back to article Microsoft so sorry for limp wedding tackle gag gaffe

Microsoft has apologised for a performance at its Norwegian developers conference that it now says “involved inappropriate and offensive elements and vulgar language”. The performance (mildly NSFW video here, controversial bits at about 1:10) includes a line that despite Microsoft’s titter-worthy corporate name, attendees’ …

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  1. Tom 35

    The real problem

    Is that the "Microsoft" joke is OLD. The show looks lame from the start anyway.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Should have put some Viagra on the table

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Paris Hilton

      Re: The real problem

      I THINK STEVE BALLEMR IS BEHIND THIS SOUNDS LIKE A SELF PORTRAIT

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: The real problem

        -NasdaqGS

        Facebook, Inc. (FB) $27.10

        8 Jun 21:00

        HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    3. Bob Vistakin
      Facepalm

      Re: The real problem

      Correct. Microsoft are an old joke - the comedy gift that just keeps on giving. Oh how insignificant this will seem once the Windows 8 reviews start. The real ones that is, and not the usual shillfest.

    4. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: The real problem

      I'm suffering from TLA overload today. My first thought when reading the original comment was "what the hell does OLD stand for?"

      1. Euripides Pants

        Re: TLA

        "what the hell does OLD stand for?"

        OLD Leaky Diapers

  2. Arctic fox
    Trollface

    Having evaluated this "sketch" myself I am forced to the conclusion that...............

    ....................both those who made it and those who are complaining about it should get a life.

    1. JDX Gold badge

      Re: Having evaluated this "sketch" myself I am forced to the conclusion that...............

      Yeah the only offensive thing here is how terribly cheesy it is.

      Those poor dancers.

  3. Anthony Hegedus Silver badge
    Stop

    So what?

    So some people have a party with a cheesy, corny song with some rude words in it. In Norway. I remember once using a rude word at an office party.

    1. frank ly

      Re: So what?

      Oh come on Anthony, you have to tell us what happened next. It's in the unwritten rules.

      1. Ian McNee
        Meh

        Re: So what?

        @frank: steady on - another story like this could generate a similar Twatter-splat of outrage and tip the intertubes over into...ermm....oh yeah, reality check...more utter indifference.

        Slow news week? Meh.

  4. Robert Heffernan
    FAIL

    Oh wow

    The joke is the fact that Nobody in the crowd seems to be enjoying it even before the controversial bits. Whoever thought a dance track about software development was a great idea clearly needs to lay of the meth!

    I feel sorry for the dancers having to perform to that abomination while the crowd just stares

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      @Robert

      Don't feel sorry for the dancers because I'm quite sure they got well paid. Heck; you can be sure they even had to practice their performance several times, so if they ever had the idea themselves that the whole thing was a failure they could have quit any time.

    2. Dave 62
      Terminator

      Re: Oh wow

      Surely you mean they need to lay off the Coding?

      Let's be honest, we've all been there, you emerge from a few hours of tunnel-vision, the office looks like some cyber punk alien robot battery farm, you mutter something incoherent and make a wide eyed dash for the coffee machine.

  5. JOKM
    WTF?

    Well I loved it

    For all the wrong reasons. I just cracked up for 3 minutes.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Embarrassing, and sad.

    This is just embarrassing and sad - like watching an old, overweight man suffering from Alzheimer's trying to fit in at a party by act like what he thinks is hip, but was out of date years ago.

    Which, as I type that, is exactly what this is: Microsoft trying to be "hip to the jive my man".

    An Alzheimer's suffer has a medical excuse. What is Microsoft's?

    Really - this doesn't make me angry, or offended. This just makes me feel uncomfortably embarrassed for having witnessed it.

  7. Mr Anonymous

    Have they finally admitted windows 8 is a joke?

    ha ha

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Have they finally admitted windows 8 is a joke?

      and Windows Phone....

      and Xbox

      and Zune

      and IE

  8. tkioz
    Thumb Down

    ...

    God... what's wrong with people? I'm more offended that it wasn't funny then that the limp dick joke. Seriously, get over yourselves, must everything be so bloody serious? Can't we have a joke now and then?

    1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge
      FAIL

      textbook viral "outrage"

      I guess it worked. Otherwise, would anyone even know or care that this conference ever happened?

  9. Rampant Spaniel

    Apparently nobody has been rude to Mr Fry this week so the twaterati had to find something else unimportant to get upset about.

    God forbid they are concerned about anything important going on in the world right now. A quick check on bbc news shows more socialist victories in France, Spain have managed to stall an unavoidable bailout of their countries economy, a random shooting in the USA, riots in Chile and deaths in Burma, Libya and Nigeria. I wonder how many of those commentards with their twitter accounts are bothered about those piffling little concerns?

    Apparently their paramount concern is that a software company used the word penis in a song delivered to a bunch of middle aged men.

    1. J. R. Hartley

      What's wrong with socialist victories? To hell with poverty!!

      1. Rampant Spaniel
        FAIL

        Who said anything was wrong with socialist victories? Perhaps if you read my post as carefully as your fly fishing books you might have spotted that :)

        Perhaps concerns was the wrong choice of words but socialist victories in France is a matter for thought. Not so much that it is good or bad in of itself, just that it marks a change in opinion which is likely to cause disruption.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Reds under the bed

          Whilst you didn't explicitly say socialist victories were wrong, you listed them alongside financial crises, shootings and riots, so it was reasonable to infer that you saw them as similarly "bad news".

          1. Rampant Spaniel
            WTF?

            Re: Reds under the bed

            No, they were listed alongside the other top news items of the day. I didn't single any out, they were the top items, the rest just happened to be bad.

            If somebody draws unwarranted assumptions without checking, that is their issue, not mine. Did either of you visit BBC News or just make assumptions that happened to suit your viewpoint?

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Reds under the bed

              Mr Spaniel, I respectfully suggest that, at this point in the thread, the advice is to stop digging.

              1. Rampant Spaniel

                Re: Reds under the bed

                Not a chance, this is far too much fun. Hitting idiots with sticks is always great fun.

        2. Dave 62

          I'm afraid you inferred that socialist victories were a matter for concern and so J.R. Hartley's response was justified. Perhaps you should structure your paragraphs more carefully.

          1. Rampant Spaniel

            And they are. It marks a change in the attitudes of one of Germany's closest allies in the EU. There is a strong possibility the the previous course of rigid austerity may change now. Whilst this change may or may not be needed the uncertaintly it is causing has a disruptive and harmful effect.

            They are not in of themselves but may cause problems due to the change. The structure I chose accurately represents that. I will endeavour to dumb it down in future to assist the hard of thinking.

      2. Rampant Spaniel

        The most amusing part of this is that I grew up using a socialised healthcare and education system. I paid NI into a socialised pension scheme (2 in fact, 1 would have been too simple?) . I firmly believe that these are great things, things a society should do. Ensuring every child has a great education and everybody is kept healthy are both things I believe are required, morally, of a society but also make sense with respect to the health of the economy. Hence, being erroneously called out as anti socialist was amusing :-)

      3. Armando 123

        Huh

        "What's wrong with socialist victories? To hell with poverty!!"

        Uh, I'm guessing you've not noticed how socialism and poverty go hand in hand. #empiricalevidence

        Benjamin Franklin was the first to point this out, before socialism had a name. He was a well-respected scientist and businessman before the American Revolution. In 1770, IIRC, he visited The Royal Society in London and was an honored guest, the great scientist from the colonies, and all that.

        He was talking with some of the Society members and one who had been to North America commented that, in Britain proper, they treat their poor much better. Franklin responded, "Ah, I wondered why you had so many of them."

    2. Just Thinking

      Isn't it slightly hypocritical to take the time and trouble to post a comment saying that the subject of the article is so trivial that people shouldn't bother commenting on it? And then mention in passing several other issues which you think people ought to be commenting on instead. This random shooting in the USA ... presumably you have published a detailed opinion on this important piece of news in some other forum somewhere?

      Many of the people commenting use Microsoft products every day, and some of those people might be in a position to decide to use alternatives instead - Chrome, Linux, Open Office. So a story about Microsoft losing the plot in a public and embarrassing way is of interest.

      Political shifts in France, or the Euro meltdown are more in the category of things which might affect me but there isn't a lot I can do about it.

      Riots - they happen in every country. Civil war - there is always one happening somewhere in the world and most countries have had one at some point. Murder in the US - happens 50 times a day. Hellish for the people involved, but if I happen to miss the news that day, it didn't happen.

      1. Rampant Spaniel

        I thought we learned our lessons about making assumptions....

        How do you know I haven't discussed those matters? But nice try! 6/10 for effort.

        1. Just Thinking

          Re: I thought we learned our lessons about making assumptions....

          "How do you know I haven't discussed those matters?"

          Just a hunch.

  10. Eddy Ito

    Just so I'm clear

    Getting Alvin & the Chipmunks to put their nuts in a vice and sing was the best they could do after Stevie B's ape prancing about the stage?

    Fair enough.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Windows

    Dumb move

    By actually apologizing Microsoft have raised the level of the whole incident themselves. I think some marketing people didn't get the point that the "vulgar language" wasn't the issue here, it seems to me that very few people considered the whole performance any fun. Yeah guess what? When people don't stuff they'll complain.

    This form of damage control is soo obvious its not even funny. Just like the performance itself.

    With stuff like this there are 2 things you can do... "Sorry guys, we'll try to do better next time" or start claims that you're not supporting it no longer, for example by apologizing.

    That doesn't work too well with me to be honest. You organize something, it turns out bad and suddenly you no longer stand behind it anymore.

    That raises the following question with me: if you think this is so important that you actually deem it necessary to apologize, then why the heck did no one check up on the performance rehearsels to make sure it met "MS standards"? Maybe that would have saved you from the need to apologize?

    The answer should be obvious: because this only became a "serious" issue when people started complaining. In other words: damage control at its finest.

    Developers aren't /that/ stupid you know. First you take away our colours (VS2012), then you take away our free options (VS2012 Express tied into Metro) and when people complain then well, its just the way it is. But when a marketing campaign (attempt) like this goes viral then all of a sudden the need is there to apologize because it might hurt your reputation ?

    Can it get any more stupid like this? Yeah, people may have hated the performance but that won't turn them away from programming, maybe even using .NET, because we know you can be stupid at times MS.

    However, when you take away our precious toys (VS2012 Express tied into Metro) or start turning it into something we don't like anymore (removing colours).... Then that IS bound to turn people away from it.

    Yet THOSE issues which really matter to many programmers apparently aren't important enough. People complain on MS fora, people complain on fora such as these and nothing changes. Even people who have a reputation of being die hard Windows-based programmers.

    So I can only wonder...

    What HAVE those MS marketing IDIOTS been smoking as of late I wonder?

    1. frank ly

      Re: Dumb move

      "... some marketing people didn't get the point ..."

      Bears, the Pope, .....

    2. Dave 62
      Coat

      Re: Dumb move

      And so, we get to the crux of the issue. These people are getting all antsy because they're not doing enough stuffing.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Thumb Up

      Re: Dumb move

      Soo as one emotional health practitioner stated, "We live in a society where it's OK to say the word KILL, but it's taboo to say the word FUCK."

      So it's OK to be a war profiteer and assist in the murdering of millions of people, but it's not OK to say "soft cock" in an promotional event....

      Never mind the endless releases of crapware to the market.

  12. johnwerneken
    Mushroom

    What happens when unlimited budget meets limited taste. But seriously I'm glad to see The Micro and Soft gang has a sense of humour. And if I were going to express outrage, it would be outrage at those who find statements inteneded to combine insults with humour offensive, like dumb blond jokes. Some of them are funny and why should I care if blonds (women) (gays) (blacks) (cripples) (ANYONE) is offended. We have a right to offend eachother and no right to be protected from offense.

  13. koolholio
    WTF?

    My lord some people need to get a f***in hobby... Lets critcise rap and everything else that contains profanity shall we?

    Wheres the madness going to stop!?

    1. Magnus_Pym

      What's wrong with Madness? I thought they did OK at the Jubilee concert. Sure the sound was a bit duff and the Gag about 'ones house' was trite but come on they can still do the business can't they?

    2. NomNomNom

      "Lets critcise rap and everything else that contains profanity shall we?"

      Okay. Profanity makes God angry and if God gets angry he will murder us. Fact.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What in the hell

    were they thinking? There isn't a Microsoft Manager in their right mind that would approve that nonsense. Assuming Microsoft Managers can actually be in their right mind.

    So, judging from the lyrics on the screen, the Micro Soft men developers don't have penises that resemble either term, but the women have neither either. That would mean the lady developers have Macro Hard vaginas. Brilliant, I mean just smashing brilliant.

  15. Hardcastle the ancient

    Lots to apologise for

    A schoolboy joke is unimportant. They have much more than that to apologise for.

  16. John P
    FAIL

    Note to Microsoft:

    Stop trying to be cool, you SUCK at it!

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Is there anyone...

    ...who doesn't know Microsucks is offensive and vulgar?

  18. DrXym

    Does that mean

    that Windows 8 won't be launched with a routine by the Puppetry of the Penis?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Does that mean

      hmmm not sure but certain that some dicks will be involved

      1. TRT Silver badge

        Re: Does that mean

        Manipulation of a lot of dicks? Windows marketing department.

  19. John G Imrie

    I'm still waiting for a company with the balls to say ...

    It was a private, internal function, so those wanting an apology can fuck right off.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I'm still waiting for a company with the balls to say ...

      That would not be a company "with balls" it would be a dumbarse company trying to put itself out of business.

  20. CmdrX3
    WTF?

    There IS another option

    Enter it in the Eurovision Song Contest. It'll either win or receive neel pwan.

  21. nigel 15
    Facepalm

    Showering with your eyes closed

    honestly anyone who finds that offensive must get a terrible fright when they see their own junk.

    re 'It was shit' - and similar comments. it was intended for Norwegian software engineers, not you.

    re 'it's microsoft thats a joke' - lazy word play based humour. it's a $250bn company employing nearly 100,000 people.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I imagine there's a promotional company offering 'bespoke' corporate dance routines

    They probably have 3 or 4 templates of music & choreography, then merge in a few buzzwords to tailor it to the particular event. So, you can probably get more or less the same song and dance routine promoting plumbing or fence-posts

    Let's face it, 'entertainment' at any corporate event will always suck. That's so universally true that the rule probably applies on other planets. The entertainment merely serves to provide an interval of excruciating embarrassment in-between the rest of the mind-numbing tedium.

    And the definition of unfunny is, 'any joke, when told by the CEO'.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Pint

    "And the definition of unfunny is, 'any joke, when told by the CEO'."

    and yet everyone still laughs uproariously.

  24. TheOtherHobbes

    Microsoft

    The Nokia of Nordic Comedy.

  25. Joerg
    WTF?

    At Microsoft managers must be really in drugs abuse stage...MetroUI..now this..

    Microsoft is toast.

    These managers turned the Corporation into an absolute farce, throwing away all good assets they once had.

    The MetroUI is what these people "geniuses" could develop.. and it's obvious that such a disgrace was their best given the nonsense dancing with some bad language trying to look so smart and cool.

    How pathetic.

    Microsoft has turned into the worst possible copy of Apple. They are trying so hard at copying Apple that they couldn't get a clue of what made Apple a success.

    They really think that turning themselves into such a farce is going to give them billions?

    Please...

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Bright side for Balmer is that people wont need to bring up his "Developers, Developers, Developers" chant any more when they need a go to joke.

    Also, coupled with http://www.channelregister.co.uk/2012/05/15/dell_christensen/ it seems that 2012 isn't the year to be holding conferences here in Scandinavia.

  27. NomNomNom

    am I the only one who found it funny and poignant?

  28. Bradley Hardleigh-Hadderchance
    IT Angle

    They might just be high on life

    But I think it more likely they are high on Cocaine, LSD, 'XTC' etc. etc.

    Like our governments, these people are certifiably criminally insane.

    (And I'm not just talking about the dancers)

    So much power.

    So many resources.

    So much experience.

    And for what? For IT to come to this?

    How long oh lord, How long?

    Think of the good they could do, how they could enrich peoples lives. But instead they behave like an old rich rock star who has lost the plot, cloistered in his mansion, alone, surrounded by nothing else other than sycophants and piles of drugs, and totally out of touch with the 'reality' that is going on outside their window.

    Oh well, I don't care - it's their gig. I'm not even offended. It is just sad. Very sad. And somebody told me once you should never be embarrassed for other people. But I have to admit, I made an exception for Microsoft today.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "coding is our drug"

    Codeine shurely ?

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Another day...

    ...another Microsucks FUBAR activity. What were you expecting?

  31. Stan Smith
    FAIL

    This is considered controversial?

    What a stupid non-issue.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: This is considered controversial?

      ...only by people with good judgment and an ethical compass.

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