back to article 'Privacy is a human right': Big cheese Sat-Nad lays out Microsoft's stall at Future Decoded

Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella took to the stage at Microsoft's Future Decoded shindig today in London. As has become the norm these days in events when the chief is not dispensing bonzer financials, much was made of the three As: Azure, AI and Accessibility. Nadella opened by congratulating Microsoft and, by extension, himself …

  1. ratfox
    Devil

    "Privacy is a human right"

    Hmmm... I anticipate this can and will be used against Microsoft.

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: "Privacy is a human right"

      I think we'll believe it when telemetry's completely turned off and all the telemetry data destroyed. Until then it's just sounds he made when he opened his mouth.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: "Privacy is a human right"

      "Privacy is a human right"

      ... which we aim to avoid enthusiastically.

      I heard this weird rumour about a company assisting the Trump administration with a new US law, Cloud Act 2018..

    3. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: "Privacy is a human right"

      the epitome of Irony, when Micro-shaft (inventors of Win-10-nic) says that.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irony

      "what appears, on the surface, to be the case, differs radically from what is actually the case. "

      the robot devil would be proud!

      1. Giovani Tapini
        Unhappy

        Re: "Privacy is a human right"

        Is it? So why is everything from my win10 platform up through the stack into Skype, linked in etc sucking my data for obscure use cases.

        The internet couldn't work if everything was genuinely anonymous. The digital equivalent of a blank phone book.

        This has actually made me a bit cross rather than the usual resigned forehead slapping usually associated with M$

    4. John G Imrie

      Re: "Privacy is a human right"

      Who said you where humans.

    5. N2

      Re: "Privacy is a human right"

      But we have terms and conditions...

    6. Potemkine! Silver badge

      Re: "Privacy is a human right"

      The implicit part of the sentence was "and we don't give a fuck about human rights".

      Without mentioning China, see for instance Windows 10 telemetry.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "building out Azure as the world's computer".

    So we have Azure, Google, AWS, who will be the last 2 "computers"?

  3. JohnFen

    Man, that's hilarious!

    "Nadella, on the other hand, was more forthright, seeing the recently introduced GDPR as a good first step before declaring: "Privacy is a human right.""

    HAHAHAHA!

    Microsoft pretending that it values user privacy is hilarious.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Man, that's hilarious!

      ... it DOES value privacy, it's got a very high value indeed...

    2. Peter2 Silver badge

      Re: Man, that's hilarious!

      Microsoft pretending that it values user privacy is hilarious.

      But it does now. If you think about it for a few minutes you'll figure out why.

      Facebook gets practically all of it's revenue from advertising, and mining information from the user.

      Google gets practically all of it's revenue from advertising, and mining information from the user.

      Microsoft gets practically all of it's revenue from product licensing. They failed in search, they failed with mobile phones, and they failed in basically everything but their existing products.

      Hence, Microsoft has nothing whatsoever to lose from implementing really stringent privacy laws such as GDPR, but it would disproportionately hurt their competitors. Hence, Microsoft now cares really deeply about your privacy. But probably not quite so much that they'll stop tracking which websites you visit so they can improve Bing's search, or stop tracking everything that you do on your computer until a law stopping them for doing it comes in.

      1. JohnFen

        Re: Man, that's hilarious!

        "But it does now."

        No, it does not. Enforced telemetry is all the proof you need of that.

        1. Peter2 Silver badge

          Re: Man, that's hilarious!

          Yes, but I think your missing my point.

          Microsoft cares about hurting it's competitors by supporting laws that hurt them disproportionately more than it disadvantages them.

          1. JohnFen

            Re: Man, that's hilarious!

            That's not caring about user privacy, that's caring about harming your competition.

      2. Mark 85

        Re: Man, that's hilarious!

        They say they value privacy and yet Win10 pumps ads. If they weren't using out data, then the ads should be "random" and not targeted. Are they "random"? Do we trust M$ enough to believe them?

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Mixed Signals

    "Privacy is a human right"

    Oh good! So you'll be removing the data-slurping from windows then?

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Facepalm

    Why is it regarded as funny to perpetually misspell his name? Surely not because he's a funny little Indian, yes please?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      optional

      I don't care if he's a funny little Indian, sad-faced Romani-Gypsy, or horizontally-expansive Anglo-Saxon, he's a (...) and this particular trait crosses borders, races and phobias, personal and otherwise.

    2. Updraft102

      Why is it regarded as funny to perpetually misspell his name? Surely not because he's a funny little Indian, yes please?

      You mean Sat-Nad? It's not a misspelling; it's an abbreviation.

      Also, J-Lo, JLaw, ScarJo, LiLo, and others who are household name-y enough to receive this kind of abbreviation aren't funny little Indians.

    3. Giovani Tapini

      He may be Indian (CBA to check his background) but he is certainly not funny...

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Microsoft Defending Democracy" is about as viable as the fox guarding the hen-coop

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    re. efforts made by the Microsoft in privacy

    politicians will keep lying, exces will keep farting. Both types in public, what's new? :(

    nah, wait, he DOES have a point, I mean, the efforts made by the Microsoft in privacy must be acknowledged. Arguably, they don't yet match the efforts in the same field by Google and Facebook, and Amazon but hey, MS are trying REAL HARD.

    1. JohnFen

      Re: re. efforts made by the Microsoft in privacy

      "the efforts made by the Microsoft in privacy must be acknowledged."

      True. I acknowledge that Microsoft (just like Google, Facebook, etc.) are engaging in a lot of effort to make sure that you have no privacy with them, specifically.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: re. efforts made by the Microsoft in privacy

        Microsoft (just like Google, Facebook, etc.) are engaging in a lot of effort to make sure that you have no privacy with them, specifically

        Not just them specifically. To "monetise" our data, it is about selling it to anybody and everybody, as often as they can.

        1. hoola Silver badge

          Re: re. efforts made by the Microsoft in privacy

          Nah, just THEIR privacy, a complete wall of fog when you try and find out anything from any big tech company. They are all as bad but those with cloudy offerings just hide behind bull and marketing speak after every cock up that was supposed to have no impact.

          The upside (for them) is that people still dive headlong down the cloud route, throwing money at them from all sides.

  8. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    ROFL!

    Taking a page from Apple's playbook, Nadella was keen to highlight the efforts made by the Microsoft in privacy.

    Words are cheap SATNAD. Now get rid of ALL that data slurp in Windows and let independent auditors examine it so that we can believe your words.

  9. Dan 55 Silver badge

    Hypocrite

    That is all...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hypocrite

      You do have to wonder. Does this bloke have not a jot of insight? Did it not occur to him, or his army of arse licking minions, PR dweebs and speech writers that promoting Slurp's defence of privacy might not back fire?

      Maybe the joke's on us. Maybe Merkins do in fact understand irony, and here it was being deployed at a very impressive 0.9 Croft&Perry*

      * the Croft&Perry is the SI unit of irony. A bit like the Coulomb, the base SI measure is normally far too large for practical use, so all credit to Nadella for hitting a 0.9 C&P

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Eco credentials?

    Even the watery Natick data centre got a nod from Nadella in an effort to bolster the company's eco-credentials by using the ocean as a giant heat sink.

    Pray do tell us, Nadella, how dumping heat into the ocean is ecologically better than dumping it into the atmosphere. Unless you're beaming it into outer space it's kinda the one environment, isn't it?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Eco credentials?

      C'mon, man. You know enough to realise that active air cooled systems are invariably far more energy intensive than a semi-passive water cooled system? IIRC two thirds of a data centre's energy use is cooling to dump the waste heat from its processors to the atmosphere.

      You're right that Slurp's position is wanky eco-posturing. And you'd probably be right that it was more expensive and only done for PR reasons. But the problem is that DCs as they now exist are the modern day coal fired power stations.

      1. onefang

        Re: Eco credentials?

        A recent report I read said that there's been more heat held in the oceans than previously suspected. Wish I could recall the details, like where that was. El Reg? Aussie ABC news site? Maybe somewhere else?

        So dumping excess heat into the ocean vs the air may or may not be a good idea.

        Microsoft dumping the slurp is a great idea though, they should do so, then we might stop laughing at them. Well, not so much laughter at least.

        Perhaps they can compromise? Stop slurping, stick all the stuff they have slurped so far into one of those underwater data centers, and toss the thing into the deepest part of the ocean, never to be seen or heard from again.

        1. Spazturtle Silver badge

          Re: Eco credentials?

          "So dumping excess heat into the ocean vs the air may or may not be a good idea."

          It doesn't really matter were you dump it, as the heat will dissipate, what matters more is how much heat you generate. Active cooling produces heat itself, so not only do you have the heat that your servers produce but you also have the heat that your cooling produces. Running your AC is worse for the environment then opening your window to let cool air in.

          1. JohnFen

            Re: Eco credentials?

            "It doesn't really matter were you dump it, as the heat will dissipate"

            It does matter, really. If the atmosphere is heated, that heat is dissipated through radiating into space more quickly than if the oceans are heated by the same amount. Water is really good at absorbing and retaining heat, and the oceans have no direct interface to space.

            "what matters more is how much heat you generate"

            I agree, this does matter more.

    2. Mark 85

      Re: Eco credentials?

      If they dumped the slurpage, storage, and processing of all the data they collect, they could probably shut down a few data centers. Turning off the power would solve the heat dissipation problem and also save some energy generation pollution and the heat being generated by the power plants.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's comedy folks, just relax

    For heaven's sake, you're not meant to take this stuff seriously!

    It's comedy people - you know, hollowly, with a dull ache creeping through your guts....

    Actually it's not funny at all really, is it?

    Oh F*ck!

  12. Milton

    Cognitive confusion

    Like every scrap of technology since the wheel, through metal working and chemistry, to nuclear fission to so-called "AI", these things have the power to be used for good or to be twisted into use to exploit, enslave and even kill.

    The problem, of course, is that for all Satnad's predictable guff and the fatuous babblings of marketurds, neither Microsoft's nor any other internet giants' business models allow for genuinely positive, healthy use of these technologies. The virtuous words are just camouflage. Against the malign influence of bean-counters, spreadsheets and shareholders, the dollar is first, last and always. People who love money can care about nothing else.

    Even the laughably monickered "Don't Be Evil" transitioned in a virtual eye-blink into an all-consuming exploiter. Once the avaricious and simplistic amorality of corporate management sets in, a company' soul, if it ever had one, is gone. It becomes no more than a machine (sometimes a very cleverly designed one) for wringing out a multitude of human beings so that a small minority can reap vast wealth.

    While it can be entertaining to hear the frequently ludicruous self-delusion practised, and spoken, by the likes of Satnad—who has to find some way of seeing his own face in the mirror when he shaves, I guess—these are people who are of the same stripe we see in politics: rationalising greed and self-interest to the point where they may even convince thmselves that they are noble defenders of freedom and the public good. They are not, of course: they are fundamentally just liars ... ofttimes good enough even to fool themselves. Once you have power, you can believe that you're entitled to more leeway and excuses than those who don't: the truth is the exact opposite of course, but the kind of people who seek power in the first place have precisely the wrong character to exercise it.

    You don't need to get up in the morning and say "I am bad person and I'm going to harm a lot of people today" in order to achieve wicked things and make the world a worse place. You just need to be greedy, selfish and studiously, unreflectively dishonest with yourself. That's all it takes, whether you're as smart as a Satnad ... or as dumb as a Trump.

    "Adaptive algorithm machine learning systems"—

    —or better still—

    "Huge and massively powerful computing systems using vast storage, memory and CPU cores, capable of performing in carefully selected, confined and delimited strict rules-based environments to sometimes equal the performance of 25 oz of blue sludge found in a human skull, and otherwise displaying less genuine adaptability and behavioural intelligence than a field mouse."

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I'm not sure wheeling Esther 'McVile' will have had much positive influence. Shows a startling misstep of their understanding of UK politics. I've rarely known a more hated politician justified or not..

  14. Tigra 07
    Coffee/keyboard

    "Nadella was keen to highlight the efforts made by the Microsoft in privacy"

    That's good. Open with a joke!

    Surely the only effort Microsoft has made in this area is by eroding and invading people's privacy.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Big Brother

    Microsoft efforts in privacy

    “Taking a page from Apple's playbook, Nadella was keen to highlight the efforts made by the Microsoft in privacy.”

    Microsoft regularly shared data of India bank customers with US intelligence agencies, claims report

    1. Dan 55 Silver badge

      Re: Microsoft efforts in privacy

      That bodes well for the SWIFT-on-Azure move.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    One day into the future of a parallel universe board members of corporations have to wear a collar similar to the Star Trek "Collar of Obedience" (The Gamesters of Triskelion) but instead of zapping you for disobedience it zaps you for lying.

    Ah, what if.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "...ethical behaviour extends beyond the AI sphere..."

    No s**t, Sherlock.

    ....and I suppose Microsoft never takes a penny, nor does any pro bono work for "ethical" organisations like the NSA, or GCHQ in the UK.

    The hypocrisy about "privacy" here is breathtaking! Give it a rest and just admit that "ethics" is something other people do!!!!!

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All I want for Christmas

    is for Patrick Stewart to categorically state that he will not play Nadella in his biopic.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I am beginning to like SatNad - he introduced SSH support into Windoze and now he is making the right sort of noises about privacy.

    To M$'s credit, they have fought American courts about the raiding of data held by Irish assets. So I think we can conclude that he is genuine in his sentiments about privacy.

    Yes - Windows still suck as an operating system and there are still lots of things nasty about the corporation, but I am happy to find allies where I find them.

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I read the article title and thought it was the opener for SadNads retirement speach

    imagine my disappointment

    Also nice to see M$ still redefining existing words such that "ethics" has joined the M$ antonym list

    that word you keep using, it doesn't mean what you think it means

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIP6EwqMEoE

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