Posts by Aristotles slow and dimwitted horse

@ AndrueC

RE Virgin : TBH if my service is anything to go by then I'm not surprised. I've not had any issues over the last year at all other than one overnight outage when a workman cut through a main internet pipe (tut tut, ever heard of redundancy Virgin??).

However, when my contract recently expired I was offered a much faster service for £12pm less than I was paying, and I've just been emailed regarding another "free" speed upgrade - although I'm sure I'll pay for that down the line somewhere.

I'd quite like them to ditch the line rental as I have never used my land line service so I do feel a bit aggrieved at this, however, this seems trifling considering the issues other broadband customers seem to be having.

So far...

The BBCs digital initiative of stuff has been a bit crap. First this delay, and then their awful "Gamechangers" film. The only "game changing" thing about that was that it was a clear statement of how to make a shit film. So perhaps it was educational in that aspect.

I have enjoyed watching the cache of 1980s Micro live programmes trawled up from the archives on iPlayer though.

Alternatively...

If I want to see "arty clips of nature" as you so eloquently put it, I could save £84,980 by buying a ticket to Marwell zoo? Or saving the whole balance by taking a walk down by the sea?

I'm sure the resolutions of my visit would be much higher than 8k as well?

I'm still constantly surprised at how shit Oracle are...

In my recent (and not so recent experience) of running Oracle and SAP programmes and projects, my view is that it would help both companies if they started releasing software that actually worked out of the box, or after configuration.

It seems to me that these days, both companies align to the strategy of shoving half-baked applications and services out of the door without the requisite testing having been done; and then use their customer implementation projects as beta-tests, only to be fixed by a myriad of (also crap) patches down the line - thereby delaying many a go-live.

Don't get me started on the quality of the Oracle UK "consulting and implementation" team. They are not far off of making HP Professional services look halfaway competent.

Best of luck to him on his recovery.

Luckily his eyes were in an active-active configuration so the failover was almost immediate with no downtime... but there will be an unfortunate 50% loss of service.

Or as Betty Bowers (Americas best Christian) said...

Imposes religion on self : 0%

Imposes religion on others : 100%

Or...

He said he was joining the Google Life Sciences (GLS), sorry... Alphabet, team to discover technology that can help with earlier detection, better prevention and more effective management of serious health conditions such as those that don't yet know their A to Z's, sorry... Alphabet.

I find that surprising...

Seeing as that site has an awful lot of homemade Russian made content on it - thereby advertising the benefit of your standard nubile Russian teen or mail-order bride to a wider audience...

...or so I'm told *cough* *cough*

Detectiveness starts at home...

"Since I started in this world no one ever found me" added the disgruntled ex zero hours contract Manchester Police canteen assisstant.

She's an idiot. Completely.

As per title.

@ Nate Amsden

Nate you nasty man.

Just think of all the lucrative monthly sales bonuses you are denying to those poor salesmen with your fancy talk. They'll probably all starve now... or worse; they'll become IT recruitment "consultants".

@ 1980s_coder

I fear not. It may run a mean instance of Zork however.

Hmmm, I'll stick with my Touareg thanks...

The Audi is still an overpriced "soft roader" with no-off road creds. My Touareg has towed a Disco out of a muddy field, horseboxes across them; and loaded up with bikes, kayaks, diving equipment and such like down some pretty tricky green lanes and trails has never broken a sweat.

It's black. Has never been near a private school as my darling daughter gets the train, and is genuinely the best car I have ever owned.

Re : "paying to all affected customers it is able to identify"

"is able to identify"

Hmm, I wonder who is overseeing the amount of effort they put into that exercise?

But...

The requirement to buy a TVL doesn't currently apply in any form to listening to the radio over ANY transmission medium or format, so I'm not sure why the tagline on this article.

Or as Billy Bragg put it...

In the Soviet Union, a scientist is blinded...

By the resumption of nuclear testing and is reminded...

That Doctor Robert Oppenheimer's optimism fell...

At the first hurdle.

Hmmm....

"Hayes stated that metadata, also known as communications data, "is not just crucial in the investigation of serious crime. It is also a fundamental part of investigating other crimes which still have a severe impact, such as stalking and harassment, as well as locating missing people.""

To be honest, I don't think anyone is actually disagreeing with the sentiment of this statement. The issue is that there is no judicial oversight to independently assure the public that the so-called "security services" are not running amok with this personal data to pursure their own agendas rather than solely to pursue legitimate criminal sources.

This also : "The government, however, has stated it will take "whatever steps are necessary to ensure communications data continues to be available when it is needed.""

That statement just stinks of a petulant child that needs a good slap and that has actually forgotten that it only exists to serves the public will, not its own. Can we combine resources to bring a contempt of court case against that total fuckwit Teresa May?

Just for a laugh...

They should definately announce the potential finding of "what appears to be" a long abandoned alien civilisation - and string that one along as far as it'll go.

What a backward country...

A misguided demand for security backdoors in everything to save lives vs allowing anyone with even the slightest iota of intelligence to own and use guns and bullets?

Changes to which one would save the most lives year on year I wonder?

I've said it before...

If Apple, with all of their so called lifestyle research, design clout, and product engineering had developed a watch with the untethered technical functionality and capacity for application similar to either the Garmin 910/920 or Suunto Ambit 3 - then this would have been a killer product for the multisport & sports community.

Unfortunately however, it seems Jonny Ive seems to have been above having to find a "utility" for this product, so they (in my mind) have dropped both a major bollock, and missed a huge opportunity with this, err... watch? Is it?

Obligatory and somewhat tedious....

...can it run Crysis comment.

...

"He added that complaints to Ofcom about EE have fallen by 50 per cent in the past year."

That's because all of your customers have f**ked off to Vodafone and Three.

If I was that rich...

I'd own everything including the internets, oceans, most of the people, buildings, and Gwyneth Paltrow.

I'd just get all of my slaves to do all that shopping and phoning stuff so I'm not surprised Becks isn't interested in the details.

Rewrote it for you...

"However, the court ruled on Wednesday that it just couldn't be arsed to take the case seriously."

Eh?

"These are particularly challenging, typically requiring a complex business transformation process with IT, organisational, operational, and regulatory change being implemented simultaneously."

But these elements exist in every major programme I have ever delivered or worked on. None of those ever ended up in this shoddy state. What a fucking fiasco!

"value-added solutions?"

Is that how Capita refer to as basic canteen accoutrements?

Awesome quotage...

"Complexity had been one of the main issues"

"Getting used to working in an agile way"

Lol Kainos, just lol.

What no...

Biggus Dickus.

How does it work over the phone...

When I phone my bank, as part of the validation process they ask me to correctly state certain key characters of my password...

Bank : What is letter two of your password?

Me : Err.. it's kind of a sad Japanese looking girl with rosy cheeks and a tear in her eye.

Bank : And letter number seven?

Me : It's a happy looking dog.

Bank : No that's incorrect.

Me : A miserable cat?

Bank : No.

Me : A happy horse?

How novel.

Whilst I'm sure they should attend...

They have no legal obligation to do so - as they are not breaking the law. Until Europe formally investigate and charge these companies with some form of tax crime - then its all hot air.

When I was a kid...

One of my best friends dad was a salesman for Playmobil and his garage was literally stuffed to the rafters with the stuff. The scuba diver was always my favourite, thus mirroring my favourite pastime now I am (almost) all grown up.

Happy memories.

RIP Horst.

I have an idea...

Perhaps we could have, I dunno... an election or something? Then we (i.e. the concerned public) could force each party to ensure that any manifesto must have a core statement to ensure that these rogue state agancies are dealt with as per the will of the people? Plus a forced review of the foreign policies or something that make us a terrorist target in the first place?

Because it's our government right? And these wankers are supposed to manage the country on the mandate of the people right? And being informed on how your privacy is being eroded gradually by "your" government is a core concern of everyone right? Rather than just wanking off over internet porn and watching chat shows?

Oh...

I hate those f**king meerkats!!!!

"HP's insurance will pay $100m to a settlement fund."

I'm guessing that'll put a dent in their no-claims bonus?

Just my $0.02 worth...

It's a great movie. But... it started too quickly and I spent the first 20 mins doing the "eh? what? errr... eh?" After that, it all kicked off and I didn't really care as overall it's a huge mad beautiful looking utterly bonkers mayhemic firecracker of a movie.

You could replace Tom Hardy with any generic male action lead and you wouldn't notice. They should have called it "Mad generic post apocalyptic bloke."

It's Charlize Therons movie. I love Charlize Theron.

Whatever happened to Demetri Martin?

That guy and his very funny and clever (mathematical) show had me in stitches. Not heard a lot from him recently.

@ Pointless golden record

Just my view on things...

Chances of intelligent life finding it in the next 10,000 years? 100%

Already knowing we exist? 100%

Keeping us at arms length because they have better things to do? 100%

Melbourne House?

It's the best part of 30 years old... and still better than the shambles of the recent movies.

Hopefully as part of the acquisition...

They'll sort out Phoenix's shambolic SCM and fulfillment processes.

I won't hold my breath though.

@ Lost all faith...

"They've been screwing my parents over for years but not letting them know they are on a crap, expensive service (been on them since the Telewest days)"

But do you and/or your parents not bear some of the responsibility of ensuring that they are on the best service plan for their needs on a regular basis, rather than naturally assuming that they are being, as you put it "screwed"?

By your measure I'm assuming your parents are the sort of people who simply accept the renewal costs as stated by their insurance providers rather than shopping about?

I have no sympathy.

I'm sure his parents must be very proud...

"Computer Business Review adds that the youngster scored 57 more points than the required 700 minimum needed to pass the exam simply by answering every question with a cross in every box marked "(D) None of the above"".

Another industry observer stated "The childs overall score is 756 points higher than the benchmark to join HPs professional services department."

@ Bernard M Orwell

Sure, but the truth and continued/ongoing advertising revenues rerely coincide.

It's all marketing bullshit.

Cloud vs Managed infrastructure / applications that IBM have been doing in their datacentres for years.

There is no difference other than the underlying platform is all ESX or VMware imaged so setup can be automated and scripted for reduced startup time, and that cross frame resources can be added or removed "on account" until requir...

... sorry, I caught myself not using marketing bullshit... of course I mean "be made elastic".

* Facepalm *