back to article What gifts did ol' kitten heels May get this year?

Working out what to get anyone for Christmas is tricky, so you can be forgiven for falling back on broad stereotypes. A drill for dad. Perfume for the girlfriend. Wirecutters for BOFH. Spare a thought then for the ministerial gifts given to Prime Minister Theresa May, in the quarterly returns published this week. What do you …

  1. Kaltern

    How about our esteemed, unelected PM give the people of Britain what they REALLY want for xmas.

    A general election.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      A general election and therefore a 100 seat Conservative majority. Yes please. Although best wait until 2018 and we can have an even bigger Conservative majority.

      1. FlamingDeath Silver badge

        You do realise the word con hides within conservative, and the previous conservative prime ministers name is an anagram for "random advice". Why would you want such morons calling shots?

  2. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

    fiver++

    addition of the plastic £5 note - which was surprisingly also held for being a gift over a certain value.

    Must have been a very large addition

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: fiver++

      Sigh - sitting here reading our newly updated guidance on gifts/hospitality I'm guessing not - the magic threshold is £5 so one new plastic note is enough to tip the balance and require declaration.

      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge

        Re: fiver++

        To be fair they have done their best to try and reduce the value to below any threshold

  3. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

    "What do you get the girl who has everything?"

    Why, making her secret whishes come true, of course.

    1. Wensleydale Cheese
      Joke

      "What do you give the girl who has everything?"

      Penicillin?

      (Very, very old joke)

  4. Bernard M. Orwell

    "What do you get the girl who has everything?"

    How about a visit from three ghosts? A traditional lump of coal? Failing that, a good hard slap might work.

    1. VinceH

      A horse's severed head?

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Checklist

    - Slim trousers and crop jacket uniform - check

    - Jack boots - check

    - Authoritarian spying powers on entire population - check

    - A mandate to ignore Human Rights legislation - check

    - Taxing the poor and disabled, giving tax breaks to the rich - check

    - Blaming immigrants - check

    - Keeping the population scared with terrorism - check

    Her transformation to 'Full Stasi' is now complete.

    Stand by your beds Citizens.

    Welcome to the terrifying New World order under May.

    1. Neil Barnes Silver badge

      Re: Checklist

      Yes, yes, but it's all right! We've *got our country back*.

      Or so I am frequently told...

    2. Steve Davies 3 Silver badge

      Re: Checklist

      Quote

      Her transformation to 'Full Stasi' is now complete.

      Not quite.

      We haven't reaced the stage of neighbours informing on neighbours.

      We can leave that to Frau Merkel.

      1. Gordon Pryra

        Re: Checklist

        "We can leave that to Frau Merkel."

        Really? surely you meant Nigel Farage.....

        1. Esskay

          Re: Checklist

          No, Farage leaves a flaming bag of shit on your neighbour's doorstep, rings the bell, and crawls away on his belly.

      2. Justicesays

        Re: Checklist

        "We haven't reaced the stage of neighbours informing on neighbours."

        We are way past that stage I'm afraid.

        https://web.archive.org/web/20060925221903/http://www.met.police.uk/counter_terrorism/docs/61688_Bell_Push_LR.pdf

      3. Baldy50

        Re: Checklist

        Can we call her Deutschbag from now on?

    3. N2

      Re: Checklist

      Small moustache - check

      Her transformation to 'Full Stasi' is now complete.

  6. Primus Secundus Tertius

    Ol' Jellylegs

    America's Finest News Source, aka The Onion, once referred to the then Senator Obama as "Ol' Jellylegs". Some might say that was a good call.

  7. Lotaresco
    Coat

    Something from each of her favourite design houses

    Chanel, Louis Vuitton, Dior and Hugo Boss.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    the only well-known May worth talking about (IMHO)

    is James May. And I reckon he'd make a better PM than the current one, too!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: the only well-known May worth talking about (IMHO)

      Brian May strums a decent guitar. Other than that I'm really struggling to think of any more famous Mays...?

      1. Trigonoceps occipitalis

        Re: the only well-known May worth talking about (IMHO)

        Peter May, one time English cricket captain.

        1. VinceH

          Re: the only well-known May worth talking about (IMHO)

          What about Teresa (with no 'h') May, the, um, 'actress' ?

    2. Pedigree-Pete
      Pint

      Re: the only well-known May worth talking about (IMHO)

      Not forgetting the sainted Brian May... oh he of the Queeny tones. PP

  9. Chris G

    Kitten heels?

    She dismembers kittens?

    Probably bites their heads off too.

    1. Captain DaFt

      Re: Kitten heels?

      Had to look that one up myself.

      Turns out it's a type of high heeled shoe.

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitten_heel

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Kitten heels?

        "Had to look that one up myself."

        Thanks for saving the rest of us the trouble. That phrase was the only reason I read the article, and I was no wiser when I got to the end. Can't blame El Reg for that, though.

  10. bombastic bob Silver badge
    Happy

    how about...

    how about a copy of Margaret Thatcher's book?

    (a used version might be 'under the limit')

    /me ducks as mentioning the Iron Lady is likely to get me more downvotes than a Trump or Brexit supporter... no, wait.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: how about...

      Gave you one of each, cuz I wasn't sure what it deserved.

    2. Poncey McPonceface

      Re: how about...

      Gave you an upvote for showing remarkable restraint, not a single word in all caps!

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon