* Posts by TeeCee

9433 publicly visible posts • joined 5 Oct 2007

Ellison roasts HP chairman for 'absurd lie'

TeeCee Gold badge
WTF?

Legal action?

No. There's only one way to resolve this properly.

Get all the main protagonists from Oracle, SAP and HP stripped to the waist in a mud pit and give 'em each a handbag. Last man standing wins.

Notorious Koobface worm ported to Mac OS X

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Happy

Re: Oh no!

Yes, but the standard way of doing this for Windows lusers is to fake an infection report and offer the user a FREE!!!1!111!! Antivirus scanner.

Such a technique would produce reactions of: "Bollocks" and "What the f*** would I want one of those for?" from Mac lusers.

Watch out for popups offering FREE!!!!11!!! nude photos of Steve Jobs......

Hacker almost derailed Mandela election in South Africa

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Coffee/keyboard

Re: please no punch cards

That caused a slight snigger here.

It was the irony in the fact that these days punch cards are, if anything, rather more quaintly archaic than pencil and paper. After all, pencils and paper are still widely in use for other purposes.

Can't remember exactly when it was I last saw a punch card reader, but it was a very long time ago and even then it was a candidate as a museum piece.

Microsoft's Office ribbon hits Mac fans

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Stop

@Tony Batt

I recently ditched Office 2k3 at home in favour of 2010. A certain amount of ribbon-related cursing ensued, but after an hour or so it all clicked.

Now I swear at the bloody awful UI on 2k3 while at work and Sod's Law gets its own back.

I reckon there are two problems here. First is that it appears to be impossible to like both versions at the same time. Second is that 2010 (and presumably 2007) feel "right" with the Win 7 UI. Now I've never tried it, but I reckon it would grate on XP and of course, as nobody in their right mind deployed Vista, that's where most 2k7 installations ended up.

UK border police seize £500k from Nigerians' hand luggage

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Joke

Richard Branson?

Oh, I dunno. I reckon that if I were a Customs officer I wouldn't write him off as not suspicious immediately.

You just couldn't let a "rubber glove" opportunity like *that* go begging. It'd be one of the best times to trot out that amusing bottle of Tabasco sauce with the "aqueous lubricant" label stuck on it, while your colleague cues up a Johnny Cash record on the jolly old gramophone.....

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Thumb Up

'....he replies, quite truthfully "Forged banknotes".'

Gosh! I'll bet the looks on the faces of the customs Froggies that produced was worth every last bit of the hassle caused.

I'd give my eyed teeth to have a been a fly on the wall for that one.

US Army trials robot 'leccy-n-bandwidth war-mules

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Big Red One?

Last I heard they were more usually referred to as the "Toys 'R Us" battalion these days. Something to do with being first up for all the gadgets 'n gizmos.....

Misfiring Kaspersky update reduces servers to a crawl

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Happy

@The Cube

Or Symantec.

I remember laughing like a drain when the pre-launch debate was going on over whether an AMD Phenom X3 was / was not going to be an X4 with a core switched off.

Some wag chimed in with an X3 being an X4 with Norton Internet Security loaded......

LimeWire (finally) dies under judge's gavel

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Thumb Up

Re: Can I say....

Yes you can. I'd spend the entire day sitting here thumping the "upvote" button if I were allowed to.

Sod the music theft^H^H^H^H^Hcopyright infringement*, the best thing about this is that the world's most gaping PC attack vector** has just taken a kick in the nuts.

*Yes I do sometimes pander to petty-minded little pedants. Why do you ask?

**Yup. Beats out Windows itself.

iPhones, MacBooks sicken Chinese women

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Coat

"...the charmingly named Number Five People's Hospital in Suzhou..."

Presumably there's a somewhat less charmingly named Number Two People's Hospital somewhere around there as well?

US raygun jumbo fluffs another test missile-blast attempt

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Happy

Re: ICBMs?

You'd like to think so. That way they might stand an outside chance of hitting the bloody thing while it was on its way.

BlackBerry App World goes online

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Unhappy

Enterprise App Store.

Presumably much the same as an ordinary App store, only instead of fart apps there are copious utilities designed to help you talk out of your own arse.

UK gov vets the vetting process

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Alert

What was that?

"There should be a presumption that people wishing to work or volunteer with children and vulnerable adults are safe to do so unless it can be shown otherwise."

Holy heck! That sounds suspiciously like presuming someone to be innocent until they are proven guilty. Someone in Government said that?

The NuLabour types must have had a collective attack of the vapours seeing that in the press while tucking into their eggy soldiers this morning.

How average is your sex life?

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Coat

"... no ordinary statistics day."

Oh come on! You should know better than to use woolly definitions like that.

Exactly how out of the ordinary was it? How many standard deviations from the mean World Statistics Day are we talking about here?

UK IT projects must pull up socks, says hefty maven

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FAIL

I admire his optimism.

"Failed projects will have an implication on how the public views the government."

Well they've never given a flying fuck to date and I look forward to this entirely sensible change in attitude from the Great Unwashed. Just don't expect me to hold my breath.

"This means the media often has a field day."

Presumably he either means Private Eye or a "media field day" has been extended in scope to include 2 column inches on page 24 and an op-ed article on slow news day.

Google: Street View cars grabbed emails, urls, passwords

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Happy

Re: wired networks

Spot on. WEP - Wired Equivalent Privacy - does exactly what it says on the tin.

Remember the furore recently at some security conference or other, when the organisers said upfront they'd be sniffing the wireless network to prove a point and delegates should watch out for it? Everyone got terribly careful about ensuring that their wireless connections were secured with the latest bum-covering protocols, checked out that any certificates offered were kosher and such. None of which made any bleedin' difference whatsover to the sniffer plugged into the LAN that all the access points were connected to.

I thought they made a terribly good point myself.

Drug-addled scooter twock teen hit with bizarre crypto ban

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Coat

Re: rum, sodomy and the lash.

"PH because I'm pretty sure she's experienced at least 2 of the 3."

PH is teetotal? Who knew?

Obama consults Steve Jobs on making America great again

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Stop

Re: Easy-peasy really

You forgot the most important bit.

Submitting a bill in the next legislative round to ban Flash and Java.....

XP? Thanks for the memories

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Coffee/keyboard

Re: What would the team....etc

I think I speak for all of us when I say the following:

We'll get back to you in a few days when we've stopped pissing ourselves with laughter.

Apple bolts chastity belt on super svelte MacBook Air

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Happy

Screws.

You mean there are people who like to take things apart out there who don't own a bit set with one for each size of every security screw type known to man?

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Stop

Re: To be fair

I vividly remember the Toshiba offerings of the very early 90's. Those had the charming feature that when you opened them they exploded to double the size, making 'em nigh on impossible to reassemble. The parts physically wouldn't fit into the case unless you were an octopus and able to exert inward force from eight directions at once.

S African rhino rustlers tackled using satellite horn implants

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Joke

GPS.

The first Rhino that tries to walk out of the reserve is going to get the surprise of its life when it hears: "Make a U-Turn if possible" coming from its own nose.....

Google slips $3.1bn through 'Double Irish' tax loophole

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Coat

Re: Anyone else

Ok, I'll bite.........

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Coat

Re: Avoision

George W Bush?

Cinema iPhone pirate escapes jail in test case appeal

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Flame

Re: It will be <etc>

No, the people who should be taken out and shot are those downloading crap from Lime^H^H^H^HTrojanwire. It's the computing equivalent of dropping your kecks, rubbing half a pound of Kerrygold into your arsehole, grabbing your ankles and shouting: "Come and get it" while stood in the showers of the lifers wing of a maximum security prison.

At the very least they should be banned for life from using anything with more processing power than an abacus.

Intrepid Vulture 1 spaceplane pilot arrives at PARIS project

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Badgers

First pic.

Is that a SPAD XIII?

If so, I'm guessing that the original occupant of that cockpit was Eddie Rickenbacker.........do I get a bun?

Adobe Shockwave bitten by code execution bug

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FAIL

Happy zero-day to you

Happy zero-day to you

Happy zero-day dear Adoooooooobeeeeeee

Happy zero-day to you

Mozilla man accuses Jobs of 'bypass the web' scheme

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Happy

Re: Re: Dumber

Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh no it isn't.

Come on everyone, panto season's nearly on us so we might as well get into the swing of things.

TeeCee Gold badge
WTF?

Handbags at dawn.

As the Lord Jobs himself put it when he preached the parable of the App Store unto the faithful: ".....it won't be the only place...."

So Mozilla can still kick out their betas via other means heretical unto the true believers and everyone's happy. Even those who hold to the vile heresy of Safari being not the holiest*.

So what's the issue then? We're down to "some big company's website b0rks browser A", which is so common it doesn't normally merit column inches on slow news day.

*That's holiest as in blessed amongst browsers, not holiest as in full of bloody great holes.

Hackers subvert Firefox security warnings to sling scareware

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FAIL

Fake Flash update pwnage.

First seen back in July? That wouldn't have been some time after Mozilla caused FF to produce a genuine screen saying that users should update their Flash plugin would it? Hmm, September 2009 apparently, so yes it would.

http://www.channelregister.co.uk/2009/09/17/firefox_users_with_vulnerable_flash/

At the time Mozilla were bemoaning the fact that only 35% of those prompted to clicked the "download upgrade" link. Presumably they're the same ones who've been pwned since July.

Local Spanish press embrace PARIS

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Coat

@Mike Richards

Careful, you'll have the lads at Debretts onto you there. Epoxy is an aperitif.

Impact Adhesive is a chaser......

TomTom adds Star Wars voices to iPhone app

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Joke

ETA?

<Han Solo>

"We can do the Birmingham run in less than 12 parsecs.........yeah, it didn't make any sense the first time I said it either."

</Han Solo>

Google Android chief smacks Steve Jobs with Linux speak

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Stop

Re: which part of

"also MS was supposed to release a free tool for this??"

You mean MS Security Essentials?

Yes it is indeed free, yes it works and it's actually a bloody site less of a clog than AVG. It also doesn't constantly nag you to go to the all-singing, all dancing, all paid for version. So far it seems to lack the recurring false positives that plagued AVG when I gave it house room for a while.

MS don't crow about it though or offer it as an installation option. I think they're worried about the lawsuit potential inherent in waving this particular flag.

TeeCee Gold badge
Happy

@gerryg

Also correct.

Which implies that saying this to the entire world in 140 characters probably wasn't the best approach.

Yes *we* can all understand what that is intended to mean, but I'll bet that the "understanding" of the vast majority of Twitter users was rather different. Considered as a group they're not exactly famed for their collective intelligence or technical prowess.......

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Thumb Down

Re: Open still means something

"Would this have been possible with a closed source OS?"

xda-developers.com says yes! Custom ROM cooking for WinMo has been a feature for many years now.

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WTF?

Re: Open, or not?

"iOS does not (unless jailbroken) allow you that freedom, but does not suffer from Viruses to the same extent as Android ."

Really? Last time I heard, the only phone platform that had ever had a verified, spreading virus in the wild was the, er, iPhone.

Has there been a nasty Android one recently that I missed (actually at least two would be necessary to qualify for the "not....the same extent as" bit of that)?

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Thumb Up

Re: open

Too right. Way to reinforce the myth that open software really is only the province of command-line fixated, sandal wearing geeks. I'm absolutely astonished that so many seem to support this statement. If someone from MS had said: "Open is defined as scary techie shit that users won't understand in a million years" he'd have been quite correctly flamed to a crisp for his pains.

Nice one. Did Andy Rubin put one barrel through each foot there or has he still scope for further foot / barrel related idiocy?

List-makers battle to keep football fixture lists protection

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FAIL

The European Court....

.....needs to get of its collective fat arse and read this:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/paulfletcher/2009/06/secrets_of_the_fixture_compute.html?page=18

(Hat tip to Code Monkey who posted that link last time this was discussed here).

Whatever the rights and wrongs of copyright in this situation, it seems plain that this is waaaay more than a simple data creation exercise and that it is actually the manual checking, matching, cross-referencing and reworking of the first automated compilation draft of the source data that comprises the bulk of the process.

Rooney exits Man U with a few choice words

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Happy

Re: More acceptable in America...

I always remember the episode of "Angel" with Wesley and Angel on a motorbike (Cordelia half-inched Angel's motor IIRC).

When they went to set off, Wesley presented Angel with a crash helmet, which Angel refused to wear on the grounds that it was pink and he was immortal anyway so it didn't matter. An argument ensued over the inconvenience of being stopped by the law. Matters were resolved by Wesley saying: "Stop being such a wanker and put it on.". Stress on the word "wanker" too.

As I heard it, this came about as the director wasn't happy with the script and wanted something more argument-endingly pithy. He asked Alexis Denisof for a candidate English (he worked over here for several years) epithet for someone making such a fuss over nothing. He responded: "Oh, I'd probably call him a wanker". A brief check of the "naughty words" list revealed that "wanker" wasn't on there, so in it went.

I sprayed tea all over the table in disbelief when it aired in the early evening on Sky 1.

Apple wipes smile off FaceTime in the Middle East

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Unhappy

Same old.....

"Oh we can't do that, we'd be helping oppressive regimes to control their citizens."

<Sales forecast slideshow>

"Right. So that's video calls off and all sent mail and texts copied to the Interior Ministry. Ok?"

Next time you try to pin a value on your human rights, just remember it's already been officially pegged at somewhere below Apple's margin on iPhone sales in your country.

Gov axes £35bn Severn Barrage tide-energy scheme

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Joke

@JimC

There was I thinking that the Severn Bore was the interminable and tedious ongoing discussions on the merits, problems and costs of a tidal barrage on the Severn that's kept various departments, potential contractors and talking heads of every stripe in business for many years. Not to mention filling a few pages in the Sunday Supplements every now and again.

Turns out it's a sort of tidal wave thingy. Who knew?

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Grenade

@copsewood

Of course that's entirely attributable to GW and nothing at all to do with profiteering builders chucking up vast housing developments on flood plains, justifying same with: "well it hasn't flooded in the last 30-odd years so it probably won't".

Here's a clue. If it's flat and near to a watercourse*, it's probably flooded in the past sometime and probably will again one day. Tarmaccing and concreting over vast swathes of it, increasing surface water runoff into the watercourse, will only serve to bring that day closer.

You don't have to be a climatologist to work out the main causes here, although having studied geography to 'O' level may help.

* Or "prime building land in a picturesque setting" as it's more usually referred to these days.

IBM Java defection leaves Apache sourcers shellshocked

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Black Helicopters

Watch this space.

Once the dust has settled, I wouldn't be at all surprised to see an announcement from Oracle and IBM about some Oracle "runs on the bare iron" product being optimised for IBM kit as well as SUN^H^H^Htheir own.

Oracle must have nobbled IBM somehow and the threat of their own servers displacing IBM products due to some proprietary optimisation tweaks is the only thing I can think of.

Futuristic Judge Dredd smartguns issued to 101st Airborne

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WTF?

Re: C.R.E.W.

I see. In exactly what way is this a Collimated Radiation Emission Weapon?

Trial and error: online comments court attention

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Grenade

Or in other words..

What's the point of us all earning huge sums of money getting "super injunctions"* for our clients when all the names and juicy dirt are all over teh intahtoobz within five minutes?

This has got to stop or rich bastards won't pay us to hush up their improprieties any more.

*You know, the ones where you're not only not allowed to publish the dirt, you're also not allowed to mention that you're not allowed to publish the dirt and you're not allowed to mention that there's anything in place that's not allowing you to mention that you're not allowed to publish the dirt. Or something like that.

Man wins $650k for stripper shoe eye snafu

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Alert

Re: Title

Because his lawyers reckon the club's more likely to have 650 grand than the dancer?

She could have a problem here. Strip club owners aren't exactly renowned for their sensitivity, respect for the law and ability to accept misfortune gracefully. She may find someone from the less reputable end of the debt-collection business reclaiming 650 large ones out of her hide in a dark alley sometime soon.

Fifa 11 vs Pro Evolution Soccer 2011

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Coat

"...I have found it impossible to score with Emile Heskey."

Maybe you should try charging him £1000?

Dead baby taunting troll feels wrath of law

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Joke

"...the late UK Big Brother star, Jade Goody."

Ah, I guess that's the new description since everyone realised the significance of section 127 of the Communications Act 2003.

She always used to be: "that fat ug........

<Battering ram>

<Door off hinges>

+++

NO CARRIER

Spanish fascist decries Franco Eurovision slur

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FAIL

FoTW?

Nul points for that (even if you translated it into Spanish and submitted it in 1968).

Ok, there's some swearing, the writer's obviously right up on his high horse and hasn't got a leg to stand on, but proper punctuation and correct capitalisation*? Starting a sentance with "And" isn't enough to make up for that.

Very poor......

*I guess that the commies were right and the bourgeois intelligentsia are actually fascist running-dog lackeys after all.

Great white sharks menace Blighty

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Joke

Ah, you need the right tackle?

Ok, let's see.

Oceangoing barge with salvage crane? Check.

2000' of heavy duty anchor chain? Check.

3' tool steel barbed hook? Check.

All I need now is a Sun journalist as bait and a weekend's fishing off Cornwall shall be mine.