back to article HSBC Business internet banking goes TITSUP*

Mondays are a terrible way to start the week, but spare a thought for HSBC customers whose online business banking is not quite so online. This morning's IT difficulties at HSBC's online business banking portal make HSBC's ambition of allowing customers to open new accounts with selfies seem that much more ambitious. @ …

  1. Alexander J. Martin

    Phinance

    If we don't coin a meaning for it now, I fear it will be stolen by a rapper.

  2. 2460 Something

    Crazy how bad their communication strategy is. When something like this happens surely they have enough bodies on it that at least 1 could be tasked with providing regular updates. 'Go check twitter' is not acceptable recourse for a bank!

    1. Frank Bitterlich
      Facepalm

      Not acceptable recourse...

      ... depends. Still better that the "contact the server admin at you@your.address" on their highly-customized error page ;-)

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Simple Solution - move your money out to another bank

    Don't put up with crap banking IT and leave....

    1. Adrian 4

      Re: Simple Solution - move your money out to another bank

      You say that like there's another bank that isn't crap.

      1. CrazyOldCatMan Silver badge

        Re: Simple Solution - move your money out to another bank

        You say that like there's another bank that isn't crap.

        Try a building society then - I've never had any problems at Nationwide and I've been their customer since about 1987..

  4. WibbleMe

    Im a webdev I have 800 small business sites spread across several servers, there has been no down time for over two years and even then it was just 5 mins, how can it be with so many engineers and budgets can something go horribly wrong so often?

    But even some of the sites that work ok like nationwide still have issues if you look at the browser consol window, fonts blocked by cross-origin script and marketing blurb blocked because http is used rather than https, so no sites perfect but at least I can login.

  5. Gerard Krupa
    FAIL

    Yet still far less embarrassing than the complete disaster that happened to Barclays personal banking over the weekend that saw not only online banking fall over but caused debit card payments to be declined.

  6. Doctor_Wibble
    Black Helicopters

    All connected of course!

    So Barclays, and now HSBC? Massive scheduling blunder by the government having to replace all their black boxes* after the SHA-1 issue came to light, but also partly because it coincided with the google cockups. Still a couple of banks to go before it's complete...

    This is the big secret - none of the transaction processing is automated, the banks just have a massive office employing most of a small country to do it manually via gmail.

    .

    * but obviously not the one that contains the internet.

  7. toffer99

    Involved with HSBC?

    If you are, you should read https://t.co/RqX5a8ECDc before going ant further.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    what if...

    Twitter ever went down?

    When their own systems crash and burn it is the only way Talk talk talked to people, its the only way banks talk to people. I never thought i would contemplate the thought but what if twitter stopped working, how would we know?

    1. Doctor_Wibble
      Trollface

      Re: what if...

      > if twitter stopped working, how would we know?

      The collective IQ of the internet would go up?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: what if...

        What if

        You refuse to use the stupid Twatfest (ditto FarceBjork)

        1. Elmer Phud

          Re: what if...

          Because some of us are not like the Donald.

          'Bad Twitter! naughty Twitter! Fake Twitter NOT NICE!!!'

  9. Baldy50

    HSBC

    Horrible stupid banker c***'*, the lot of them.

    1. Scott 53

      Re: HSBC

      Trying (and failing) to make sense of the apostrophe in "c***'*"

      1. Daedalus

        Re: HSBC

        It's the gr**ngr***r's ap*strophe.

  10. kain preacher

    The solution is to cut more IT and send the rest off shore to make up for the loses. IF these banks were people the would be forced to go to the hospital for suicidal thoughts and forced to take meds that

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      They did that already

      In fact last week to be precise. Not for the first time either A number of long standing staffers were given the final handshake last week. This is after training people outside of the UK (no prizes for correct submissions) so that they can do their old job.

      What could possibly go wrong?

      Anon - cos obviously

      1. kain preacher

        Re: They did that already

        I meant this as a joke .

  11. Baldy50

    I don't.....

    Understand the DV?

    Let me tell you when the crash happened my place when I finally sold it was worth a third of what it was before in Hondon de las nieves, when these bwankers were handing out millions in bonuses to themselves, companies going bust and people losing their jobs, I know more than one who just gave the keys back to the bank and walked away, so p**s off, you don't know s**t!

    Watch twenty years of your life go down the pan because of these, greedy, incompetent, self-serving pigs.

    Ta! For reading. Rant over!

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