back to article Naked women cleaning biz smashes patriarchy by introducing naked bloke gardening service

Lazy perverts of all genders, get in here. Australia has the household service for you. Bare All Cleaning, which sends women round to do chores in the buff, has hit back at claims of sexism by rolling out a gardening service performed by naked blokes. No, not that kind of gardening service. Actual gardening, like... hedge …

  1. YourNameHere

    Let the comments begin...

    Careful with that hedge trimmer...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Let the comments begin...

      Would you Adam & Eve it ?

    2. Daniel von Asmuth
      Paris Hilton

      Re: Let the comments begin...

      How practical is nudity in the scorching Aussie summer sun?

    3. Mark 85

      Re: Let the comments begin...

      Meh.. different strokes for different folks. However, I'm not sure any Worker's Health and Safety organization would approve not wearing proper safety equipment.

      1. Korev Silver badge
        Coat

        Re: Let the comments begin...

        Well as long as he’s got a helmet then what’s the problem?

      2. herman

        Re: Let the comments begin...

        Ayup, hard hat and boots are required.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Let the comments begin...

          Ayup, hard hat and boots are required.

          I would think that would be raincoats and sponges....I'll get my coat now.

      3. fredj

        Re: Let the comments begin...

        So safe sex then?

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Let the comments begin...

      Careful with that hedge trimmer...

      Reminds me of the last time I had to call the friendly local exterminator. His previous job that day was to deal with a wasp's nest at an upper class middle aged lady (with too much time on her hands). She was enjoying observing how her (20+ years younger) gardener trims the hedge in nothing but shorts. Everything was fine until he threw the hedge-trimmer to the side and rushed into the house nearly ending up on top of her.

      Her moderately dirty dream was not to be though. He was not running to her. He was running away from a one foot in diameter wasp nest he whacked with the hedge trimmer. That was what the exterminator had to deal with after that.

      So frankly, hedge trimmer... in the buff... That is not advisable. A week tops until you run into a wasps' nest in mid-summer.

      1. sambaynham

        Re: Careful with that hedge trimmer...

        In Australia, Wasps are the least of your problems. Bitten in your gentleman's area by one of their spiders would be a nasty way to go.

    5. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Let the comments begin...

      > "Careful with that hedge trimmer..."

      You missed a chance to say "Careful with that axe, Eugene".

    6. LucreLout

      Re: Let the comments begin...

      Careful with that hedge trimmer...

      Surely, in a country infested with redbacks, funnel webs, and all sorts of snakes (stop it!), the safety elves will require some form of appropriate clothing for gardening?

      1. Denarius

        Re: Let the comments begin...

        @LucreLout.: Exactly so. Also much of the local vegetation is mammal hostile. Lastly, Oz has highest skin cancer rate in world. I cant see how Work Cover/Work Safety laws do not demand protective clothing as sun exposure is rated as a risk. This spring has been the worst I recall for early active snakes. The western browns in my yard are bigger than usual and more aggressive than usual. I suspect these new "services" are more for patio plants in the high rise hells the chattering classes eulogise.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Happy

          Re: Let the comments begin...

          Wait, that would mean the neighbors get an eyeful every time the fern gets water (assuming the fern is not too large). Umm, how would it be if a bunch of like-minded neighbors got together and hired a stark nekkid fern botherer's breezy services, to be rotated between them in turn? Talk about gaming the system!

  2. Scott Broukell

    Naked IT Support

    Eeew, no thanks. E're, just look at the rack on that! I wonder where this cable goes? etc. etc.

    1. Martin Summers Silver badge

      Re: Naked IT Support

      You know what normally goes with a nice rack? A UPS (Uninterruptable Pervert Supply).

  3. steviebuk Silver badge

    Why is it sexist

    In the first place. If women what to make their money that way why is it sexist?

    1. hellwig

      Re: Why is it sexist

      No one is going to pay me to work naked (they pay extra to put more clothes on). If someone has the option, go for it.

    2. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Trollface

      Re: Why is it sexist

      it's only sexist because a member of the political correctness police SAYS so.

      1. MrMerrymaker

        Re: Why is it sexist

        No such thing. If a woman said it was sexist, I'm fine with that.

        Of course, I'd like to see the evidence...

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Why is it sexist

        it's only sexist because a member of the political correctness police SAYS so.

        No, its sexist 'cos they got it the wrong way round.

        I'd imagine lady commentards (c'mon, both of you help me out here, please?) would enjoy the concept of a naked Chippendale doing the housework rather than gardening, and (speaking for myself) I'd not want a naked woman doing housework, I'd rather she was mowing the lawn, whilst I sat in fat, greasy splendour, downing a cold lager admiring the dignity of the human form in manual labour.

        1. ShortLegs

          Re: Why is it sexist

          @Ledswinger

          "I'd imagine lady commentards (c'mon, both of you help me out here, please?) would enjoy the concept of a naked Chippendale doing the housework rather than gardening"

          Actually, ladies /did/ enjoy seeing naked (well, topless) "Chippendales" doing building/gardening and ironing.

          Naked Builders featured twice on GMTV about 8 years ago, and on the back of that was Naked Ironing in Cheshire.

        2. DuchessofDukeStreet

          Re: Why is it sexist

          @ledswinger A naked gardener isn't high on my list of interesting things - possibly because I live in a top floor apartment with no garden. A naked Chippendale doing the housework? Actually I'd settle for any body else doing the housework to be honest.

          I met a couple who'd set up a naked butler service in Glasgow a few years ago (they offered to hire my mate's son). All their staff wore an appropriate butler's apron, which the hiring customer was *not* permitted to touch or move, it was actually a lot more appealing than the fully naked version.

          1. jmch Silver badge
            Thumb Up

            Re: Why is it sexist

            "Actually I'd settle for any body else doing the housework to be honest."

            Amen to that!

    3. Pete4000uk

      Re: Why is it sexist

      Because those who don't want to do it don't like to see others doing it and getting money for it

    4. jmch Silver badge

      Re: Why is it sexist

      "If women what to make their money that way why is it sexist?"

      It's not so much the nudity that's sexist as the work allocation. If naked cleaning (ironing, cooking* etc...) ladies was considered sexist, the answer is to provide naked cleaners of whatever gender. And if they want to expand their service to gardening, they can provide naked gardeners of whatever gender. Having naked cleaning ladies (but no male cleaners), and nakes male (but not female) gardeners is sexist.

      Otherwise I agree that as long as people do it willingly, are not abused on the job and are fairly compensated, they should be free to choose whatever they do.

      *PS I would have though naked cooking rather unhygienic, no?

      1. phuzz Silver badge

        Re: Why is it sexist

        "I would have though naked cooking rather unhygienic, no?"

        Also pretty uncomfortable if you're frying something. Spitting fat stings.

        1. ElReg!comments!Pierre

          Re: Why is it sexist

          Spitting fat stings

          Aye to that.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Why is it sexist

        "I would have though naked cooking rather unhygienic [...]"

        As long as anything that comes into contact with food is clean then it doesn't matter what you wear or not.

        Skin is generally cleaner than materials like wool or cotton etc. A TV crew were filming for a documentary about bacterial contamination in the average house. Kitchen wooden chopping boards were worse than a toilet seat. They then managed to get a massive reading - off the crew's woolly microphone windsock.

        As pointed out elsewhere - spitting fat is best avoided when cooking. I always wear a pinafore style apron to protect the front of my torso whether clothed or not.

        The UK NHS has told doctors to wear short-sleeved, open-neck shirts to reduce the risk of patient cross contamination from material contact..

      3. ds6 Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: Why is it sexist

        "If naked cleaning (ironing, cooking* etc...) ladies was considered sexist, the answer is to provide naked cleaners of whatever gender."

        Yeah, where's my cute boy cleaning the kitchen in a naked apron, dammit?!

        (I think ordering these services may result in my trouble.)

    5. JDX Gold badge

      Re: Why is it sexist

      What a surprise, a male-dominated readership is in favour of the idea of naked female cleaners.

      It's sexist, just off the bat, because their cleaning service only supplies female workers. That means their hiring policy is sexist. We don't even have to go into the crass objectification of women to see it demonstrably sexist.

      For that matter, a gardening business which only hires/supplies male gardeners would be sexist. Why can't I have a naked male cleaner or a naked female gardener?

      Perhaps less important than debating the definition of 'sexism' here is just to comment on crass objectification and the general awfulness. Because really, how many of these cleaners do we think are happy for a bit of cash-in-hand for extra services (it has to be cash in hand, they have no pockets).

      And for all those men rushing in to gallantly defend and empower women's rights to do what they want with their bodies (for your pleasure), you're happy for your wife/daughter to do those things? If not then you're not defending women's rights, you just like the fantasy of a woman with her jugs out as she cleans.

  4. K

    You're born that way, you die that way...

    The only thing that sexualises it, is the taboo...

    It constantly amazes me how prudish a lot of people are, yet this is a problem of their own making!

    1. MrMerrymaker

      Re: You're born that way, you die that way...

      You sure you work in IT, what with this comfortable attitude to seeing randoms naked?

      1. Joe W Silver badge

        Re: You're born that way, you die that way...

        I wouldn't say "random", I guess they are specialists...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: You're born that way, you die that way...

      To use the King James Version mistranslation of Job 1:21 "And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return there"

      1. Nolveys

        Re: You're born that way, you die that way...

        "And said, Naked came I out of my mother's womb, and naked shall I return there"

        Ewwwwwwwwwwwwww!

      2. fedoraman

        Re: You're born that way, you die that way...

        “Naked I came from my mother’s womb,

        and naked I will depart.[a]

        aOr will return there

        NIV translation, anyway.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    There is a UK cleaning service offering naked cleaning already - naturistcleaners.co.uk - you can book male, female and couples.

    1. phuzz Silver badge

      Plus I guess you probably only have to clean one house a day to make the same cash as a clothed cleaner who's working 9-6.

      I'd be able to make even more, because I think people would pay to put my clothes back on.

  6. hellwig

    Not gonna trim the hedges in the buff

    All those flying pieces of bush and whatnot? That is not going to feel good. I hope they get to wear some sort of smock or something the block the debris as they work.

    And Australia gets a lot of sun, right? I'm worried about too much UV exposure and the skin cancer rates of these poor workers.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Not gonna trim the hedges in the buff

      Being naked is our natural state. Necessity is truly the mother of invention, and clothing only became necessary as we moved out of our natural environments to infect the rest of the world with our presence.

    2. JohnG

      Re: Not gonna trim the hedges in the buff

      It would probably be unwise to use a rotavator in the buff. When I was a kid, some neighbour had to have one of his balls removed, after it was hit by a stone thrown up by a rotavator. (And I think he would not have been naked)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Not gonna trim the hedges in the buff

        "[...] after it was hit by a stone thrown up by a rotavator."

        Rotary lawn mowers - hover or wheeled - can eject stones at high speed. So can strimmers. Legs are the most likely danger zones - so reasonably loose-legged long trousers are recommended.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Not gonna trim the hedges in the buff

      My neighbour encourages a holly tree to grow on a fence at the far end of his very long garden. Unfortunately with the prevailing wind direction it sheds its leaves where they can lie hidden in my garden - waiting for me to step on them barefoot.

    4. Korev Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Not gonna trim the hedges in the buff

      >All those flying pieces of bush and whatnot?

      If there are pubes flying around then things are going pretty wrong

    5. XSV1
      Coat

      Re: Not gonna trim the hedges in the buff

      "And Australia gets a lot of sun, right? I'm worried about too much UV exposure and the skin cancer rates of these poor workers."

      The bloke that is undressing in the icon is about to cover himself in sun block SPF 100 which blocks 99% of UVB.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Naked indoors is one thing, being naked in the garden may cause problems. Perhaps if we were all naked at work this might actually be a good thing for peoples health.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      In England it is perfectly legal to do your gardening naked. However if you have prudish neighbours who call the police then the latter may ask you not to do it or risk a charge of behaviour that could cause a breach of the peace.

      The interesting thing about that is they are prosecuting the innocent party - to avoid an aggressive neighbour causing a ruction. No wonder some people think that threatening violence will get them what they want.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        > or risk a charge of behaviour that could cause a breach of the peace.

        Or possibly a breach of the piece, If your neighbour is so inclined.

    2. Vector
      Coat

      "being naked in the garden may cause problems"

      Does give new relevance to the concept of a "walled garden," don't it?

      (there's your IT tie in)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        'Does give new relevance to the concept of a "walled garden," don't it?'

        When I lived in Cupertino in late 90s there was a strong local campaign to maintain and enfoce the local "single storey houses only" planning regulations against the dangers of mezzanines and loft rooms etc to prevent the possibility that people in their "yards" could be spied on by neighbours. So maybe "walled garden" really is a Cupertino thing.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Reminds me of the old joke (NSFW and sexist to boot)

    A rich couple are arguing about their outgoings

    He: Well if you're weren't so lousy in the kitchen we wouldn't need to hire a cook

    She: Well if you weren't lousy in the bedroom we wouldn't need to hire a gardener.

    (sexist maybe but I heard it from a female comedian)

    1. ElReg!comments!Pierre

      Re: Reminds me of the old joke (NSFW and sexist to boot)

      In what warped universe is this considered either NSFW or sexist? (And why would the teller's gender matter?)

  9. Semtex451
    Facepalm

    I'd only end up cleaning the place in a mad panic, before the cleaner arrived

    1. IsJustabloke
      Megaphone

      weirdly...

      You're spot on, almost. :)

      I don't really clean, that's what my cleaner does, I tidy up after myself by which I mean, picking stuff up and putting things away, in the laundry hamper, filling the dishwasher that sort of thing. I'd be a proper messay bugger if I didn't have a cleaner.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: weirdly...

        I'd be a proper messay bugger if I didn't have a cleaner.

        No, you are a messy bugger - but you pay a cleaner to clean up your mess. :)

        1. VikiAi

          Re: weirdly...

          My mum is like that. The home help likes her because they only have to /clean/ rather than tidy, then clean.

          Meanwhile most of the students here where I work seem to think the cleaner's job is to pick up their chip packets and empty coffee cups (it isn't - their job is to clean grime and spills and such normal detritus of everyday living, not to clear tables of litter!)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "I'd only end up cleaning the place in a mad panic, before the cleaner arrived"

      I know several people like that. The only time they will leave the cleaner in peace is when they are bedridden with the 'flu and unable to crawl to the door.

      (Anonymous in case "Senior Management" browse by)

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    its australia - isn't being naked a bit risky? what if one of them spiders climbed up your bum?

    1. The Nazz

      a month late maybe, but a young lad was telling his english teacher what he did over the weekend.

      "I put a lit firework, a banger, up the dogs arse miss, blew his balls off."

      "Ahem, rectum."

      "Aye, yer not joking there miss. Blood all over the place."

      1. GBE

        Wrong punchline

        "Ahem, rectum."

        "Aye, yer not joking there miss. Blood all over the place."

        The punchline I always heard was:

        "Wrecked 'im? Hell, it killed 'im!"

      2. Dogbowl

        Old, very old joke. That was done by Arthur Haynes way back in the 60s. Dr in Clover maybe? Sorry, showing my age.

  11. MrMerrymaker

    Seinfeld

    I was wondering why you'd get a naked cleaner if you didn't have sexual ideas about em...

    And remembered the classic Seinfeld ep where he starts sleeping with his cleaner, who stops doing a thorough job.

    But then you have George getting the non-beautiful PA to thwart his male urges... Only to bone her, promising a raise!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Seinfeld

      "I was wondering why you'd get a naked cleaner if you didn't have sexual ideas about em..."

      People spend their money and time on many things that are not essential to them staying alive. They are whatever takes their fancy - usually either for status or a "reward" that gives them a feeling of pleasure. The fashion and entertainment industries are just about 100% driven by that motivation.

      Having a flower garden is a discretionary spend. Employing a gardener is therefore one further expense of doing that. Adding some entertainment novelty is just another apparently unnecessary expense that they want to afford.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Seinfeld

      "And remembered the classic Seinfeld ep where he starts sleeping with his cleaner, who stops doing a thorough job."

      ... but, IIRC, its all tied in with the middle class angst over employing "servants" which Seinfeld already has over employing the clenaner so he then justifies sleeping with her by deciding that at that point she's a girlfriend and not a cleaner and when he later complains about the standard of the cleaning the cleaner replies that she thought he saw her as a girlfriend and not a cleaner.

  12. Jay Lenovo

    No, sometimes clothes are your friend

    It's like inviting the nearly naked people you see in National Geographic into your residence to do everyday drudgery.

    Good nudity has a context. It's hard (but not that type of hard) to fathom the viewing of household chores done in the nude, as the most efficient means of getting visual pleasure and/or a day's work done.

    Keep the nudity fun, not laborious.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: No, sometimes clothes are your friend

      "It's like inviting the nearly naked people you see in National Geographic into your residence to do everyday drudgery."

      Many years ago a team from somewhere like Borneo were set up in London with a commission to build one of their traditional houses in a museum over a period of several weeks. They dressed as they had back home and used their traditional tools. They quite happily navigated from their accommodation to the museum via the novelty of the Underground.

      Unfortunately Google cannot find a link to which museum it was. I think it was mentioned by David Attenborough in one of his reminiscences.

  13. Korev Silver badge
    Coat

    Schedule?

    Client: What are you going to clean next?

    Cleaner: I’m just going to muff the floor

  14. the Jim bloke

    Hiring policies would require exemptions

    to non-discrimination requirements, unless there are already loopholes that allow hospitality industry to refuse to employ "unattractive" workers...

    Every other industry that HR have got their fangs into seems forced to employ unsuitable and incompetent recruits, then try to mitigate the harm by increasing management.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hiring policies would require exemptions

      "[...] employ unsuitable and incompetent recruits, then try to mitigate the harm by increasing management."

      employ unsuitable and incompetent recruits, then try to mitigate the harm by increasing management with unsuitable and incompetent recruits.

      FTFY

  15. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Vulture Promotion Opportunity

    How about sending some of these T-Shirts to the Window Cleaning Operatives?

    https://www.theregister.co.uk/2014/10/21/lohan_t_shirts/

    https://www.theregister.co.uk/2002/01/10/register_merchandise_jan_sale/

  16. 89724102172714182892114I7551670349743096734346773478647892349863592355648544996312855148587659264921

    If the naked gardener has an accident with shears, tell him to keep the tip

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Bare All is a professional cleaning service with a difference. We never aim for anything less than total satisfaction."

    Nice!!

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Is it for lady gardens?

  19. defiler

    Naked labour

    A friend of mine paints cars, motorbikes, guitars, whatever. He told me that when it's a hot summer he paints naked. The other option is to turn fans on (streaks the paint) or open windows (lets insects in).

    I'm sure you could get a ventilation system that doesn't streak the paint, but he's a one-man-band and I imagine that would be quite bespoke (pricey).

    He also used to work with a trainee who kept wearing aftershave that interfered with the paint... And no, I wouldn't want to see him working naked.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Naked labour

      Reminds me of the Marty Feldmann sketch (google find it very quickly!) ... he's dressed as a 19th century painter paiting a (fully clothed) model and asks "do you mind if I paint you in the nude?", she replies "all right" and ... Marty starts ripping off all his clothes!

  20. RobertLongshaft

    You're gonna be surprised when Brenda a 52 year old mother of 4 divorcee rings your doorbell in the buff to come and do your ironing.

    1. MrMerrymaker

      "Make sure to get all the folds and creases out.

      Of the shirts, Brenda."

  21. Potemkine! Silver badge

    "It's pretty disgusting, wouldn't you say?"

    Like many things, but as long as it is between consenting adults I see no reason why that should be outlawed.

    Aversion of some people for everything related to sex is either hypocrisy or a first step towards extinction.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "Aversion of some people for everything related to sex is either hypocrisy [...]"

      It's the enjoyment of sex of which they often disapprove. On the other hand many of them also believe there is an obligation/right to produce the maximum number of kids in a lifetime.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I tried to start a naked computer repairs business up years ago.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "I tried to start a naked computer repairs business up years ago."

      I've always found that being naked is good antistatic protection.

      In the office on my own one evening I stripped down to my cotton underpants while building my Motorola 6800 evaluation board. I had become paranoid after destroying several expensive FET small signal UHF transistors - in the days when they arrived with only a clip round the leads as static protection.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Naked Servants

    A slipppery slope, pretty soon all servant jobs, from cleaning to the whole service job sector will cut out uniform costs, and require serving in the buff, because isn't a major perk to the 1% to humiliate your servants at every chance?

  24. arctic_haze
    Coat

    Doesn't everything green have thorns in Australia?

    Just asking...

    PS. The icon represents undressing for work.

    1. the Jim bloke

      Re: Doesn't everything green have thorns in Australia?

      around here we have spinifex - needle like grass which causes festering sores as the tips of the grass break off and remain in the wound,

      Bush Tomatoes - covered in very fine spines,

      Mimosa bushes - invasive weed species with spikes/thorns up to 10cm long (according to business.queensland.gov.au website..)

      and that's just the first 3 I can remember the names of

    2. cray74

      Re: Doesn't everything green have thorns in Australia?

      What kind of gardening are they doing, trimming some bushes and plucking some fruits?

      My brother runs a lawn care service on the side in Florida. It is a dirty, sweaty job that is the antithesis of sexy. Just normal mowing, even with a catcher bag, produces a cloud of dust and grass duff that gets everywhere. The cloud of lawn shrapnel gets more exciting when the yard's owner has a dog, which tend to leave fragrant landmines for the mower to trigger.

      And sweat - it was cost effective for him to buy a hotel-scale ice maker to fill his ice chest rather than collecting drinks and 10 pounds of ice from a store every morning.

  25. Cuddles

    Still seems kind of sexist

    The whole point of not being sexist is that men and women are treated the same. Providing women to do the cooking and cleaning and men to do manly things with tool outdoors is still just as sexist as only providing one of them. The non-sexist way to do it would simply be to provide anyone who is willing and able to do the job without worrying about what gender they might be. You know, exactly the same way non-naked cleaning and gardening services work. If customer demand or the pool of willing workers happens to favour one thing over another that's not an issue, but stating up front that you'll only allow girls to do one job doesn't get balanced out by only allowing boys to do something completely different.

  26. raving angry loony

    "Less sexist"?

    Wouldn't it be "less sexist" if they ditched the gender-based stereotypes and provided naked maids/gardeners of whatever gender the customer prefers? Instead of limiting it to "women do housework" and "men do yardwork"?

  27. Gonzo wizard

    A thorny subject

    Stay away from the roses!

  28. Juan Inamillion

    What makes me laugh is that so many commentards here think that it's a pucker service to do the garden or kitchen or whatever.

    The idea is for the hirer to sit back and watch. Any 'work' achieved is a bonus.

  29. Alan Ferris

    Excuse me

    No Playmobil?

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