back to article Taxpayers chuck burnt-out Bongs* millions of pounds to 'decelerate'

The taxpayer is helping fund a "Decelerator" for burnt-out startups in London's Shoreditch to help them "reflect and reprioritise". The European Regional Development Fund (ERDF) is contributing £2.26m to enable the "two-day journey". The recipient of the grant is London workspace and property company The Trampery. Founder …

  1. Peter2 Silver badge

    "The dandyish Armstrong"

    Dandyish: Noun

    a man who is excessively concerned about his clothes and appearance

    I don't think he meets that definition. I know people who do meet that definition and they actually look good. So, he's not a dandy. He's an ill dressed prat who makes his clothes out of mismatched cut offs and can't afford a trip to the hairdresser.

    . . . Or is that too judgemental for this day and age?

    1. frank ly

      It's called the The Trampery for a good reason.

    2. Rameses Niblick the Third Kerplunk Kerplunk Whoops Where's My Thribble?

      @Peter2

      There's a fine line between fashionable individuality and looking like a total spanner.

      Personally, I don't believe he can even see the line he's so far over it.

    3. Teiwaz

      Wut? He's real?

      I thought Armstrong was a character from a Reeves and Mortimer sketch...

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    will somebody pay me a few million to dress up in funny clothes and talk bull?

    1. Korev Silver badge
      Mushroom

      Certainly Mr Barley...

      That's well weapon -->

    2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      will somebody pay me a few million to dress up in funny clothes and talk bull?

      Sure. If you look up the process it's called "getting into politics".

    3. hplasm
      Devil

      "will somebody pay me a few million ...

      ...to dress up in funny clothes and talk bull?"

      Law or Clergy?

    4. This post has been deleted by its author

  3. oiseau
    WTF?

    Unbelievable

    The European Regional Development Fund (ERDF) is contributing £2.26m to enable the "two-day journey".

    Hmmm ...

    Lucky I was already half way though my morning espresso when I saw this ...

    Almost choked and flooded my trusty Wyse keyboard.

    Someone with the proper credentials should take whoever runs the said ERDF to task.

    I wonder if such a person exists these days.

    Really now, just what is all this bullshit about?

    Ahh, yes.

    It's about throwing good taxpayer money at assholes so they can be still more of an asshole.

    Where has all the plain down-to-earth basic common sense gone?

    Have they given it all to a PPP contractor to administer?

    Absolutely unbelievable ....

    PS: I have to hand it to this chap, he's pulling off a really very tidy trick and will no doubt be making a good living from it.

    1. m0rt

      Re: Unbelievable

      Yeah. Unfortunately those they deem to have proper credentials say complete shit like this:

      "Consultancy Accenture says 81% of executives it interviewed think that within two years AI will be working next to humans in their organisation as "a co-worker, collaborator and trusted adviser"."

      From the equally bs article: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-43259906

      Basically, this isn't going to change. The inmates run the asylum. There is no sensibility, there are only gradiose claims and ridiculous deadlines.

      We are fscked.

      Unless, here is a thought. How about starting a political party?

      1. Teiwaz

        Re: Unbelievable

        Unless, here is a thought. How about starting a political party?

        Or maybe it's time for a Technocracy.

        1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          Re: Unbelievable

          Or maybe it's time for a Technocracy.

          Hell no. The last people we want in politics are people like Bill Gates and whatsisname Zuckerberg..

          1. Aladdin Sane

            Re: Unbelievable

            We don't want the wrong lizards in power.

            1. Teiwaz

              Re: Unbelievable

              We don't want the wrong lizards in power.

              Too late....we may vote politicians into positions of authority, but that's just deciding who gets to be degrees of magnitude manipulated like a cheap willing rent-boy by big-business.

          2. Teiwaz

            Re: Unbelievable

            Hell no. The last people we want in politics are people like Bill Gates and whatsisname Zuckerberg..

            Wut? Those two are flim-flam merchants from the school of make-it-up-as-go-along or buy-it-in-and-rebrand.

            A proper Technocracy would have to include a rigorous peer-review....

            The term was coined in 1919 after all, I don't think they considered todays '...on a computer' patent tea-baggers and advertising snake-oil salesmen.

            Facebook and Google are Ad companies, and Microsfot is getting toward a digital U-Store.

          3. hplasm
            Happy

            Re: Unbelievable

            "Hell no. "

            Technocracy Not dick nocracy

          4. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Unbelievable

            Hell no. The last people we want in politics are people like Bill Gates and whatsisname Zuckerberg..

            That sounds convincing until you look at some of the alternatives. Like those currently in charge.

        2. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

          Re: Or maybe it's time for a Technocracy.

          Computer says "No".

    2. maffski

      Re: Unbelievable

      It's about throwing good taxpayer money at assholes so they can be still more of an asshole.

      Those with a vested interest will always have reason to lobby for their interest, and have no opposition as no one else cares about their interest.

      So the public purse will always be co-opted to the enrichment of the few at the cost to the many.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Unbelievable

        The part that got me was.....

        "This will create 50,000 feet2 (4,645m2) of office space, 62 studios and 580 new homes, of which 72 will be social housing, the developers say."

        Only 12% will be social housing. The rest overpriced shoeboxes that nobody can afford anyway

        Didn't somebody mention a housing crisis a while back........?

        1. Teiwaz

          Re: Unbelievable

          Only 12% will be social housing. The rest overpriced shoeboxes that nobody can afford anyway

          Didn't somebody mention a housing crisis a while back........?

          And here's me thinking the Goodies were being ridiculous in the 'The End'

      2. hplasm
        Meh

        Re: Unbelievable

        "Those with a vested interest will always have reason to lobby for their interest, and have no opposition as no one else cares about their interest."

        Is there an office in Shoreditch that has a form that I can sign up for this with? I could use a few million.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Unbelievable

      Yes, we in the EU have to think Brexit is not happening quickly enough...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Unbelievable

        Yes, we in the EU have to think Brexit is not happening quickly enough...

        Well, we've provided a plonker, ERDF provided the funding. Separating the two only helps if there's no other candidates for pointless spending on the uncivilised side of the English Channel, or no sources of funding for oxygen thieves in Britain.

        I suspect that post Brexit, the EU and Britain will both have ample supply of spendthrift wankers AND bureaucrats spending other people's money.

    4. John Smith 19 Gold badge
      Coat

      "he European Regional Development Fund (ERDF) is contributing £2.26m to enable..."

      <hyperbole mode>

      Fear not, Stout Hearty Yeoman of Blighty.

      Within a year this Green & Pleasant Land shall throw off the yoke of bondage of the hated Euro oppressor.

      Once more such funding decisions will no longer be in the hands of overfed feckless Brussels Eurocrats*

      God Save the Queen.

      </hyperbole mode>

      *They will be instead be in the hands of feckless, clueless Whitehall bureaucrats instead.

    5. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

      Re: Unbelievable

      Sir John Harvey-Jones will be spinning his grave

  4. Aladdin Sane

    Bullshit bingo

    HOUSE!

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Devil

    Are they hiring E. Holmes as a consultant?

    She's out of her job... and may want to leave US...

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I live next-door to Hackney Wick

    It's this strip of land and canals in between the Stratford Olympic Park and the A12, basically an abandoned industrial area full of decrepit old warehouses. When everything was brought in to London by boat, this is where a large chunk of it went to.

    It used to (10 years ago) be where basically no-one wanted to live - shit transport links, decrepit buildings - but there was as much space as you wanted for basically nothing. Artists moved in from Hoxton and Shoreditch as they were priced out of there, and they basically rebuilt the place and made it a desirable place.

    Olympics brought transport links, and developers started buying warehouses and turning them in to, as friend of mine put it, "yuppie wank pads". I would have thought about half of Hackney Wick has already been gentrified, and this guy just got license to build another £250+m worth of property there? Just 12% of them will be "social" housing.... which could actually mean prices of £300k+

  7. TheDJNova

    All well and good pouring large sums into London... where is the funding to help startups in the rest of the country???

    1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      where is the funding to help startups in the rest of the country?

      I believe it's called "Regional Development Funding". Bristol seems to have sucked at that teat quite successfully..

    2. keithpeter Silver badge
      Coat

      STEAMhouse

      "...where is the funding to help startups in the rest of the country?"

      Brum has had a little bit. Old car show room with actual machines in it. Chunky machines. That you could actually use to make things. Waiting to see how often it gets used.

      http://www.bcu.ac.uk/business/steam/steamhouse

      That leads onto a project to redevelop the old Typhoo factory (been empty for years)

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      This ERDF funding has been put to the same use in Wales for the last ten years. 'Technium' centres with the same goal of 'incubating' startups and providing facilities for them to grow. Sadly, if our experience is anything to go by, this 'Decelerator' grant will be wiped out rather rapidly.

  8. onefang

    "There's an irony to knocking down a lot of live/work artistic units just to build live/work artistic units that are a lot more expensive."

    I think that's called gentrification, it's not irony, it's increased profits.

  9. disgruntled yank

    Where's the BOFH?

    As I recall, he made heavy use of decelarators, typically sidewalks situated under high windows. I'm sure he'd be happy to let Mr. Armstrong experience deceleration.

    1. Steve 114

      Re: Where's the BOFH?

      More defenestrator than decelerator.

  10. SVV

    Incubator, Decelerator.......

    After reading this, what we actually need is an Incinerator.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "The operation presents a good value for money compared to similar projects."

    Blimey! Those similar projects must be utter dumpster fires...

  12. Fruit and Nutcase Silver badge

    Silly Con

    The dandyish Armstrong cut an unmistakable figure at the height of the Silicon Roundabout hype a few years ago.

    There's nothing silly about conning taxpayers. Those who take such funding should be pursued for repayment if the money is misused or wasted. Let's see how quickly the funds are depleted with nothing to show apart from white elephants

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