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back to article Vote now for the WORST movie EVER

It's taken us more than a week, but we're finally ready to raise the curtain on the contenders for the worst movie ever title. We're still a bit groggy after days of wading through the most malodorous cinematic effluent as nominated by you, our beloved readers, so while you get on with the voting you'll excuse us if we go for …

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  1. Nick Everitt

    There should be an option in the poll for >

    This is the worst example of a list of worst films ever.

    Seriously some of the films on that list are very good, critically acclaimed, box office hits and well rated on IMDB and other sites that rate films.

    Having completely atrocious films like Legend of the Roller Blade Seven (IMDB 1.7) alongside films like Avatar (IMDB 8.0) Eyes Wide Shut (IMDB 7.2) The Italian Job (IMDB 6.9) or anything else that scores over a 6 just makes a mockery of your list and highlights the fact that it must have been devised from a very a small sample size.

    "Ohh 2 people voted for avatar so that definitely gets on the list I guess"

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  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Last Station, anyone?

    If you measure awfulness in sheer tedium, as opposed to irritation, then you couldn't do much worse than "The Last Station". Christopher Plummer [as Leon Tolstoy] spends almost the entire film, lying in bed, waiting to die... with a beard.

    Occasionally his slumbers are interrupted by the arrival of one of either of two visitors; his wife [Helen Mirren], who berates him for toying with the notion of leaving his money to The Siberian Beard Research Collective, instead of her; or a young representative of The Siberian Beard Research Collective, who likewise berates Tolstoy for potential betrayal of beard-dom, should he leave the cash to the missus.

    The film continues in this vein for what seems like several days, with Tolstoy contemplating the ceiling and [presumably praying for death] while Mirren and whoever the hell the other bloke is, rotate in and out of his room on a carousel, repeating their demands that they cop for the eventual loot.

    There may have been some flashbacks, featuring Tolstoy looking out from behind the different lengthed beards of his youth, but I'm not sure as, by this stage, I was watching my own whiskers grow, as a more action-packed alternative.

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  3. General Pance

    A single year's output from the British film industry could whip this list's arse several times over.

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  4. G 4

    Really? That's the worst you could find?

    I can't, in good conscience, level my mouse pointer at those in anger. Especially when other filmic car crashes have robbed me of my cash, and more importantly those precious hours of my life that I can't get back via a refund. I put forward a few examples.

    Hudson Hawk - I like Bruce Willis films, but what guff!

    Soft Top,Hard Shoulder - Chris Rea should stick to crap music and stay away from crap cinema

    Sucker Punch - skimpy clad girls and sci fi, HOW did they manage to make me hate that normally winning combo?

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  5. Igamogam
    Thumb Down

    Flatliners?

    How can you not include Flatliners (1990 - Joel Schumacher) in the list! The worst film ever made and the only one that forced me to leave the Cinema during the screening.

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  6. b166er

    Late to the party I know, but you just can't have Matrix:Reloaded in there.

    That movie gave us the Merovingian character and the immortal line:

    Nom de dieu de putain de bordel de merde de saloperie de connard d'enculer ta mère. It's like wiping your arse with silk. I love it.

    And Persephone

    And The Architect, also using a wonderful vocabulary in his dialogue.

    Oh and I quite liked The Italian Job, I just ignored the title and enjoyed a decent action movie.

    Shame they killed Donald Sutherland off so quickly though.

    Perhaps not as high-brow as some of you would enjoy, but variety is the spice of life, no?

    Blair Witch definitely though, and Jar-Jar

    I read your post Sokolik and the warmth of human kindness came upon me :D, for I too confess I've been trolled by Uncle Reg yet again. At least Lester is man enough to do it tongue-in-cheek unlike some of the other hacks here.

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  7. Doug Glass
    Go

    What moron ...

    ... came up with this pathetic list?

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  8. John Pombrio
    Thumb Down

    Oh brother...

    How is it that I have heard of all of these films? Is that one of the criteria? There were some REALLY bad black and white films that could have made the cut but, of course, no one has heard of them. Puff piece is all. Not worth the bother of voting...

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    1. diodesign (Written by Reg staff) Silver badge
      Reply Icon

      Re: Oh brother...

      Puff piece. Amazing.

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  9. AdamWill

    Hook?

    How can Hook possibly *not* be on this list?

    It's the only movie I've ever walked out of. And bear in mind, I was about 10 at the time, and reliant on people who had not yet walked out for transportation. Yes, I considered hanging around a cinema lobby for an uncertain period of time to be a more promising prospect than enduring any more of that godawful bloody film.

    Some of the movies on the list aren't really that bad. Sunshine was fine.

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    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hook?

      One of my favourites. Honest.

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  10. CeeTee

    You guys really missed a trick

    How can you have a "worst film ever" list and exclude Mama Mia? I mean, really?

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  11. Dropper
    Thumb Down

    HHGTLG

    Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy? Really? I seem to remember that one being pretty good, they even added a few very Adams-like additions to make it a little less predictable to the millions of people that read his books, watched the TV show or listened to the radio series. I've definitely been forced to endure far worse movies than several of the rest. Matrix Reloaded and Highlander 2 score special marks of course, but then that's sequels for you, after all witness the rest of the Highlander debacle with progressively worse movies released one after the other. But Phantom Menace.. poor and annoying I grant you, but for any "new" Star Wars movie you can place on the table, I will raise you one Ewok travesty. I have two for your viewing pleasure and no number of Jar Jar Binks can trump either of them.

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  12. jon 72

    Choices choices..

    Faced with so many evils I voted for the Blair Witch Project,

    the others I could at least watch with one eyeball if I was bored sh#tless.

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  13. Robert E A Harvey

    Interesting

    Phantom Menace, while not out in front, is currently beating The Happening. Which means that M Lite shamalamdingdong's worst stinker is better than Spielberg's worst stinker.

    Which does not mean that Emm Line Shawaddywaddy is a better director than Steve, does it? Does it?

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  14. Richard Altmann
    Thumb Down

    Avatar

    Pocahontas with smurfs

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  15. Graham Dresch

    Clueless ?

    How could you have missed this awful meaningless drivel ?

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  16. Stewart McKenna

    Wot not George Clooney

    Two of my faves (not!)

    are GC's 'Solaris', and 'The American'....worst movie ever

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  17. veti Silver badge
    Coat

    Unanswerable

    How many voters have seen all 20 of those films?

    How many of those people are still within screaming distance of sanity?

    That's how many people are really qualified to answer this poll. Everyone else is just venting their spleen.

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  18. T J
    Facepalm

    Dangerous Minds

    Dangerous Minds, with Michelle Pfifer. I still don't understand how the studio didn't decide burning the tapes was a better idea than releasing it. My brain hurts whenever I think about it.

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  19. transtemporal

    Give in to your hate, vote for Phantom Menace!

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  20. yellowlawn
    Devil

    Chef Gordon Ramsey's - Love's Kitchen???????????

    NOOOOOOOOOOO - were is Chef Gordon Ramsey's - Love's Kitchen??? It only took £121 offically at the Box Office. Name me a film that took less??????????????

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  21. Eponymous Cowherd
    Pint

    Being a bloke......

    living in a house with 3 females (wife and two teenage daughters), I obviously voted for the vile turdsplurt that is Twilight.

    Vastly disappointed that M Night Shamawhatsit's pile of puke "The last airbender" missed the cut. Crap script, crap acting, crap casting, Even fails the "so bad it's good" test. It's just mind-numbing garbage from beginning to end.

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  22. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    @The Register

    Seeing how the voting goes - none of the candidates will have a credible majority and a clear public mandate. Your "first past the pole" system has outlived itself and you need to switch to Alternative Voting!

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  23. Michael 28
    Alert

    I have plumbed new depths!

    ... being one of a select few uk residents familiar with MST3K! .... pretty much none of their stuff is on these lists.

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    1. ArkhamNative
      Reply Icon
      Devil

      Re: I have plumbed new depths!

      Manos: Hands of Fate. It was my #2 worst of this list (of films I've seen). It's the only film that ever "defeated" the MST3K crew, it was that unredeeming.

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  24. lovelyshady
    Happy

    And another thing....

    I was unfortunate enough to sit through "Hobo with a Shotgun"....really, really awful from start to finish. Although still not as bad as Battlefield Earth

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  26. Not That Andrew

    You need an "All of the above" option

    The post is required, and must contain letters.

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  27. Asiren
    Mushroom

    Can I nominate a file that hasn't been made yet?

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/film-news/9176394/Twins-to-become-Triplets-with-Eddie-Murphy.html

    Twins 2, AKA Triplets, where Eddie Murphy is the hereto undiscovered co-product of the "Twins" experiment from the so-bad-it-was-vaguely-entertaining-when-I-was-5 Danny DeVito/Arnie Schwarzenegger flick.

    Apart from the racist undertones of the mother "forgetting she had a black baby too" retcon of the first movie...

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  28. Mips
    Childcatcher

    Zardos?

    Now how did that get anywhere near the list? I loved it even though it was a bit difficult to follow.

    My wife hated it.

    Need I say miore?

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  29. Andy 4
    Childcatcher

    HHGTTG

    Quite possibly IMHO the worst raping of a fantastic book series, radio series and TV series of all time, at the same time. Surely, evil as the others are, none of them bar this piece of shite come close to hitting all three good media respresentations in one 'fail' swoop?

    To call this utter rubbish is extreme kindness. It's a perfect re-enactment of the gobbling of a dogs breakfast only to climax in the regurgitation of said breakfast, in slow motion (possibly HD or even 3D if we are unlucky) with sound and smello-vision.

    Poor Douglas is probably still spinning away in the only place you can be sure of not being subjected to this travesty of a cash-in upon great material - he's the lucky one.

    So Htich Hikers gets my vote because they messed up miserably by shitting with the story, the characters, the feeling, the point and the comedy of a series previously successful over three media types over many years.

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  30. >Geoff
    Unhappy

    Not really the worst movies ever

    While I doubt anyone's going to read the 282nd comment...

    If you were to re-imagine your poll as the "Most Hated Movie Ever", it might better suit your methodology, and not have lead to so many complaints about the shortlist.

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  31. jamesb2147
    Paris Hilton

    Sunshine?

    Now I understand that it changed halfway through. Completely. To an awful, totally unrelated to the first half movie. Believe me, I understand that. But... didn't it seem like that was a producer's fault anyway?

    Anyhow, I can put enough of a spirited defense of the first half that I don't think it qualifies as "worst movie ever" unless you count the horror of finding an excellent movie ruined by its own direction/production. Even then, has anyone here ever seen a film by Ewe Boll? There was one time he actually said something to the effect of, "Do you know what this movie needs? More explosions. Lots more explosions. And gun fights. And cars. And cars in gun fights with lots more explosions." ...Because that's honestly what he thinks everyone wants. Do you know how his films have been financed? MASSIVE tax breaks from the German government that basically subsidize half the cost of production.

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  32. colcon
    Trollface

    Erm... Earth to The Register

    Zoolander was a frickin hilarious film!

    *Magnum look!

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