back to article Razzies set to torpedo Rihanna's Battleship

This year's Razzies look set to be a head-to-head between Battleship and Twilight: Breaking Dawn Part 2 to see which movie can walk away with the most gongs for serious celluloid undertainment. The annual celebration of the cinematically dire sees seven nominations for Battleship, including Worst Picture and a well-deserved …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Spoiled for choice

    'Twas a fine year for crap.

  2. George Nacht
    Happy

    I do not want to sound like

    self-righteous old movie nerd with no sense of proportions or humour, but Resident Evil franchise is sort of world on its own, and given the limits of this world, Milla Jovovich is perfect.

    And all if or buts aside, David Hasselhoff in Piranha 3DD was nothing short of LOVELY!

    1. Moosey
      Happy

      Re: I do not want to sound like

      I think you mean Kelly Brook in Piranha 3DD was nothing short of Lovely! :)

      1. Voland's right hand Silver badge
        Devil

        Re: I do not want to sound like

        Quote:"I think you mean Kelly Brook in Piranha 3DD was nothing short of Lovely! :)"

        That depends on your orientation and gender. You or me may be more interested in the beautiful cough... cough... "eyes" of Miss Brook. Other people may have other ... cough... cough... interests...

      2. Fuzz

        Re: I do not want to sound like

        Is Kelly Brook in this film? I thought she got eaten by a shark in the first one.

        1. Euripides Pants
          Coat

          Re: I do not want to sound like

          "Is Kelly Brook in this film? I thought she got eaten by a shark in the first one."

          Maybe she got better. Wounds heal 4 days sooner with Neosporin, you know.....

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I do not want to sound like

      RE-Retribution was the first time I felt as though I was watching a movie of a game. Seriously contrived environments (nazi zombies) were mostly to blame for that.

      1. tmTM

        Re: I do not want to sound like

        "RE-Retribution was the first time I felt as though I was watching a movie of a game. Seriously contrived environments (nazi zombies) were mostly to blame for that."

        They were Soviet Zombies in RE weren't they?

        Nazi zombies appeared in 'Iron sky' and it's rip-off 'Nazi's at the centre of the earth'

        Both were better than the recent Resident Evil film(s)

    3. Brangdon

      Re: I do not want to sound like

      Retribution was rubbish - and I like more other films in the franchise. I didn't think Milla was especially bad in it, though. The plot was so poor and the characterisation so thin that the actors had no chance.

  3. beardman
    Paris Hilton

    Pattison...

    Worst ever. Seen him (NOT)acting in "Bon Ami". Pathetison...

    Paris - because her appearance was much better in that (not so) pr0n movie. :)

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. TheRealRoland
      Childcatcher

      Re: Pattison...

      The 'acting' of some in those movies reminded me of young Anakin Skywalker - what's his name? Hayden Christensen...

      Granted, the story he had to convey was set on rails (you know what he turns out to be like in earlier / older movies ...) so there was not a lot of 'artistic freedom' in there for him.

      Still... Wooden, cardboard cut-out-like, are words that apply to both of them (and other 'actors' in both franchises...)

  4. Mondo the Magnificent
    Devil

    Battleship?

    I could not agree more, although visually entertaining, I do agree it was a crock of shyte

    As for including Rihanna is the cast, I guess that was nothing more than a ploy to attract a younger audience to a crap movie.

    As for the other choices, they're all valid and yes, 2012 was a year of production line crap that some term as "entertainment"

    Let's see what this year holds...

    1. Bush_rat
      Pint

      Re: Battleship?

      I could not agree with a post more. The seen towards the end when they fire up the battleship Missouri and the veterans help them..... god help us

      1. Martin
        Headmaster

        The SCENE towards the end....

        Sigh.

        1. Naughtyhorse

          Re: The SCENE towards the end....

          you mean you cant do a handbrake turn in a battleship?

          sooooo disappointed

        2. TheRealRoland
          Coat

          Re: The SCENE towards the end....

          But he did see it, though.

          Anyways - steven seagal - under siege. Of course, a more terrestrial threat - but if i remember correctly, veterans helped to take the ship back :-)

          1. Danny 14

            Re: The SCENE towards the end....

            you mean helped load a gun, and load it properly - none of this FIRE! then a few seconds later another full load goes off.

      2. AceRimmer
        Happy

        Re: Battleship?

        Now you've told me that, I've gone from indifferent to actually wanting to watch it

        Thanks!

    2. James Micallef Silver badge
      Devil

      Re: Battleship?

      Battleship has a seriously funny first 5 minutes (robbery scene) and from there nosedives so deep into the unwatchable that viewers risk nosebleed. That's possible even worse than being consistently crap from teh very beginning. I was prepared forer crap but teh first scene raised my hopes cruelly

      1. John70

        Re: Battleship?

        There should be a new category just for Battleship.... Worst Alien Weaponry

        They were the pegs from the board game.

    3. Fatman
      Coat

      Re: Battleship?

      Which I thought amounted to one fucking long animated commercial for some Japanese toy that just happened to include some human characters.

      Good thing someone else paid for the ticket.

  5. ToonArmyBarmy
    Coat

    Battleship?

    I really enjoyed it!

    1. Bush_rat
      Meh

      Re: Battleship?

      Game or film, there is only 1 correct answer.....

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Battleship?

      B6

      1. Adam 1

        Re: Battleship?

        Hit

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Windows

          Re: Battleship?

          You sank my battleship...

          No, sorry, not battleship, career.......

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Battleship?

        ...Awww.... You sunk my Battleship.

    3. FreeTard
      Thumb Up

      Re: Battleship?

      Should get an Oscar as It was well entertaining. A beeelion times better than that tripe avatar....

      Yes it was totally unbelievable, but hey, its a bleedin fantasy/sci-fi movie.. get over it!

      Myself and my son came out of the cinema well happy, and that is a rarity these days.

  6. P. Lee

    Too cool

    I'm sure there's a lot of rubbish in here, but does anyone else think this is the film equivalent of TopGear's "Cool Wall" - the uncool end?

  7. Flakey

    Gotta admit

    Battleship was pretty shite and had me wondering how I could ever get my couple of hours back that I wasted watching it then I watched Django Unchained and all was forgiven,totally restoring my faith in Hollywood.

  8. Winkypop Silver badge
    Thumb Down

    Watched Battleship on long haul flight

    Upon reflection, I much preferred the endless drone of the aircraft engines, the airline food and the mindless boredom.

    Agreed, the scene where the old tub is fired up and sent out to battle was a head-desk (or head-tray) moment.

    Who knew they kept live munitions on a museum ship?

    1. IglooDude
      Facepalm

      Re: Watched Battleship on long haul flight

      Yeah, I watched it on a flight as well, knowing that it was likely crap, but no real downside, right? There was a bit of perverse curiosity about how they'd turn a game like Battleship into a movie. Besides, I was in the Navy and figured I could even turn the sound off and just watch the navalpr0n.

      I tried, I really did, but the stupid-per-minute rate was just too high. I think I made it through a quarter of it before I had to turn it off. Several months later, the nightmares have mostly subsided, and my friends tell me my IQ seems to have climbed back to its pre-Battleship level lately.

  9. Flawless101
    Facepalm

    Worst movie?

    I've managed to avoid most of the crap this year, but I did pick up Terminator Salvation to watch one cold winters night. I turned it off the moment a 100 foot robot managed to sneak up on them in the middle of the desert.

    Didn't even know there was an Atlas Shrugged part 1, must be a sleeper hit.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Worst movie?

      I got quite a few downvotes on here a while back for defending Terminator 3, and saying it wasn't too bad. Well at least it wasn't as rubbish as T4, which was truly shit. I felt a bit aggrieved, I wasn't saying it was great or anything.

      Well I watched it again a couple of weeks ago. I'd like to apologise to those people who felt the need to downvote me, for the pain and emotional distress someone describing T3 so obviously caused them. Not good at all. Although still not quite as shit as T4, which I really, really hated. Isn't it nice when Hollywood pisses all over your memories...

      One day they'll try and remake Edge of Darkness, and I'll be forced to build myself an underground lair, and dedicate my life to learning to make a nuclear weapon. Then I'll destroy Hollywood on Oscar night, as punishment. Someone told me that they already did, but no-one would cast Mel Gibson and Ray Winstone in those roles. So they must have been lying to me. LA LA LA LA LA LA! Not listening! LA LA LA!

    2. TheRealRoland

      Re: Worst movie?

      >Sleeper hit

      As in # of people falling asleep while watching this movie?

      I guess you're right. It was a hit.

  10. g e

    Battleshit

    Independance-Day-on-Sea. Largely drivel. Save yourself 100mins of your life.

    1. John Smith 19 Gold badge
      Happy

      Re: Battleshit

      "Independance-Day-on-Sea"

      That's a bit mild from what I've heard of it.

      1. Anonymous Coward/2.0
        Trollface

        Re: Battleshit

        "Independance-Day-on-Sea"?

        Is that near Warminster-on-sea?

        Don't tell 'em Pike. Don't Panic! etc.. Reckon Corporal Jones would have made mincemeat out of the aliens in Battleship. They don't like it up 'em you know.

  11. Avatar of They
    Thumb Down

    erm... might be the only one, but.

    I liked battleship.

    Sorry but I did, it was a no brainer entertainment of cheese. It shows Hollywood really is scraping the barrel for ideas, but I liked it. And not because Rihanna is in it.

    I do get the impression Kristen stewart can't act, two films for worst actress?

    Twilight should win all of the awards, just because it is utter shite.

    1. CCCP
      WTF?

      Re: erm... might be the only one, but.

      Plus the sound mix is awesome - the shredder scene is my new favourite demo sequence for the surround set up. Just make sure the neighbours are out.

      Also, wtf, people know Rihanna is in it, and they expect 2001 A Space Odyssey?? It's a cartoon movie with live acting FFS.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    battleship

    It could of been reasonable instead of the sillyness it was.

    May I refer you to the TV Tropes page.

    http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Film/Battleship

  13. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Thumb Up

    I was an early supporter of Battleship for razzies but it could be close.

    Glad to know the early buzz (that it was s**t) has been amply fulfilled.

    But I'd reckoned without the legendary Adam Sandler's ability (to produce s**t).

    I figured after he'd dropped the great steaming brown one that was "Jack & Jill" he might take a break for a while (in shame?). Somehow I'd completely blocked any thought of "That's My Boy" from my mind.

    How does he do it?

    Chooses all his own scripts and has head lodged firmly in the rectal cavity?

    Phenomenally bad agent?

    Studio puts him in anything they want and he never complains?

    For some reason I tend to compare him Ben Stiller. On that basis he does not come off well.

    Thumbs up to all the cast and crew of Battleship for making so much worse than it needed to be.

  14. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    Oh, Battleship

    Aliens have hugely advanced technology - travel between stars faster than light etc. But cannot avoid hitting a passing satellite when landing on a planet.

    Their ships can neither swim nor fly - they jump!

    Their targeting systems are so sophisticated that they remotely detect and can selectively target the enemy's weapons, leaving everything else untouched. Shame about the guns - which are unguided poor quality mortars and do not require a targeting system at all. You just point them in the target's general direction at point blank range and fire so many shots that some of them will inevitably hit. Great.

    Aliens are bad - roaring and screaming at peaceful American destroyers which just came to look at them. So the destroyers just open up with everything they've got - as they do. They are US Navy after all. Where you can apparently enroll in to avoid serving time for burglary and they give you an officer's commission in less than a year!

    Or are they really bad? Their fearsome kill-bots refuse to grind civilians into pulp and target only military installations and strategic infrastructure. When they see the awesome US Naval ships they don't fire even a warning shot - just make a really loud noise to warn them off.

    But, when the alien engineer refuses to kill Rihanna, even though she emptied her magazine into him, what does he get in return? A 4.5 inch shell in the head. From none other than the grateful Rihanna.

    Then, of course, you have the alien shore party. They kill a scientist's assistant but let the scientist go. Then they kill a couple of hapless rangers. Then they let the same scientist to pick up a large piece of electronic equipment and again let him go. I'm confused. They almost beginning to look like American troops in Airaq...

    But yes. The surprise of the century - that floating museum in Hawaii, USS Missouri? Just celebrated its 5 millionth visitor? They kept LIVE SHELLS and PROPELLANT on it ALL THE TIME! And the boilers and turbines - you thought they were ruined because of the cut-aways and no maitenance? WRONG! And it was kept fully bunkered with OIL! That must have been illegal, surely, no?

    And ULTRA HIGH TENSILE STRENGTH METAMATERIAL ANCHOR CHAIN that can SWING A WHOLE BATTLESHIP going full speed WITHOUT BREAKING! I want some answers from NASA on why they keep saying that space elevator cannot yet be built - that chain was clearly strong enough for that.

    Anyway, I was really sad when the Aliens were defeated in the end - they looked like the good guys throughout the film.

    1. defiler
      Pint

      Re: Oh, Battleship

      Seriously, you paid far too much attention to that film. Besides that, all points are valid. Have a beer and try to forget.

      1. Vladimir Plouzhnikov
        Pint

        Re: Oh, Battleship

        I will. Cheers!

        1. Danny 14
          Alien

          Re: Oh, Battleship

          upvote, purely due to the IQ loss you must have endured watching the crap.

  15. jason 7
    WTF?

    Surprised Prometheus.....

    ...didnt scrape in there for a nomination.

    1. Winkypop Silver badge
      Alien

      Re: Surprised Prometheus.....

      There's bottom of the barrel and then there's UNDER the barrel...

    2. John Smith 19 Gold badge
      Meh

      Re: Surprised Prometheus.....

      "...didnt scrape in there for a nomination."

      It probably had far too high expectations on it.

      But the effects were good, the plot did not always go in the direction you expected (a plus, but there are some major plot holes, given how long its been chewed on) and Nooni Rapace (barely used) remains my favorite short angry ginger women actress.

      1. FreeTard

        Re: Surprised Prometheus.....

        +1 mate, really disappointing movie. Has Scott totally forgotten how to make a decent flic?

        Alien was brill - and actually scary - Blade Runner was excellent. Even today both movies looks as fresh as you like, yet this was tripe. Why??? Too much CGI maybe?

        Yer man Fassbender was truly excellent though - where did this guy come from.. every movie he's been is has been class. I'd watch it again for him alone.

  16. gb030104
    Alien

    Battleship

    You know a film is bad when Asylum's rip-off is actually the better film (if you take into account the much smaller budget)

  17. Keymaster
    Alert

    Battleship was awesome!

    True story!

  18. Andrew Moore

    Act of Valor...

    I notice they didn't have the balls to include Act of Valor.

  19. Lloyd
    Stop

    The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2

    Say what you like about it, at least I've heard of it, most of that lot grossed about $50, they spent millions getting Twilight this bad, although given the source they didn't really have to try too hard.

  20. The Serpent

    Lifetime lack of achievement?

    Can we have such an award for Martin Freeman, because I hate the bastard? He cannot act, he only play-acts - always portraying an awareness of the fact that he is pretending to be someone else.

    And that fucking trick he thinks he gets away with of 'accidentally' looking into the camera for half a second while doing one of his uncalled-for stares around the room is poor beyond piss.

  21. James O'Shea

    I'm very, very, very disappointed

    They didn't mention Red Tails. it was at least as bad as Battleship, and with far less excuse.

  22. Robert Helpmann??
    Childcatcher

    Missed on my picks

    While bad is bad, I would be more inclined to vote for those that take themselves seriously over those that go for a more tongue-in-cheek approach. On that basis, Battleship should burn, but Ghostrider brings its own flame and should be honored for doing so.

    I nominate Christopher Nolan for Worst Director for leaving in the middle 30 minutes of The Dark Knight Rises. An action movie should never be so slow.

    (Yes, I expected to be down-voted for such an outrageous opinion)

    1. jason 7

      Re: Missed on my picks

      No, I watched the DKR on Xmas Day.

      Very disappointed. Not a great script, not a great villain and 20 minutes too long. Bit of a mess really.

      Kind of expected more after the previous two.

  23. earl grey
    Coat

    •The Twilight Saga: Breaking Wind Part 2

    it was a gasser.....nuff said.

    As for being happy at the movies....that's why the coat.

  24. Craig 28

    Re: Oh, Battleship

    Anyone who can resist the urge to shoot Rihanna is clearly a saint, and I haven't even watched Battleship to form that conclusion. If she emptied her gun, knowing Hollywood probably all bazillion rounds in whatever handgun she was using, then there's no doubt that the aliens were clearly far more advanced than any human in terms of morality.

    Oh and we need an award for "worst 'original' series" and "worst adaptation". Twilight for the former, Battleship for the latter.

  25. Mr Young
    Happy

    Do not mock Janet!

    She's hot! Found some crap link to Rocky Horror and it didn't work very well?

    http://video.vulture.com/video/Rocky-Horror-Touch-a-Touch-a-To;Movies#c=77BG0R2P84MFR8TB&t=Rocky%20Horror:%20%22Touch-a,%20Touch-a,%20Touch-a,%20Touch%20Me%22

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    I don't know anything about Twilight BD II.

    But Boxofficemojo says it has made $822 million USD in international ticket sales on a $120 million production budget. My accounting background tells me that that sounds like a $700 million profit, and that's before cable and DVD and downloads, I'm assuming. I'd say the studio will probably take their Razzie and laugh all the way to the bank on that one.

  27. min

    i really hope Battleshit wins all the razzies it's nominated for. puerile filth of the most decadent order...and that's just Rihanna.

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