I wonder if Simon has stolen the PFY's boots
BOFH: Come on, PFY, let's pick a Boss
"I don't think your reviews are overly helpful," the Director sulks. "What do you mean? We read the resumes, attended the interviews; we asked some questions!" "I'm referring to your comments on the candidates." "Which ones?" I ask. "All of them!" It's appointments time again and we're looking for a new Boss after the last …
COMMENTS
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Friday 29th September 2017 10:27 GMT TRT
Now there's a use for 3D printing... Forensic overshoes.
Say, that's a nice looking mat outside the director of human resources's office. Is it new? And it came with a rebate as part of a government sponsored IoT Office of the Future programme? Recognises the identity of the person stepping onto it and announces their arrival, as well as providing BMI and posture data to the company's medical services contractor thus covering our health and wellbeing initiative. Well, I think we should have one outside the offices of all of our executive managers. Complements the mahogany wall panelling perfectly. Well done! Pity about the HR director, though. Who would have thought he would stoop so low as to breaking and entering. And at a bakery as well. Tut. Maybe it was connected to that episode of sudden weight loss? Clumsy of him to knock that sack of flour over too. That's how they caught him in the end.
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Friday 29th September 2017 16:00 GMT Anonymous Coward
Interesting idea. If you had a detailed enough photograph of someone's soles, would it be possible to fool forensic shoeprint analysis? What about just from existing footprints that they happenned to trail into your office space one rainy morning when the lazy shit couldn't bother to wipe their feet? I'm seeing the potential of this project already...
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Friday 29th September 2017 12:17 GMT Anonymous Coward
Explains a lot
As a deputy manager, doing lots of work supporting staff, providing status reports, meeting governmental and local authority H&S etc.reporting requirements, and the like, that kept me away from the useful parts of my job for much of the week I often wondered what the Boss sitting in that office with the big desk actually did. I think now I know
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Saturday 30th September 2017 06:30 GMT Anonymous Coward
Re: Explains a lot
Don't sit in any chairs with kickable backs.
.. or near full size windows.
I'm wondering how much better a large company would work with a couple of layers of management infestation stripped out so you could actually get some work done. Surely shareholders would see the benefit of that as it would show a better return?
:)
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Wednesday 4th October 2017 14:37 GMT rototype
Re: Explains a lot
A company I heard of did exactly that. I can 't remember who it was or where but here's how it went...
They were a production company and the product they made was pretty successfull and sold well, however they were still making a loss. They analysed the time usage of the higher wage earners of the company (ie the managers) and found 50% of the time they were at meetings, 35% of the time they were preparing for meetings and 10% of the time was spent writing up after meetings, leaving just 5% of actual productive time. They let go 90% of the managers and turned the company around overnight.
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Sunday 1st October 2017 14:54 GMT Deimos
Re: Why
I think the dead robot was twofer, it stopped the first batch of "stupidlivesmatter" candidates and hopefully landed on/close to someone who needed a gentle / less than lethal reminder.
Being a great BOFH isn't all about thinning the herd by fatal means, you need variety to avoid getting
careless or worse caught.
A scared workforce is far easier to control with constantly needing to terrify new staff, remember you need people to sign your invoices and purchase orders.
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Friday 29th September 2017 21:50 GMT Florida1920
Filling a seat
Typical management. "Somewhere in this stack of CVs is the right candidate."
"Not necessarily. Any one of them would be a drag on the department, not an asset."
Yeah, try to sell that to your manager. Man, I hated having to hire, always tried to keep the clan happy so they wouldn't quit and force me into interview mode.
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Friday 29th September 2017 22:27 GMT FeRDNYC
Re: Filling a seat
Man, I hated having to hire, always tried to keep the clan happy so they wouldn't quit and force me into interview mode.
How did you draw the line between clan-appeasement, and keeping terrible people around just to avoid the interview process? That sounds like quite the tightrope act!
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Friday 29th September 2017 23:08 GMT Florida1920
Re: Filling a seat
How did you draw the line between clan-appeasement, and keeping terrible people around just to avoid the interview process? That sounds like quite the tightrope act!
I was fortunate to be able to hire some good people and retain most of them until the Fortune 500 I worked for tanked. If I had a secret plan, it was to hire people not necessarily best suited for the positions, but with successful careers in work not entirely dissimilar. That kind of diversity makes for a rich workplace. Everyone I hired was better educated, which would have enhanced my possibility of advancement, had not Marketing scuttled the ship. Before you can be promoted you have to have someone qualified to take your position.
I always included the appropriate members of my staff in planning meetings, so they felt included in projects they had to complete, but I also always ran interference for them so they could do their jobs without having to deal with the politics and bureaucracy. And we had plenty of both. My goal was to create the kind of environment I'd want to work in. Unfortunately, the higher-ups were more into feathering their own nests and to Hell with the people who kept the wheels turning. Our Marketing department seemed totally uninterested in what we were making, only getting the company's name on their resumes so they could move on to something better. The people who took out the trash knew our products better than the Product Managers.
Fortunately for me, I had no formal management training (except from my father, who was a fair-minded exec and set a good example), I just made it up as I went. We became a successful department, well regarded in the company. That was in contrast to the situation before I deposed my boss, when our department was laughed at. Common sense. Treat others as you'd like to be treated, and don't let your position of authority go to your head. You need your staff more than they need you.
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