Crapita staff to outsource strikes to India in a bid to make efficiency savings.
Caption this: Capita staff picket a bunch o'er pickled pensions
UK staffers at outsourcing giant Capita – deep in the weeds of its "turnaround year" – are entering day two of union protests over proposed changes to their pension plans. But you know what's free? Laughter. We'd like our dear readers to offer up your best c(r)aptions to show your true feelings for your favourite outsourcing …
COMMENTS
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Tuesday 31st October 2017 13:25 GMT Anonymous Coward
Oi Capita fecking Bill us already!
Every time we attempt to use our support contracts we find because you can't be arsed to send out invoices for contract renewals or chase up whether we want to be customers (Hint: We don't but you keep buying other support companies up and assimilating them so not really much choice for certain scenarios).
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Tuesday 31st October 2017 14:05 GMT Anonymous Coward
Re: Oi Capita fecking Bill us already!
Every time we attempt to use our support contracts....
Why not do the job yourselves, then? Capita are a company with no real expertise, so it isn't like they have some magic sauce that your company can't find. As with all jobs, if you want it doing properly, you do it yourself, if you don't give a toss about both quality and cost, you outsource it.
Quite often, the REAL reasons for outsourcing are very poor, but never really openly declared. I worked for a large UK company, and it had outsourced its cleaning to a third party for years. In theory they could buy the supplies cheaper, and were better at recruiting and vetting high-turnover cleaning staff, and managing hourly paid part time staff (ignoring that they were now paid by monthly BACS transfer by the cleaning company). A detailed review of the several million quid a year we spent found that in fact they were making a very nice margin on the supplies, but did so on a small number of the many items, and kept changing which items the margin was accrued on, AND despite a contract that required pro-rata pass back of central discounts to the cleaning company from its suppliers, that never happened. Just to explain that last one, when a service company buys supplies (cleaning, catering, stationary, consumables of all kinds) across multiple client company locations, they usually get invoices at full cost specific to the locations (that the client sees), but the usually quite large volume rebates from their consumables supplier is invariably paid as a central benefit, intentionally acting as hidden margin for the service company.
This cleaning company weren't any better at recruiting or vetting (the company I worked for had about 10,000 staff, so were very good at the whole recruiting process). The real reason that the cleaning was outsourced only became apparent when it was suggested that we bring it back in house: Over the years, the client company's pay scales had crept up, and the lowest point on the pay scale was significantly higher than the typical cleaner's FTE pay. When asked, the HR department regarded it as some impossibility to introduce a new pay scale, or extend the "spine points" downwards from the current lowest, and as a result our total cost of cleaning was half a million quid higher, and we had less control of the service.
Long winded, sorry about that. But it exemplifies that your outsourcer wouldn't be doing it unless it made them a very tidy margin. If Crapita are doing it, it can require little skill. Do yourselves a favour, and bring it back in house.
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Tuesday 31st October 2017 14:46 GMT Anonymous Coward
Re: Call me humourless
Life would be pretty boring if everything was out of bounds for light humour and I would also say that from the tone of the article and comments that the piss taking is directed at Crapita and not these people.
I also don't have a final salary pensions and the one I do is not worth the cost of the letters they send every year or so.
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