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Dead serious: How to haunt people after you've gone... using your smartphone

Anonymous Coward
Anonymous Coward

Surely the best way of achieving this (if you wanted to) would be to rent some shared web hosting at £5 per month with a place like 1&1 and stick £200 on account. That gets you 40 months (3.3 years) of a known working service. Then simply cronjob a set of scripts to run in 39 months that generate emails to the desired target addresses. Like wide scale distribution lists at the company. Make a point of topping up the account balance every year and moving the dates in the cronjob backwards and it should be all good.

And then at the given hour...

--

Dear all,

I understand that you might be surprised to hear from me after you cremated me, but I always said I'd come back to haunt those of you who didn't attend my funeral so I felt obliged to honour the promise. btw, heaven is a bit overrated as a holiday destination, like any nice place you get bored with it after a while and hell's not much fun either but you can get out of both occasionally on day release passes.

So yeah, how's life been going for you lot? Most of you look like your doing pretty well.

Yours,

AC ghost.

<autoreply via rule on 1&1's email system for RE: $subject sent only once.

"It's good to hear from you mate, nice to know a few people still care. I'm a bit pissed at how few people actually responded tbh now people think I can safely be ignored, some friends those guys were! They might be surprised about that though, visitations are tiring but I can affect dreams rather more easily!"

<+ 2 days, allowing for a few replies and a lot of people freaking and WTF?>

Thank you to the people that replied, it's nice seeing that some of you still care.

It's a lot of work doing the whole disembodied spirit malarkey as you can only appear once in a while and it's bloody tiring, but emails are a lot easier and tbh half of you communicated that way in life anyway, so you can't expect more in death. As I say visitations are pretty tiring, but i'll try and drop in on each of you too busy to message me at some point in person. (or in spirit?)

<message via SMS gateway forging your old number + 3 days to a few disliked colleauges>

Really disappointed I didn't see you at my funeral, and haven't seen any reply to my email so will drop round in person, or disembodied spirit, whatever the right tense is there. Dropped around your house recently, but being a disembodied spirit couldn't knock on the door and I don't think you noticed me with the colour contrast in your house (and nice place btw). I'll drop in on you at some point in the evening, getting more requests from psyhic mediums in death at the moment than I got from salesmen in life, and that's saying something! Don't want to creep you out, so if I start materialising or walking around and you start freaking then i'll just go again and come back at a later point.

See you soon!

--

Oh, if you have a really bad sense of humour then you could have such a lot of fun with this. You could probably even do VOIP calls that play a .wav file the same way advertisers do with some effort.

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