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* Posts by TeeCee

8300 posts • joined 5 Oct 2007

Yes, British F-35 engines must be sent to Turkey for overhaul

TeeCee
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FAIL

Well that's just great.

Outsourcing defence contracts to a country already halfway toward becoming yet another third-world theocratic shithole.

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

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Look! Over there! Intel's cooked a 17-qubit chip quantum package

TeeCee
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Maybe, but it's still not much of a challenge when every draw gives you all 52 cards simultaneously.

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What does the Moon 4bn years ago and Yahoo! towers this week have in common? Both had an awful atmosphere

TeeCee
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On the bright side for Yahoo!

It doesn't seem that it's going to take them anywhere near 3.5 billion years to get rid of the bad atmosphere and become a barren, lifeless wasteland.

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Java security plagued by crappy docs, complex APIs, bad advice

TeeCee
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Facepalm

SO + Java =

Write once, exploit everywhere.

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For Facebook, ignorance is the business model: Social net is shocked – SHOCKED – that people behave badly

TeeCee
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Re: How many people believe Sheryl?

.... neutral publisher protection.

The dumbest idea in a long history of dumb ideas. Do nothing and get away with everything or do your best and get royally screwed for what you missed.

What steaming moron came up with that idea?

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AWS can now bill us if you read this far. This bit will cost us, too

TeeCee
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“Per-second billing obviates the need for this extra layer of instance management....

Er, bollocks.

It doesn't matter how granular the billing is, if you're using it when you don't really need to it's still money down the crapper.

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Cognitive Services, Clippy? AI's silent infiltration of Microsoft's Office stack

TeeCee
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Happy

Without cognitive Clippy:

"I see you're trying to XYZ. Would you like help with that?"

"Fuck off".

With cognitive Clippy:

.....

(as Clippy works out the question, correctly predicts the response and decides to STFU).

So an AI Clippy would indeed be an improvement.

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Rowhammer RAM attack adapted to hit flash storage

TeeCee
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WTF?

Re: Google Didn't find it

Odd really, considering that Google's core business is, er, finding things...

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Particle boffins show off 'cheap', cute little CosI, world's smallest neutrino detector

TeeCee
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Meh

"Sizes for working neutrino detectors might continue getting smaller."

No prizes for guessing what's on the feature list of the next iWatch then?

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Grab a fork! Unravelling the Internet of Things' standards spaghetti

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Just switch it on and watch it connect...

...to a bent server in Russia.

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Time-rich netizens marshall ballot-stuffing bots against... Radio Times contest

TeeCee
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Alert

Re: "Internet ballot-stuffing has existed for as long as Rickrolling, if not longer"

Actually, ballot stuffing has been around rather longer than the internet.

All the internet has done is make it easier and less likely for the culprits to be caught...

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Microsoft hits new low: Threatens to axe classic Paint from Windows 10

TeeCee
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WTF?

You mean to say that there are people out there who haven't already ditched it in favour of the free and vastly superior Paint.NET?

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Volterman 'super wallet': The worst crowdsource video pitch of all time?

TeeCee
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Alert

Re: So instea of a phone with a case with a wallet area in it...

...a beltknife...

All these things sound like a great idea, until you accidently cut off your own goolies in a trouser-fastening accident.

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Amazon may still get .amazon despite govt opposition – thanks to a classic ICANN cockup

TeeCee
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Meh

Re: A (not so Swiftian) modest proposal.

Ok you try and find something[1] that hasn't got some piece of geography somewhere on the planet sharing the name...

[1] Ok, something that's an actual word and not some strategy boutique generated[2] brand name.

[2] Same effect as pulling letters at random from a scrabble bag, only much more expensive.

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€100 'typewriter' turns out to be €45,000 Enigma machine

TeeCee
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Alert

Re: The excuse note I typed on it came out all weird

Aha! That explains the flood of ten quid keys on eBay.

ISTR that someone built a Colossus replica....

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Kerberos bypass, login theft bug slain by Microsoft, Linux slingers

TeeCee
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Facepalm

I think that the weasel word there is "independently".

That's "independently" as in: "We never even looked at your code, this is a completely home-grown implementation of the defined standards.", delivered with a straight face and fingers crossed behind back.

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Sysadmin bloodied by icicle that overheated airport data centre

TeeCee
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Re: Welcome to the UK

...something called 'building inspectors'....

Or "blind, incompetent idiots" as everyone else calls them.

You want to really fuck something up? Get the quality control done by public sector staff.

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BOFH: That's right. Turn it off. Turn it on

TeeCee
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I'd go with Pterodactyl repellent, to prevent some smart-arsed luser from ${place_where_armadillos_come_from} raising a ticket.

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Men charged with theft of free newspapers

TeeCee
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Happy

Eh?

...said to have pinched bundles of the London Evening Standard...

I didn't realise that stupidity and bad taste were crimes. This is good news.

For a start, Simon Cowell is going down for hard time...

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'My PC needs to lose weight' says user with FAT filesystem

TeeCee
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Meh

PS/2 Model 70 luggable. The computing equivalent of a briefcase full of housebricks.

A great cost saver, as carrying one of those around meant you never needed to pay gym membership.

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Your emotionally absent pic-snapping partner's going to look you in the eye again

TeeCee
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Happy

Re: Why would anyone want one of these?

Actually there is a serious purpose.

The rest of us will be able to spot Snapchat lusers much more easily and save us having to find out that they're a twat the hard way.

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Britain's on the brink of a small-scale nuclear reactor revolution

TeeCee
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Consumption "hotspots".

An obvious one here is motorway service stations. That way there might be a chance of charging all those electric cars. once the fast recharge problem is cracked, without having to splurge trillions of quid on grid upgrades.

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Uber found to be doing something awful? Yep, it's Tuesday

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Spot the lie.

"We are committed to paying every driver every penny they are owed.........as quickly as possible,"

Actually, as you have this problem, you very obviously aren't.

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Rich professionals could be replaced by AI, shrieks Gartner

TeeCee
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One question:

If we replaced all the lawyers with emotionless, rigid, unsympathetic robotic jobsworths, how would we tell the difference?

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User loses half of a CD-ROM in his boss's PC

TeeCee
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Alert

...found a thick yellow cable in the way .... so he'd cut it...

Back in the day, a mate worked as an operator for a concern with a warehouse and IT suite out west of London and an office in the West End. They lost all the leased lines connecting the two simultaneously.

Turned out that a BT voice engineer had come across a set of fat cables that were "in the way" and not on his plans when working down a hole in the road somewhere between the two sites.

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Bullyboy Apple just blew a $500m hole in our wallet, cries Qualcomm

TeeCee
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Facepalm

"We've been trying to reach a licensing agreement with Qualcomm for more than five years but they have refused to negotiate fair terms..."

Translation:

"God alone knows what they're smoking, but Qualcomm expect us to pay them. This isn't the way we do things at Apple, where we expect other companies to just be fucking grateful that their shitty technology is allowed into our wonderful products."

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iPhone lawyers literally compare Apples with Pears in trademark war

TeeCee
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Facepalm

@Apple's legal team.

Well done lads, have a banana.

(Oops, your heads seem to have exploded.)

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Hyundai app security blunder allowed crooks to 'steal victims' cars'

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Yes....but....

Now imagine a similar vulnerability being discovered in about eight years' time.

Is it fixable on the older kit? Probably not.

Is the manufacturer going to bother trying to fix it on something that old? Definitely not.

Does that make it any less serious? No.

With it not being fixed, does that make it more likely that someone will build on it to find a way of compromising the vehicle's controls? Yes.

And there you have it. The reason why the concept of the "connected car" needs to be banned. Now. It won't be of course. Government surveillance and data harvesting opportunities trump a mind-numbingly obvious lethal risk every time.

Anyone buying a car with these features needs their bumps felt.

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Not the droids you're looking for – worst handsets to resell

TeeCee
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Stop

Re: I don't trust their results

I've never heard of ANY car depreciating even remotely that fast.

You've never heard of the Citroen XM? That had depreciation rates that make the purchase of a Q50 sound like an investment opportunity.

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BOFH: The Boss, the floppy and the work 'experience'

TeeCee
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Meh

Re: Being on a placement myself...

....you can't possibly be any good because you're at university post 2000's and apparently that's an issue?

Hmm. That would be about when the world changed so that every job spec from bog-cleaner upwards suddenly required a degree. This in turn changed the majority of Universities from educational establishments catering to exceptional students into certificate farms for the proles.

Then, just in case the dumbing down hadn't gone far enough, we got a shitload of political meddling thrown into the process to ensure that every University, regardless of standards, was obliged to join the race to the bottom. Presumably this to ensure that there is a large enough workforce with a degree qualifying them as turd-scrubbers to keep the HR box-tickers happy.

I call fair comment.

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Boffins crowdsource hunt for 'Planet 9'

TeeCee
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Coat

Well, that's next week's headline sorted for the Sport:

DAEWOO CAR FOUND IN KUIPER BELT!!!!

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Android O my god! It's finally here (for devs)

TeeCee
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Alert

Re: So what's the "O"?

Onanism.

Slavish copying of Apple's innovations does not usually end well.

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World's worst botnet fiends switch from ransomware to stock scam spam

TeeCee
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WTF?

Necurs was abused to run a similar campaign...

Abused? Surely that's what it's for?

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Tip for darknet drug lords: Don't wear latex gloves to the post office

TeeCee
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Meh

Re: stamps?

To be fair, the article does say he was bulk-buying priority delivery stamps. Presumably the Post Office has a verification policy on the payment for same, which is likely to be on the high side.

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TeeCee
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Stop

Re: for the summer

You wear leather driving gloves when you have a wank??!!???

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Google borks Nexus 6 with screwy over-the-air Android 7.0 downgrade

TeeCee
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Meh

Re: Move along nothing to see

Google seemingly cannot make an installer that does version compatibility checks.

Then again, as 7.0 is the highest version they've shipped for the device, why would they check for a higher one prior to install?

If you tweak it yourself, you need to take responsibility for what subsequently happens to it.

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Shine on, you crazy Eind minds: Boffins fire out 43Gbps infrared 'Wi-Fi'

TeeCee
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FAIL

"....but you'll need line-of-sight"

Are these guys working on producing a chocolate teapot next?

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The priest, the coder, the Bitcoin drug deals – and today's guilty verdicts

TeeCee
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Re: That's funny, isn't this the same as how the stock market works?

A variation on this is to publish the hype in national newspaper, disguised as a stock tip and fill your boots in the same manner when your flock of readers piles in with their cash.

This version has the advantage that, when you're caught red-handed with the ill-gotten gains, you can claim that you were just following the tip advice in your own paper and have the columnists wot wrote it sent down instead of you.

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Be our Guetzli, says Google, to make beastly JPEGs beautifully small

TeeCee
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WTF?

Hmm.

I can clearly see in this article that there's one thing that Google obviously have working that they're not telling us about.

Something that emulates pulling letters out of a Scrabble bag at random to form new words.

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Google borks its Drive Windows app – after pushing out unfinished buggy version to public

TeeCee
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Meh

Not the first time Google have a shipped a "public Alpha" and I'm sure it won't be the last.

Still trying to work out whether they do this intentionally or not.

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House of Lords: Drone vehicles are more than just robo-cars, mmkay

TeeCee
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Meh

Re: Oxymoron alert.

In which case, being out of contact for a while in a "not spot" wouldn't matter at all.

The only question that needs answering is whether that interest is motivated by:

a) Continuous surveillance opportunities.

b) The telcos looking for a huge trough of government cash to stuff their snouts in.

(a) has to be favourite IMHO.

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RAF pilot awaits sentence for digicam-induced airliner dive

TeeCee
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WTF?

Re: Airbus design flaw

If it moved with the seat, there wouldn't have been a problem. The fact that it doesn't, so moving the seat pushes the camera along the rest and into the stick rather than the whole assembly proceeding forward as one, would seem to be a prerequisite for causing this to happen.

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Amazon S3-izure cause: Half the web vanished because an AWS bod fat-fingered a command

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Hmm. "Playbook".

That'll be the source of the problem. When such is in use, it can only mean one thing.

The person typing the commands, while "authorised" to do so, almost certainly hasn't got a clue what they actually do.

If they did then a) they wouldn't need some else to have written it down for them and more importantly, b) they'd have spotted the typo before hitting Enter.

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Uber loses court fight over London drivers' English language tests

TeeCee
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Meh

You haven't noticed BBC Alba then?

Well to be fair, looking at their viewing figures, neither has anyone else.

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Li-ion king Goodenough creates battery he says really is... good enough

TeeCee
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The pea sized lump of fizzing sodium...

I recall a chemistry master trying to do exactly that. Unfortunately, while attempting to pare said pea-sized lump from a big stick of sodium, the stick slipped from his tongs and fell into said large glass trough.

We knew the loud bang was coming, the fact that his face went white and he hit the deck behind the bench while shouting "GET DOWN!" was a bit of a clue.

The trough was destroyed and the reinforced glass screen in a sturdy iron frame between us and it was pretty much buggered too.

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Google Chrome 56's crypto tweak 'borked thousands of computers' using Blue Coat security

TeeCee
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Re: The curse of "Blue" security

Except in the automotive industry where it means "looks green when tested".

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BlackBerry's comeback: El Reg gets its claws on the QWERTY KEYone

TeeCee
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Re: New internet law needed...

Simpler than that even.

Betamax was owned by Sony and anyone wanting to make a compatible player or tape had to pay a license fee per unit to Sony.

VHS was owned by JVC and offered on a free use basis.

By the time Sony woke up, smelled the coffee and cancelled their rakeoff, it was too late. World + Dog was already churning out VHS stuff en masse.

Note also that while Beta was better in picture terms, VHS murdered it in sound. Technically it's a one-all draw.

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Nokia’s big comeback: Watches, bathroom scales, a 3310 PR gimmick, Snake, erm...

TeeCee
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Meh

Of course....

....if you really want a crappy stick with buttons and battery life that gives Methuselah a run for his money, then you could get something like the ZTE F320, which has the added advantage of 3G.

That has snake on it too and "free with cornflakes" pricing as a bonus.

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Git fscked by SHA-1 collision? Not so fast, says Linus Torvalds

TeeCee
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Facepalm

Re: That's not how hashes work

That's 6,600 years of CPU time.

If you have 6,600 CPUs, that's a year. If you're Google and have the equivalent of a medium sized country full of CPUs....

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Elon Musk promises Tesla investors Trump won't send him to Mars

TeeCee
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Joke

Re: At Tesla forever?

In that case, when he does end up on a Mars mission he can claim that he just didn't see it coming.

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