back to article Vote now for the WORST movie EVER

It's taken us more than a week, but we're finally ready to raise the curtain on the contenders for the worst movie ever title. We're still a bit groggy after days of wading through the most malodorous cinematic effluent as nominated by you, our beloved readers, so while you get on with the voting you'll excuse us if we go for …

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    1. Nigel Campbell

      Worst vs. Most disappointing?

      I think that one should separate the concept of 'worst' from the concept of 'most disappointing'. For example Avatar was not the worst film ever made, but is a candidate for 'most disappointing' because it could easily have been so much better. The cinematography and special effects were really pretty good, but the triteness of the script was enough to really spoil the film.

      The Phantom Menace and The Matrix Reloaded were deeply mediocre films that followed a much better predecessor, but 'mediocre' is probably a better definition than 'crap' (OK Jar Jar Binks was actually crap and some of the antagonists in TMR were pretty rubbish as well). This makes them contenders for 'most disappointing', but not necessarily 'worst'.

      I haven't seen Battlefield Earth, although I'm told it is really pretty terrible. Of the ones I've seen, I think Highlander 2 is comfortably the worst on that list in terms of absolute production values. It really was poo - crap script, crap production, crap acting, crap premise, tenuous and contrived link to the first that completely bastardised several the major tropes. Michael Bay would be proud.

      1. sisk

        Re: Worst vs. Most disappointing?

        How could Highlander 2 be the worst movie when it doesn't exist? It can't exist because it was so bad it would ruin Highlander, which was a damn good movie.

        Ok, putting aside my stubborn refusal to believe in it's existance for a moment and tormenting myself with painful memories, it was bad. Really really bad. Easily a valid contender for this list. But I have seen worse. Legend of the Rollerblade Seven, for instance, makes Highlander 2 look like cinematic gold. As do many of the dishonorable mentions I've seen.

        There are some that I've never seen that make me shudder on the title alone. "Santa Claus Conquers The Martians"? What much Webster have been smoking when he came up with any concept that could result in that title?

  1. LoopyChew

    The poll results

    are TEARING ME APART, LISA! *milks the giant cow*

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Happening

    I can only imagine that the only reason that 'The Happening' isn't gathering more votes is that anyone that saw it is now sobbing uncrontrollably and can't pull themselves sufficiently out of despair to click on the button.

    I've seen terrible films. Films I've laughed at for being terrible, films I've been angry at for being terrible, films I have just dismissed and moved on. The Happening is one of the few that has left me personally offended that the entire movie industry - script writers, producers, actors, editors, publishing houses, advertising agencies and cinemas - all lined up to do that to me.

    1. Keep Refrigerated
      Meh

      Re: The Happening

      IDK, the film had it's moments, started well but if you ask me it fizzled out from the middle onwards - as though MNS started it, couldn't think of a Totally Unexpected Plot Twist and therefor the lack of TUPT became the TUPT which turned out to be an unsuspensful anti-climax based around the flimsiest of root causes*.

      So whilst it's a stinker, I couldn't put a vote to it because it did at least have the basic elements of a thriller.

      *If you want to see a movie like The Happening when all the 'thriller' element has been removed watch Contagion, or rather don't. Watching that movie I had the same feeling as sitting in the waiting room at the hospital for hours on end reading all the noticeboards because there's no magazines. Equally stupendous and over-hyped by a misrepresentative trailer.

  3. Richard Wharram

    First Knight

    Wasn't even memorably bad. Just infinitely dull.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Worst movie

    Where are the rom-coms? Where are the sex and/or the city efforts?

    Where are the Fast and Furious efforts that inspired a generation to stick cheap halfords alloys on their Corsas and paint them puke green?

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: Worst movie - boy racers

      Respectfully, I think you may have got your cause-and-effect back to front. We had a lot of FastFord-reading 'Boy Racers' round here for years before The Fast and Furious... Amusingly, by the time those film came out higher insurance premiums had started to cut into the number of dubiously-tricked out hatchbacks on the roads.

      I haven't heard the sound of a Renault 5 dump-valve for years!

  5. jake Silver badge

    Late entry ... Just saw it three days ago: Spielberg's "War Horse".

    Oh, my fucking gawd/ess ... What an awful piece of shit. I'll be shocked if it's not available on the proverbial "DVD" six months after cinema release.

    Anyone who walks away from this one thinking they know anything about war, horses, or the human condition in general, has been completely corrupted by Madison avenue, probably to the point of no return.

    1. Andrew Moore

      Re: Late entry ... Just saw it three days ago: Spielberg's "War Horse".

      It's better to think of it as 'The Curse Of The War Horse'. Anyone (other than the original owner) who spent any amount of time with the horse died.

      1. jake Silver badge

        @Mr. Moore (was: Re: Late entry ... Just saw it three days ago: Spielberg's "War Horse".)

        I was just over at my Foreman's house ... his Wife was watching "The Food Network".

        According to the commercial, "War Horse" will be released on four DVDs or blurays on April 3rd ... That's just over three months after initial theatrical release.

        I was off by three months or so. Oh, well ;-)

  6. James Wheeler

    Re Bootnote: "My Wedding Video"

    Here's the pitch: Daniel Radcliffe as the Groom, Emma Watson as the Bride, Rupert Grint as Best Man, Directed by Ben Stiller from a Shaylaman script. Oh yeah, Hugh Grant as the Priest with Alan Rickman as the Rabbi.

  7. MikeyD85
    Meh

    Every day on SyFy

    There are far, far, far worse films to watch than any on that list.

    Thing is, they're SO bad that they're brilliant!

    1. hplasm
      Devil

      Re: Every day on SyFy

      I see your SyFy (wtf were they thinking?) and raise you the Horror Channel...

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Pearl Harbour man seriously how that escaped being on the list is a mystery in itself.

    Still I knew Battlefield earth and Highlander 2 would be in the lead, those are just awful.

  9. Paul Lee 1
    Flame

    Titanic

    Because it takes gross liberties with the historical record and the director has the audacity to tell us "accurate" - http://www.paullee.com/titanic/jc1997goofs.html

  10. Jeroen Braamhaar
    Mushroom

    Can I please have a button to vote for "all of the above" ?

  11. chuBb.
    Facepalm

    none of them are that bad really

    Quite like all of the above with the exception of hitch hikers but that's because it might as well have been a film of every tosser going shitting over Douglas Adams grave. And as pointed out previously tarnishes with shit the diminishing returns of every thing after the radio series

    That said i do seem to be a bit of a masochist when it comes to films as my collection includes such delights as:

    The nostril picker (bought for the tagline alone, "He picks his nose, He turns into a woman, He kills people" its so bad even sci fi (sorry sy fy :-/) or movies for men wont air it.

    Sexy Scary Movie (from the makers of the erotic which project) not scary and not sexy but does feature a scene where a stapler orbits around a bored office workers head

    Hell Ride so shit tesco's flogged it to me for 50p basically an ego wank of some jerk who blagged tarrantino into being credited as executive producer and features vinnie jones as a biker bollox in a word

    Reign of fire nuff said

    Any of the Michael bay Transformers films

    I could go on but probably should have suggested some earlier....

  12. ChrisCabbage

    Another missing title: Battle Los Angeles. Possibly the worst dialogue I have ever encountered...?

  13. corestore

    You're missing a top contender...

    Who else remembers 'Overdrawn At The Memory Bank'?

    So bad it recurved, like space and time itself, and was actually rather fun? MST2K did a job on it IIRC...

    Mike

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    where's Ewe Boll?

    the omission of any ewe boll movies is a serious oversight

  15. Matt 43
    Thumb Down

    Rollerblade Seven

    With that off the final list, I find I cannot cast my vote!

  16. john bertelsen
    FAIL

    Any Kevin Costner movie........

    ....except Dances With Wolves. He had so few speaking lines because there was nobody to talk with because most of the characters did not speak English. Robin Hood (boring, liked the Mel Brooks version MUCH more) and Message In A Bottle (stiff, unbelievable) both really bad. Fortunately I avoided seeing Waterworld.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    The last airbender is out?

    Now, I don't really keep up with movies but this bit has evaded me.

    Yet when looking at the trailers I'm not too sure if this is something I want to pick up (even though I've been a huge fan of the anime series; got all 3 chapters).

    1. Galidron
      Thumb Down

      Re: The last airbender is out?

      If you liked the Nickelodeon series don't bother with the movie. It diverged so far from the story it was sad.

  18. Barry Scott
    Facepalm

    Waterworld?

    Surely I'm not the only one who quite enjoyed waterworld?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Waterworld?

      Pfft, Mad Max 2 on a boat...

  19. Jamie Kitson

    Worst Album Covers

    In a similar vein (SNSFW)

    http://blog.tastebuds.fm/worst-album-covers-of-all-time/

  20. KrazerKap

    You for got one...

    Nice list. However to be the list of worst movies ever, you need to have the worst listed. I can tell you that as far as movies go, the absolute worst ever made or seen hands down is Dragonball Evolution. Worst pile of gorilla crap ive ever seen. Story wasnt true to its anime predecessor, characters werent great, effects sucked. Id rather watch barney and teletubbies all day than watch that.

  21. Sokolik

    My Bad

    Oh, why? am I wasting ever-more precious moments of an old life to respond?!? I know these "Best", "Worst" etc. etc. ad infinitum, ad nauseum lists are akin to trolling. They exist only to generate much heat and light signifying nothing. But I'm sucked into this meaningless void like a moth to its death in the flame (please pardon the unintentional pun).

    I freely confess, the fool is me.

    End mea culpa. On to the business.

    I am baffled by the presence of a couple of entries on the penultimate list. I don't disagree with the final list.

    But, I cry out, where o where on the final list are Heaven's Gate and Ishtar?!?

  22. Mike Flugennock
    Devil

    If you haven't seen "Manos", you just haven't lived...

    I voted without a moment's hesitation for "Manos" not because it's (to my embarassment) the only movie on the list that I've seen, but because as bad as the other movies on this list are (to be sure), I can assure all of you that "Manos, The Hands Of Fate" is -- with the exception of "Plan 9" and Bill Rebane's "Monster A-Go-Go" -- one of the worst goddamn' movies you'll ever see in your life.

    What especially distinguishes "Manos" is the fact that its producer/director/writer/star, Harold P. Warren, was not a professional filmmaker at all, but an insurance and fertiliizer salesman from El Paso, Texas. If you need any further proof of what a stinkburger "Manos" is, consider that it was given the MST3K Treatment in Season 4. (For you completeness freaks, the MST3K Shop offers a DVD of that episode in a twin-pack with a copy of the original movie)

    "Manos, The Hands Of Fate" -- see it, and vote early and often.

  23. Mike Flugennock
    Facepalm

    Oh, if I'd only known about this sooner...

    ...I'd have nominated "Moulin Rouge" (2001) a musical with no original songs, just a bunch of pop songs strung together over glitzy overwrought effects with only a minimal connection to the Paris "bohemian" scene of the Lautrec era. And, if that isn't bad enough for you, then just three more words: Nicole. Kidmon. SINGING.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How the hell did The Crystal Skull escape this list? Matrix Reloaded isn't even the worst Matrix!

    Some of those choices are purely just to stir up a bit of controversy as it gets the readers in... I don't like Titantic but it's hardly the worst film of all time. The Other Guys, not a single fucking joke, or 30 Days of Night should be very much up on that list. I don't think many people would argue with To be honest, I can't vote for H2G2 because Zoey Deschanel is lovely.

  25. Neil Alexander

    The Room

    Kind of sad that The Room didn't make it onto this list. It is unquestionably and hysterically terrible.

  26. DF118
    Mushroom

    Hmmm... Out of those I've only seen Blair Witch, Matrix Reloaded, Phantom Menace,

    Snakes on a Plane and Sunshine. Whilst they are all awful in their own way, Blair Witch is the only one for which I left the cinema shaking my head and laughing so it has to get my vote.

    Sunshine is a close second though, if only for the amount of time I spent banging my head against the brick wall of my mates' confusion at my contempt for it. I lost so much respect for one person's taste in particular. In my book you're only allowed to be a movie snob as long as you're actually right.

    Phantom Menace shouldn't really be on the list. As knuckle-chewingly awful as it was, the next two were (imnsho) infinitely worse. I actually fell asleep towards the end of AotC - the only time I have ever done so in a cinema. I wasn't even tired.

    Personal favourite awful movie? Armageddon. I was asked to leave because I was laughing so hard; a request to which I gladly complied.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sorry kids. Most of these are movies not that terrible. There is some real crap out there, and these ain't it. Ok, ok... Yes, Troll 2 really sucks.

  28. Don Mitchell

    Battlefield Earth meme

    The problem is that Battlefield Earth is so famous for being bad, it always wins thsee polls, even if it is nowhere near the worst movie on the list.

  29. Tankboy
    Go

    I think...

    One of the most important things that makes the WORST movie is how much money was wasted in "polishing the turd".

    As for me, I voted for "Snakes on a Plane". Imagine sitting in the production meeting, and people actually agreeing to that premise. Although, perhaps there should be a separate category for movies that involve the most improbable scenarios on an aircraft.

  30. Benjamin 4
    Mushroom

    I voted before I saw twilight was on the list. Having been forced to sit through it by an ex-girlfriend I have to say it is the most mindless drivel ever. There's only one thing to do - nuke it!

    1. stanimir

      "Having been forced to sit through it by an ex-girlfriend...."

      you must be young or you just like teen girls.

      1. hplasm
        FAIL

        ORLY?

        Google "Twilight Moms"

        Guys would never get away with it...

  31. Fiftyseven
    Paris Hilton

    Sunshine

    The problem with this piece of trash, was that for half of the film, It was pretty brilliant. I really really was loving every second. Then they found the second ship, and it just went so so wrong. There was a point, where the picture of the other crew flashed on screen for a fraction of a second with a big shriek noise, and my brother and I looked at each other, totally mortified because it was INSTANTLY ruined. They turned a pretty great hard sci-fi film into another Blair witch clone and I have never been so horribly horribly disappointed by a film in my entire life. So I vote sunshine, because of the emotional whiplash. The fact that parts of it were good made the rest of the film worse than they could ever have been if they were separate films.

    Also, How the hell isn't House of Wax on this poll?

  32. LukeLikely
    Paris Hilton

    No sorry but,.. what about First Knight with Richard Gere

    That has to have some of the most atrocious acting, dialog, plot etc. of any film ever, Even without the sound it's still embarassing bad,......

    Paris,.. because she knows how to suck,....

  33. Tom 33
    Thumb Down

    Worst Movie ever was "Cabin Boy"

    I walked out of this movie the first time I paid to see it. Then I thought, "Give it a chance." I paid to see it again and walked out of it before the ending again. Ack!

  34. Madboater

    Twilight

    Based purely on the fact that they didn't try and give the story across. The others must have tried and failed but twilight just didn't even bother. If they did they would have noticed when watching it and made more of an effort in its sequels.

  35. Old_Polish_Proverb

    Bad comedies are the worst

    Done no one remember Eddy Murphy in "The Adventures of Pluto Nash" or Bill Cosby in "Leonard Part 6?"

    Huge wastes of talent and money on these bombs.

  36. Richard Smith 1
    Facepalm

    Surely there's no contest

    It's the Star Wars Holiday Special!

  37. Anony-mouse
    Mushroom

    They missed listing my favorite worst movie: The Conqueror starring John Wayne as Genghis Khan. I'm a John Wayne fan and that movie was so bad I couldn't make it more than 30 minutes before I had to change the channel. And Attack of the Killer Tomatoes was pretty damn bad too, but at least it was so bad it was funny.

  38. Anonymous Noel Coward

    Anything made after 1999.

  39. Christian Berger

    I'm surprised about the Hitchhiker's Guide

    Sure it pales in comparison to the BBC version, but considering it's a Hollywood movie it got pretty good.

    Complaining about it seems like complaining about a 8 year old trying to re-shoot "2001 - A Space Odyssey" who just found out which side to look into the camera, and it turns out mediocre. It's still a lot more than what you'd expect. And you can see that the Hollywood movie had something that's rare, effort.

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