back to article Apple: Our stores are your 'town square' and a $1,000 iPhone is your 'future'

Apple has summoned friendly press to its new Cupertino campus to christen the Steve Jobs Theater with the introduction of a new set of products to hit the shelves this Fall. CEO Tim Cook used the occasion to showcase updates to the AppleTV and Watch lines, while a new, eye-wateringly expensive iPhone model stole the show. …

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      1. Really Anonymous Coward

        Re: Apple copying Microsoft?

        Issues in Germany? "iPhone Nein"

  1. Lysenko

    Hahahaha...

    £130 more absurd than the Note 8 (you can bet $-£ will be 1-1) and you lose the fingerprint sensor for some facial recognition hokum. Who on Earth is going to pay these prices!? (Yes, I know, the same people who lay out £700 a year on the national lottery voluntary extra taxation).

  2. Byz

    The interesting bit...

    Is the neural engine, first time a hardware neural network has been put into a consumer product.

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: The interesting bit...

      Yeah, I was more interested in the new silicon too (because similar hardware efforts are in the pipeline from the likes of Qualcomm and probably Google too). These new phones are the first outing for Apple's in house GPU since they ended their relationship with Imagination Technologies. And their Image Signal Processor - let's not forget that the big stand out feature of Google's Pixel phone was cunning software treatment of the sensor data. There's some custom silicon for video motion tracking too. What makes this more interesting than the likes of Project Tango is that these iPhones will ship to interest developers.

      1. mc nobby

        Re: The interesting bit...

        Yawn, you mean if I buy the over priced video software It's not going to look rubbish when I shoot in 4k

        1. Lord Elpuss Silver badge

          Re: The interesting bit...

          It'll probably still look rubbish, but that's not the phone's fault.

    2. Paul Hargreaves

      Re: The interesting bit...

      > first time a hardware neural network has been put into a consumer product.

      My Tesla would like to say Hi.

      1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

        Re: The interesting bit...

        "My Tesla would like to say Hi."

        Tell it to just keep watching the road. https://www.theregister.co.uk/2017/09/13/ntsb_recommends_self_driving_cars_autopilots_upgrade/

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: The interesting bit...

        My Tesla would like to say Hi.

        .. but that's a tad harder to stick in your pocket :).

        1. MercenaryGman
          FAIL

          Re: The interesting bit...

          ...and the battery in my phone will last over a 1,000 mile interstate car trip. I'm still waiting to see a Tesla with out of state license plates.

    3. Mystic Megabyte
      Trollface

      Re: The interesting bit...

      "Is the neural engine, first time a hardware neural network has been put into a consumer product."

      Yes, they actually have a frog's brain inside. This is why, at least once a week, you have to leave your phone in a bowl of water overnight.

  3. Blotto Silver badge

    Can't wait

    To see one and order one.

    That edge to edge screen looks awesome,

    Facial tracking looks awesome

    They've gone the extra mile with face Id (apart from if you gave an identical twin)

    I love the way they are wringing the most possible from customising the hardware and software, not something you see in the Android world.

    Even extending wireless charging so it uses standard QI and can use apples new multi charge, thus will benefit non Apple customers alike.

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: Can't wait

      > customising the hardware and software, not something you see in the Android world.

      Yep, that marriage of software and silicon is an Apple trait that Google have noticed, and have hired silicon engineers too. Qualcomm too are offering AR / IR scanning support modules to OEMs too.

      I suspect Apple will have the lead in attracting 3rd party AR developers initially, with Android systems catching up quickly.

    2. JimboSmith Silver badge

      Re: Can't wait

      Facial tracking will be interesting with ApplePay, can't wait to see people doing that as they get on the bus on my journey to work. Yes they can set it up in advance but get held up by more than a minute as happened this morning and you've got to do it all over again.

    3. nanchatte

      Re: Can't wait

      Don't bother, blotto... If Apple cultards are a thing then so are the idiotically anti-apple-and-too-cool-to-be-a-hipster regitards.

      They'd rather sever their own todgers than admit that the world's most profitable smart phone producer are good at business,

      1. Naselus

        Re: Can't wait

        No one said Apple were bad at business. It's making decent tech they suck at.

        1. Lee D Silver badge

          Re: Can't wait

          "No one said Apple were bad at business. It's making decent tech they suck at."

          Beat me to it, and is exactly my prime complaint.

          However, they do suck at business too. As someone who's just ditched £250k of Apple equipment in a school as they have NO education support department, really don't care, even about written complaints of the simplest order, and refuse to confirm ANYTHING (even their name) in writing whatsoever. I was literally REFUSED details of their complaints procedure by their head of written complaints. They have no interest in future business or their customers whatsoever.

          Literally, Apple sell product. That's all they do. They - and their customers - have no care for if that product is any good, or what happens after you buy their product.

          A company that can make the HIGHEST PROFIT MARGIN in the industry is not one you want to do business with as a consumer. It means that most of your money is spent, not on the product or services, but on bullion sitting in a bank. Your *value* for money is pitiful with an Apple product.

          They are also only the third-best-selling phone company (Samsung and Huawei now, believe it or not), worse for tablets, and have absolutely pitiful penetration in their other markets.

          Nobody says they can't sell. But what they sell is snake-oil and "design" (which in this case means "looks pretty" and has NOTHING to do with actual design, i.e. ease of use, innovation, fitness for purpose etc.). Their phones are just slabs of screen, that's it. That's not "design".

          Apple are a "designer brand", not a technology manufacturer. You buy because it's Apple and has the Apple logo, and receive a bog-standard product at ENORMOUS markup to show off to your friends. It's consumerism of the worst kind.

          I have no objection to people buying them. I just make it clear that I have absolutely no interest in it. When it doesn't work? Yeah, take it back to the people you bought it from. They made enough on it that they can afford to replace it 20 times over for free, so I have no interest in struggling to save your photos off it, or getting you a replacement screen, or whatever. You haven't bought a computer, so don't bring it to me to fix.

          And when you can't work out why all your storage is gone, or you can't install an app, or iCloud is sucking up all your data, or it gets stuck in an iTunes login loop (as happened back in Feb/Mar rendering every iPad useless for the day) remind me again how "intuitive" it is.

          As far as I'm concerned, that extra money you pay Apple is a lifetime service contract with them, because I have no interest in those devices, can generally do nothing for you, and have no interest in trying any more given Apple's attitude to their users and anyone trying to help them.

          1. Blotto Silver badge
            IT Angle

            Re: Can't wait

            @Lee D

            "However, they do suck at business too. As someone who's just ditched £250k of Apple equipment in a school as they have NO education support department, really don't care, even about written complaints of the simplest order, and refuse to confirm ANYTHING (even their name) in writing whatsoever. I was literally REFUSED details of their complaints procedure by their head of written complaints. They have no interest in future business or their customers whatsoever."

            so you just junked £250k worth of kit because apple wouldn't answer your simple support questions?

            sounds like a pebkac issue of the highest order.

          2. TVU Silver badge

            Re: Can't wait

            "As someone who's just ditched £250k of Apple equipment in a school as they have NO education support department, really don't care, even about written complaints of the simplest order, and refuse to confirm ANYTHING (even their name) in writing whatsoever".

            Time for much cheaper and robust Chromebooks for school use?

            1. Anonymous Coward
              Anonymous Coward

              Re: Can't wait

              Time for much cheaper and robust Chromebooks for school use?

              God yes, get them used to being spied on early. Make sure they also join Facebook.

    4. FuzzyWuzzys
      Facepalm

      Re: Can't wait

      Assuming that's not sarcasm...everyone has to have a hobby I suppose, and spending money on products for which there are identically functional equivalents for half the price is one then you have it mate with my very best wishes!

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Funny stuff this facial recognition

    Just seen the tweet Frankie Boyle made about the facial recognition

    Set your Apple Face ID to your comeface, so that if someone mugs you for your phone they at least have to wank you off first

    1. katx5h

      Re: Funny stuff this facial recognition

      Talk about "Hands Free" access.

    2. FuzzyWuzzys
      Happy

      Re: Funny stuff this facial recognition

      I think most Apply fanboi cultists are already pulling that face every time they pull out their phone anyways!

  5. The Infamous Grouse
    Meh

    The whole presentation was the epitome of meh.

    I won't lie, I've been an marginal iOS fanboi since getting my first iPod touch in 2009, and I've owned two iPhones and two iPads since. But there was nothing in today's two hour snoozefest that generated so much as a raised eyebrow, let alone a twitching in the wallet.

    My current iPhone is a 128GB iPhone 6, bought for a wife-shocking £699 in 2015 and at the time the best model available without going Plus. It remains the most expensive phone (and one of the most expensive computers) I've ever owned. I have made good use of that 128GB though.

    Trade-in notwithstanding, to replace it with a 128GB iPhone 7 (two generations beyond mine but also two generations behind the new cutting edge) would cost £649.

    The iPhone 8 doesn't come in 128GB flavours, so I'd have to go for the 256GB model which is £949 unlocked.

    And the 256GB iPhone X is an eye-watering £1,149.

    Those prices are ridiculous even by Apple standards. The 7 should be lower by at least £100, the 8 and X by at least £200. But they'd still be contentious. The incremental improvements in the phones simply can't justify them, and the impressive but untested Face ID technology in the iPhone X is going to be one of the biggest hacking targets of the next 12 months. £1,149 is a hell of a price to pay to be a security guinea pig.

    Nope, Apple has lost its mojo in my eyes. My bank account may be forever grateful, but my inner fanboi is weeping silent tears. If a love affair is to end it should at least be with a feeling of betrayal. All I'm left with is a profound sense of apathy.

    When the most you can remember about an Apple keynote is Craig Federighi doing a chicken impersonation, you know something has gone very very wrong.

    1. O RLY

      Slight price correction: the 256GB iPhone 8 is actually the slightly-less-staggering £849, not £949, unless you meant the Plus.

      As to the chicken impersonation, that was surreal. I can't imagine the target market for animated puppies and chickens overlaps much with the set of people who are going to drop four figures (£ or $) for a phone. I'm probably wrong.

      1. The Infamous Grouse

        "Slight price correction: the 256GB iPhone 8 is actually the slightly-less-staggering £849, not £949, unless you meant the Plus."

        Ah, you're right. Chrome PrivacyBadger was blocking some Apple CSS (I thought it was a store update in progress) and I was pulling those prices from the plain HTML. The £949 was next to the word Unlocked so I mistook that for the reason for the difference. But yes, the iPhone 8 is £849.

        Still too high to even consider an upgrade, even though a large chunk of that will be the standard Apple storage tax for the extra 128GB. Maybe if I was still on a 4S or 5...? Meh.

        This is where Apple's showmanship works against them, I feel. Improvements in phone technology are still happening across the industry but they're heading for a plateau and there's a law of diminishing returns at play. But Apple are still using their same pitch: "magic", "incredible" etc. When you're being told something is the most amazing thing ever, but you can see with your own eyes that it isn't, the magic is lost and replaced by cynicism. It's like going to a Disney show and none of the characters have their heads on. There's still the same effort in the performance, but you can no longer suspend your disbelief.

    2. cambsukguy

      My phone cost me £300 quid, has over 530 ppi screen, 2500 pixel across display, removable battery, 96GB of memory but could have 230GB if I needed.

      The camera is 20 Megapixels and has a Zeiss lens with an absolutely fantastic Camera App and three LEDs to produce natural lighting, adjustable after taking the picture - I have not seen better pictures from any other camera, the 1020 gave it a run for the money on a good day of course.

      It also has iris recognition which also works in the dark because it uses Infra Red.

      Given that AR is not really my thing. it seems like I have saved 700 quid.

      Oh yeah, also has Qi wireless charging, like my previous 2 phones did. It also performs easily well enough, I suppose 6 cores at god-know-how-many MHz will do that.

      It gets regular updates, both in security and features, has fast charging (rarely needed since it gets topped up wirelessly but still). The list is endless really.

      I really, truly, honestly don't get how people can spend that kind of money on a phone that just isn't really better and that can easily break if you drop it - putting it in a case, as many do, completely removes the benefits of that slimness and lightness. I have never had a case, a cheaper phone makes that a much easier proposition, as well as saving the price of a case!

      Oh well, not my problem I suppose, I will just internally snigger like I do at the owners of Audi Q7s and insert-similar-horrible-car here, who must mistake it for envy given their smug faces.

      1. werdsmith Silver badge

        Sounds like a wonderful piece of hardware mr cambsukguy (neighbour).

        Unfortunately, if on all that wonderful hardware it is running Android, then I wouldn't want it for £3.00 let alone £300.

        I don't really like iPhones, but they are the lesser of the two evils. Mine is a 7, cost £270 bought sim free unlocked and is overspec'd for my use.

        Seems that I have saved £30.

        1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

          Unfortunately, if on all that wonderful hardware it is running Android,

          Why not? With default settings Android is pretty security and can be hardened, viz. BlackBerry betting its business on this. Stick with your expensive Apple tat if you like but you might as well stop with the anti-Android mud-slinging as it's not working.

          1. Naselus

            "With default settings Android is pretty secure"

            Not really. The most up-to-date version usually is... not that anyone aside from Pixel owners ever has the most up-to-date version of Android at any given time. Even flagships often have anything up to half a year of lag time on the update, while with low-end models you may as well forget it.

            I loathe Apple's overpriced, underspec tat, and I have serious concerns with the entire 'walled garden' security philosophy, but there's no denying that their security is much better than the dire malware hellscape that makes up 90% of Androidland.

            1. Charlie Clark Silver badge

              Not really.

              Depends on your definition of secure, I suppose.

              While there have been some headline-grabbing exploits over the past couple of years they have led to relatively few real-world problems because the OS really is pretty secure. That's not to say that things couldn't and shouldn't be a lot better but that's largely down to the lack of regulation. You can bet your bottom dollar that as soon as there is a large scale attack on Android phones in the US there'll be a class action suit on the back of it.

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                You can bet your bottom dollar that as soon as there is a large scale attack on Android phones in the US there'll be a class action suit on the back of it.

                LOL, who would you sue? Google's idea to create a fragmented market works well for them: it prevents key players gathering too much leverage to force it to do anything it doesn't want, and it makes it very hard to sue any particular entity for the problems with Android.

                When it comes to that, Apple is in a much harder place.

          2. Hans 1

            With default settings Android is pretty security and can be hardened, viz. BlackBerry betting its business on this.

            Can be hardened, yes, sure, but not by you or me.

            Android has a disastrous security track record ... some 95% of all Androids on the market are vulnerable to at least one threat which will not be fixed by Google, assuming Oreo has a 5% Android marketshare, I guess much less, but still ...

            As for Blackberry ... they have trouble getting updates for their Android phones ... just ended updates to Priv and dtek's

            Yes, BB10 fanboy, here ... :'(

            BUT, Android sucks, their default mail app is plain useless, YES, useless, a waste of space on the device ... ok, you can get another, but email is kinda central to a phone, up there with texts and calling. Have not seen a decent filemanager on the device, yet. The sound management is a joke, like media/ringtone sound levels - I keep muting my phone when I want to reduce media sound ... I don't want everybody on the train to hear I am about to play CandyCrush, thanks, yet I do want to keep ringtone sound level normal, please ... how hard can that be ? BB10 and iOS do that out of the box.

            At least now you can format microsd cards and install apps on them, we are getting there ... only if you get Android 6 (iirc) or later ... 80% of phones out there won't get 6, let alone 7 or 8 ...

            Android, to be honest, I cannot understand how they could be where they are ... the OS sucks golf balls through garden hoses ...

            Now, Apple, iOS has its problems, too ... no microsd, for example, completely F'd up, Listen, Ive, the 1980's called, they want their lockin back ... iTunes ... (no need to go into that, right ? We all know iTunes sucks), File management on iOS ?

            Backups, hm, backups ... So, you have an issue, as in, you cannot install any apps anymore, you have tons of space, but no, it downloads but won't install ... since Apple has this locked-in filesystem BS, you cannot really get off the device what you want to then factory restore it ... no, you put your crown jewels (iow you backup your private data) on ff'ing iCloud, reset the phone, play the backup back and the f*cker still does not want to install apps ... you backed up the glitch ... soooo handy ... what do you do now ? You are AppleFsck'd!

            We really need Debian or something on these devices ... these phone OS's are crap!

            1. JimboSmith Silver badge

              @Hans1

              You missed the inability for iPhones to receive files sent over bluetooth

            2. Charlie Clark Silver badge

              Android has a disastrous security track record ... some 95% of all Androids on the market are vulnerable to at least one threat

              Show us the real remote exploits in the wild. If people only install from PlayStore (or equivalent) then they really are reasonably safe from remote exploits.

              We really need Debian or something on these devices ... these phone OS's are crap!

              Not for phones we don't! Or has Debian Phone recently been released? Remember Unity?

          3. werdsmith Silver badge

            @Charlie Clark

            Why not? With default settings Android is pretty security and can be hardened

            Why bring up security? I don't care about that scaremongering.

            It's just the general shitness of android that I can't get along with.

            IOS is still shitty but slightly less shitty and if I can avoid any shit then I will.

      2. Captain Obvious

        And what is the make and model of this phone?

    3. Updraft102

      "Nope, Apple has lost its mojo in my eyes. My bank account may be forever grateful, but my inner fanboi is weeping silent tears. If a love affair is to end it should at least be with a feeling of betrayal. All I'm left with is a profound sense of apathy."

      Nothing gold can stay, I suppose.

      I don't have any interest in iPhones (or Androids, for that matter), but it kind of reminds me of another "X" that has been pushed on us lately, in the form of Windows 10. Windows may never have been golden, per se, but XP was pretty close and 7 not too far behind. Talk about lost mojo...

      Or perhaps we could discuss Mozilla and Firefox, what with their upcoming amputation of Firefox's most distinctive and defining feature (XUL addons) in their endless quest to be more like Chrome. I don't really know offhand how Chrome looks; I've only seen it a few brief moments, but when I heard that Firefox had jettisoned the search bar, my first thought was that Chrome must not have one then. And it doesn't.

      We can keep our old Windows and iPhones and browsers even after they release the latest, greatest versions that we don't want, but security updates prevent that from working forever. Maybe you can skip the new iPhone for now, but your existing one won't be supported forever. Then what? At least the iPhone X is just an overpriced, underwhelming product, not one where its key feature is being removed or that is an abomination unto operating systems the world has seldom seen.

  6. jake Silver badge

    Am I the only one who ...

    ... thinks that Apple's new campus looks like one of those bat-a-ball tracks for cats? Not that I find the design particularly surprising, given Apple's predilection for providing glitter for the easily mesmerized.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Am I the only one who ...

      Don't worry, the 'spaceship' will soon take off for Mars when the combined release of 'hot-air' from those inside reaches critical mass. While pleasing most commentators here it will piss off Elon Musk who wanted to be the first person to go to Mars (to help him work, rest and play naturally).

      But we here in BREXIT Blighty can breathe a sigh of relief as another Apple/anti-Apple hype fest is over for another year and get back to living with less disposable income. We will gaze at the new iPhone with starry eyes and then head for the nearest cheapo Android dealer or pawn shop to get some Fanboi cast offs.

      That is the reality of life here.

      1. FuzzyWuzzys

        Re: Am I the only one who ...

        "...the 'spaceship' will soon take off for Mars..."

        I think you mean Xenu, don't you?!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Am I the only one who ...

      Apple new campus was modeled after the One Ring... I'm sure if you can heat it enough, the same words will appear along the structure...

  7. armyknife

    Recipe for disaster?

    The new style apple turnover mainly features BS with a sprinkling of Orwellian double speak.

    1. Naselus

      Re: Recipe for disaster?

      What do you mean, 'new'?

  8. anthonyhegedus Silver badge

    Disclaimer: I love my iPhone 7 Plus and I’ve been very pleased with all the iPhone models I’ve upgraded to since the 3G model.

    BUT

    But.. I cannot get my head around this face ID nonsense. I like to use Apple Pay on my phone to buy stuff in shops. It’s more convenient and safer than contactless. Right now I just pull out my phone, hold my thumb on the conveniently located home button and place it by the card reader. It’s very quick and painless. With this new iPhone X I’d have to point it at myself to recognise myself and then place it near the payment terminal. It seems like just a bit too awkward when in public.

    And now I find that the Apple Watch is fuck all use to me because it only works if your main phone is with the carrier EE. Mine isn’t.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      I thought that the Series 3 watch with LTE sounded okay until I heard that you had to have an iPhone still and the phone number would be the same as the phone. I'd rather have two separate numbers and not have to go anywhere near EE ever.

    2. nanchatte

      FaceID

      anthonyhedgedus, Agreed. I have no idea what they were smoking when they disabled touchID... A quite literal case of Facepalm to unlock.

      1. AMBxx Silver badge

        Re: FaceID

        I had face recognition on my Lumia 950XL. Worked well enough, but you just look really stupid starting at your phone to unlock. Much easier to just use a PIN (or finger print, though not sure I truest that).

  9. davidp231

    So...

    Will the SE version be labelled the SE/30?

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