back to article France to lend Brexit Britain sore souvenir of Norman yoke – the Bayeux Tapestry

The French government will agree to lend the UK its most famous memento of the Norman conquest of England after Blighty leaves the EU. President Emmanuel Macron is expected to announce the loan of the Bayeux Tapestry during his visit to the UK on Thursday, which would not be transferred before 2020. According to The Times, …

  1. Tigra 07
    Coat

    That's not an erection...THIS is an erection...

    Erection? That sir is clearly a paintbrush! You can clearly see the thick...bobble...on the end...Oh dear, i think i need to sit down...

    1. Warm Braw

      Re: That's not an erection...THIS is an erection...

      He could have someone's eye out with that...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: That's not an erection...THIS is an erection...

      If the embroidery really was done by nuns, no wonder they didn't know what a penis was supposed to look like.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: That's not an erection...THIS is an erection...

        Monastery institutions of either sex were likely to be hotbeds of theoretically banned practices. By the time of Henry VIII a somewhat embroidered official survey had enough credence to justify the closing of the monasteries on various grounds of immorality.

        1. Teiwaz

          Re: That's not an erection...THIS is an erection...

          Monastery institutions of either sex were likely to be hotbeds of theoretically banned practices.

          Sure you don't mean theologically banned practices - 'theory and practice' I get - but supposedly banned would be clearer.

          a somewhat embroidered official survey during the reign or Henry VIII, would likely be quite embroidered, and likely to contain not so much theory or practice so much as any fantasy that serves the kings will - No being allowed to go off an hang yourself in the woods if you got this one wrong, chop chop!!

          Probably the first 'weapons of mass destruction' report incident.

          1. ibmalone

            Re: That's not an erection...THIS is an erection...

            Possibly, but the Decameron entertainingly illustrates what people thought was going on a couple of centuries earlier.

    3. fidodogbreath
      Coat

      Re: That's not an erection...THIS is an erection...

      Erection? That sir is clearly a paintbrush!

      If the phone in the image is an iPhone 7, it might be his dongle.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: That's not an erection...THIS is an erection...

      Yeah, not that impressive : and I should know. Now, the 'Rude Man' of Cerne Abbas in Dorset.....there's an erection you'd be proud of.....Perhaps we could lend it to the french?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: That's not an erection...THIS is an erection...

        "Now, the 'Rude Man' of Cerne Abbas in Dorset..[...]"

        Apparently another case of embellishment in the course of restoration much later. The figure's navel was mistakenly assumed to be the glans - thus lengthening the shape by a fair bit.

  2. Zog_but_not_the_first
    Trollface

    Bof!

    I fart in your general direction.

    1. BebopWeBop

      Re: Bof!

      Ahhh speet on yore fart and throw elderberries in your general direction

  3. wolfetone Silver badge
    Coat

    So this is how Brexit will work

    To circumvent any queues of UK nationals going out of the country, or coming in to the country, the UK Government will just "loan" things from Europe and display it in the UK. Ergo, negating the need to travel outside of the UK for some culture.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: So this is how Brexit will work

      That should boost the tourism at Blackpool.

    2. Teiwaz

      Re: So this is how Brexit will work

      To circumvent any queues of UK nationals going out of the country, or coming in to the country,

      Yeah, they seemingly get very 'excited' when you do that. Really got the feeling they thought I was bringing in something I shouldn't, felt quite unwelcome.

      I suppose they'd prefer it if people stayed put, paid their taxes and quietly approved of Brexit and didn't point out various policy flaws or laugh at MPs.

  4. gv

    Talks

    "months of talks between culture department officials in London and Paris"

    Nice work if you can get it.

    1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

      Re: Talks

      Between this, the reintroduction of blue passports, and plans to allow fox-hunting again, it's easy to see that the government has got its priorities right.

      Who needs doctors and nurses, anyway?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Talks

        "[...] and plans to allow fox-hunting again, [...]"

        They've dropped that one already. The blue passports is a damp squib. The EU have pointed out that Westminster chose to adopt the colour used by most EU countries - it wasn't mandatory.

        Maybot has claimed the laurels for the UK abolition of credit card surcharges - until it was pointed out it is an EU initiative that Westminster has adopted.

  5. Laura Kerr
    Thumb Up

    Out of interest, El Reg...

    ...how much Photoshopping did you do on that pic? Nice and subtle, though!

    1. Excellentsword

      Re: Out of interest, El Reg...

      Over 9000 hours in MS Paint.

  6. knarf

    Bloody Normans..

    Coming over here and taking.... eh... everything really.

  7. Alan J. Wylie

    its most famous memento of the Norman conquest of England

    Napoleon put the tapestry on display in Paris in 1804, while he was planning an invasion of England.

    it has not yet been decided where in the UK the tapestry will be displayed

    Somewhere close to Trafalgar Square or Waterloo Station?

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      "Somewhere close to Trafalgar Square or Waterloo Station?"

      That'll be the National Gallery.

      1. ibmalone

        Which incidentally contains a lot of stuff we bought from them at discount rates already :)

      2. Teiwaz

        "Somewhere close to Trafalgar Square or Waterloo Station?"

        That'll be the National Gallery.

        That's disappointing, the towel roll at Waterloo needs some non-manky towel.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Either NOT London, or a tour.

    I bet it's London.

  9. Antron Argaiv Silver badge

    something's missing here

    See for yourself:

    http://www.bayeuxtapestry.org.uk/Bayeux6.htm

    1. Pompous Git Silver badge

      Re: something's missing here

      It was missing in an illustration made in 1730 "commissioned by a certain Bernard de Montfaucon". So were his legs. The tapestry has since been restored and the depiction of Adam with an erection was there in "the later drawings by Charles Stothard, published between 1818 and 1823, though Stothard’s version of the man’s legs are not as they appear now on the Tapestry."

  10. Stratman

    It's not a tapestry...

    ...it's an embroidery.

    [/pedant]

    1. phuzz Silver badge
      Boffin

      Re: It's not a tapestry...

      [To explain; in a tapestry the coloured threads making up the design are part of the piece of cloth. The Bayeux piece was embroidered into an already woven piece of cloth.]

  11. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "Less understood depictions contained in the tapestry include a number of naked characters along the border – not least the mysterious man with an erection."

    The tapestry is thought to have been embroidered by nuns. Just saying.

    1. Teiwaz

      Less willies to adolescent humour...

      The tapestry is thought to have been embroidered by nuns. Just saying.

      Are you suggesting Nuns were so closeted they thought men ran around outside with a 'branching tree limb' all the time.

      'wllling suspension of disbelief' maybe... cue Blackadder Goes forth willy joke in 5,3,21*

      *Sorry, numerically dyslexic..

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      re: the mysterious man with an erection

      isn't that a not-so-subtle dig at Bishop Odo and the celibacy of the Catholic church.

      (Lest we forget, it was Odo who commissioned the tapestry, to suck up to his brother-in-law?? William teh Bastard).

      1. Teiwaz

        Re: re: the mysterious man with an erection

        isn't that a not-so-subtle dig at Bishop Odo and the celibacy of the Catholic church.

        That would be a ecumenical matter possible. Certainly the prescribed way to lampoon statesmen and the upper echelons of society (most certainly in the Napoleonic/Georgian era when porn and political satire were bedfellows 'fnarr').

        But was the Bishop a Shape changer? I faith?

      2. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: re: the mysterious man with an erection

        and the celibacy of the Catholic church

        Indeed. The Celtic (and to an extent, the Saxon) churches didn't practice celibacy and priests were free to marry.

  12. This post has been deleted by its author

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If my old school desk was anything to go by then some school kid in the 18th century decided to add a penis to it, probably around the time of the revolution.

    Having viewed the picture, it's not really erect, it's resting on his leg but I do note the jazz hands which makes my version of history much more plausible.

  14. Paul Woodhouse

    Well played Froggies, well played :D...

    I approve of this very subtle trolling...

    1. Jonathan Schwatrz
      Happy

      Re: Paul Woodhouse

      "....I approve of this very subtle trolling..." In reply, Britain is loaning the Fwench the Panzer IV from the D-Day exhibit at the Bovington tank museum. Apparently it will be going on a tour of all of France. Again.

      1. Paul Woodhouse

        Re: Paul Woodhouse

        I was thinking it needs to be displayed at Waterloo station ;)

  15. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

    But what will they want in return

    Perhaps this is just a ruse to get the body of Napoleon III, his wife Eugenie and son who are all burried in the crypt of Farnborough Abbey, Farnborough, Hants?

  16. Boris the Cockroach Silver badge
    IT Angle

    In return

    we're lending them the D-Day tapestry from the museum at Portsmouth .... you know cultural exchange and history and stuff

    1. JimmyPage Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      Re: In return

      Why not the Pembroke tapestry ..

      http://www.visitpembrokeshire.com/attractions-events/last-invasion-tapestry/

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: In return

        "http://www.visitpembrokeshire.com/attractions-events/last-invasion-tapestry/"

        Another site to be ignored for displaying SFA unless a stack of sites are enabled on NoScript.

  17. Andy Taylor

    We've already got one

    It's very nice.

    A full sized replica made in the 1880s, is on display in Reading museum (free entry).

    1. Teiwaz

      Re: We've already got one

      We've already got one

      It's very nice.

      A full sized replica made in the 1880s, is on display in Reading museum (free entry).

      He say's they've already got one

    2. Stevie
      Pint

      Re: We've already got one

      E-Beer for Mr Taylor for pulling the comment joke threads and article together like unto a big unified together-pulled thing.

    3. Pedigree-Pete
      Pint

      Re: We've already got one

      Have an upvote AT and one of these. Everyone else, come an see.

      PP

      Disclosure: Berkshire but not born. Nice place, even some bits of Reading.

  18. BebopWeBop
    Pirate

    This was just the Vikings - having another go!

    1. Pen-y-gors

      Very true - but they had gone a bit native once they settled in Northmandy - even started speaking some funny Romance language.

      From the fury of the norsemen, good Lord, deliver us.

      1066 was not a Good Thing.

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        "but they had gone a bit native once they settled in Northmandy - even started speaking some funny Romance language."

        They seemed to do that wherever they settled - although they loaned English some words our Viking ancestors who settled in England eventually spoke English. Likewise those who settled in Russia ended up speaking Slavic.

        1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

          although they loaned English some words our Viking ancestors who settled in England eventually spoke English

          Somewhat to do with the fact that Danelaw had been comprehensively dismantled by the Saxons. It's also why we have separate words for farm animals (raised by Saxon peasants) and the meat (eaten by Norman overlords).

          Languages morph and interbreed. It's a good and healthy thing.

      2. jake Silver badge

        1066 not a good thing?

        At least the date was genuine, memorable, and all that.

  19. Stevie

    Bah!

    Do we have a monumental landscape in oils depicting the French rout at Agincourt to loan them in return?

    1. Pen-y-gors

      Re: Bah!

      There's some really good ones of Waterloo...

      1. Antron Argaiv Silver badge
        Thumb Up

        Re: Bah!

        Fetchez la vache!

  20. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    The relationships are more complicated than equating the Normans with the French. They were at loggerheads with the French kings who were nominally their overlords. This situation continued over the centuries. I've seen it expressed that Henry II was spending Christmas "in his private two thirds of France" prior to the murder of Thomas Becket. Eventually they started thinking of themselves as English as the French made fun of their old-fashioned provincial accents. Eventually, however, they lost out to the French by the end of the Hundred Years War, not that it stopped them styling themselves as Kings of England, Ireland and France at least until well into the Tudor period.

    1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

      loggerheads with the French kings who were nominally their overlords. This situation continued over the centuries

      Indeed. The bits of France owned by England (up to the reign of Mary Tudor) were generally because they had been inherited, usually by marriage.

      Since William became king, the French kings have grumbled that his descendents should pay homage to the throne of France because William was the vassal of Henry the first of France. Something that successive English kings have comprehensively ignored :-)

      (Of course, Williams direct line didn't last that long (three kings - two of them sons of William) so the French would have no claim thereafter. Didn't stop them making it though..)

      1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
        WTF?

        According to The Sun (Canada - The page 3 Sun girls equivalents found towards the rear of the newspaper can be quite scary, even with a degree of clothing, advancing into the late 30's & usually sporting tattoo's) a few years back Queen Elizabeth II is a direct descendant of William the conqueror.

  21. Winkypop Silver badge

    Copy to go to the US as well

    Given the current leadership, they will get the 'Bayeux Crayola'.

    1. jake Silver badge

      Re: Copy to go to the US as well

      In many shades of orange, if we're lucky.

  22. IDoNotThinkSo

    A grand gesture. We should lend them a similar cultural icon in response. How about HMS Victory?

  23. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

    Saxon kingship

    However, on the death of Edward on January 5, 1066, Harold seized the crown

    Several things:

    Under the Saxon system, the king couldn't promise the kingship to anyone. This is because the Witangemot[1] had "ceosan to cyninge" which was the right to choose the kings successor - usually from the kings family (but not always). So Edward made a promise (if he did - there's evidence the Duke William may have been somewhat creative in his reporting of events..) that he wasn't legally empowered to make. Most modern historians also doubt that Edward had, if fact, made that promise and the records that showed he had were post-invasion and done in order to justify the invasion. History is mostly written by the victors.

    Of course, under the strict feudal inheritance laws that William operated under, Edward did have the power to grant the role of heir to William.

    Harold was a relative of Edward (Edward was married to Harold's sister) and also, crucially, was elected king by the Witangemot. He was crowned fairly quickly thereafter but the speed of the coronation is more likely due to the fact that most of the nobles were already present for one of the great religious feasts.

    It's also worth noting that the Bayeaux Tapistry was in fact made in England and so, strictly speaking, should belong to us..

    So, legally, Harold Godwinson was the legally-elected king of England and William was an illegal invader. The fact that people think otherwise is more down to Norman[2] propaganda rather than fact.

    Apologies for the fact-based content of this comment and, hopefully, it doesn't contravene the spirit of commentardia.

    [1] Witangemot was the gathering of the nobles, clergy and people charged with being the kings council. Sort of like a precursor to the House of Lords.

    [2] Who were, lets not forget, no more French than the Saxons were - they were descendents of Norsemen who had settled in northern France and William himself was the illegitimate descendent of Rollo who was the leader who settled the Norsemen in Normandy.

  24. disgruntled yank

    The Louisiana version

    As you've surely guessed, is the Bayou Tapestry. Not as old, mind you, but the food and music are much better. And maybe the weather, depending on your tolerance for heat and humidity.

    Seriously, I have heard a local pronounce "Bayeux" as "bayou". I hope that he didn't cause any fainting spells in Normandy.

  25. Andy The Hat Silver badge

    Dear Engleesh types

    Please look carefully at this tapestry - it celebrates how we beat the crap out of you last time ...

    1. Jonathan Schwatrz
      FAIL

      Re: Andy The Hat Re: Dear Engleesh types

      "....how we....." Bzzzzt! Nope, zero points! The Normans are completely different to the modern day Fwench. The Normans were of Viking origin and settled in northern France after repeatedly beating the crap out of the resident Fwench (the Franks). The clue is in the name - Norman = "Norseman".

      1. J.G.Harston Silver badge

        Re: Andy The Hat Dear Engleesh types

        Ye Gods, you should have warned me, that link killed my browser.

  26. hatti

    Garments

    Looking at the garments depicted in the tapestry, it is now clear how the 1970's pop group Abba gained inspiration for their on-stage attire.

  27. illiad

    we already have the bayeux tapestry at reading :)

    well, the Victorian replica, any way..

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