back to article Why are sat-nav walking directions always so hopeless?

I stumble on a large root. At least that's what I think it is. For all I know, it could be a low fence, a rotting corpse or a very hardy badger. Some dodgy software has led me here, maybe some even dodgier software is waiting to mug me behind the next tree. It's past 10pm, the moon's just ducked behind clouds and I can't see a …

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  1. DropBear

    What is this strange thing you mention, "walking"...?

    1. kventin

      's exactly like nordic walking, but without the walking poles.

      yeah, i know.

      you can imagine it like this (sounds improbable, but bear with me): your car breaks down and your phone battery goes flat _at the same time_, *and* you forget your power bank.

      then you might use this "walking".

      1. Charles 9

        Nope. Even if the car breaks down, its battery should still have enough charge. That why God invented car chargers. Plus I keep a small power bank plugged in and stored in the glove box for just such an occasion. Should be no reason short of a disaster (in which case you're probably already screwed) why you can't reach AAA or someone who can reach AAA.

        Walking's kinda hard for someone with a bum knee.

        1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

          "Walking's kinda hard for someone with a bum knee."

          Amen to that, brother.

  2. CT

    waist-high jungle to save 100m

    Thanks to google maps for taking me up a steep path which started OK, but then turned into waist-high wet grass and no lighting. I'd have turned back, but I didn't want to lose the height and then have to climb again with a heavy rucksack. Wrong decision = wet trousers.

    In the morning, I saw that it had saved me all of 100 metres or so, bypassing a perfectly walkable minor road.

    Austria, since you asked. I'd have used the OS if it was the UK

    1. John Presland

      Re: waist-high jungle to save 100m

      Bloody Google maps. In Santander it took me in a straight line to where the coach was parked - up and down the hill. I could have had a pleasant walk by the sea round the hill.

      1. John Brown (no body) Silver badge

        Re: waist-high jungle to save 100m

        "Bloody Google maps. In Santander it took me in a straight line to where the coach was parked - up and down the hill. I could have had a pleasant walk by the sea round the hill."

        That's why the map app has those plus/minus symbols or responds to two finger pinch/ant-pinch to zoom in or out. It's a clever way of allowing you see a bit more of the surrounding area than just the 10-20' around your current location and allowing you garner more information so as to be able to make your own life choices instead of blindly following the machines directions such as "turn left now" so wander off down an express rail line. as some drivers are wont to do.

        1. Charles 9

          Re: waist-high jungle to save 100m

          That assumes the marsh is ON the bloody map...

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Frogger

    Brilliant !

    1. Anonymous South African Coward Bronze badge

      Re: Frogger

      Ribbit!

  4. Huw D

    Dabbsy, are you channeling Dave Gorman?

    Why coffee has ruined tea.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DWFWyz9f2w

    1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

      That was excellent. Thank you for that link.

      Now I'm going to have to look this guy up.

  5. Anonymous South African Coward Bronze badge

    In the old days when visiting clients, you'd consult a paper map, make mental notes where to go, and you'll arrive safe and sound at your client/destination. This also have the advantage of you "optimizing" your route especially if you knew which shady parts of the city/country to avoid.

    Nowadays you just plonk your destination into your GPS, and if you land up in the middle of a squatter camp late at night.... (Happened to me once).

    I prefer the old way of doing it, by mentally plotting and remembering your route, gives them brain cells a good workout.

    1. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

      It also means that you get to look around and appreciate your surroundings (or at least form an opinion of what a place is actually like). I think that if you asked most people what any given city looked like, they'd say that it looked like a smartphone screen.

    2. Charles 9

      "I prefer the old way of doing it, by mentally plotting and remembering your route, gives them brain cells a good workout."

      Until you have to go someplace totally unfamiliar, meaning you're going in blind and with no outside help because they haven't been there, either.

      Say what you will about smartphones, but when it comes to on-the-spot research, they can be a lifesaver.

      1. Fred Dibnah

        Police station mapping

        Back in the very old days when every town had a police station that actually opened its doors more than one hour a week, they were usually well signposted and always had a town map on the wall in the lobby. Other good alternatives were petrol stations and estate agents.

        Even now there's always the option of winding down the window and asking for directions. Human interaction has its advantages sometimes.

        1. Charles 9

          Re: Police station mapping

          "Back in the very old days when every town had a police station that actually opened its doors more than one hour a week, they were usually well signposted and always had a town map on the wall in the lobby. Other good alternatives were petrol stations and estate agents."

          Catch-22. You need a map to find the place that has the map.

          "Even now there's always the option of winding down the window and asking for directions. Human interaction has its advantages sometimes."

          That was before carjacking and similar crimes became en vogue. And there are definitely places that are not safe for foreigners to tread, no matter the local foot traffic patterns.

    3. WallMeerkat

      Why not both?

      Plenty of times I've used google maps/waze to get to a destination.

      But I also prepared by looking up google maps beforehand, streetview around the destination, any hazards or tricky junctions etc. at the very least had a rough map in my head of the main roads I should be taking.

      1. Charles 9

        Be careful. I know for a fact some of those Street View pictures are old and things can change in the interim. Can be pretty unnerving to be looking for a building to indicate a specific corner only to find the corner and the building in question torn down.

        1. onefang

          "Be careful. I know for a fact some of those Street View pictures are old and things can change in the interim."

          I was once using Street View to get textures for building a virtual copy of the building the local city councilor's office is in, a demo for making an entire virtual ward for the councilor. The Street View picture was so old, there was still a large photo of his predecessor on the side of the building.

  6. Anonymous Custard
    Trollface

    Man's best friend

    Just picture it, me striding around public parks with my Pedo app clearly visible on my smartphone screen for all to see. I'm sure to attract a crowd.

    And then you could do the variant for those early and late jaunts with ones canine, and have a Dogging app?

  7. D@v3

    walking directions

    This has fondly reminded me of the time when i found myself in one part of London (near Hyde park) and wanting to get to another, (near London Bridge) to meet a friend for some drinks.

    Having decided that taking the tube would get me there far too early, and have me waiting around like a lemon looking for some Gin, i decided to walk it.

    Start and end points plugged into google maps, music on, headphones in, phone back in pocket and away i went. Due to the helpful voice in my head telling me to 'turn left up this road' in 'x feet'I didn't have to focus on my phone so was able to relax and enjoy the walk, and didn't get lost.

    Arrived exactly when i needed to, and went to the pub.

    1. The Oncoming Scorn Silver badge
      Pint

      Re: walking directions

      I used to travel from Dartford - Paddington on Fridays (& vice versa on Sundays) & would frequently make it a walk across London (a few pubs featured en-route), just keeping the (Twinkle free) Post Office Tower to my right as I walked, rather than be stuffed into the tube.

      Usually in plenty of time to catch my train after a few more beers.

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: walking directions

        " just keeping the (Twinkle free) Post Office Tower to my right as I walked"

        Too many pubs and you just find yourself orbiting the tower.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: walking directions

      @ D@v3: You should still have taken the tube, however: a better chance of bagsying a table for you and your friend, and the chance to knock back an extra G&T (and possibly meet somebody else new and interesting while waiting for your friend) ;-)

  8. GlenP Silver badge
    Pint

    Recently...

    Walking round Newcastle, not having lived there for over 30 years, I resorted to TomTom to find somewhere. It reckoned it was 2 1/2 miles away, when in fact it was about 300 yards on foot. I gave up and went back to my ageing memory to find a couple of pubs. One was still there but the other closed down a few years ago,

    1. Daedalus

      Re: Recently...

      Had you forgotten the Andy Capp art of navigating by pub?

      1. GlenP Silver badge

        Re: Recently...

        Trouble is after 30 years and a lot of redevelopment the pubs had changed!

        Bridge Hotel is still there but the Cooperage has gone. Several others had either gone or changed.

      2. Roopee Bronze badge
        Pint

        Re: Recently...

        "navigating by pub"

        My grandad did exactly that, and he was one of the first policemen in the U.K. to patrol by car! I think it was more to do with the fact that so many pubs were at crossroads than to do with partaking of beverages, though he was partial to his pints.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Google Maps Walking

    It's useless. Was inside a shopping centre and the app routed me completely the wrong way to get somewhere. It wasn't until we'd spent 15 minutes walking that realised there was an easier route. Google mapping routes are useless.

  10. Snivelling Wretch

    You need a Nutri-Matic machine

    "[...] it invariably delivered a cupful of liquid that was almost, but not quite, entirely unlike tea."

    - Douglas Adams

  11. J.G.Harston Silver badge

    The only time I've used my phone for navigation while walking was to check what time it was so I could work out which direction was north.

    1. Norman Nescio Silver badge

      Determining South (in the Northern hemisphere) from a clock

      The only time I've used my phone for navigation while walking was to check what time it was so I could work out which direction was north.

      Hmm, I wonder if there is an app for that? Point arrow on screen in heading of the sun, and in combination with (GPS or other time source) time, get second arrow pointing due South (in Northern hemisphere), and due North (in Southern hemisphere). GPS or external knowledge could be used to work out which hemisphere you are in.

      Note: GPS (with a single antenna) will not tell you which way is North. It determines your position on the geoid only, not heading. You need two points, either by having two antennas, or by moving and taking a second reading before GPS can then calculate and tell you which direction is North relative to the course between the points. Hence the need for a compass of some type (magnetic/gyro/inertial) in combination with GPS for some applications.

      Of course, many smartphones have magnetometers in them that can be used to emulate a magnetic compass.

      One of my prize possessions is a 24-hour dial wristwatch with mid-day at the top of the dial, which allows you to determine South (in the Northern hemisphere) directly (point hour-hand at sun, mid-day marker points due South). The irritation is that the mid-night marker is labelled 24, rather than 0.

      1. Timmy B

        Re: Determining South (in the Northern hemisphere) from a clock

        "One of my prize possessions is a 24-hour dial wristwatch"

        Genius - I didn't know such a thing existed. I've spent so much time showing people how to use a regular analogue watch I don't need one. But I love the idea.

        1. Norman Nescio Silver badge

          Re: Determining South (in the Northern hemisphere) from a clock

          24-hour wristwatches are a thing, most are 'military' designs, and have 24 at the top of the dial.

          I have an Aristo Messerschmitt watch - 24 hour dial, 12 at top, counts up to 24. Few 24 hour watches have the 12 at the top of the dial - most have it at the bottom, and even fewer have a zero instead of 24 - the Russian Brand 'Raketa' (РАКЕТА) has a lot of 24-hour models (put: 'Raketa 24-hour' into your Internet search engine of choice), which include the Polyarnaya (Полярная) watch that has a zero instead of a 24 - but still at the top of the dial (Ebay example here).

          I don't collect watches, but if it looks like there's a pretty large culture of watch collectors, judging by the number of forums and 'interesting' prices one can find looking around the Internet.

          1. Norman Nescio Silver badge

            Re: Determining South (in the Northern hemisphere) from a clock

            Ooops, sorry - that should be Полярные (Polyarnyye), not Полярная (Polyarnaya) - both mean 'Polar', but it is the first written on the watch dial. Russian is full of hazardous word endings just waiting to trip up English speakers.

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Determining South (in the Northern hemisphere) from a clock

              "Russian is full of hazardous word endings just waiting to trip up English speakers."

              Konyechno, tovarishch - how else is the FSB supposed to identify foreign moles?

              (Seriously can some kind person explain why it's полярные and thus plural? Enquiring minds etc.)

              1. Stoneshop

                Re: Determining South (in the Northern hemisphere) from a clock

                (Seriously can some kind person explain why it's полярные and thus plural? Enquiring minds etc.)

                North AND South pole. The watch will work in either hemisphere as you'd be upside down when in the Southern anyway.

                (They couldn't care less about the 38 million Poles to the west of them)

          2. WallMeerkat

            Re: Determining South (in the Northern hemisphere) from a clock

            "I have an Aristo Messerschmitt watch - 24 hour dial, 12 at top, counts up to 24."

            Took me longer than it should've to realise that, 'midnight' starts at the bottom, not the top.

        2. Gordon861

          Re: Determining South (in the Northern hemisphere) from a clock

          24hr watch, used to have one, great for confusing people that ask what the time is in the street. You just flash them the watch and they look and walk off happy, they get about 50m and then stop and look very puzzled when they realise that the time they read doesn't make any sense.

      2. onefang

        Re: Determining South (in the Northern hemisphere) from a clock

        "Hmm, I wonder if there is an app for that?"

        I think there is. I thought I had installed it, but looks like I didn't, otherwise I'd name it.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "The only time I've used my phone for navigation while walking was to check what time it was so I could work out which direction was north."

      I don't buy expensive phones but every one I've had for the last 6 years or so has had a perfectly adequate compass.

      Edit - as for the complaint about Google Maps not showing orientation while walking, is this because it doesn't actually know what direction your phone is pointing in relative to your viewpoint? If you hold it vertically, the compass doesn't work. And a cursory look around shows many people seem unable to look at the screen unless they hold it in front of their faces.

  12. Kubla Cant

    NCN Signposts

    A similar experience is available to anyone who has a bike, but no smartphone.

    Try following the National Cycle Network signposts. If you're lucky you'll encounter nothing worse than a rough track with massive flooded potholes. I finally gave up on NCN when my route was signposted across the middle of a ploughed field. It would have been impassable even on a mountain bike, and I didn't fancy arriving at work caked in mud.

    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

      Re: NCN Signposts

      "If you're lucky you'll encounter nothing worse than a rough track with massive flooded potholes."

      There's a word for that hereabouts: road.

    2. WallMeerkat

      Re: NCN Signposts

      On the drive home from the station I drive past NCN signage that was twisted 90 degrees to point unwary cyclists in a wrong direction, been like that a while.

      The roads service say it's the councils and the council say it's the roads service.

  13. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

    I'm quite fond of HERE at the moment.

    Far from perfect, but gets the job done and works offline if you want (and have the space to keep the maps on your device).

  14. Daedalus

    Showing waklrs the waze

    It's easy enough to guide a walker. Just use AR to project a trail of breadcrumbs ahead. Or maybe power pills or Rowntrees Fruit Gums.

  15. imanidiot Silver badge

    Why would you use the app navigation itself??

    Get the app to plot where you need to go. Your current location will show as a dot on the map usually. Then plot your own route. Blindly following what its suggesting is often the road to madness.

    1. Stoneshop
      Devil

      Re: Why would you use the app navigation itself??

      the road to madness.

      "Location data for Madness not found. Calculating route for Madeira."

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Madness

        "Navigate to Madness, avoiding toll roads."

        - I'm sorry, Brad and Janet, I can't do that.

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