blade-equipped nylon bastards go skating on my wife and there'll be trouble.

Her coat was expensive and scratches easily*.

*Not off-topic, it's a mac......

Intel shows off 48 cores

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Happy

I do hope so.

I quite fancy a future in which disposing of a Terminator is merely a matter of stuffing some handy object into its cooling fan and waiting for the inevitable meltdown.

Micron to make even teenier NAND dies

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FAIL

Not just photos.

Those songs. Are we talking sub three minute pop muzak numbers stored in MP3 format at some shitty bitrate or something more like "Crossing the Line" performed live in Paris by the Go band, preserved for posterity in FLAC?

NHS denies pre-election stitch-up

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Troll

"even more insecure"?

Without any idea of what such a decentralisation might consist of, how it might look or what if any technology and security systems may be used in such, it's completely impossible to justify that statement. There's only one conclusion to be drawn here.

You are a sad little New Labour troll and ICMFP.

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Thumb Down

elephant / legacy?

Nah. More like their mates in the Big Government IT Projects business have pointed out that if it all goes south they can whistle for their bribe^H^H^H^H^Hdonations later this year.

NASA sniffs out (yet more) lunar ice

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Not quite.

Only if the Fosters concerned had been passed through something like the ISS's renowned recycling system first.

Otherwise it would still look, smell and taste like another well-known yellowish liquid.

Windows Phone 7 blocks out popular HTC model, blames buttons

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Grenade

Eh? What?

You mean that there was actually an OEM out there who was planning to produce a 7 update ROM for an existing 6.x model rather than just telling their customer base to buy their shiny new 7 device?

That'd be a bloody first!

Experience says that even if the damned thing had been back-compatible with existing HW, perishingly few (if any) devices would have had an update shipped anyway. It's more usually the kind folk in the ROM cooking community who do this sort of thing....

Microsoft stokes Google 'antitrust concerns' fire

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WTF?

Deputy general counsel Dave Heiner.

If he managed to say all that with a straight face, he's in the wrong job.

A lucrative career as a professional poker player beckons.

Skype first to scrap Windows Mobile

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Grenade

Alternative view.

One of the better reasons (ok, the only reason) for going with WinMo is so that you can configure the device, load onto it what you want and use it how you like, even to the extent of availing yourself of one of the cooked community ROMs, rather than being tied into an off-the-peg "solution".

Most of the WinMo phones I've seen in use (including mine) have a SIP client on them rather than Sk(h)ype for exactly the same reason.......

Rare NES title takes $43,000 at auction

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Stop

Has the money changed hands yet?

Or is this yet another example of the eBay trolls taking the piss out of some arsehat who's made the fatal error of describing his tat as "priceless"?

Twitter hits fan as scams smite banks, cabinet ministers

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Stop

Numpties?

Too right and the phishing boys seem to have already cottoned on to that little truism. All the really low-hanging fruit on one tree, what's not to like?

What's going to be really funny in a minute is when the Whaling types wake up and notice that Tw@ter offers a handy service whereby a simple phishing run can yield Bankers, captains of industry, senior politicos and all the the others they carefully target. If a shotgun campaign gives up gold, a carefully composed targetted attack on specific users should easily cough up the keys to the kingdom.

The countdown starts now, you ain't seen nothing yet.

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Joke

Alternative version.

Ed Milliband needs a bit of help in the todger department and was telling his mates about the fine source of therapeutic agents he'd discovered. Then, when news leaked out, resorted the time-honoured "oh noes, it woz teh norty hax0rs wot dunnit" excuse.

I prefer that version of events. Before you say anything, who's more likely to be telling the truth, me or a Cabinet Minister.....?

Jobs: I'll decide what to do with Apple's $40bn cash pile

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Unhappy

Next gen OS?

By Jove, I do believe you've got it!

1) Build next-gen OS.

2) Change architecture to an ARM-based processor line developed in-house.

3) Cease support for Intel x86 kit three versions of next-gen OS later.

4) Mactards forced to upgrade hardware en masse, resulting in some wingeing and a $40bn cash pile.

5) Repeat ad infinitum.

TeeCee Gold badge

Re: And make an electric Car.

Ah! They should buy Audi, that's the perfect cultural fit. They currently build a VW, stick a badge on it and have rich, brand-obsessed twats beating a path to their door.

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Joke

Message to shareholders.

Steve's mystery Next Big Thing will be the iFuckedofftoantiguawithyourmoney.

BBC to cull radio stations, halve websites in painful biz review

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FAIL

BBC3 to remain intact?

That's almost worth a "meh".

It's only achievement as far as I can see, is in managing to make: "Next on BBC3, <insert name of BBC3 specific programme>" replace that old stalwart: "There now follows a Party Political Broadcast on behalf of the Liberal Democrats" as the thing said by a continuity announcer most likely to make the viewer change channels.

Experts rubbish iPhone for health use

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WTF?

Mystery

As swappable batteries, "session persistance" (which would imply being able to do something else while your application session remains active in the background) and "cheapish" are core requirements, the only mystery here is why they've bothered to consider the iPhone at all.

I guess "must try this 'cos its trendy" overrides the sound technical requirements. Again.

They like Blackberries and need a big screen? I'll have a fiver on the BB Storm2 winning this one....

Oz songstress: Record label 2.0 abandoned me

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Stop

conshop?

It probably wasn't. That sort of organisation doesn't file for bankruptcy, it just buggers off with the cash when things go south.

US unveils planet-hugging London embassy

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Grenade

Re: diplofib

Well obviously there's some pro-American third-world despot standing out of shot to the left and the sun's shining out of his arse.

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FAIL

Re: no VAT eh?

There's no VAT on new build anyway, only on rebuild / refurbishment. This is why perfectly servicable, well built and attractive old buildings are knocked down and replaced with steel 'n glass pig's ears designed by ego-wanking architects.

The septics are right here, they shouldn't be charged VAT and unless there's a change in the VAT rules between now and 2013, they won't be. Presumably the point they were actually trying to make is that they'd quite like to stay where they are, but refurbishing and extending the existing site *would* attract VAT, so they're moving to a new building to avoid this.

BT could face criminal case over Phorm trials

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Grenade

Re: Not a technical argument.

The government *is* backing BT to the hilt. ISTR the EU courts can only take action if either the local judicial processes decline to get involved or may only move in in the wake of a (failed) local action if they can show good reason why the local legislation is inadequate.

Without this prosecution the EU would be free to step in and nail them to the cross. With it, it's being dealt with under local jurisdiction and their hands are tied. Watch carefully for this prosecution "failing to proceed due to matters of the public interest", being dismissed for lack of evidence or resulting in a slap on the wrist.

There's no Yank involvement here, so no danger of this strategy going all British Aerospace on them.

I'd be prepared to take a punt on BT having lobbied to get this to go ahead!

Sellafield gull cull mulled

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Joke

Gag idea.

Anyone know any Taiwanese geneticists?

I'm thinking that releasing a few luminous seagulls in the vicinity could provide some entertainment value.

PayPal opens polls on developer X games

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Alert

This could get funny.

".....a set of APIs that lets third-party applications tap PayPal's core payment processing system....."

The prize for finding a hole in that lot could be far greater than a piddling 50 grand.......

Google eyes hypegasm fuel cells for 'whole data center'

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Happy

Re: Heh.

Some of us have spent a goodly portion of our careers converting coffee and tobacco into useful code.

Google profits from UK.gov's climate change quango rivalry

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Happy

Re: erm....

You know, when government advertising changed from being crap to being hideously expensive, mind-numbingly stupid crap.

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FAIL

Not just stupid....

......but mind-numbingly dumb and of their own making.

Presumably the switch from adding a web address into their advertising to adding "search online for xyz" is the root cause of this monumentally unnecessary stupidity. Hence also the recent "Buster's World" calamitous fuckup. "Browse to bustersworld.gov.uk", not a problem, "search online for buster's world", oops, big time.

Have HMG switched to using Numbnuts, Fuckwit and Dumbarse Inc for their advertising strategy?

Council backs down on CRB checking grown-up lecturers

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Stop

Medieval blockbusters.

"...my next book is to have a great deal about Caerphilly castle..."

I wouldn't mind betting that whatever he writes next will have a fair deal about Caerphilly County Borough Council in it. Probably mostly written in Anglo-Saxon too.

Apple strips top shelf, leaves corporate smut in place

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Coat

@Pirate Dave

Really? Has it gone up market?

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Happy

Re: Hmm

You're thinking of Recursion Club.

The first rule of Tautology Club is that there are no rules.....

YouTube's IE6 support dies on March 13

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Flame

I don't believe this shit!

Years of good, solid recommendations by qualified people to move away from IE6 and fuck-all result.

One "Google pwned by naughty Chinese hax0rs" story in the press however.

I don't know why we fucking bother. Nobody's listening to us, IT policy is actually decided by some fat git with column inches to fill on a slow news day in Fleet Street.

Pope pooh-poohs airport perv-scanners

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Joke

Of course he's against them.

As soon as he steps into one it's going to be bleedin' obvious that he's actually a Dalek with a rubber head duct taped to the top*.

*Turning Daleks into respected pontiffs is the little-known 102nd thing you can do with duct tape.

AMD's 'Magny-Cours' Opterons surface on eBay

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We need the glare.

Were it not for that, the reflective sufaces would clearly show that the photographer is actually a fat, sweaty bloke who's stark bollock naked. (c.f. El Reg reflectopr0n (tm) articles passim).

I'll go with the glare thanks, it's an improvement.