back to article This goldfish and its steerable robot tank will destroy humanity

Students at Carnegie Mellon University have made a mobile goldfish bowl that the lucky fish can drive around by itself – and they've filmed it for posterity. The video shows a reasonably large fishtank on wheels being “driven” around by an unusually active goldfish. The Reddit thread – yup, it’s one of those – reveals that “ …

  1. Bronek Kozicki
    1. macjules

      Re: Obligatory

      ""swim push hungry, swim push hungry" ... The Dopefish Lives!

    2. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

      Re: Obligatory

      All goldfish are evil...

      1. 2460 Something
        Mushroom

        Re: Obligatory

        All goldfish are indeed evil. If they ever start on their path to world domination we are all doomed.

  2. Roger Kynaston

    I have a theory

    The Orange Strumpet stole it's mate to dye his hair and this one is looking for him.

    1. Bubba Von Braun
      Devil

      Re: I have a theory

      No the truth finally comes out.. Its the REAL Donald.. these are the true overlords roaming the White-house one knee-jerk decision at a time. :-)

  3. toxicdragon

    I honestly cant decide if this is cute or terrifying, its still kind of cool to watch through.

  4. yoganmahew

    Missed QI much?

    This was invented by a QI elf many moons ago. I know, because I saw it on Dave. Ten times. Eleven... Twelve...

    edit: or did I dream that?!

    1. Neil Barnes Silver badge
      Linux

      Re: Missed QI much?

      We must have the same dreammeister, because I recall it too.

      ---> mmm, fishies!

    2. Anonymous Custard
      Headmaster

      Re: Missed QI much?

      Nope, not a dream -

      The people at QI call a fish that drives a tank "Alan". Alan is a goldfish in the QI office who has a mini-tank (he has a normal-sized tank too) which detects Alan's movement, and moves on wheels in the direction Alan is swimming. The tank itself was made by QI elf Alex Bell, who appears on the set to describe how it works. It was made out Lego over a few days. This design was based on that of a Dutch company called Studio Dip who made a similar, larger tank. The tank has motion sensors in each corner that detect the movement of the fish. (Forfeit: Sir)

      QI seriesL episode 1

      https://www.comedy.co.uk/tv/qi/episodes/12/1/

  5. Patched Out

    Now if ...

    ...they had trained the fish to negotiate an obstacle course, THAT would have been something!

    1. Arachnoid
      Joke

      Re: Now if ...

      Yea but they would never get back to the start they only have a three minuite memory

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Now if ...

        "...they only have a three minuite [sic] memory"

        This is not true - research has shown that goldfish can remember information related to feeding for more than three months and also learn to recognise their owners/keepers, at least in terms of associating them with feeding. Mythbusters demonstrated that a goldfish could remember its way through a maze after more than a month.

        1. Arachnoid
          Thumb Up

          Re: Now if ...

          Ah you fell for the Bait

  6. captain_solo

    In a few years these mutated humanoid fish bathed in their tanks of orange Melange spice gas will gain a monopoly on intestellar travel by using their precience to guide guild highliner ships through foldspace.

    Don't say I didn't warn you.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Of course the fish is unusually active

    Action = reaction.

    The tank moves, the water reacts and the fish tries to counter it. Like fish need to when they have to deal with a stream or something. This is clearly shown in the beginning. And when it reaches the edge of the tank it simple decides to remain there to sit out the unusual (for the fish) water behavior.

    It's a somewhat interesting development but not that impressive. I mean; you have a white surface, you stick a sensor above it and merely need to determine the location of the orange dot. By current technical standards that's not very difficult anymore.

  8. fidodogbreath

    A simpler solution

    Put the fish back in the lake. Problem solved.

    1. werdsmith Silver badge

      Re: A simpler solution

      Terrified fish that has never seen a lake before will be swallowed by larger fish within 2 minutes, problem solved.

      1. 's water music
        Coat

        Re: A simpler solution

        Terrified fish that has never seen a lake before will be swallowed by larger fish within 2 minutes, problem solved.

        At least he will always have the memories

  9. Scott Broukell

    This news comes as no surprise to me, like that fella on the telly box says 'Modern life is Goldfish'.

    <gets wet suit and leaves>

  10. TDog
    Alert

    Boring - just another add a computer to the process claim.

    Skinner was here first

    http://www.military-history.org/articles/pigeon-guided-missiles.htm

    That was 70 odd years ago. If only we'd persevered there would have been none of this internet of things, just lots of pigeons in high, low and every place. And you can use the legs to make a hand of glory according to Charles Stross.

  11. ChrB

    But but...

    A goldfish, pah!

    We need sharks with frikkin lasers!

    1. M7S

      Re: But but...

      Careful what you wish for. This is presumably the Mark 1 travel machine, I'm not sure what the Mark 2 will be but I recall seeing the "Mark 3 Travel Machine" being introduced to the 4th Doctor in some underground showroom on Skaro.

      (Sorry, unable to locate the clip, if anyone can assist...)

      1. Francis Boyle Silver badge

        We should be safe

        until someone tries this with an octopus.

  12. Colabroad

    What happens if they put two Goldfish in the tank?

    One turns to the other and says "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

    1. Patched Out

      Re: What happens if they put two Goldfish in the tank?

      More like one says to the other, "Will you just stop and ask for directions, already?!"

      1. Mark 85

        Re: What happens if they put two Goldfish in the tank?

        Only if it's a male and female goldfish. It two males, one would ask: "When we stopping for beer?".

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: One turns to the other and says "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

      That was one of my favourite daft jokes, and now they've ruined it by making it not a joke any more.

  13. Blue Pumpkin

    Nature vs nurture ?

    It always stays in the corner ...

    .. presumably trying to get the thing to go round in circles

  14. frank ly

    Professor Wernstrom did it better

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pvRQ4d76ZV0

  15. Myvekk

    Minion? Is that you?

    Well, at least now we know where Megamind is studying...

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A metaphor for Donald Trump?

    My immediate thought was the whole thing was supposed to represent a metaphor for Donald Trump.

    Normally it's the Pussy looking for Goldfish.

  17. Tim Seventh

    This goldfish and its steerable robot tank will destroy humanity

    And then you watch the video

  18. Anonymous South African Coward Bronze badge

    Anybody up for doing the same for a shark + swimming pool?

    This reminds me strongly of the alien spaceship visiting Earth in Star Trek : The Voyage Home.

  19. Aaiieeee

    Lucky fish!

    Can't help feel that the motions could be smoother. Also would be cool if it had a central rotating axel so it could move in any direction with out having to turn

  20. Chris G

    Now if

    They had fitted a deep learning neural network to the tank so that it could interact with the goldfish, they could have claimed a gpldfish powered AI. With AI in the paper everybody would be throwing research money at them.

  21. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

    Maybe it's because so much tech R&D money goes into scary war tech, but when I saw the headline I had a mental image of tank in the self-propelled gun* sense of the word. Having seen the video, I think I'll sleep sounder in my bed.

    * I know, a tank and a self-propelled gun aren't the same thing, but you know what I mean

    1. Francis Boyle Silver badge

      They did originally order a combat vehicle

      but there was a mix up and that went to someone called "TheDoctor718437".

    2. quxinot

      Most guns are self-propelled.

      Backwards a bit, usually.

  22. cmarihugh

    FIsh tank??

    Ridiculous that those kids would spend all that time building a cool robot, then have it be ruined by a silly design flaw--especially when they just had to put a lid on the tank and fill it full.

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