back to article Parents have no idea when kidz txt m8s 'KMS' or '99'

Most adults have no idea what their kids mean when they use text terms such as "KMS", "99" or emoji faces with cross eyes, according to an unsurprising piece of research by BT. The survey of 4,500 adults was conducted by BT to raise awareness of Safer Internet Day. "Popular online slang and emojis used by children to …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Phones have ruined the internet by saturating it with retards and their children. How can phone users be purged so we can go back to having fun on the internet?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      You obviously never saw a GeoCities or ye olde MySpace page, or received those horrible colourful Outlook Express HTML emails with background images and stuff. The internet was ruined long before most people had smartphones.

      1. Gene Cash Silver badge

        Or dealt with "September" on USENET...

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Oh I did.

          It's just eternal September has finally ended. There are no more n00bs left to join, so much like the heat death of the universe, time (including September) ceases to exist. One moral outrage becomes indistinguishable from another, in an endless sea of selfies.

      2. Down not across

        The internet was ruined long before most people had smartphones.

        <blink>Surely not...</blink>

        1. P. Lee
          Coat

          > The internet was ruined long before most people had smartphones.

          > <blink>Surely not...</blink>

          <marquee> Oh yes it was! </marquee>

          Perhaps we should focus on making kids resilient to failure and capable of dealing with conflict instead of pretending we can get rid of all the bad stuff in the world for them.

          1. Justicesays
            Happy

            "Perhaps we should focus on making kids resilient to failure and capable of dealing with conflict"

            Some kind of cluster with a quorum would seem to be required then.

          2. Sandtitz Silver badge
            Happy

            marquee

            You guys forgot the embedded MIDI files, falling js snowflakes or mouse following effects. And the "made with notepad", "best viewed with Netscape 3.02 / IE" emblems.

          3. thomn8r

            Perhaps we should focus on making kids to failure and capable of dealing with conflict [...]

            How about we just stop making kids?

            1. Graham Marsden
              Unhappy

              As the meme has it...

              When kids today are talking about "Old people"...

              It's us they mean! :-(

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      >Phones have ruined the internet by saturating it with retards and their children.

      But then who would be there to believe the fake new instead of laughing at it ala The Onion?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Huh? The Onion isn't fake news, I read it on the internet.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          >Huh? The Onion isn't fake news, I read it on the internet.

          Jack Warner is that you?

    3. Mark 85

      Phones have ruined the internet by saturating it with retards and their children.

      But not cats? I'm shocked.. shocked I tell you.

  2. redpawn

    Too bad...

    parents don't have a resource to look up the slang. Perhaps a system of tubes could be created.

    1. John G Imrie

      Re: Too bad...

      Well I looked up 99 on Google and all I got was an ice cream

      1. paulej72

        Re: Too bad...

        All I got were episodes of Get Smart.

        1. bombastic bob Silver badge
          Trollface

          Re: Too bad...

          "All I got were episodes of Get Smart."

          Sorry about that, Chief.

        2. thomn8r

          Re: Too bad...

          All I got were episodes of Get Smart.

          Missed it by that much...

      2. Pen-y-gors

        Re: Too bad...

        I looked up 99 on google and I'm not convinced that two people can actually get into that position without surgery.

      3. Captain DaFt

        Re: Too bad...

        "Siri, look up 99"

        "Order for luftballoons confirmed."

    2. Anonymous Coward
      FAIL

      @redpawn

      "parents don't have a resource to look up the slang. Perhaps a system of tubes could be created."

      What nonsense is that? Sorry, but I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic or serious, and I suspect the latter because the art of using search engines seems to be something dying out. Which I think is totally absurd.

      So yeah: they do, it's called Google. The only thing, as with all things, is that you need to know how to use it. I find it a little awkward that you guys apparently couldn't find this, and I got it in 2 - 3 hits. I'm not even a parent! And for the record: even Bing helps out.

      https://google.com/search?q=99+internet+slang.

      Google gives you a huge box on top of all your searches explaining the obvious.

      Bing doesn't provide this but it did get me to the www.smsslang.com website as a first hit which also explained the whole thing. Granted: not as conclusive (people had to vote on things) but it does give you one giant heck of a hint. Slangit.com was more conclusive.

      1. redpawn

        Re: @redpawn

        Sorry I confused you. I should have written "a series of tubes" rather than "a system of tubes".

      2. Mr Commenty McComentface
        FAIL

        Re: @redpawn

        And we have a swing and a miss by ShelLuser.....

        Look up" Internet Tubes Ted Stevens" to understand the joke.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Too bad...

      I got a flake.

    4. bombastic bob Silver badge
      Joke

      Re: Too bad...

      "parents don't have a resource to look up the slang. Perhaps a system of tubes could be created."

      I might be able to get one running on a babbage engine... programmed by Lady Ada herself!

  3. Spender

    Learn what it means, and deny myself the delight of watching my kids squirm when I use their slang inappropriately? No-way-balls.

    1. Gene Cash Silver badge

      Randall never sleeps https://xkcd.com/166/

      OTOH, you need to learn what it does mean, so you can figure out the worst misuse...

      1. GreggS

        It's the amount of problems i have without a bitch being one.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Like BBC as I found out and have used for comedy value.

      I'll let enquiring minds work it out but the first word is big and the last word is the name for a male chicken.

      1. Allan George Dyer
        Facepalm

        So I shouldn't say, "I watch BBC" when referring to my news sources?

  4. Pen-y-gors

    Google opportunity?

    Couldn't this be an extra language option on google translate?

    ...and I was guessing that KMS probably meant Kiss My Something-beginning-with-S - Sphincter?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Joke

      Re: Something-beginning-with-S...

      - Shithole...

      - Shithead..

      - Shiitake...

      - Shia labeouf

      etc...

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Something-beginning-with-S...

        I'd kiss the first three but there's no way I'm going near Shia labeouf.

    2. Albert Hall

      Kiss My...

      Semprini

      1. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

        Re: Kiss My...

        Out!

  5. Cynic_999

    And?

    Kids have invented their own slang for thousands of years. If parent's don't understand it, that's only because they haven't taken any interest. Much of the slang is highly regional, and so it's impossible to construct a universal dictionary. Just like much of the text-slang cited, which might be seen amongst one extended group of teens, but not in another. Though by its nature, stuff that's used on the Internet tends to get far more widespread use than stuff that's used only in school.

    Teens are not the only group to have their own slang expressions. We techies use many expressions that most other people would not understand.

    1. Hollerithevo

      Re: And?

      Kids have slang to block their parents. It's part of separating from them and getting ready to leave their childhood. Parents who get worked up about it have to cool off. Start letting go, because your kids are doing what is programmed in them to do: fly the nest.

      Obviously one has to be alert, because the same brain changes also make teenagers unable to judge risk properly, but a parent who hasn't taught their kids to be skeptical and thoughtful by the age of 12 can't do much by feverishly swotting up on teen lingo from ages 13-16.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: And?

        Kids nowadays have been little shits for generations.

  6. Sir Gaz of Laz

    I got 99 problems...

    ... Understanding kids chat slang ain't one.

  7. earl grey
    Devil

    All i can say is FML

    and if you don't like that, ODFO

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    missing something

    If you are failing so miserably that you need to spy on what your kids are doing you need a better plan. I say raise the rug rats properly and spend less time worrying about what they are texting.

    Guessing most of the parents that feel the need to snoop were constantly having their parents pick up the "other phone" while they were kids. You did not like it then, it did not solve anything back then, your kids are not liking it now, and it is not solving anything unless your intention is to drive them away (which in itself may not be a bad plan).

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I say raise the rug rats properly and ...

      Raising the rug rats properly is of course incredibly easy, since the simple instructions for doing so always work, and nothing every goes awry. At all. Ever.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: I say raise the rug rats properly and ...

        Sorry, old bean, but nothing good is easy.

        It is what you make it, and also; anyone can make kids, a much smaller subset of those people can manage to do it right.

        I told my kid; I can monitor any of your traffic, but I choose not to because you have not given me any reason to do so. Works well, so far. Also, who pays for that device? You can take it and break in, and do any number of things because it is NOT your kid's device, it's yours. But then, why did you offer it in the first place? Most kids are not going to be meth-head, terrorists, so try not to over react before that is known. I mean, what did you try and do as a child? Your kids are about the same. They'll be fine. Let them have their secret language.

    2. Crazy Operations Guy

      Re: missing something

      There are only two types of people that give out parental advice:

      Those who have never had children and those who've lost touch with reality years ago. Either way, the advice is, at best, useless.

    3. phuzz Silver badge

      Re: missing something

      There might be a 'best' way to raise a particular child, but there's no guarantee that the same tactic would work for any other kid, even a sibling. The best you can hope for is not to screw them up too much.

  9. Red Bren
    Joke

    Top Tips

    When texting your kids, append a random string of 3 or 4 letters to the end of your message and they'll waste so much time Googling the meaning that they won't have time/credit left to share pr0n/selfies/sexting

    1. Ken Y-N

      Re: Top Tips

      ROFM!

    2. 's water music

      Re: Top Tips

      When texting your kids, append a random string of 3 or 4 letters to the end of your message and they'll waste so much time Googling the meaning...

      Perhaps that was that what Sean Spicer was doing?

    3. Bowlers

      Re: Top Tips

      I still text longhand, but I do remember using NORWICH to communicate when I was younger, unfortunately on the back of the wrong envelope!

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Trollface

    More parental fun

    Block fb.com and likewise, randomly, for a few weeks, on your home wifi. Disable data at random times of day.

    Comedy gold. And teaches a invaluable life lesson that technology frequently sucks.

    1. Kevin Fairhurst

      Re: More parental fun

      Install RMerlin on an Asus router, and implement a script that resets the wifi password to a random phrase at 10pm each evening...

      1. VinceH

        Re: More parental fun

        "Install RMerlin on an Asus router, and implement a script that resets the wifi password to a random phrase at 10pm each evening..."

        Overkill much?

        Just get a router that can block a range of IP addresses according a schedule, and block the range you allocate to your kids devices from, say, 10pm until 8am. That way you get to carry on watching Netflix or whatever after they've been consigned to their pit.

        Enterprising kids will get around this. These are the children who should be rewarded by being allowed to live.

        Wait. Did I say that last bit out loud?

        1. Kevin Fairhurst

          Re: More parental fun

          A standard filter like you suggest cannot check that the kids have done their chores, homework, etc. It also cannot block devices on the nights when the kids aren't allowed wifi (which can change from week to week).

          So resetting it daily to me is the best option.

          Of course, this is on the kids wifi network... they're not allowed on the grown-up network where the password doesn't change :)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: More parental fun

      You could be really naughty and run your own bind dns server and redirect requests so fb.com gets you a rickroll.

  11. bombastic bob Silver badge
    Childcatcher

    teen/tween slang has half-a-generation lifetime anyway

    It seems that once every tween becomes an adult, the 'teen/tween' slang has been completely re-invented. Keeping up with THAT would require a clever group of spies.

    1. veti Silver badge

      Re: teen/tween slang has half-a-generation lifetime anyway

      Considering that the whole point of slang is to differentiate between generations, and not coincidentally to exclude the parents' generation from their talk - that suggests a system that's working exactly as designed.

  12. Amos1

    We use LOL at work all the time because the managers don't understand it

    Lack of Leadership

  13. eldakka

    Why does it matter?

    Why does it matter whether we can understand or not their messages?

    When I was a kid in the late 70's/early 80's, my parents didn't eavesdrop on my conversations.

    They were happy for me to take the single household phone to my room and chat on it with the door closed with my friends (as long as I didn't tie up the line too long!).

    My friends and I would jump on our bikes and ride to the shops, or the park, or to local bushland with nothing more than a "don't get into trouble, be back by dinner". They wouldn't chase us to overhear our conversations we'd have while playing around or just hanging out.

    If they did, they'd get the impression that we were going to bash someone (we didn't), or rob a bank for money so we could buy cool toys/bikes (we didn't), or build a giant robot (we didn't), build an evil kinevel ramp to jump buses (we built smaller ramps and jumped over wheelbarrows etc), have sex with the hottest girl in the neighbourhood (yeah right...), and so on.

    So, since I'm not going to be eavesdropping on the kids, or reading the messages on their phones or emails, why do I need to be up to par with all the codes?

    If the kids have been instilled with the right values and teachings, then you don't need to monitor their every moves and conversations. Of course they are going to make mistakes, get hurt, fuck up, as long as they don't kill anyone or destroy lives, that's part of growing up. Preventing them from making mistakes and doing silly things that'll hurt (cuts, bruises, even the odd broken bone from falling off their bike or something) is bad parenting, it'll lead to timid kids unable to make hard decisions or be aware of of deal with consequences.

    If you've fucked up bringing up your kids (or they are just plain bad people - socio/psycho-paths) then it doesn't matter what monitoring you do, whether you know what they are saying or not, you've already lost.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: [kids] instilled with the right values / fucked up

      Posssibly most kids (and parents) fall somewhere in the middle of this range, and at different times, various different management strategies might seem to be most useful to help them along, possibly even involving some degree of monitoring or whatever. Raising kids is a dynamic process, not a static one.

    2. annodomini2
      Black Helicopters

      Re: Why does it matter?

      Maybe the culture shift is deliberate to encourage you to accept mass surveillance?

    3. JamesPond

      Why does it matter?

      "When I was a kid in the late 70's/early 80's, my parents didn't eavesdrop on my conversations."

      Clearly you've not heard of grooming.

  14. wolfetone Silver badge

    David Cameron knew full well what LOL meant.

  15. LionelB Silver badge

    Сука блять, дебилы нахуй!

    Well, my fourteen year old is certainly expanding his colloquial repertoire on those Russian gaming sites. Surely this can only be seen in a positive light, and will stand him in good stead later in life.

  16. Valerion

    My wife's aunt

    Is another LOL/Lots of Love person, often used to hilarious affect on Facebook posts.

    "Oh no your cat died? Lol"

    "A divorce might seem bad but it's probably for the best, lol"

    "Sorry to hear she had her appendix out and is in hospital, lol."

    And so on.

    1. toughluck

      My favorite was

      Grandma died. LOL.

    2. Imsimil Berati-Lahn

      Re: My wife's aunt

      Dead cat? lol!

      Nu kbd pls, + coffee, but 10x m8, kk.

      SMCL

  17. Bucky 2

    In my day, LOL meant something

    It used to mean a joke was so funny, everyone in the computer room (because that's the only place a person could use a computer) looked at you like you were a crazy person, because you couldn't not laugh.

    Nowadays, though, people use it even when they're NOT actually laughing out loud. So it always seems sarcastic, or even downright mean. It's not a compliment to anyone's wittiness anymore.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: In my day, LOL meant something

      That was years ago.

      LOL has fallen into disuse with nothing to replace it. Today the internet is NO FUN ALLOWED.

  18. thomn8r

    Your kids are complaining about KMS because their Windows licenses won't validate

  19. VulcanV5

    BURMA

    Ah, those were the days . . . when kids didn't understand what their parents were saying. (And when the former were never to be heard by the latter . . . and preferably, not seen, either.)

    1. dajames

      Ah, those were the days . . . when kids didn't understand what their parents were saying. (And when the former were never to be heard by the latter . . . and preferably, not seen, either.)

      Ah, yes: The Victorian notion that small children should be obscene but not absurd!

    2. Imsimil Berati-Lahn

      Re: BURMA

      +1, for the python reference...

      "...I panicked"

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