back to article China tackles vital strippers-at-funeral problem

The Chinese Ministry of Culture has announced that the government will begin working with the police to clamp down on families hiring strippers for funerals in order to increase in size (dare we say 'arouse') mourner attendance figures. In a statement on Thursday, the ministry stiffs said they would be paying close attention …

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Fantastic idea, I have already booked some for my funeral.

    We need a piccy of a Funeral car with a "Got Wood" sticker on the back.

    1. jake Silver badge

      @Ian Emery (was: Re: Fantastic idea, I have already booked some for my funeral.)

      Why, exactly? You certainly won't benefit[0] from this option, being dead.

      [0] For small values of "benefit", of course.

      1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

        Re: @Ian Emery (was: Fantastic idea, I have already booked some for my funeral.)

        He won't benefit in any way from even having a funeral, or anything, being dead.

        But while he is alive, or even on his way to meet Death, he can enjoy the joke.

        1. h4rm0ny

          Re: @Ian Emery (was: Fantastic idea, I have already booked some for my funeral.)

          It also makes it harder for the authorities to prosecute him than if a friend or relative had to arrange it themself.

          Well, the authorities could prosecute if they wish, but he wont care.

          1. Rich 11

            Re: @Ian Emery (was: Fantastic idea, I have already booked some for my funeral.)

            Well, the authorities could prosecute if they wish, but he wont care.

            They might have trouble working out where to send the summons.

    2. arctic_haze

      Re: Fantastic idea, I have already booked some for my funeral.

      I'll paraphrase Bender the Robot and add:

      "... in fact, forget the funeral!"

  2. Anonymous Blowhard

    Fine, I'm gonna make my own funeral! With blackjack...and hookers... In fact, forget the funeral!

    1. chivo243 Silver badge

      @Anonymous Blowhard

      Forget the blackjack too!

  3. x 7

    Nothing new to have scantily clad ladies at funerals. The only difference is that in many cases (e.g Viking burials) the girls would have been sacrificed and interred along with the stiff to accompany him into the afterlife. Maybe thats what the Chinese should do to stop this - let the girls put on the show, but then ensure the girls are buried with the corpse to keep it happy

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      >but then ensure the girls are buried with the corpse to keep it happy

      ....And it took them three days to get the coffin closed.

    2. h4rm0ny

      There's an account of a Viking funeral (one of the few first-hand written accounts by an educated writer) by a 10th Century Arab traveller who gave the following account:

      The dead chieftain was put in a temporary grave, which was covered for ten days until they had sewn new clothes for him. One of his thrall women volunteered to join him in the afterlife and she was guarded day and night, being given a great amount of intoxicating drinks while she sang happily. When the time had arrived for cremation, they pulled his longship ashore and put it on a platform of wood, and they made a bed for the dead chieftain on the ship. Thereafter, an old woman referred to as the "Angel of Death" put cushions on the bed. She was responsible for the ritual.

      Then they disinterred the chieftain and gave him new clothes. In his grave, he received intoxicating drinks, fruits, and a stringed instrument. The chieftain was put into his bed with all his weapons and grave offerings around him. Then they had two horses run themselves sweaty, cut them to pieces, and threw the meat into the ship. Finally, they sacrificed a hen and a cock.

      Meanwhile, the thrall girl went from one tent to the other and had sexual intercourse with the men. Every man told her: "Tell your master that I did this because of my love to him". In the afternoon, they moved the thrall girl to something that looked like a door frame, where she was lifted on the palms of the men three times. Every time, the girl told of what she saw. The first time, she saw her father and mother, the second time, she saw all her relatives, and the third time she saw her master in the afterworld. There, it was green and beautiful and together with him, she saw men and young boys. She saw that her master beckoned for her.

      By using intoxicating drinks, they thought to put the thrall girl in an ecstatic trance that made her psychic and through the symbolic action with the door frame, she would then see into the realm of the dead. The same ritual also appears in the Icelandic short story "Völsa þáttr," where two pagan Norwegian men lift the lady of the household over a door frame to help her look into the otherworld.

      Thereafter, the thrall girl was taken away to the ship. She removed her bracelets and gave them to the old woman. Thereafter she removed her finger rings and gave them to the old woman's daughters, who had guarded her. Then they took her aboard the ship, but they did not allow her to enter the tent where the dead chieftain lay. The girl received several vessels of intoxicating drinks and she sang and bade her friends farewell.

      Then the girl was pulled into the tent and the men started to beat on the shields so her screams could not be heard. Six men entered the tent to rape the girl, after which they forced her onto her master's bed. Two men grabbed her hands, and two men her wrists. The angel of death put a rope around her neck and while two men pulled the rope, the old woman stabbed the girl between her ribs with a knife. Thereafter, the relatives of the dead chieftain arrived with a burning torch and set the ship aflame. It is said that the fire facilitates the voyage to the realm of the dead.

      Afterwards, a round barrow was built over the ashes, and in the centre of the mound they erected a staff of birch wood, where they carved the names of the dead chieftain and his king. Then they departed in their ships

      The account is published in a book by Steinsland & Meulengracht published in 1998 if anyone is interested. As you can see, China has little to worry about in comparison.

      1. x 7

        An example is the Balladoole ship burial in the Isle of Man, where a woman's body was found alongside the man

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Indeed, things could be, and have been, much worse that strippers at a funeral.

        One of the few things one can say in favour of Britain's colonial activities in India was the outlawing of 'Sati' by the British Raj in 1829. Modern day India sees it as an appalling practice, and the outrage at the "Deorala affair" led to he Sati Commission (Prevention) Act in 1988.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          It's a shame India doesn't see the poverty so much of its country lives in as appalling.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "There's an account of a Viking funeral (one of the few first-hand written accounts by an educated writer) by a 10th Century Arab traveller "

        So the Arabs gave us numeracy and the cradle of civilisation, and in return we gave them the barbarity that is now so popular in Northern Iraq and Syria?

        The World Trade Organisation has got some serious explaining to do.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          > in return we gave them the barbarity [...]

          ...and the weapons, and the training.

        2. h4rm0ny

          >>"So the Arabs gave us numeracy and the cradle of civilisation, and in return we gave them the barbarity that is now so popular in Northern Iraq and Syria?"

          I have never heard Arab or Muslim culture referred to as The Cradle of Civilization. That usually refers to the Fertile Crescent, Mesopotamia, et al. Whilst geographically the regions overlap with the modern day Middle East, you're out by a couple of thousand years. Numeracy is also very distinct from mathematics - the West (and the East) both had numeracy. We (the West) did get several mathematical concepts from the Islamic world of the time. Though it should also be mentioned that the off-quoted concept of zero actually pre-existed in India and appears to have made its way from there originally and then VIA the Islamic world.

          Anyway, much like Rome and some other successful empires, significant causes of the collapse of the Islamic "Golden Age" came from internal stagnation. There was a significant external factor but it wasn't us (speaking as a Westerner). It was the mongols who inflicted debilitating military defeats upon the Islamic world. The various Crusades - whilst not insignificant - had nowhere the effect that Ghengis did. So in so far as barbarity had to be imported, you can look Eastwards for that.

          Of course if you're looking at the current situation, then yes - Western propping up of various convenient dictators and dynasties has badly held back equality and progress in the Middle East.

          EDIT: I'd be fascinated to know why two people felt the need to mod down my original post about Viking funerals. Surely it can't be because it's "off-topic" given the story.

          1. Paul Crawford Silver badge

            @h4rm0ny - down votes

            There is often no rhyme nor reason for commentard's voting actions.

            They might not like the practice and chose to down-vote you as the messenger, or maybe they have some petty grudge based on some other posting of yours they didn't like. Or maybe their underpants were on too tight. Who knows?

            Actually I'm betting on the underpants.

      4. This post has been deleted by its author

  4. frank ly
    Thumb Up

    Well done ....

    .... on choosing a picture that relates to the subject also takes care of the "IT?" question. (You see, I do read and remember the articles you publish).

  5. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
    Joke

    I have to wonder

    whether the old man wouldn't have preferred to have been presented with six erotic dancers before his death.

    1. Gray Ham Bronze badge
      Joke

      Re: I have to wonder

      Maybe he was presented with six erotic dancers ... did you check the death certificate?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I have to wonder

      whether the old man wouldn't have preferred to have been presented with six erotic dancers before his death.

      Well, the result is what matters. Stiff either way. :)

      Hello Friday, where have you been?

  6. ADC

    Having visited the tomb of the Ming emperors near Beijing, it turns out that the emperor's concubines (still alive) were entombed with the dead emperor, for several hundred years.

    1. Groaning Ninny

      What do you mean, "still alive"? Let them out now!

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        "What do you mean, "still alive"? Let them out now!"

        Well, if they've been interred for a few hundred years, then all I can say is "don't fancy yours".

        1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
          Coat

          Well, if they've been interred for a few hundred years, then all I can say is "don't fancy yours".

          No. She's a right minger...

      2. Tom 35

        The first hundred years were the worst, and the second hundred years, they were the worst too. The third hundred I didn't enjoy at all. After that I went into a bit of a decline

    2. DNTP

      Are you nervous about being here?

      Why, because it's old and full of dead things? Clearly you've never spent any time in Morrowind.

      (Or anywhere else in Bethesda-land)

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Now I know

    Why a former colleagues mother died at least three times.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Now I know

      What did it finally take? A wooden stake through the heart?

  8. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
    Happy

    OK, OK, very funny!

    You do realise that April Fool's is over now. So there's no excuse for paying Chris Morris for old rejected scripts from Brass Eye...

  9. Dan Paul

    Seriously speaking, why is this any different...

    than hiring "wailers" (not Bob Marley's) to fill seats at a funeral? That has been done for hundreds if not thousands of years.

    The stripping might be in bad taste but a funeral is a private event and anything that is the wish of the deceased should be within the rights of the family.

    1. Matt Bryant Silver badge

      Re: Dan Paul Re: Seriously speaking, why is this any different...

      In the Gulf Kingdoms the funerals often are more than social affairs, they're yet another occasion that one family can show loyalty and reverence to or slight a rival. The sheikhs like to think they are loved so it's not unusual for family members to try and boost funeral attendances by bribing and even threatening employees and clan members to attend. I've even heard of gift bags being given out at really "highbrow" Saudi funerals.

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
        Devil

        Re: Dan Paul Seriously speaking, why is this any different...

        I've even heard of gift bags being given out at really "highbrow" Saudi funerals.

        Hmmm. Interesting idea. Going to a funeral, and coming back with a doggy-bag.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Dan Paul Seriously speaking, why is this any different...

        > In the Gulf Kingdoms

        Please do not generalise. I used to live there and the ones I've heard about where pretty low key affairs, not unlike the one given to the late King Abdullah (put in the back of a municipal ambulance and dumped in what basically is a hole in the desert). It has to do with the Abrahamic commandment against idolatry, which they seem to take a bit more seriously than Europeans do.

        Funerals as you describe, while probably not unheard of, I believe would be looked down upon by most people in the Gulf.

        I never thought to ask whether strippers are hired though.

  10. Lyndon Hills 1

    memorial services in Donghai

    have strippers. Memorial services in Donglow on the other hand

  11. This post has been deleted by its author

  12. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
    Coat

    Funeral Strippers'R'Us

    Complete no tassle service for your piece of mind.

    Coat. It's a bit chilly.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Funeral Strippers'R'Us

      Coat. It's a bit chilly.

      There's a nip in the air.

      1. JLV
        Joke

        >There's a nip in the air.

        For the price, one one would have hoped for two.

  13. codejunky Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    However

    While China looks to end the practice us in the west (I would assume mostly blokes too) are trying to figure out a good way to import the practice for our own!

  14. Stevie

    Bah!

    China will never be considered to have properly entered the 21st century until these women are allowed to mourn the dead in their own fashion.

POST COMMENT House rules

Not a member of The Register? Create a new account here.

  • Enter your comment

  • Add an icon

Anonymous cowards cannot choose their icon

Other stories you might like